I couldn't care less force md's
littlelaw
2022.03.31 15:40 iwenttolawschoolonce littlelaw
"For Those Who Couldn’t Care Less About Big Law" - - Aka, for current and former Law School Redditors (who couldn't care less about Big Law, or at least want to crap on Big Law). Ask questions, seek advice, post outlines, etc. But this is NOT a forum for legal advice.
2022.04.28 18:29 hamonkeymonkey monkeyduck
Do what you want I couldn’t care Rule Must have Kermit
2015.12.08 04:05 AmIBig
The place for asking people to read you statistdicks.
2023.03.26 11:14 PsychologicalOne7499 22 [M4F] UK/Anywhere - Postgrad Science student looking for good conversation and seeing where it goes
Hi my name is Harry. I'm 22M from London. Physically I'm 170cm, 80kg, with brown hair, green eyes and glasses.
Interests - I enjoy most if not all genres of music, similarly I play most video games, in terms of TV shows and movies I'm not a fan of soap operas and my taste is less dependent on genres and more on quality. I love watching terrible movies. I also love designing, making and painting models for tabletop games.
Personality - I'm very much introverted until I feel comfortable around someone and have a kind and caring nature.
Goals - At the moment I work in the care sector with people with disabilities but I intend to go and complete a masters in Chemistry next year to eventually work in the field.
What I'm looking for - I'm looking for someone at least 20 years old in terms of personality and appearance I don't care about those so long as you're genuine and have Interests.
If you like what you've read drop me a dm and if you want to see what I look like feel free to ask. Thank you for reading this
submitted by PsychologicalOne7499 to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]
Interests - I enjoy most if not all genres of music, similarly I play most video games, in terms of TV shows and movies I'm not a fan of soap operas and my taste is less dependent on genres and more on quality. I love watching terrible movies. I also love designing, making and painting models for tabletop games.
Personality - I'm very much introverted until I feel comfortable around someone and have a kind and caring nature.
Goals - At the moment I work in the care sector with people with disabilities but I intend to go and complete a masters in Chemistry next year to eventually work in the field.
What I'm looking for - I'm looking for someone at least 20 years old in terms of personality and appearance I don't care about those so long as you're genuine and have Interests.
If you like what you've read drop me a dm and if you want to see what I look like feel free to ask. Thank you for reading this
2023.03.26 11:10 rudy_dsouza Unpopular opinion - gale had it coming
Real talk - Gale deserved to be shot in the head
He understands what he is doing. He acts and dresses all innocent but when your standing in an underground supervillain lair with a cartel kingpin, after discussing and watching it be excavated for however long, it is no stretch of the imagination that he would have started to fully comprehend the ramifications of what he was doing. By the episode "winner" in BCS, Gus has dropped his smiley facade, and all pretense of doing favours for an old friend has long since gone. Gus is undoubtedly an evil man, and gale, despite acting like a child, is not stupid. Gale cooks the purest meth the continent had seen, second only to Walter white. His justification of doing it "for the chemistry" is pure BS. Gale wants the kick of being the best in his field, an admirable trait, but conciously chooses to sell his soul to Gus and corner the meth market. There is no need for him to cook meth, he just does it because fuck it, why not, he likes chemistry. The sort of naive innocence he pretends to have shows not that he has a good heart, but more that he couldn't give less of a fuck about who's out there smoking the deathsticks he's making. There is allot to be said for someone who chooses to excel in that particular field. With his skills he could have worked for grey matter, or the litany of other pharmaceutical companies that exist within the breaking bad universe. He could have done anything, but chose to go meth or go home, a wholey unnecessary choice. Yes, it is mentioned that he was given a scholarship to a prestigious university with the aid of Gus fring, but Gus would not coerce someone with moral scruples into cooking meth, they'd be a liability. He knew gale deep down had the stomach for it, and offered him a very wrong kind of existential satisfaction
He's an oddball, a great colleague, and has a winning smile. But cookiness can only carry you so far. I understand Jesse being torn up on the inside about killing someone, but he was doing the world a favour.
