How did leia know obi wan

So my dad after years of not being interested in my except my weight whatsoever want me to become a doctor after seeing a woman become on yt become one.
I wanted to become a doctor before but he shot me down saying I couldn't handle blood, I remember the knowing look in his eyes, like I would never amount to anything. He had a conversation with me and tried to change my mingmd to become a teacher that way I would have time for my kids and such.
So I changed my chorea path into computer engineering. I love it and could wait to study more about it. I tried learning to code and all but I have a very run down PC he bout me in 5th grade, making my progress slow. But still. I didn't give up.
Now. He want me to be a doctor. I should be happy but I'm not. He'stried to convince me . I tried to con him but he wont budge. He doesnt care about my feelings.. never did. . When i told him to gove me time to adjust he went quiet. "You are going to become a doctor" Is how it ended. I tried to be happy. Finally he willingly wants to support me to become a doctor. But I'm scared. What if I fail. He will hate me.
I want to accept the doctor thing but omg. Lol. ..

My husband cheated on me by having sex virtually online with who knows how many people. Cheating is one thing and I know how to find support for that part of our story. What he did next I’m not sure what to even categorize it as or how to seek help….
He took the dozens and dozens of very sexually explicit photos and videos of me that I had sent him for his pleasure only and he was secretly posting them online and trading them for other “services” or “exchanges”. He didn’t come clean to me openly, I found them all when he carelessly left the app open on his phone. I can’t even begin to explain the shock and anxiety I felt that night I stumbled upon it all. It was too traumatizing to even try to go back and think about. I am in therapy and I know I need to process and heal from this type of violation.
My question is - what other type of support groups are out here on Reddit for this type of betrayal/trauma? Im not sure where to look. Like I said, the cheating/infidelity part is one thing and these support groups are so great for that part of my story. But this part is just so….. sickening and hurtful.

You useless piece of shit. You absolute waste of space and air. You uneducated, ignorant, idiotic dumb swine, you’re an absolute embarrassment to humanity and all life as a whole.
The magnitude of your failure just now is so indescribably massive that one hundred years into the future your name will be used as moniker of evil for heretics. Even if all of humanity put together their collective intelligence there is no conceivable way they could have thought up a way to fuck up on the unimaginable scale you just did.
When Jesus died for our sins, he must not have seen the sacrilegious act we just witnessed you performing, because if he did he would have forsaken humanity long ago so that your birth may have never become reality.
After you die, your skeleton will be displayed in a museum after being scientifically researched so that all future generations may learn not to generate your bone structure, because every tiny detail anyone may have in common with you degrades them to a useless piece of trash and a burden to society.
No wonder your father questioned whether or not your were truly his son, for you'd have to not be a waste of carbon matter for anyone to love you like a family member.
Your birth made it so that mankind is worse off in every way you can possibly imagine, and you have made it so that society can never really recover any state of organization. Everything has forever fallen into a bewildering chaos, through which unrecognizable core, you can only find misfortune.
I would say the apocalypse is upon us but this is merely the closest word humans have for the sheer scale of horror that is now reality. You have forever condemned everyone you love and know into an eternal state of suffering, worse than any human concept of hell.
You are such an unholy being, that if you step within a one hundred foot radius of a holy place or a place that has ever been deemed important by anyone, your distorted religious soul will ruin whatever meaning it ever had beyond repair.
You are an idiotic, shiteating, dumbass ape and no one has ever loved you. You are a lying, backstabbing, cowardly useless piece of shit and I hate you with every single part of my being.
Even this world's finest writers and poets from throughout the ages could never hope to accurately describe the scale on which you just fucked up, and how incredibly idiotic you are.
Anyone that believes in any religion out there should now realize that they have been wrong this entire time, for if divine beings were real, they would never have allowed a being such as you to stain the earth and this universe.
In the future there will be horror stories made about you, with the scariest part of them being that the reader has to realize that such an indescribable monster actually exists, and that the horrific events from the movie have actually taken place in the same world that they live in right now.
You are the absolute embodiment of everything that has ever been wrong on this earth, yet even that would only represent a small part of your evil. Never in the history of mankind has there been anyone that could have predicted such an abomination, but here you are.
It’s hard to believe that I am seeing such an incredible failure with my own eyes, but here I am, so unfortunately I cannot deny your existence. Even if I did my very best, my vocabulary is not able to describe the sheer magnitude of the idiotic mistake that is you.
Even if time travel some day will be invented, there still would not be a single soul willing to go back in time to this moment to fix history, because having to witness such incredible horrors would have too many mental and physical drawbacks that not even the bravest soul in history would be willing to risk it.
I cannot imagine the pure dread your mother must have felt when she had to carry a baby for nine months and then giving birth to such a wretched monster as you. Not a single word of the incoherent, illogical rambling you may be wanting to do to defend yourself or apologize would ever be able to make up for what you just did.
The countries of the world would have wanted to make laws preventing such a terrible event like this from ever happening again, but sadly this is not possible since your horrific actions just now have shattered every form of order this world once had, making concepts such as laws irrelevant.
Right from the moment I first set my eyes on you I knew you were an absolute abomination of everything that is wrong with humanity. I was hoping I would have been able to prevent your evil from being released upon this world by tagging along and keeping my eye on you, but it is clear to me now that not even the greatest efforts would have been able to prevent a terrible event in this scale from occurring.

yea idek why am i making this post i just cant talk to any of my friends about it and im even too ashamed to ask my doctor dad about if i should go see a urologist or not. i just turned 19 and first time ive had something like this was 7 months ago with my then girlfriend. i was making out with her and i didnt get fully hard. we didnt have sex but i expected a major pants ripping erection from finally having sexual stuff with opposite gender. i think this was just performance anxiety because she was extremely hot and i always thought she was out of my league and i had this constant feeling of trying to live up to her standards. after that incident i went home and brokedown ive never felt like that before it made me feel less of a man. i felt like even normally she deserved better and now after this i just didnt know how to feel. for a while (two weeks) i seriously experienced ed. i tried to watch porn to see if its real or not and i just couldnt even get myself to finish. sometime after that i returned to normal. my normal was like my dick going crazy 24/7 feeling horny. this "normal" state lasted 5 months. i didnt notice anything for a while. now for the past month ive had my exams barely got any sleep was very isolated and depressed and constantly tired. i did my exams in a different country where i didn't know anyone stayed alone in a hotel and was just so isolated. due to that and having no one i started smoking way more than usual. there were days id smoke 6-7 cigs which is way higher than usual for me. on average that month passed by me smoking 3 cigs a day. when my exam period ended i realized something was different. there was a major drop in my erection quality and now it is still ongoing. i do get hard and i can finish but i can notice the difference. also my jizz is more watery. idk what will happen in the future. the worst part is ive been wanting to try finasteride for my hairloss and now im like almost guaranteed to have some problems with my penis due to the ongoing issue. weather it actually gives me ed or not im sure ill atleast have the placebo effect of it. for extra gross information ive been masturbating for total of 5 years now very frequently. i knew this might create a problem in the future but didnt know the future was this close. i dont think that is the main reason of the problem but i am struggling to find it. yea idk what to do. i'll probably built up courage to talk to my parents so i can go see a urologist but even then can this even be fixed?

On a full rewatch of the series, Angelina becoming the mad false prophet y’all hate is so much clearer now:
We start to see this first in 308, after Angelina creepily wear Olive’s prom dress, Cal’a volcano starts to erupt, the connection between these two things are that Angelina is starting to seek love, now on the surface this isn’t bad at all, her seeking love and all but it’s how she seeks love is the most telling, let me explain: in 309 Angelina blatantly says when Olive catches her with her with dyed black hair just like her hair and in her red shirt, “I wanted to be just like you” these 7 words tells us all we need to know about Angelina’s approach to love, to get the Stones to love her she tries to be like Olive, to get Eden who she believes is her guardian angel for a while, is kidnapping her and pretending to be her mum, Mother Gothel style, and how she gets love from The Passengers is gaslighting herself and them into being the chosen one, and again with her being brought by Christian extremists, who is a Christian herself, the signs are there for her becoming mad.
Where the madness peaks in in 310 + 313 when Angelina accidentally burns the curtains, thinking that Eden will protect her because she’s her guardian angel, leading to her being rightfully kicked out by Grace, and at the end of the episode, Cal’s volcano starts flowing lava out of it, this signalises two things: one how much further Angelina is sinking into darkness, and two, how what Angelina believes and how her actions are going to affect the world.
In 313, Adrian funnily enough, even though he tells himself and everyone that he won’t be ‘an agent of the apocalypse,’ he becomes the main cause of the apocalypse, and tells us the thing that if any of The Passengers do, and Angelina does do it, will damn everyone: “we were chosen by God, but if we abuse his favour, it could mean doom. Not just for The Passengers, but for all mankind.” And near the end, he tells her to go find her guardian angel. What’s even more ironic is that Angelina parallels Adrian so much in season 4: he was a false prophet in season 2, she become a false prophet, he lead a cult, she leads a cult, he is convinced that he’s a gift from God, she is convinced that she’s a gift from God, it’s freaking insane!
And she foreshadows her events so much: in 307, she tells Olive “my parents are right about me, what I am, all I do is bring harm to people around,” and after Olive tries to convince her that being her friend is good, but she responds with, “well maybe it’s only a matter of time before that hurts you to.” And she creates so many fucking problems for Olive and the rest of The Stones, and the most prominent one is in 419, when Eagan leaves her, she promises that he will have a slow and painful death, but um… I think we all know how that goes 😬
Jeff Rake and the writing team did such an amazing job of Angelina’s character, actually having her character arc planned from the beginning, and instead of making a boring one off side character, they made her one of the most interesting and complex villains, I’ve ever had the pleasure of watching, and yes actually rooting for, I know I’m insane, but still, her madness arc is one of the best arcs I’ve ever seen on tv and one of the better done one, and Holly Taylor’s performance is so captivating, someone get this women an Emmy!

I'm an international grad student in Boston (way over 21 YOE). Passed my road test and payed the fees today. At the RMV, they told me I can find the next steps online. However, myRMV is very terse.
All I can see is that my driver's license is "Active" and that it expires in one year.
Questions: 1.) Why one year and not five? 2.) How do I know they issued me a REAL ID and not the other thing? Throughout the process, I asked this question several times and never got a definite answer. 3.) How can I assure that I did all is needed to receive my permit? I expected some "your permit has been mailed to you" email. Did not happen. 4.) Can I drive unsupervised with my learners permit over which my examiner dashed off "P A S S"?

Today, I (14F) and my friends (also all 14F) were eating in the school cafeteria. We were the only ones there and the teacher monitoring us eventually asked us to go to our lessons.
Both I and another girl who I’ll call C had the same food, a crumbly savoury pastry. Both of us dropped some crumbs onto the table. Mine were in a neat pile because I’d resolved to clean them up later and I don’t know what she did with hers (presumably just left them there).
Later on the rest of our group started blowing the crumbs around the table. They got everywhere. I didn’t notice this until the aforementioned teacher came up and asked us to leave but prior to that she told us to clean up our mess. Everyone looked at me. I had to stand there in silence cleaning up the table while they all just watched. The teacher even lectured me on how to sweep a table (I am aware, I just have severe anxiety which is especially bad in situations where all the focus is on me). I told the teacher it was C’s mess too but after we left she was angry at me for embarrassing her even though they’d all just let the teacher think I was the one who spilt my food everywhere and they all admitted to having blown around the crumbs. I don’t think most of them care about it too much anymore but I’m still annoyed that this happened and wondering if i’m being irrational for expecting that they help me with a mess that may have been mostly from my food, but was also partially caused by them blowing the crumbs all over the place. AITA?

Being this abrahanic inspired faith, the Imperial Cult if full of saints, some declared after death, some still living. We know of Saint Sabbath, we know of Saint Celestine, and how even Cain got a planet that worships him as one.
But, how does someone is declared a saint, and how they are worshipped? The following excerpts give insight on that, as well some rather unusual saint, a psyker one.
The holy
“Though they did flay her body with their blades, rend her bones to dust with their fists and consume her organs with their hungry maws, they possessed nothing that could touch her faith.” —
Excerpt from the Blessed Suffering of Saint Elana.
The Calixis Sector is full of saints, men and women who have given their lives to the glory of the Emperor. Some are very minor, only revered in a single city or town, while some can be found wherever Imperial rule extends. Large or small, saints form the human face of the Ministorum, giving worshippers something to relate to and aspire toward. Saints are also often associated with certain aspects and particular causes, such as stellar travel or guilt. Some saints are even more specialised, watching out for those that work with ill-tempered Grox for example. This means, regardless of your situation, there is always a saint watching over you and to whom you can offer a prayer of protection. The truly devout take no chances and festoon themselves with the symbols and tokens of many saints. Saints also have a prominent place in Imperial culture beyond their religious connotations. Their names can be found on everything from worlds and stellar craft to streets and children. Often something that is akin to a saint’s cause bears their name, such as a warship called the Saint Drusus (of which there are one hundred and thirteen so named to date), so it might embody some of the fierceness of its namesake. Taking all of this into account, saints form an important part of a citizen’s life, as prolific and ever-present as the Cult of the Emperor itself.
Drusus the Wrrior
Without a doubt the greatest of all the saints within the Calixis Sector, Drusus stands at the right hand of the Emperor in the hearts and minds of most Calixian citizenry. From early childhood, millions are taught the tales of the great general Drusus and his relentless armies. They learn of how he brought the light of the Emperor back to the sector and swept away the vile masses of xenos who had taken root. It is because of his efforts that the Calixis Sector exists today. The Ministorum makes sure that no one forgets his deeds and, wherever temples and shrines to the Emperor are raised, so too are statues of this saint. Likewise, few saints can boast a cult as large or powerful as Drusus and none can deny the influence that the cult has over all Calixian affairs.
Though a mighty and cunning warlord, Drusus is best remembered and revered as an honest and courageous warrior. It is this purity of faith in the Emperor and the Imperium that soldiers will pray to before heading into battle. To invoke the name of Drusus is to ask for the righteous might of the Emperor to guide your hand. On some worlds entire regiments of Guardsmen are dedicated to the saint’s name, such as the 23rd Drusus Dragoons of Clove, who spend their days in prayer to the saint when they are not battling the enemies of the Imperium. Many combat training facilities have a likeness of the saint above their entrance and cadets are required to ask Drusus for his blessing before they enter.
The greatest shrine to Drusus can be found within the Cathedral of Illumination on Scintilla. This is also the headquarters of his cult, where his followers gather from across the sector to discuss cult business. It is also the place where prospective cultists are brought to pledge their devotion to the saint, often in mass blessings many thousand strong. Within the cult, Drusus is second only to the Emperor and comes even before the leaders of the Ecclesiarchy. Of equal importance to the grand shrine on Scintilla is Maccabeus Quintus, sight of the near death of Drusus during the Angevin Crusade. Then there is Sentinel, an obscure shrine world, located in the Drusus Marches. Exactly why the world is holy to the saint is unclear; thousands make the pilgrimage there, often to die in the shadow of Drusus’s monument. It is also important to the cult, and any who would rise to the higher ranks within it must travel to the world and ask the saint’s blessing. Due to the dangers involved, reaching the world and returning safely is usually considered as “proof ” of the saint’s favour.
Vidicus the Forlorn
Vidicus lived many hundreds of years ago and had a life plagued with misfortune and disaster. According to the tales, he was a Rogue Trader—unusual stock for a saint. He is said to have explored great areas of the sector single-handedly, pushing back its boundaries. During this time, it is said he was a greedy and petty man, who sought only to exploit the worlds he discovered and expand his wealth and power. Like many men in such stories, an unfortunate event taught him the error of his ways and brought him into the light of the Emperor. In Vidicus’s case it was the abduction of his daughter by alien pirates. He became driven to find her and scoured the sector in his search. He also turned completely to the worship of the Emperor and beseeched him for His guidance. What Vidicus received, however, was one disaster after another. First, his crew tried to mutiny and he was forced to lure them into a hold and vent them to the void. Then, his ship became lost in the warp and he was almost overcome by madness before he could return to realspace. Later, he was captured by Orks and only escaped by eating his own hands in an effort to impress his captors. The tales of Vidicus’s quest for his daughter are long and numerous; however, they have two important morals. The first is that no matter how forlorn the hope that he would ever see his daughter again, he never stopped searching. The second is that no matter what adversities the galaxy threw at him, he never lost faith in guidance of the Emperor. Years after Vidicus had vanished in his quest to find his daughter (whose name has oddly never been recorded), a group of clerics wrote an exhaustive treatise on his journeys and deeds. It was from this that the Ministorum recognised his deeds and devotion to the Emperor and raised him to sainthood. Even today there are few worlds in the Calixis Sector that do not have a tale of Vidicus and the time he visited their world seeking his lost child.
Though he has no cult, Vidicus has many worshippers. Most people have been touched by tragedy at one time or another or have embarked on a risky or foolish course of action. At these times, they look to Saint Vidicus to preserve them and give them hope. Likewise his shrines can be found throughout the sector, often tucked away in the corners of larger cathedrals, littered with small offerings and prayers. Travellers also often pray to him to guide them safely to their destinations and makeshift shrines exist to him on many vessels. The saint’s name also appears in many common phrases such as, “a Vidicus hope”, meaning something with a very small chance of success, or “following Vidicus”, meaning to obsess about something unattainable. Acolytes have also been known to invoke the name of Vidicus in their missions, sometimes scratching prayers to the saint on the inside of their armour. It is often joked (though out of earshot of any Inquisitors) that Vidicus would have made a good Acolyte.
Rybel Gorth the Watcher in the Dark
Rybel Gorth is unusual among saints because in life he was a psyker. Shunned by the Ecclesiarchy at the time and held in deep suspicion by much of Imperial society, Gorth was seen as a “necessary” second-class citizen. It is written that in his early life he worked aboard a warp-faring vessel, aiding the Navigator and helping to protect its passengers and crew. His story begins, however, during the evacuation of Canopus during the Heresy of Numbers. At this time, the world was being turned to ashes by bitter civil war and a great army of heretics had turned upon the Ecclesiarchy. Formerly a haven for religious learning and scholarly study, Sylor was filled with thousands of prominent and learned members of the Ecclesiarchy. Rybel Gorth’s ship was the only one to reach the world before the end and took aboard hundreds of Ministorum officials and scholars before making a hasty retreat into the warp. Tragically, however, the ship became lost in the warp and years dragged by as it searched for escape. During this time, the crew and passengers began to die. Fearing the loss of the wealth of knowledge he had been part of rescuing, Gorth used his powers to draw out and store the minds of those who died, keeping them safe within his own. When the ship finally broke free and found its way to safe harbour, Gorth was half mad with a brain brimming with a hundred minds.
Before he died, he transcribed the gathered knowledge of the scholars of Canopus, ensuring its survival. For his sacrifice, the Ecclesiarchy at the time blessed his memory and raised him to sainthood.
Rybel Gorth has few shrines and statues erected in his honour. Even now, centuries after his death, a certain distaste of him exists within the Ministorum. Even the majority of citizens who know of him, see him more as a malevolent presence rather than a source of comfort and guidance. They associate their fears about psykers and the warp with the saint, seeing him as the embodiment of this evil.
There are those, however, that do not have their vision clouded by such fears. These are mostly scholars, adepts and, of course, psykers. These people see Gorth for what he was—a powerful psyker who was able to use his gift to hold the warp at bay and keep safe those around him. He has become a protector of those who would deal with the forbidden and the unknown, especially psykers who try and divine secrets from the warp or use it to send messages across the stars. Psykers often say prayers to Rybel Gorth when they use their powers, hoping that he will protect them from the perils of the warp. Scholars who seek ancient secrets also pray to him lest they unearth or awaken the unnatural. The tale of Rybel Gorth is also often taught to Imperial psykers during their training, impressing upon them the importance of their devotion to the Emperor and the Imperium.
Quivvarr Nog of Fedrid
Few primitives have ever achieved sainthood, though Quivvar Nog is one of the rare exceptions. Hailing from the feral world of Fedrid, he was a warrior of one of the great plains tribes who told stories of long ago, when men were star-walkers. It is said he was present to witness the first failed attempt by the Imperium to recover his world. A group of missionaries came to Fedrid to spread the Emperor’s word and bring it back to the fold. No sooner had they made planetfall than they were set upon by the locals and almost wiped out. It was Nog’s tribe that gave the survivors shelter and listened to their tales of the Imperium. So inspired was the young warrior, he knelt beneath the stars and swore an oath to the Emperor that he would bring Fedrid back to him. For sixty long years, Nog made war on the tribes of Fedrid in the name of the Emperor, finally as an ancient and scarred old man unifying his people. It was not until two hundred years later that the Imperium returned, prepared to once again turn the wayward tribes of the world to the light of the Emperor. What they found was a world more devout than most, which honoured both the Emperor and his saint—Quivvar Nog. When tales of the primitive that had brought faith to the world reached the ears of the Ecclesiarchy, a delegation was sent to investigate. The results were that Nog was recorded as a hero of the Imperium and made a saint.
Shrines to Quivvar can be found dotted throughout the sector, especially on primitive or feral worlds where the inhabitants identify with him. There has been some dispute over the best way to revere Nog. On civilized worlds, marble or granite statues are built to him depicting the saint as a cleanshaven giant dressed in primitive but well-made armour with strong and handsome features. On primitive worlds, clay or wooden idols made in his likeness show him as a squat ugly man with dirty hide armour and a ragged cloak. It is argued that the former is a fantasy concocted by the Ministorum to make him more palatable to more civilized citizens, but one that ultimately betrays the saint’s memory. This has lead to the unpleasant practice of befouling statues and shrines that promote this “false” image by those who claim to honour the “true” Nog. In either case, Nog enjoys a broad following as the saint of perseverance and final victory through faith. He is often revered by those with long, thankless tasks ahead of them. Nog is also associated with those too stubborn or too stupid to give up, an aspect many Acolytes can readily relate to.
Elana the Unshaken
A missionary, Elana made it her lifelong goal to bring the word of the Emperor to the dark places of the Imperium. In her time, she travelled far and wide across the sector, often choosing planets noted for their unruly populations or deadly indigenous life. It is written that she bore a scar for each world she visited. From the swamps of Ichovor, where she suffered a disfiguring filth-fly bite, to the wilderness of Dusk, where she was savaged by predators, she stoically accepted these “scars” as part of her service the Emperor. More than once, Elana was captured by natives to be maimed or tortured in the name of heathen gods. In all such stories, however, despite the horrors inflicted upon her, she never faltered in her faith. In the end, after travelling to scores of worlds, Elana was captured by a foul Daemon-worshipping cult on a remote, unnamed feral world. The natives tied her up and threw her into their master’s cave as an offering. Over the next month the Daemon tired to break her faith. Each day it would come and devour some of her flesh and offer her release. Each day she would refuse. Eventually the Daemon consumed her completely because she would not turn from the light of the Emperor. Elana had a final vengeance, however, as, in eating her flesh and spirit, the Daemon ingested that part of the Emperor that resided within her. The Daemon died screaming as the holy light burned its essence away and freed Elana to her final reward. Clerics like telling this story to prove that faith in the Emperor can overcome anything.
Elana is a much loved and widely accepted saint within the Calixis Sector, and shrines to her can be found on many worlds. This is no doubt because she embodies many of the most desirable qualities in revering the Emperor, namely duty and devotion above personal safety. It might also be because hearing even a little of the saint’s suffering can make someone feel infinitely better about their own woes. Those that care for the sick commonly invoke the name of the saint in their work. They preach that Elana watches over all those who suffer in the Emperor’s name but who do not lose faith. In some places this line of reason has led to self-flagellation to honour the saint, though the more mainstream elements of the Ecclesiarchy agree that this is probably misguided. Acolytes may find solace in the worship of Elana when they suffer grievous wounds, praying to her to remind them that all that they do, they do for the glory of the Emperor