submitted by rudy_dsouza to breakingbad [link] [comments]
He understands what he is doing. He acts and dresses all innocent but when your standing in an underground supervillain lair with a cartel kingpin, after discussing and watching it be excavated for however long, it is no stretch of the imagination that he would have started to fully comprehend the ramifications of what he was doing. By the episode "winner" in BCS, Gus has dropped his smiley facade, and all pretense of doing favours for an old friend has long since gone. Gus is undoubtedly an evil man, and gale, despite acting like a child, is not stupid. Gale cooks the purest meth the continent had seen, second only to Walter white. His justification of doing it "for the chemistry" is pure BS. Gale wants the kick of being the best in his field, an admirable trait, but conciously chooses to sell his soul to Gus and corner the meth market. There is no need for him to cook meth, he just does it because fuck it, why not, he likes chemistry. The sort of naive innocence he pretends to have shows not that he has a good heart, but more that he couldn't give less of a fuck about who's out there smoking the deathsticks he's making. There is allot to be said for someone who chooses to excel in that particular field. With his skills he could have worked for grey matter, or the litany of other pharmaceutical companies that exist within the breaking bad universe. He could have done anything, but chose to go meth or go home, a wholey unnecessary choice. Yes, it is mentioned that he was given a scholarship to a prestigious university with the aid of Gus fring, but Gus would not coerce someone with moral scruples into cooking meth, they'd be a liability. He knew gale deep down had the stomach for it, and offered him a very wrong kind of existential satisfaction
He's an oddball, a great colleague, and has a winning smile. But cookiness can only carry you so far. I understand Jesse being torn up on the inside about killing someone, but he was doing the world a favour.
2023.03.26 11:08 KingoftheRednecks Spears Among the Stars, ch 24
First/Prev
Mogan would have thought a beach-side wedding would be a more romantic affair, and perhaps for them it was. For the tribe, it was a sign that the next generation would be wildly different from the one before it. In few cases would it be this extreme, but Mogan wondered if they would know anything like the hunts and the gathering trips he grew up with.
Perhaps, on the other hand, it was a sign of life, something to counteract the death that had surrounded the tribe for months. Perhaps the problems were really eased, or perhaps Mogan thought so since he didn't have to deal with as many of them.
Not that there weren't problems, here and there. The prohibition on fighting carried outside the tribe—otherwise, how would disputes get settled?--and so there were a dozen duels, two of them resulting in deaths. It seemed that the use of laser pistols, starting with both weapons holstered, was becoming popular, and while this was slightly less dangerous than microflinted spearheads, it was considerably moreso than knives, which were the usual weapon of choice. Then again, one of those deaths came from knives, modern knives with monomolecular edges.
On the other hand, medicine was so different here that nearly anything short of “dead before he hit the ground” was curable. Infection was a thing of the past, and while Mogan had treated infected wounds and outbreaks that swept through the village, thanks to his own implant he had never gotten sick. It was seen as one of his “blessings,” that the spirits of disease were frightened to touch him, and it was taken for granted that Ellisan never got sick either.
For that matter, perhaps fifty women were with child when they left their planet, and not a single woman had died in childbirth. That was a new thing, one which confounded every shaman. Everyone knew that a woman's first birth was the most dangerous day of her life, and for this to no longer be a danger at all was a sign that the San were definitely on the way to better things.
He was right in what he'd suggested to Ellisan, in that the minor explosions were more a result of stress than excess. He himself hadn't touched a woman since Hyeshi, not in anything approaching lust, but he suspected that were it not for that, and were he a younger man he might well be out there himself, appreciating the planet's bounty.
But instead of growing, the fuss died down, and while there were still a few who insisted on drinking too much, control of the budget helped to ease that back as well.
Chadnov, amusingly, had settled into the life of a married man. Ellisan had told him that he'd even asked her quietly for advice on what would make a pregnancy easier. Mogan wasn't sure how serious the man was, but he hadn't been responsible for any of the messes that Mogan had had to clean up, so that was a good sign.
Perhaps even better was that they had spent some time talking. He had seen some marriages—especially ones that started with a child on the way like this one had, where the two of them went months learning about each other in the physical sense without having any discussions about what they were and wanted. Perhaps Chadnov was wiser than Mogan had given him credit for.