I (38f) have been in a relationship with my fiance (27m) for 7 years, engaged 4 years. He was my brothers friend first and we met up at our job. He played video games all day and I listened to music and did yoga. He ate fast food only while I ate healthy. We both like anime and have a similar sense of humor. We moved in together after getting engaged. I was pregnant with our first child then. I found out after moving in together that he didn’t know how to do anything. His family cleaned and did hos laundry. He didn’t even know how to cook. So I had to teach him anything. Not the best or worse situation I figured he would man up once we had our son but that didn’t happen. He continues to play video games while I took care if the house and baby. I had a c-section too so that was horrible. I threatened to leave and he promised to do better. Then he did better but not by much. Hes lost his job different times from being late and calling in. 3 times in 1 month. I kept telling him I would leave if he lost his job again but I didn’t. Even though he lost his job again this year which makes his 5th time. Also from being late. He never takes responsibility for his actions. There’s always a reason why tgings arent his fault. He keeps saying he learned his lesson but…no. When we had our second child 8 months ago he went back to playing games all the time. He’s been doing a lot better adult wise but now he’s being more aggressive. Mostly to our son. There’s been 2 times he left bruises on him and recently he did it again. He told my mother that he saw our daughter hurt and he took his aggression out on our son. So I’m thinking about leaving him but I don’t know of I’m just being dramatic or not. If I leave, how do I go about doing it? I don’t know what to do. I just want my kids to have a good home and life. When things aren’t bad I enjoy his company but I feel like we aren’t compatible anymore. I don’t want to leave when he isn’t being mean but I also get tired of telling him to be nicer to his son. There’s some stuff I left out because of word count so if anyone needs more information then I’ll gladly answer questions.

I(21M) had a gf(21F) for almost 5 years with whom i was pretty serious with.Long story short,we were highschool sweethearts and loved each other a lot and we were gonna marry each other.Our families knew about us dating,and my family had even accepted her as future DIL of the house.I would have given my life for her if she asked for it and she would have given hers for me,that's how much we were in love.
Then 4 months ago,she had to move to Australia alone for her masters.She lived with 5 roommates who became her close friends.We still loved each other a lot and used to talk daily but we had our usual fights,but as time passed(around 1 month),it became harder to solve the fights and we were going through a rough patch.The reason for our fights was that she started attending house parties which also had guys in it and i was concerned for her well-being as i know not everyone has good intentions and i didn't want her to get hurt.In one major fight,i told her i cannot do this anymore and i want a break;We both knew this meant that i am angry with her and we haven't broken up as we had taken breaks before from each other which meant having personal space for a few days.
One of these days,one of her roommates sent me videos of her laying next to a guy,and some other stuff like that,which implied she could be cheating on me but i wasn't sure about it.The roommate had told me not to tell anyone she sent me those videos.We had a massive fight.She said that she was high,and didn't realize he was next to her(an obvious lie) and the videos were taken out of context.She said that we were on a break and lots of other shit.Then suddenly the next day,the roommate called me infront of my girlfriend and said she was just joking around because she(roommate) got drunk and was playing a prank and said the videos were taken in a wrong context.But i believe the roommate was forced by my girlfriend and other roommates to change her statement. The roommate and my girlfriend both apologized for their mistakes and we started working on our relationship again,but after a few days she started being distant and wouldn't talk to me as much.I was feeling something was off but didn't know how to bring it up.She would reply to my messages very late and sometimes not pickup my calls.We had each other's instagram but she logged me out of her account.Similar shit happened throughout the weeks.
I took my gf's account back because i was having issues trusting her again and said this was needed to build trust,but one of these days i unblocked the guy which was seen with my gf and a few days later he was sending couple posts to my gf.When i asked my gf about this,she said that she doesn't know why he's doing this and would block him,but i would unblock him and he would continue to send couple posts. Then a few weeks ago,i received a video from 2 months ago from an anonymous account of the same guy holding a phone and holding my gf and and kissing her on the cheeks.I asked my girlfriend whether something happened between her and the guy from before,but she said no as they weren't in contact anymore.I sent her the video and told her that i know she cheated on me,but she said that the video is 2 months old and she was high and drunk in that video.The video is infact 2 months old as there are datestamps but she doesn't look drunk or high in that video.She said she kinda knew what happened but was too scared to bring it up as she didn't want to ruin our relationship.She said that it was the most that happened between them and they did not sleep together. She later found out the guy had sent that video to me via an anonymous account to me.She fought with the guy and later the guy messaged me that whatever happened was when they both were high and my gf was loyal to me but it feels like bullshit to me. After that i didn't block my gf but just wouldn't respond to her in anyway.
I started hooking up with other girls as i wanted to get over my ex as soon as possible,but I got too close to one of these girls;I also took her virginity and i had told her that i am not ready for a relationship but she had already fallen in love with me,I like her a lot but honestly i still cannot get over my ex and honestly i don't think i ever will be able to.I love my ex too much for that.We had all our lives planned out together plus no matter what happened she loved me a lot when we were in a relationship,and it is important because i was really a very messed up person.Plus,i feel a bit weird in getting in relationship with this new girl as she and one of my homeboys has made out a few times in the past.
Idk what to do right now in this current situation.I feel very hollow from inside and no girl makes me feel the way my ex made me feel.My ex daily messages me multiple times and sends me multiple calls.She begs me to forgive her as she was high and drunk but i had warned her not to do all that stuff.And i feel that being high or drunk doesn't justify her actions.And i am not even sure if she was high or drunk.I also believe that she is lying on me and has cheated on me as she showed multiple suspicious behavioural patterns. I am 90% sure that she has cheated on me and this wasn't a one time mistake from 3 months ago,but when we were not in LDR,we loved each other a lot and it was the purest of love so that makes me question whether it was really just a mistake.All the videos and evidence proof is from a 3 day trip my gf had with a big group which involved her roommates and the guy.But the guy was sending couple posts days after that trip and that makes me doubt entire thing
I know most probably my girlfriend cheated on me and my relationship is over,and i shouldn't give her another chance but i feel an emptiness within me which i cannot seem to fill.I have become addicted to smoking now and i feel bad about it too.I have only written 70% of the entire story because i do not want to share too many details and i am too tired to remember those memories again.
Will it better to date my ex,or date my situationship,or keep hooking up,or staying single for some time?

So I've had feelings for a friend for a long time but she is in a relationship, I came up with the courage to tell her how I feel and it honestly went well for a bit, too well, we still hanged out and what not but it started to hurt, I think that she also started getting feelings for me and I needed to leave as this was not going to end well. She didn't handle it well and I wasn't disciple enough. fast forward a couple months and we tried to make it work but I just started to feeling shit whenever she would give attention to her bf and other friends while not pay as much attention to me. As childish as it sounds I did not like how it made me feel. I have finally made the decision to move on and look for something else. She is not a bad person and she deeply respects me. she ultimately respected my chose in all this but she was really hurt about it. I just could not handle the pain I was feeling as it did not get any better. I am also a 23 year old virgin who thinks that I have not given myself the chance to make myself happy. I guess I am still somewhat worried I will not have a chance with her because of this but I think that my feelings are ultimately the one thing I should consider over everything in this case. I told her that I still want to try being friends later down the line when I am ready but I can not and help but feel like I did something wrong and this is the end. She a gentle girl and it hurts to know that I made her feel that way. I guess I just do not know if I made the right decision and that everything is over for me and her

I pulled her card from my lockbox today. I couldn’t bring myself to remove it from its wrapping though. I’ll explain the card in a little while. Even in just that briefest of moments though, the tears became too thick. I so wanted to see her name. Instead I decided to only go back to the memories. They bring enough tears. So I put the card back but need to tell my story of that memory. So thank you for your time in letting me indulge dear Reader. I know your time is precious and I am loquacious of a sort.
The place I used to work at a long, long time ago, Croc’s, was an odd duck. It was a Transformer of sorts. During the day and early evening it was a damn good Mexican restaurant. One of the best in town. Lunch was insane. Dinner was a respite. But on Friday, Saturdays, some Thursdays, and almost every holiday eve, it was… I don’t even have words. Nothing like what went on in those walls had been seen in Denver at the time. We had lines around blocks. The plural is not a mistake. On those nights, Croc’s was THE place to be in Denver. The owners got there before everyone else and had hit a jackpot with the place. The Rockies were starting over at Mile High and moving to LoDo soon. LoDo was booming and we were in the middle of it partying like no tomorrow every night.
But this isn’t about that amazing place, that’s for another day. Nope. This is about her, her son and I. Or rather, about loss and memories. But it all started at Croc’s and you needed to know what a breath of a moment in time we shared there. Not on one of those crazy nights but one lazy Sunday when we were pretty slow.
I mentioned the restaurant was an odd duck. See, it was designed so that from breakfast through dinner and into very early evening, it was a purposeful, full-fledged, extremely popular, and well reviewed dining establishment. But after that, it was designed so we could remove every table, chair, stool and booth. We essentially turned the whole restaurant into a giant dance floor with a bar that spanned half the distance of the long wall topped with massive tequila and booze pyramids. The wells were at either end with a plant potter behind them for storage. It was split level(ish) with a few VIP areas squirreled away. State of the art DJ booth on the south end of the bar. Oh and did I mention we had a 28 foot replica of a Nile croc suspended from the roof named “Hal”.
The owners were a group of friends who had grown up in the business. One of them was from the family that started Senior Frogs and the like down in Mexico. They had all met and worked at some of the hottest places in the state and been to some of the craziest places around the Americas. So when I say no one had seen anything like it, they hadn’t. We had a person that would blow tequila from a custom bong into a partier's mouth from 30 feet away. Our DJ’s were the best in town. We poached the absolute best in talent from every bar in a 4000 mile radius. That movie “Cocktail”? Yeah, that was this place on steroids. Hell, beside myself and 1 or 2 other guys, our security eventually turned into off duty SWAT cops. All these places around Denver and, hell, around the country you see now? Yeah these guys started it right there in LoDo.
It was the paper and crayons we would put on every table though where my memory begins.
There had been other places that had done what we did with the butcher block paper. It went on every table with crayons. It wasn’t the most innovative thing there but it was fun and the patrons enjoyed it. Many great artists out there! And of course the kids loved it. A lot of the folks who lived around there would bring their kids with them for lunch or dinner. I worked a lot of Sunday day shifts because a) everyone was hung over and never wanted to work and b) it was usually a nice bit of quiet after two nights that would make Caligula jealous. Plus the people who did come in were usually pretty cool and just out for a good meal. It was pretty chill after all that joyous chaos.
My section was usually the front lifted area just in front of the potters and a few tables in the middle. I was splitting with the other server that day since it was more dead than usual. A beautiful Colorado day back then. Blue sky with puffy clouds. Perfect temperature with no wind so the front doors to the small little patio were open. You could smell the flowers from across the street. The other server let me know she had sat a couple of people at one of my four tops. Sounded good so I headed out to say hello.
It was customary for us to write our name on the paper when we showed up. It was hokie but everyone loved it. It was our way of saying welcome and have fun! Some servers could do it upside down but I could never get the hang of that.
I headed down the bar toward the front, preoccupied with getting my marker out for the intro. I remember coming around the corner of the potter and just kind of coming to a juddering stop at the top step, tripping and almost falling on my face. Luckily she was a little preoccupied with her son and getting him situated so she missed seeing me make a gobsmacked fool out of myself.
I luckily regained what little balance I could alongside some composure quick enough to walk up and say hi. She said hi and then kind of waited. “Oh yeah dumbass” I said to myself as I told her, or rather flubbed, my name as I wrote it in the corner so they could read it right side up. She giggled a little bit as most people did with my nickname at the time. I hadn’t noticed but her son had been waiting the whole time for that moment. He grabbed his crayon and wrote his name and her name in front of them. “That’s a good name isn’t it?” I asked him. I told him it was the same as mine but the longer version. He was a little surprised by this as I went by “Scooter” back then. It took a second but he quickly realized it was a nickname. He had signed the long version of our name and said that’s what he liked. Right on man, you got it. Damn smart kid. You can tell, ya know?
After that briefest of moments, I shook myself a little and introduced myself for, I think the fourth time now. She tells me her name but it is instantly gone. Not only because of the effect this moment is having on me, but just because I am bad with names on the first go around. I don’t think we heard what either was saying anyway. Our eyes were locked and in that moment, it was all that mattered somehow. I can remember how deeply they shined. Her hair was a little damp and unkempt like someone in a hurry but has that respect for herself. Dark like her eyes but shining from the light outside. A simple blue/light purple and white striped shirt. Slightly damp around the shoulders. Worn jeans. Not the designer type but jeans aged with a good strong life. Blue canvas deck shoes with the white souls if I remember that part right. Maybe black canvas. I saw all this without ever breaking her gaze.
It was as if in the same moment we both realized we were in the same place together but not there alone. A moment later we both found ourselves apologizing for talking over the other. Sheepishly, like teens on their first date. Giggling a bit. Not knowing what was happening but knowing that something most definitely was. I apologized for the awkwardness and I think I cracked a joke or something but neither of us knew what to do. There was a calm panic and, I dare to say, a longing that was unknown?
It was her son who brought us both back to reality. He had asked if we had Coke or Pepsi. I shook myself internally again and told him we had Coke but could find some Pepsi if he really wanted it. Luckily he was not a Pepsi kid. I also told him that, yes, I would be happy to add a cherry to it. This time though when I met his eyes, I looked at myself when I was that age, as I answered that question. I hadn’t noticed it. Like a mirror as they say. Dark brown hair full of cowlicks. Round face with a big smile. Getting that cherry meant the world to him. I remembered that same feeling again through him. It was like looking at a version of myself I only saw in pictures.
At this very second in time I remember being terrified. Not “scared” terrified. It was more like, holy shite is this happening? What is going on? I wanted to turn and run and hide but somehow regained what little composure was left in that split second. I turned back to her and saw that she had just seen what I had seen. I could see wonder, joy, confusion, happiness, peace, thrill, fear and hope that I am sure were being reflected in my own eyes. We both needed a few minutes. We each could see it. It was overwhelming. Again, not a bad overwhelming but one of those moments where you need to put your hands on your knees and take some big, deep breaths.
The whole 3 or 4 minutes were surreal. And I will never forget them. I will fight as hard as I can to hold onto the others I have of both of them.
Somehow I managed to Charlie Chaplin myself away to get their drink order. I believe hers was a Sprite with a lemon. Normally I would go right around the corner of the plant potter and get the sodas from the guns there. Instead I went all the way to the back station. I needed to breathe. It seemed like an hour but I headed back. By this time the son was going to town. He had talent and it showed. It seemed like we had regained ourselves somewhat but the whole meal was kind of like an episode out of a teen comedy. We giggled, laughed, blushed, and did all the other things you would expect to see from two teenagers who discover they like each other. It wasn’t like I was trying to stay with them, or they tried to keep me there. It just kind of happened. I’d start to go away and she would ask me back for something simple. I would bring something I had forgotten in case they needed it. The whole meal went that way.
When they were done and ready to go, I was dreading it. Should I ask her out? She had mentioned she was single. It felt like I should ask her out. Like I said, the whole visit was surreal. There was no ring or even a suntan line of one (Don’t judge me, it was a different time). I wasn’t seeing anyone either. We seemed to get along amazingly, both her and her son. Even my fellow server noticed and was egging me on. It was obvious. Doing something like that with a client back then happened. Not usually in the first 30 seconds but you never know. I made up my mind to walk them out as I had no other tables and see what happened. I took the check to the table. She was packing her bag. I had gotten a refill for his togo cup and handed it to him. He said thank you and said he drew something for me. They had carefully torn it from the paper and he handed it to me. It was the three of us holding hands. How I held the tears then I do not know. I was a different person there at that precise point in time. At this moment those tears are here though.
I bent down to his level and thanked him sincerely. He said he was glad I liked it and he hugged me. I heard her try to stifle her gasp. Thank any or no gods or whoever for him. He let go, grabbed his Mom’s hand and said he was ready to go. As I stood up I could see tears welling in her eyes. He hadn’t done that to another man in, what she said, was a very long time she would tell me in a quiet voice as we started to walk toward the door. That was it. I didn’t know what to do. I hadn’t even noticed that when we got to the big double doors, he had grabbed my hand. It just was there.
By this time I do not think either of us really knew what to do or what was going on. I mean, this was an impromptu outing to a place her son had liked because of the paper. It was a cheap and good lunch and then off to wherever for them and another table for me while I rolled silverware in the back or stocked the empty quicks from the previous night. But it seemed like it had been years together but only moments, if that makes sense? I certainly did not know what to do at this point. I think I mumbled what a delight it was to be able to spend time with them and I hoped they had enjoyed themselves or something like that. I honestly could not tell you. By this time she had regained herself somewhat. That girlishness turned into an elegance, beauty and strength that I had not seen before. But those same feelings exchanged in that momentary glance were still there. As was still a bit of moisture along the bottom of her eyes. We made a bit of small talk till he got a bit antsy and wanted to head off.
As we said our goodbyes that day, almost at the same time, we asked our questions. I asked if she would like to come by again soon with her son. His birthday was coming up I think and I could get the guys in back to make him something special. At least I think that was it. Her’s was if it would be ok if they came back soon. You know because the little guy liked drawing and the food. More childish giggling and laughing. And before she left she gave me her card and said to call if I was going to be working again on a Sunday or just whenever. As they walked together, hand in hand down and around the corner, I just stared at them and then the card over and over.
That very card I put back in a safe place tonight.
She was a designer as it turned out. I didn’t pry into her past as it sounded like it wasn’t all that great at times. She came by the restaurant a few more times after that. I then called once or twice to say hi and how they were doing and to let her know to come by. Eventually she asked me out. We spent some time together and it started to get a little more serious. She was a few years older but not by much. She was driven and forthright. Quick witted and compassionate. And such a good Mom with a massive heart. I was young then, somewhat good looking, fairly well paid and worked at the hottest spot in the state. And I had this woman I couldn’t get out of my head. Even my coworkers knew and could see what was going on whenever we were together. Either just the two of us or all three of us. Walking on clouds was an apt statement. At this point I want to point out that while I am no saint whatsoever, I do consider myself a decent person. At least I was back then and for the most part today. Things have changed as they always do but I digress.