And Mogan, in turn, had more time to relax. He never got used to the vehicles, but he was able to swim and to spend time walking among the prettier parts of the city, to try different foods and drinks, and sometimes to just sit on the beach like an indulgent father and watch his people enjoy themselves.
He wasn't the only one who spent time working. Many of them tried to find more information—the stealthiest of the fore-runners were picked to look over the barracks, and others were sent to befriend soldiers and see if they would talk. Ellisan insisted on doing some of it herself. Mogan didn't much like it, but she could pass for Sylfa, especially with cosmetics making her look older, and Mogan did trust her more than the Sylfa poachers with them. He didn't truly think they would betray the tribe, but they weren't part of it, and the people of the San were not their people.
That was why it was a surprise when somewhere around the third week Chadnov wandered over in a way that he probably thought looked casual, sipping one of his now-rare drinks.
“Good eve, Chadnov.” Mogan nodded, thinking. “How is family life treating you?”
“It's a surprise... but how do you do it? How do you live, never seeing her?”
Mogan paused, blinking back tears that he certainly didn't expect. “It's... it's not easy, Chadnov. We... we knew what would happen. I had to disappear, or they would hunt me down, and our daughter to. And she had to show elsewhere, or else they would have looked for her and found us. She landed the shuttle, I carried Ellisan off.... then we turned around to look, and she wasn't there.”
“All this time, I thought you were lucky, blessed more than any of us. It's the opposite, isn't it?”
Mogan stared at the horizon as it tried to crash down on him. Their last few days. The moment when she came back from her meeting with the captain—Shirfa, his name was, but they called him Shircha, Captain Cloaca, because “asshole” just didn't go far enough—when she let them know that she had failed and humanity was declared a non-sapient species. The months they'd spent together, bittersweet months when they'd toured the Sovereignty and also knew that it would tear them apart.
“That's neither here nor there,” Mogan said roughly. “Has something gone wrong?”
“No,” said Chadnov. “We're, uh.. we're actually doing well.” The fact that he had to be defensive about that said that Mogan had failed to hide his feelings as well as he had hoped.
“Please,” Chadnov said. “Be silent and listen.”
Mogan bristled for a moment—this was a hunter in disgrace because of his own dumb decisions, after all. But he paused, and with an effort of will, he didn't respond to the command with any insults. “Alright, Chadnov... Speak then. I'll listen, and I'll try to understand.”
Chadnov nodded. “You wonder how it happened, right? I saw some of you looking at her—she has no chest, she has no hips, her legs are just strange—none of you find her sexy, and... really, I don't either. But we talked, every night around the fires, and she and I sort of have the same place, the same role. She stands in the Sovereignty the same way I stand among the San. Not really insulted, but not really respected, either.”
“Look, I'm... I'm not a smart man. I'm... I'm not like you and Ellisan and Burya, I don't always just... know what I should do and do it because I should; I just... try. I know you think I married her because I can't lead anything if I don't... but I can't lead anything if I do either. Everybody knows... I'm very strong and not very smart; I'll never lead a war party or a hunting party or one of these new units, and sometimes I'm angry about that but I think if I did I would get people hurt.. I can't just... somehow come up with the right way, like you guys can. That's magic to me, just like these implants were magic pebbles once to you and the laser rifles were magic firesticks.”
He took a deep breath. “I'm sorry if I caused trouble for everyone else. I'm trying to make it right—by her, not just by you—but sometimes I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. Maybe I'm the kind of guy tradition is made for. I guess there aren't any real decisions to make if tradition makes them for me, right? That's OK—I'm... not good at making decisions. This way I can let all the wise men for generations back make them for me. And they're wiser than me—by the Frozen Valley, maybe everybody's wiser than me—so they're probably right even if it doesn't make sense to me, right?”
“I'm going to be a father, and I never really thought of that. Not smart, I know—I poked everyone that came close enough; I knew I'd be a father someday, but I just let that be in the future somewhere. But then again, I'm not smart, so I try not to stab myself about it; I can't do what I can't do.”
Mogan nodded. “I think I understand, Chadnov. Believe me, I've felt foolish more than once when I first came to the stars. Nothing made sense to me at all. Besides that, I'm a craftsman. I'm the best craftsman I've ever seen... and then they showed me a machine that can make anything. Right away, perfectly. I think I understand how you feel.”
“Maybe,” Chadnov said, “But I've always been like that. I guess I'm lucky—everybody knew I... wasn't good at thinking stuff through. They didn't expect me to. You came back and all of a sudden they expected you to know everything.”
Mogan chuckled drily. “And you call yourself dumb. You're a good man, Chadnov, and you'll be a good husband.”
“I... thank you, Shaman. That's what I'm focusing on right now. But Karshta and I were talking...”
“That's good. Talking with each other, learning about each other, that's a good start to a marriage.”
“I hope so. But she was talking about how the soldiers didn't really want to be here, and how they were happy for an excuse to get away from this. And I was thinking.... And I'm not good at thinking, I know it. But I had this idea. My ideas are bad ideas, everybody tells me that, but I thought, maybe I'd tell you this one, and you could decide for me.”
“Maybe you're judging your cast a little short before you throw, Chadnov. But what were you thinking?”
“Well, the soldiers at the barracks, they don't want to be here. Karshta says that everybody thought this would be a vacation, but the Governess made them run around out in the woods hunting down people they don't really care about. They want to be relaxing out here on the beach like us, not walking all day every day, especially because, well....”
Mogan chuckled. “Because they really can't.”
“Yes, but nobody wants to spend their time like that. So Karshta and I talked, and we thought... I'm sure this is a stupid idea—go ahead and laugh, but I have to say it just in case... What if we just... went to the barracks and asked them to leave? Just.... give them some sovereigns and tell them they can go somewhere else if they say “I surrender”?”
Chadnov flinched and almost fell off his chair—or bed, Mogan was really still not sure—as Mogan leaped to his feet.
“Ellisan! Get the elders, now!”
submitted by KingoftheRednecks to HFY [link] [comments]
Mogan would have thought a beach-side wedding would be a more romantic affair, and perhaps for them it was. For the tribe, it was a sign that the next generation would be wildly different from the one before it. In few cases would it be this extreme, but Mogan wondered if they would know anything like the hunts and the gathering trips he grew up with.
Perhaps, on the other hand, it was a sign of life, something to counteract the death that had surrounded the tribe for months. Perhaps the problems were really eased, or perhaps Mogan thought so since he didn't have to deal with as many of them.
Not that there weren't problems, here and there. The prohibition on fighting carried outside the tribe—otherwise, how would disputes get settled?--and so there were a dozen duels, two of them resulting in deaths. It seemed that the use of laser pistols, starting with both weapons holstered, was becoming popular, and while this was slightly less dangerous than microflinted spearheads, it was considerably moreso than knives, which were the usual weapon of choice. Then again, one of those deaths came from knives, modern knives with monomolecular edges.
On the other hand, medicine was so different here that nearly anything short of “dead before he hit the ground” was curable. Infection was a thing of the past, and while Mogan had treated infected wounds and outbreaks that swept through the village, thanks to his own implant he had never gotten sick. It was seen as one of his “blessings,” that the spirits of disease were frightened to touch him, and it was taken for granted that Ellisan never got sick either.
For that matter, perhaps fifty women were with child when they left their planet, and not a single woman had died in childbirth. That was a new thing, one which confounded every shaman. Everyone knew that a woman's first birth was the most dangerous day of her life, and for this to no longer be a danger at all was a sign that the San were definitely on the way to better things.
He was right in what he'd suggested to Ellisan, in that the minor explosions were more a result of stress than excess. He himself hadn't touched a woman since Hyeshi, not in anything approaching lust, but he suspected that were it not for that, and were he a younger man he might well be out there himself, appreciating the planet's bounty.
But instead of growing, the fuss died down, and while there were still a few who insisted on drinking too much, control of the budget helped to ease that back as well.
Chadnov, amusingly, had settled into the life of a married man. Ellisan had told him that he'd even asked her quietly for advice on what would make a pregnancy easier. Mogan wasn't sure how serious the man was, but he hadn't been responsible for any of the messes that Mogan had had to clean up, so that was a good sign.