Eventually the moment came. The serious date. She had a small but fantastic apartment downtown and wanted to make me dinner for once. I don’t think she was done asking before I said yes. We set a date for later that week. I remember it was a Saturday because me taking a night off from that place, with all its amazing moments each night to the amount of money you walked out with each night to leaving one of the other bouncers with one of the other guys he wasn’t used to, was a pretty big deal. Had to call in favors but everyone just said go. No one there batted an eye. They all seemed to know what a big deal this was somehow.
We set it for a little later in the evening so I could get things in proper working fashion up front of the house and then head over. Any of you who have worked in a restaurant know that smell you get. Kind of need to have worked in that environment to know I guess. So that night, I didn’t have time to head home then come back. So I had a change of clothes and a vanity bag so I could clean up in the back. Wouldn’t be the first time I got sprayed down by the dishwasher but probably a first for this reason. Cleaned up pretty well, freshly shaved and quaffed, walking so far above Cloud 9 I lost track of which one I was on. Headed out to put the work kit and bag in the truck. On the way out a few who knew what had been going on smiled or waved.
And off I went. I was a little late but she said she had expected it given the night of the week. Back then, downtown Denver was different. Colorado was different. I guess everywhere was different back then. But in this instance, I mean in an architectural way. You didn’t have the towers all around LoDo as you do now. From some rooftops you could still watch a sunset over the mountains. Say what you will, even I have to admit that a purple and orange sunset over the mountains is quite possibly the most beautiful natural thing I have seen. It is immense but oh so fleeting. Just like our lives I guess. You could still hear birds and bugs over cars at times. I wouldn’t say it was peaceful but it was at least calm?
She was lucky as her apartment, though smallish, came with a hidden bonus. Her window allowed her to access the roof on the next building. A part of it anyway. But this little slice of hidden wonder allowed a view down Market Street, across Spear, over Auraria and then the mountain view. It was stunning. Like the apartment, the space was just cozy enough for two to enjoy a little rooftop barbeque and dining. She gave me the quick tour and we poured some wine. She was going through the menu as we “headed outside”. The door was a small little window. I remember scratching my head and thinking I may not fit out there. She handled it with the grace of a ballerina and said I could do it. It took a minute or two but I contorted my clumsy self outside. And she was right. It was spectacular.
Not just the view but what she had done with her little corner of peace. She had talked with the building owner who agreed that she could use this space as he didn't even know about it. It was like something out of a commercial today. A nice little seating couch type niche. Well built trellis with some small Christmas lights for effect. A little brick grilling area with a hibachi going. I can still smell it. The table with candles and dinnerware. Decking. I was taken aback. The way it was situated insulated her from the sounds down below. You could hear them but it was almost like distant white noise. It was just peaceful. I remember remarking about this. She said she discovered it by accident when her son thought it might be a good play area.
Dinner was wonderful. The night went on. There wasn’t a sense of time. Just us there in that little part of the universe that was only hers. To this day I do not think I felt that safe before anywhere nor since. Someone was letting me into one of their most sacred spots. Literally and figuratively. I felt privileged. Almost as though I was treading somewhere I shouldn’t be. I think that thought was my downfall however. Don’t worry dear Reader, you will understand all that very soon. We watched that sunset. It was perfect. The right contrast of colors. Just the right amount of clouds to change those colors ever so slightly. A reminder of how something can change for the simplest of reasons.
As night grew darker it started to get cold. The goosebumps we were feeling on each other's skin holding hands and looking at the stars weren’t just from feelings. It was getting cool so we moved inside. After safely dousing the grill and making sure the coals were in their proper place, we cleaned up. Since it was easier, I stayed outside and handed them into the house to her. We figured it would be safer for the dishes. Giggled some more as we came to realize more and more things about each other at the same time. Finally the outside was clear. I stood outside for another minute to take in what was happening. I think that is then that little bit of fear weeded its way in without my realizing it. This was as close to perfect as I could ever dream I thought.
After squeezing back inside, assisted again but ok with that, we cleaned up the dishes and opened another bottle of wine. The inside was just as cozy. At some point she had lit some more candles and had some soft music going. Light jazz if I remember. Not loud at all. Again, there, just outside the periphery. Sitting on the couch I can feel her sitting next to me. We are close. Two people holding each other wanting to believe but not sure if this is real. There was almost a vibration. The constant goosebumps were not because of the cold anymore. Once we were both comfortable and we just talked. For hours and hours. There were the intimate moments but nothing scandalous. A tenuous kiss from one to the other.
We talked about what two people talk about who truly want to know the other. I believe we asked as many honest questions of ourselves as we did of the other. We really, truly, wholly wanted to know each other. And that is what we did. The more we talked the more comfortable we felt. Each of us had our scars that were not easily revealed. Nor did we reveal all of them that night and guarded them well. But we each wanted to know if the other was someone we could trust with those deepest places that we all hide in the darkest parts of our soul.
We talked a little about her son’s father but not in depth. It was easy to see that was one of the scars. We talked about her son. Why she was so astonished that first day. My heart wrenches this very moment dear Reader upon remembering that. Her hopes for him. His likes and his dislikes. Some of the stories parents tell others to embarrass their children later in life. We talked about what futures there could be not for us but for him and his world. He really was an amazing kid and I am sure has grown up to be someone she can be proud of. Time did not exist that night. Feelings and thoughts were exchanged that did not need to be said. We just knew each other that night.
We never did finish the second bottle if memory serves, we talked, laughed and sat together in peaceful comfort and gave no care about anything else. But tomorrow was coming as it always does and we had to leave each other. I remember the closeness as we held each other. The pressure of two bodies at that singular moment in time. That one instant that feels as though it could last through infinity. When two become one and feel the safety, love, compassion, trust and sameness that is rarely, if ever experienced.
Pardon me dear Reader but must ask a moment to compose myself. We are getting close to the end of my tale so also ask for just a bit more of your time. I know how so very precious it is. Thank you for allowing me to continue.
I do not know how long we held each other. To this day I wish it had been so much longer however. I do remember leaving. Working where I did, I was sadly but actively very familiar with many different levels and types of inebriation. That feeling that morning however was something that surpassed all that I had experienced in my life. I had never felt like this. I knew that the sun was starting to come up as I parked my car. I knew that I got through the door, downstairs and then fell asleep. I wasn’t drunk. It was pure. A pure love, happiness, joy and trust I had never felt from someone else. This feeling was so powerful it had knocked me for a loop that I just was not ready for.
I awoke later that day, thankful I didn’t have to work. It was late in the afternoon and I felt like I had been hit by a bus but didn’t care. I believe that the night before we both had excised many things that we had held inside for so long. I could (and can) still remember the whole night if not the words. I felt like one does after you give everything physically possible to something and have nothing left to give. But it felt right. Regardless of the ending, I do believe that, even though brief, that night, two people who had needed to find each other did. I think they needed to know that there was at least one person who understood, even if they hadn’t needed to actually say anything.
Now dear Reader I must ask you to remember that part about fear. Given my early life and life up to that point and to this day, I do find it very hard to trust. So this was something I had to confront. And so I started to. Instead of seeing what she saw in me, I saw the things I thought were ugly. I got scared that those scars would be peeled away and she would be repulsed. And these thoughts and fears grew. We still saw each other and talked for a while after that night. But my fear took over quickly. Before I knew it I had driven her away. There was no maliciousness about it. The thoughts that had ruled my life for so long before her and then after her, to this day, always got to the same thing. If you let her in, she will leave because of who you are. It was idiotic but it was ingrained at this point. I eventually told her I didn’t think it was going to work out. The truth was that I was scared. Scared to let her in. I hated myself for not being honest with her. She would have understood. Probably more than any other.
After that, I went on with my life as a young person does in that atmosphere. I saw her one time after that final talk. She waved as she and her son sat in a section away from mine. I waved back and remembered going out back and beating the hell out of our cooler there. I was so mad at myself then. While the anger passed as life threw one thing at me after another as it does until I find myself here today writing this, the pain of losing her has never healed. Nor do I want it to. That pain also brings memories that I so rarely experience anymore. I buried it for a long, long, long time but recently I find myself thinking about her and her son more and more. What would have been?
For you see dear Reader, that moment was my perfect chance. Not long ago in my life I was diagnosed with cancer. I eventually beat it but it has long since ruined my life. But that is not why I tell this tale. I ask for no sympathy. My life is where I am supposed to be. I have come to peace with that. To an extent I guess anyway. The reason it was my perfect chance is this. I was also diagnosed with a genetic defect which essentially makes me a cancer producer with no natural way to fight it. My mothers father died of colon and pancreatic cancer. My Mother has beaten 5 different bouts of cancer. I have been tested and confirmed. So if I had had a child, I would more than likely have passed that to them. After listening to what my mother watched her father go through. After watching my own Mother fight this monster 5 times and win each time. After all that I was horrified to learn that I could have passed this monster to someone I would have loved with all my heart.
I never married and never had a child. For most of my life I regretted that most of all to the point of shame. I am the last person in my familial lineage that will ever carry my name. My line dies with me. For the longest time that has been a great burden. However, after the geneticist confirmed me and a great deal of internal contemplation, with the aid of hindsight, part of me is glad that I never had a wife and child who would have to go through the horrors I have heard about, watched and gone through first hand and personally. That at least brings me a modicum of inner peace. Do not be fooled ever though. This monster is evil. It takes everything from all but the luckiest.
And I had my moment of perfect chance. Even though I did not know it at the time, I had an opportunity to spend the rest of my life with two someones who I truly believe to this day, loved me. Even if for so very briefly. I gave up the chance to be able to be a husband and care for someone I believe I loved and loved me. I had a chance to be the father I wanted to be without passing on my monster. To see a child grow into their best self. I get angry at times that I did this. Not necessarily my own selfish needs. I am also mad that this person trusted me and I couldn’t do the same in the end. That I let a child down who for his own reasons let me in when he shut others out. That we could have been the family we could have been. And I ran because I was scared. I can never forgive myself for doing that to them. This may sound selfish and perhaps it is but it is my history.
And now dear Reader we come to the end of my tale. Where it all began.
Her card.
I think you will understand why I put it away instead of taking it out after this. I mentioned that she was a designer. Her card is exquisite. I don’t need to see it to describe it. There is a silver cord ribbon wrapped around a waxed paper tied in a bow. It sparkles silver but is brittle after all the years. I can slide the card out carefully but don’t want to take a chance of damaging it. My hands aren’t the best anymore. The writing on the card is done with a most excellent penmanship in purple over white with black. The backing is white with the black used as border highlighting with purple as the border and main color. There is a bit of sparkle in one of the purples but not a garish amount. Just enough to catch the eye. The back is similar with details of her work at the time as well as some contact information. I don’t know if she did this on all of them, but there was a scent of her perfume that accompanied it for a while. It, like much else, has faded.
We all have a place to keep our most precious items. This one rarely leaves that place for me.
So in the really bad times dear Reader, I try to look at that card. I say try because it is very painful to try to do so. Today was one of those days and I wanted to share it. In the end I couldn’t get past the tears to look at it so returned it to its safety. Not really because of the pain. Believe me, the pain is there in vast amounts. But because of that first moment. I needed to remember what that feeling was like. I needed to remember what it is to look in another's eyes and see the whole universe and all its infinite possibilities. Some regrets, regardless of time, will always follow you. Be honest about that with yourself dear Reader. Today I needed to remember her and him. I needed that acceptance. That peace. That joy, That trust. That love.
This time however I needed to commit this to our history so that perhaps at least one other will read it and maybe it will impact somehow. This is not meant to be a moralistic tale. It is just a tale of love lost. A life that could have been different. I hope, dear Reader, that your life is filled with wonder and love. Do not miss a single chance in your life because of fear. Be cautious but be open. Your world is massive but also miniscule. The chances don’t happen often anymore so grab them and hold onto them when you can. Try to think of all possibilities and look through others' eyes. But most importantly. If you do find your perfect moment, do not let it go dear Reader. It may never come again.
That is the end of my tale. I thank you so much dear Reader. As I have said many times, your time is precious and I have taken enough. Safe journeys to you my friend.