Perhaps even better was that they had spent some time talking. He had seen some marriages—especially ones that started with a child on the way like this one had, where the two of them went months learning about each other in the physical sense without having any discussions about what they were and wanted. Perhaps Chadnov was wiser than Mogan had given him credit for.
And Mogan, in turn, had more time to relax. He never got used to the vehicles, but he was able to swim and to spend time walking among the prettier parts of the city, to try different foods and drinks, and sometimes to just sit on the beach like an indulgent father and watch his people enjoy themselves.
He wasn't the only one who spent time working. Many of them tried to find more information—the stealthiest of the fore-runners were picked to look over the barracks, and others were sent to befriend soldiers and see if they would talk. Ellisan insisted on doing some of it herself. Mogan didn't much like it, but she could pass for Sylfa, especially with cosmetics making her look older, and Mogan did trust her more than the Sylfa poachers with them. He didn't truly think they would betray the tribe, but they weren't part of it, and the people of the San were not their people.
That was why it was a surprise when somewhere around the third week Chadnov wandered over in a way that he probably thought looked casual, sipping one of his now-rare drinks.
“Good eve, Chadnov.” Mogan nodded, thinking. “How is family life treating you?”
“It's a surprise... but how do you do it? How do you live, never seeing her?”
Mogan paused, blinking back tears that he certainly didn't expect. “It's... it's not easy, Chadnov. We... we knew what would happen. I had to disappear, or they would hunt me down, and our daughter to. And she had to show elsewhere, or else they would have looked for her and found us. She landed the shuttle, I carried Ellisan off.... then we turned around to look, and she wasn't there.”
“All this time, I thought you were lucky, blessed more than any of us. It's the opposite, isn't it?”
Mogan stared at the horizon as it tried to crash down on him. Their last few days. The moment when she came back from her meeting with the captain—Shirfa, his name was, but they called him Shircha, Captain Cloaca, because “asshole” just didn't go far enough—when she let them know that she had failed and humanity was declared a non-sapient species. The months they'd spent together, bittersweet months when they'd toured the Sovereignty and also knew that it would tear them apart.
“That's neither here nor there,” Mogan said roughly. “Has something gone wrong?”
“No,” said Chadnov. “We're, uh.. we're actually doing well.” The fact that he had to be defensive about that said that Mogan had failed to hide his feelings as well as he had hoped.
“Please,” Chadnov said. “Be silent and listen.”
Mogan bristled for a moment—this was a hunter in disgrace because of his own dumb decisions, after all. But he paused, and with an effort of will, he didn't respond to the command with any insults. “Alright, Chadnov... Speak then. I'll listen, and I'll try to understand.”
Chadnov nodded. “You wonder how it happened, right? I saw some of you looking at her—she has no chest, she has no hips, her legs are just strange—none of you find her sexy, and... really, I don't either. But we talked, every night around the fires, and she and I sort of have the same place, the same role. She stands in the Sovereignty the same way I stand among the San. Not really insulted, but not really respected, either.”
“Look, I'm... I'm not a smart man. I'm... I'm not like you and Ellisan and Burya, I don't always just... know what I should do and do it because I should; I just... try. I know you think I married her because I can't lead anything if I don't... but I can't lead anything if I do either. Everybody knows... I'm very strong and not very smart; I'll never lead a war party or a hunting party or one of these new units, and sometimes I'm angry about that but I think if I did I would get people hurt.. I can't just... somehow come up with the right way, like you guys can. That's magic to me, just like these implants were magic pebbles once to you and the laser rifles were magic firesticks.”
He took a deep breath. “I'm sorry if I caused trouble for everyone else. I'm trying to make it right—by her, not just by you—but sometimes I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. Maybe I'm the kind of guy tradition is made for. I guess there aren't any real decisions to make if tradition makes them for me, right? That's OK—I'm... not good at making decisions. This way I can let all the wise men for generations back make them for me. And they're wiser than me—by the Frozen Valley, maybe everybody's wiser than me—so they're probably right even if it doesn't make sense to me, right?”