First of all, I don’t mean to diminish the experience of anyone here. Whatever you have lived is real, and only you know the truth of it. The means you use to understand yourself, relate, and live are those that work best for you at any given moment.
​
I wanted to talk about the use of AvPD and more generally “personality disorders” as a means of assigning meaning to our own self-concept. Personally, for years, I was lost in feelings of emptiness, aimlessness, and alienation. I couldn’t fathom how or why I had arrived at this state. I searched endlessly for some explanation, mostly on a pathological basis for why I felt this way — was it a brain tumor, was I a “psychopath”, did I eat lead paint? All of these things centered on the notion that there was some inherent wrongness to my being.
​
Eventually, I found my way to psychological diagnostic manuals and of course “AvPD”. It was great having a label to slap on my experience; all my life I had been looking outwardly for self-definition, so it was nice and easy to say “yep this is me”.
​
But even upon finding this neat little acronym, nothing changed. Like, great, I had something to make a novelty belt buckle, but it didn’t really help me to understand myself better — it would just give my therapist a code to make it easier to bill to insurance. I eventually swung the other way and became quite indignant with the state of disease-modeled mental health
​
I am a human being a lived experience immeasurably more complex than whatever some book might tell you. Sure there some utility — there might be parts of what’s called “AvPD” that I can relate to, but it does not define me!
​
So I don’t know what the point of this was…rambling at this point lol
​
For me, ceasing a search for that wrongness or “disorder” opened a huge avenue for self acceptance and self discovery. I feel bad and have doubts about the future, but that’s OK. I won’t just go “Ho hum I am burdened by this condition” and resign myself! My body has not read the DSM!

My first boyfriend was bipolar 1. I didn't know,he was unmedicated. He was violent towards me after his cheating came out. 7 years older than me ,same as the second one. I developed PTSD and trust issues. My anxiety and health worsened terribly. At the time of recovering - 2 months later I met my abuser, cover narcissist/psycho that tortured me mentally for 4 years. I was cheated on too but it was the best out of the whole abuse I got. I have BPD so I have abandonment issues and I developed trauma bond. I realized it was 100 times worse than the first one. He preyed me when I was the most vulnerable. I loved both of them purely on no conditions,all I wanted was normal and stable relationship. I blamed myself for everything even though I was manipulated to believe so. My physical health is ruined, my heart issues are terrible. I don't know what I did wrong in life to deserve that. I hate making myself a victim but I really don't understand why it had to be me. I am aware I won't be able to trust anybody , I am aware I lowered my expectations to minimum because of what happened to me. I don't know how it is to be loved in normal relationship. I have so much PTSD everything triggers it at this point.

I never expected to be posting here but I don't know where else to talk about this. I was banned from DebateCommunism and communism101 for posting this:

I am a young comrade who lives in Eastern Germany. When I was 16 I sexually attacked a 12 year old girl who lived in my town. I spent time in juvenile detention before serving a suspended sentence, which is how I came to see the brutal racism and oppression of the poor in the so called "criminal justice system". I have seen some awful posts by supposed communists, especially the maoists, that say all rapists and sex abusers deserve to die, as if we can not be rehabilitated. Is this the typical communist view? That seems like a right wing reactionary mentality to me. Also the girl I attacked is apparently now a neo-nazi sympathizer so I am not sorry for what I did. Would you accept me as a comrade or not?

I was just asking me a question and they banned me, and refused to even respond when I asked for the reason why I was banned. What is their problem?

It's time to tell my friends that I have contamination OCD... I have left the university (maybe one day I'll go back and I don't know what I'll do next September) because apart from being difficult, I can hardly even leave the house (only if I'm motivated, but I have to take a shower after) and I did not study because I get dirty
I have 4 friends, I get along more with 2 of them, but the other 2 with whom I don't talk much have to find out also.
How do I hear tell them? First I would like to tell the two close ones. In person I feel it as very personal and I am not a person who opens up much, but by WhatsApp I feel it impersonal.
And the time has come to tell them because I have dropped out of college and they are my friends and I even go to class with one of them
Thanks in advance!

June 19th, 327
We decided to construct some more structures to take care of the refugees that we rescue, assuming that this goes off without a hitch. Augustine asked Elock about the collar and she revealed that the collar had a size changing enchantment attached to it. Once the seven day period is up, the collar will shrink, crushing her airways which would instantly kill her. So Augustine teleported her back quickly which would kick step one of our plan into gear.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
cut to Elock’s pov
Shopkeeper: Hello welcome t- oh! Welcome back sir!
A: Hey there! Project took longer than expected, but luckily an extra set of hands makes heavy work pretty light!
Shopkeeper: What can I say? She’s one of the best. And also sir, if you don’t mind me asking, what were you working on? I didn’t see you anywhere in town.
A: oh- uhh I’m from the town over!
Shopkeeper: Are your memories already slipping? I paid the town next to us a visit to chat business with a friend and I never saw any structures being constructed.
A: I- I live at the far end! Perhaps you missed it.
Shopkeeper: …Alright then. have a nice day sir.
A: …you too…cya
exits
Elock: humming hm, hm, hmmm! walking towards the back
Shopkeeper: Elock…
Elock: eep! Yes sir!
Shopkeeper: Would you mind telling me what you 2 were doing?
Elock: oh! Just a house for his extended family. Nothing special.
Shopkeeper: “just a house”? Alright then…you’re off for the rest of today…go to the slave house. takes off her collar
Elock: Thank you! runs off
Shopkeeper in thought: …those eyes…they seem to both see nothing and everything at once.
Shopkeeper: I’d appreciate it if you’d look into it a bit sir.
“…”
“Very well, I’ll inform my boss about it and I’ll get to your problem right away”
Shopkeeper: thank you sir
Lulio: huh…very well then, it’ll be well worth your time I believe…
“Thank you sir”
Lulio: I think you’ll do well…Akano
Elock: bursting into the slave home owned by the shop keep Woo! Man that was nerve wracking, for a second I thought he was gonna catch on!
Thoughts: Alright! Now! Time to get on with this operation! Augustine’s counting on me and I can’t let him down!
plops down next to fellow slave
Elock: whispers hey!
Slave: eh?
Elock: um…I- words dying in her throat
Slave: …
Elock: ah- mm… you wanna get out of here?
Thoughts: Why did I say that?! I’m so stupid!
Slave: …you know they’re gonna send us back here again instantly right? Cute dream but it’s just that: a fantasy. gets up and leaves
Elock: hey, wai- sad sigh
next day
Another slave: Nice fantasy…leaves
Elock: getting demoralized
Slave: potentially losing my life by going with your outlandish proposal is a risk I’d rather not take.
Elock: defeated
the next day
Shopkeeper: Hello again sir! Another project I presume?
A: yup! I’d like to take the same slave again, she really made the work quick.
Shopkeeper: good choice! rings bell ELOCK! Get your ass over here! The nice gentlemen wants your services again!
Elock: hey A- Sir…
A: Nice to see you again. tosses gold onto the counter and leaves
A: So how'd it go?
Elock: no one was on board with the plan. They all claimed it was insane and had no conceivable way of working!
A: Expected. Not everyone has the same high risk-high reward mindset, c'mon let’s get to Zach first and then we’ll build off from there. teleports
Z: hmmmm I understand, they’re scared, they've only known brutality and slavery their entire lives. They fear that if this goes south, then they’ll be subjected to a fate worse than death itself.
Elock: look of guilt
A: I’m fully aware of the dangers that come with this. But we do get discovered, I’ll gladly take on every army they throw at me if it means that you guys would survive.
Elock: Augustine!
Z: We know how much you wanna help them Augustine, but you don’t have to take on a mountain on your own. We’re both here for you.
A: right…sorry.
Elock: please, it’s alright. We can figure out some other way. Knowing you, you’ll be able to craft something before dinner.
A: I’ll take that as a compliment. Thanks Elock.
Z: Augustine.
A: yes?
Z: Are you familiar with the concept of mental projection?
A: Somewhat, they briefly skimmed over it in training back at the facility. The art of projecting imagery into other people’s mind on the battlefield to mentally erode them.
Z: precisely, but instead of breaking will, we’ll be building it.
A: What are you saying here?
Z: What if instead of trying to get slaves to get on board via words, why don’t we let them see for themselves what waits for them if they comply?
Elock: That’s genius! When they see the paradise that could be in their hands, there’s no way they can turn that down!
A: not a terrible idea, but I don’t think I have the chops to project an image into the mind of every slave in town, my skills in that department are unfortunately pretty lacking.
Z: Why don’t we go to the island again so you can familiarize yourself with the image you’re projecting, then use the mana crystals to give yourself some extra power?
A: Smart move, let’s do it.
exits cabin
A: Alright, time to go.
teleports both of them
A: Okay let’s get down to busine…where are we?
(Instead of being greeted with the base of a mountain range, they were still in the forest. Miles away from the cabin.)
Z: I- I don’t know!
A: I didn’t do anything different! But it’s alright, I remember the direction to go in, we can still fix this.
Elock: Alright then.
10 minutes of walking later
A: Get a move on Zach! We’re almost there! Shouldn’t be much farther!
Z: Hah…I- losing his breath how are you- how are you 2 still so energetic?
Elock: I’m a leopard. I'm meant to be agile!
A: This anti magic field’s edge shouldn’t be more than a few more minutes away! We should be out in about…NOBODY MOVE!
Elock and Zach: freezes in place What's wrong?
A: …we’re not alone. Someone else is here!
Elock: I don’t hear or smell anyone else besides you guys. Are you sure?
A: Yes I’m sure! I can sense another source of energy here!
???: I would say I’m impressed that you managed to detect me since I pride myself on being able to move like a shadow…but I sort of expected this with talent like yours.
Akano: Hello Augustine, been a while hasn’t it?
A: Akano? What’re you doing here…
Akano: boss sent me to hunt you down, anonymous source requested it.
Augustine thoughts: No doubt it was that shopkeeper.
Akano: Now since we’ve spent some time together, I’ll give you 2 choices. You can drop your sword and come back with us unharmed, or I paint this forest a lovely shade of red with your blood an-
A: Bring it on…
Akano: hm. As you wish…
~~~~~
Akano dashes towards Augustine with lightning speed, expecting to end this quickly.
Akano: WIND GALE CUT!
An explosion sends a strong gust of cutting air across the forest. Zach and Elock took refuge behind a thick tree, powerless to do a damn thing to help.
Akano: oh ho! Quick on your feet are you?
Augustine who dodged into a tree: guess you can say that.
Akano: Well, I guess it’s time to turn this up a notch! pulls a strange amulet, with a large red gem resting in a gold frame
Augustine: hm?
Akano: Master Lulio entrusted me with this and I won’t let him down!
The amulet begins to glow once Akano puts it around his neck, The energy being given off was palpable from a mile away, to the point it could be severed with a knife.
Akano: CURSED GALE FURY!
The attack sends multiple large scale wind slices through out the area, yet even with this jump in power, Augustine doesn’t seem fazed with him perfectly dodging and blocking every slash as Akano watched, perplexed
Augustine: Your display of power is impressive. I'll give you that.
Akano: Keep talking little brat, the power contained within this amulet is beyond even your understanding!
Augustine: Oh really? What evidence do you have to back that theory up?
Akano: WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY?!
“What I’m saying is that even though you claim that this amulet is never before seen, you haven’t managed to land a single hit yet.” Augustine sneers.
Akano: beginning to seeth in rage
Augustine: In fact…you seem to be the most injured one so far…
Right on que, a small cut appears on Akano’s face as he looks up to see that Augustine blade is stained with his blood with a small smirk beginning to form on his face.
Akano: …You’re dead meat…
Akano launches towards the tree as Augustine simply leaps into another tree as it gets cut down, Akano sends jets of cutting wind at Augustine but he simply blocks or avoids them with seemingly zero effort. What confuses Akano even more is why he isn’t fighting back, with the worst attack he’s thrown so far being a small cut.
Akano: What’s wrong?! WHERE’S ALL THE TALK NOW HUH?!
Augustine: still dodging …
Akano: SPIRALIZING SWORD PIERCE!
Akano attempts to piledrive Augustine with his sword and successfully impales him through the chest.
Akano: GOTCHA! THIS IS THE EN-
The Augustine on his sword dematerialized as the real Augustine appears next to him
Augustine: Hey, nice effort.
With a swift kick, Augustine sends Akano flying into the trunk of a tree. Instantly causing him to cough up blood.
Augustine: I never wanted it to end this way, I apologize but this was your own doing.
Akano: barely mustering enough strength to stay conscious don’t think you’ve won yet brat…I’M FAR FROM DONE!
The amulet begins to glow a furious red as Akano leaps into the air, as he prepares to pour every last drop of his remaining strength into this attack as a last ditch effort to take Augustine down.
Elock: Is…is he gonna be alright?!
Z: Augustine has a knack for worming his way out of sticky situations, but I’m nervous even with the power he holds.
Akano: FINAL FLASH FLURRY!
Akano unleashes a maelstrom of erratic sword slashes down towards Augustine, even faster than before. Augustine increases his speed to match but still gets 2 large cuts across his torso and arm. Seeing this Akano smiles and picks up his pace, confident that he would kill him.
Akano: LOOKS LIKE YOU’RE THE INJURED ONE NOW.
Augustine: slightly pressured and tired look from dodging so much
Akano: NORMALLY I’D GIVE YOU A CHOICE TO SURRENDER RIGHT ABOUT NOW! BUT SINCE YOU HAD AN ATTITUDE I'M KILLING YOU RIGHT HERE RIGHT NO-
Akano’s face changes from glee to horror as he watches Augustine blast a tree with a fireball to launch himself to his position. Augustine was now no more than a few feet away from him and there was no way he could raise his sword up to block in time. “This is it” he thinks “This is how I’m gonna go out? Taken out by a boy turned monster?”. Everyone holds their breath as they wait for the killing blow where they watch Augustine raise his sword up to Akano’s neck, waiting for the splatter of blood to rain down on the trees…but it never comes. Instead of beheading Akano, Augustine slams the edge of his sword on the chains of the red amulet, breaking it. The amulet drops towards the forest floor and Akano’s power instantly fizzles out. The amulet clatters onto the ground as Augustine gracefully lands in a tree with Akano falling hard on his side.
Akano: I- trembling and confused at what just happened I’m alive?!
Akano looks up to see Augustine holding his amulet, looking at him, not with rage…but sympathy.
Akano: I’m…Why didn’t you kill me?!
Augustine: Because I’m not like you, slaughtering people just to fuel your own ego.
Zach and Elock observe the confrontation, in awe.
Akano: Don’t come at me with that moral high ground! And I’m not done yet! grips sword
Before Akano could draw his blade, Augustine appeared in front of him holding a device in his hands.
Augustine: So this was the reason why I couldn’t teleport. slashing the black, rune carved tablet into bits
Akano: …feeling panic wash over him
Augustine: Just…do something for me alright?
Akano: looks on with confusion
Augustine: Just…try to be a better person after you get out.
Before Akano could question what he meant by “get out” Augustine pressed his finger onto Akano’s forehead and at that moment, Akano felt something he hadn’t felt in a long time: relief, like all the burdens of working for the grand Templar suddenly couldn’t touch him anymore. Still in this feeling, Augustine focused his energy into Akano, teleporting him away. Akano awoke on a strange beach, confused.
Akano: gah…what…happened? What did he even do? That sensation, it felt…good. Now where am I-
Basitin: HALT!
Akano: ah!
Basitin 1: How did you get on our island stranger?
Basitin 2: take him to the king, he’ll know what to do.
Akano: Basitin…KING?!
~~~~~
Augustine: sigh of relief with his wounds almost done regenerating That was scary, I’ve never been in a real fight before, he was stronger than I thought he’d be. turns to Zach and Elock you guys alright?
Z: Augustine…That was…
A: what? Why are you looking at me like tha-
Elock: INCREDIBLE! pounces on him the way you effortlessly dodged almost all of his attacks was so cool! And the way you took him down was just like in the fantasy books!
Z: Elock let go! You’re gonna squeeze him to death!
Elock: oh! Sorry!
A: It's alright, though maybe I should stop performing those feats in front of you then.
Z: So Augustine, where should we head now? A clearing with torn up trees isn’t exactly what I call subtle.
A: They’re gonna come looking for him by following his amulet’s energy signal. Disposing of it is what we should do, but there are some properties of it that I wanna explore so… grabs his sword and smashes the gem, taking a small chunk to observe at the cabin
A: alright let’s get this out of here. focusing his energy onto the amulet, he teleported it away to a place that no one would find it. No one at all. No sir
Smol basitin child: Hey! What’s this shiny red rock?
Another child: don’t know.
Smol basitin: whoa! It shoots fire, and the warmth feels so nice and…intoxicating…
A: They still might find this carnage though, heading back for the day I think is the better idea.
Z: well if you say so then.
A: Luckily with that device destroyed, I can teleport again.
Elock: let’s get out of here then!
A: very well. teleports
later that night
Z: Augustine you doing alright?
A: yes I’m fine, tomorrow it’ll look like these injuries were never there.
Z: No I was talking about your feelings, I thought you’d be demoralized after that attack.
A: quite the opposite actually, it felt good letting some of my feelings out in that battle.
Z: I see. I was expecting you to actually kill him, but was surprised when you just broke his necklace.
A: Guess the memory 2 guards I slayed in the facility during the escape still burned a bit.
Z: I understand.
Augustine’s thoughts: goes back to a conversation he had with Elock years ago
~~~~~~
Young Elock: Augustine, how do you define a hero?
Young Augustine: hm?
Young Elock: I read a lot of fantasy and mythology books about epic battles and legendary heroes, what’s a hero to you?
Young Augustine: That's a pretty subjective question but I don’t think I’m the right person to answer that. I’ve always defined heroes as people who can take the villain down and nothing more.
Young Elock: I guess you can say that.
Young Augustine: So how do you define a hero Elock? Might as well get a second opinion.
Young Elock: Oh! Um! I’ve always believed that heroes are people who can both save the day, and send the villains down the brighter path. Not through power but through words, not simply killing them.
Young Augustine: Huh…that’s a new concept, pretty cool. I’ll give it some thought.
Young Elock: Thanks!
~~~~~~
“Am I really a hero doing this?”
Elock: Augustine. You ok? You look lost.
A: snaps back huh? Oh right, sorry I was daydreaming.
Elock: disappointed that the plan failed?
A: I- yeah I suppose so.
“Well perhaps I can help with that”
A: Who said that?!
Z: Elock was that you?
Elock: I didn’t say that.
“It was me!”
Everyone looks around the cabin to see who’s talking.
“Oh my masks…HEY! IDIOTS! DOWN HERE!”
Everyone looks down to see…a white cat?
Z: a cat?
Elock: awwww! It’s so cute!
A: Oh it's you again. Hey there.
Z: Wait Augustine was this the weird cat I saw in the forest a while back?!
“Have some respect, Doctor! I’ll have you know that I have the ability to take your insides to the outside!”
Z: Who the hell are you anyways? And what are you doing here?! And how are you creepily talking inside my head?!
“Well if you insist”
“My name is Nora, or Lady Nora”
Z: shudders L- Lady Nora?! PLEASE FORGIVE MY RUDENESS!
Nora: oh please, get up from the floor already! Do you seriously deal with this guy everyday?
A: Normally he’s calm and collected. Guess in the presence of superiority he’s pretty shy.
Nora: typical humans.
Elock: Excuse me, lady Nora! But what are you doing here? Don’t you have more important business to take care of?
Nora: Dragon duties get pre-tty boring after a while, so I’m always looking for new stuff to do.
Elock: but that only answers one question! What are you doing here?
Nora: to help…duh.
Elock: really?
A: huh?
Z: what?
Nora: Yeah, I’m here to help. What?
Z: Is this a trick?! Are you waiting for us to reveal our plans to you just for you to tell the grand Templar?!
Nora: Are you deaf? I JUST SAID I'M HELPING YOU! And besides! I already know about your plan! Jeez your mind is easy to peek into!
A: Why are you helping though? Surely there are more interesting things you could be doing…not that we’re turning down your offer though.
Nora: Why does anyone do anything? When you get to my age everything’s pretty boring.
A: yeah…don’t think we’ll be getting there anytime soon. But how do you plan on helping? I mean I get how much power you hold but what can you do to benefit us?
Nora: You'll know it when the time comes. I’ll need a few days…and also! manifests a key out of nowhere for your buddy’s collar over there.
A: Oh! Thank you! Elock! You’re free now!
Elock: picks up Nora and presses her against her face Thank youuuuuuuu!
Nora: ACK! Get off me! I know you’re happy but limit the physical touch!
A: how’d you even get the key anyways? I thought that the shopkeeper held the sole copy!
Nora: oh! It was simple really, just made him a deal where for the key I show him uhh ahem a “pleasurable” fantasy if you know what I mean.
A: oh…OH…
Nora: right…anyways. I’ll be ready when you guys need me. Once you get your crap together I’ll be ready.
Z: very well then.
June 20th, 327
~~~~~
Zach wakes up to see Augustine sitting at his desk, tinkering with the red crystal sample seemingly puzzled and intrigued at once. Elock is still asleep on the bed as Augustine let her have it.
Z: what’cha doing there?
A: oh! Hey Zach! I’m just testing this sample I got from Akano’s amulet and it’s pretty interesting. First off, the size of the crystal never seems to shift no matter how much I use it, with me charging energy into one of our slabs of steak and the crystal never changes size at all! What I’m more curious about is the steak. I used my sword to cut it and to my amazement it started healing the cut right before my eyes, so in essence I imbued that piece of meat with my regenerative properties! Unfortunately it didn’t last long as the high amount of energy destroyed the steak’s cells and quite literally liquifying it!
Z: interesting…
A: But that does raise some red flags unfortunately…
Z: why’s tha- oh…you don’t mean…
A: yeah…that means that one day…I might befall the same fate. But when? I don’t know. And I don’t wanna think about it.
~~~~~~~~~
To be continued…

i know this is not a replacement of seeing a vet but we have issues on getting to a vet at the moment so i have a question about both of my two cats so be in for a read (my mums on hold with the animal toxicity line for one) nobody in my house drives, the closest vet open is two hours away by transit, i’ve done prenursing so im not scared to check the kittys out
our lovely cat C who is 3 years old tabby from the farm up north we dunno his actual breed, he is neutered, he is in the video- is uncontrollably drooling. He isn’t an outdoor cat but is allowed in the garage and on the balcony. He doesn’t seem lethargic but for the past day or so he’s been salivating like crazy. Nothing seems to be in his mouth, but he also is really like lovey out of the blue?
our other cat. nothing is clearly wrong with him and i don’t think a picture would do him any justice here. He is a black tuxedo cat of 8 years, and is neutered. He won’t jump up onto things, and when he did last night he stumbled, but he can jump down from places he’s put up on? is cat vertigo a thing or is it something to die tin both of their ears at this point? I’ve read ear mites can cause salivation etc and misbalance- Im urging my mom to let me bud to the vet tomorrow when it is open despite me undergoing surgery more or less today. I’ve been in tears non stop, all day, this is the icing to the cake. Also, any natural remedys or ways i can asses my kitty at home? I know at this point even trying to fit a vet that would come to me for an extra fee would be worth it, or begging my mum to use uber; but her anxiety over the cats right now and life in general is making her physically ill, so again it would have to be me.
i need guidance on how to handle this at the very least

I 23 F and my bf 23 M have been in a relationship for three years and I have never had an orgasm During sex. It often leaves me feeling very frustrated to the point where I can cry. the thing is that I have discussed this issue with him multiple times in the past but nothing has ever really changed. This did make him insecure I think. He is very closed off when it comes to the topic of sex.
He is my first relationship and the only person I have ever had sex with so I don’t know what is normal and what is not. What I do know is that he does not even really try to make me come. And this sometimes makes me feel kind of used if that makes senses. Because after we have sex he just turns around and goes go sleep. I am not a living sex doll and have wants and needs too.
Which is also sort of an issue for me everything is new and I am curious about sex and trying out things like toys and different locations. Every time I try to bring this topic up he can’t give me a serious answer or just gets annoyed and shuts me down. So I don’t know how to go about it. Everything else is perfect and I love him so much but I am just left with so many what ifs. I hear and read about mind blowing sex and I would love to experience that but I feel like I will never have that if it stays like this.
So, how do I bring up this topic without making him feel insecure but also really letting him know that I feel like I am missing out.

I was sitting with my colleage and we were talking about an employee who caused us problems, then I got up to do some working but I was shocked when I heard one of them lower his voice and I felt him talking about me, then as if he noticed that I had not moved that far so he raises his voice and said something about work... after that I felt like it was awkward between us and I left, the next day I talked to them like I always do .... I wanted to confront them but I hesitated since I felt there is nothing to confront them with since I already feel bad about talking about that employee and they would said that I'm probably just like them talking behind someone else... Also afraid that they think of me as a bad employee like the one we were talking about...
This still makes me questioned myself, and I want to know how they see me or if I did or said something wrong... That woulden't bothered me if I didn't think I was close to them, I thought we were in a good term, I never talked bad about them even when they were in the wrong, and I thought they liked me This was two weeks ago and still bothers me, and I don't know how to let it go.

First off let me say that I know I can just look up the locations online but I want the experience of actually tracking them down and finding them in game. I did look up Meeshy as a start but don't want a guide beyond that and after finally finding her in game she isn't being any help. When I talk to her all she does is mention Misko's treasure and tell me about the nearest great fairy location, never putting the armor locations on my map the way she's supposed to. Am I supposed to go talk to the great fairy first? I already have all four fairy fountains unlocked so that seems weird that it would make me do that first. I already have the chest piece for all three sets as well as the head for the barbarian set, so is this the problem? If not I'd really like to know how to get hints for the other armor pieces. Is there some secret thing I missed out on? Cause everything I've looked at makes it seem like she should just give you the locations the first time you talk to her.

Hey all. I was diagnosed with provoked vulvodynia about a year ago , which seems to be hormonal bc-related in cause. I’ve been on Yasmin for about 10 years, put on it as a teenager for acne. My gyno recommend coming off the pill and using topical e/t cream.
I first tried coming off the pill end of last year, and was off it for about 2 months before briefly going back on, as my skin started going crazy and I wanted to get a acne routine in place before coming off again. I definitely felt a change hormonally during this time - along with acne, mood felt different, my libido skyrocketed and I did feel my pain lessen (although not completely gone, and also was not in a relationship so couldn’t test how it was during sex, which is when I feel pain mostly).
I went back on pill while I sorted my skin out for about 2 months, and then came off again. I also, on my gyno’s advice started a myo-inositol supplement for controlling acne.
I’m currently 5 months off pill now and using the combo cream 3-4 times a week and although my pain has gotten lesser, I still do feel stinging/burning on penetration. I remember when I first saw my gyno a q-tip touching the area made me wince, now I don’t have that which is great, but still feel pain during sex which is getting me down. I also have felt no hormonal side effects from coming off pill like I did first time around which makes me think that the inositol is blocking my hormones from balancing? But I’m reluctant to stop it in case my acne comes back full force again :/
Should I give the treatment more time? My period is also not regular yet so I don’t know if I just need more time for my system to balance . Should I try another treatment option? Very confused and looking to hear others experiences!