“I'm going to be a father, and I never really thought of that. Not smart, I know—I poked everyone that came close enough; I knew I'd be a father someday, but I just let that be in the future somewhere. But then again, I'm not smart, so I try not to stab myself about it; I can't do what I can't do.”
Mogan nodded. “I think I understand, Chadnov. Believe me, I've felt foolish more than once when I first came to the stars. Nothing made sense to me at all. Besides that, I'm a craftsman. I'm the best craftsman I've ever seen... and then they showed me a machine that can make anything. Right away, perfectly. I think I understand how you feel.”
“Maybe,” Chadnov said, “But I've always been like that. I guess I'm lucky—everybody knew I... wasn't good at thinking stuff through. They didn't expect me to. You came back and all of a sudden they expected you to know everything.”
Mogan chuckled drily. “And you call yourself dumb. You're a good man, Chadnov, and you'll be a good husband.”
“I... thank you, Shaman. That's what I'm focusing on right now. But Karshta and I were talking...”
“That's good. Talking with each other, learning about each other, that's a good start to a marriage.”
“I hope so. But she was talking about how the soldiers didn't really want to be here, and how they were happy for an excuse to get away from this. And I was thinking.... And I'm not good at thinking, I know it. But I had this idea. My ideas are bad ideas, everybody tells me that, but I thought, maybe I'd tell you this one, and you could decide for me.”
“Maybe you're judging your cast a little short before you throw, Chadnov. But what were you thinking?”
“Well, the soldiers at the barracks, they don't want to be here. Karshta says that everybody thought this would be a vacation, but the Governess made them run around out in the woods hunting down people they don't really care about. They want to be relaxing out here on the beach like us, not walking all day every day, especially because, well....”
Mogan chuckled. “Because they really can't.”
“Yes, but nobody wants to spend their time like that. So Karshta and I talked, and we thought... I'm sure this is a stupid idea—go ahead and laugh, but I have to say it just in case... What if we just... went to the barracks and asked them to leave? Just.... give them some sovereigns and tell them they can go somewhere else if they say “I surrender”?”
Chadnov flinched and almost fell off his chair—or bed, Mogan was really still not sure—as Mogan leaped to his feet.
“Ellisan! Get the elders, now!”
2023.03.26 11:08 stupidgirl87 To divorce or not divorce will it get better with help....
this is long and if confusing maybe not the best to post because backstory is needed. I (44,F) have been with my hubby(44,M) for on and off 18 years and there's tons I could unpack why in our 20's we were a mess because he didn't want a gf so I dated other people but we would still hang out and he didn't like I dated but again wouldn't commit....until right before he went away to school and I wanted to go with him but he wasn't ready to move in together (27 at his time w years only dating him) and we broke up officially and I met someone else thought I would have happily ever after with had a child with the new boyfriend and we got married...it didn't last (various reasons but we parted amicably with a plan to share custody) but he never wanted to see our daughter which I hated but because she had so much love with my family I left the door open to see his daughte anytime he wanted he still never did.
one year later when daughter was 1yr old guy who hubby and in in our 30's we became friends again then officially bf gf and he fell in love with my daughter and has raised her as his own. We got married when we were 35 (which funny enough in our 20's that's when he said he wanted to settle down) so 2015 we married he even gave her a ring at our ceremony to show he's marrying not just me but he wants to adopt her and be legal dad. I brought this up to bio dad who didn't seem to care (no more child support)
However right after we got married a year later hubby lost it he had a mental health breakdown and was diagnosed with PTSD and social anxiety and he generally doesn't work well with others so his job was gig work in entertainment industry ...but it got so bad I had to leave
I didn't divorce him right away I was supposed to live with my best friend and her kid like 2 gals going through splits and that turned into a nightmare (let's just say she had low self esteem and dated a guy with 18 DUIs who basically moved in too and I left I wouldn't have my daughter around alcoholics or the first time I met this piece of shit he wanted me to see his d**k and that didn't even phase my ex-bff) Lost the friendship of 12 years too. I knew no one and lost alot of money and possessions moving in with crazy psycho ex bff and her drunk bf and oh his best friend also moved in and slept in their room together like wtf?!? I found a quick place and left...
One year after my now husband and i separated my daughters bio dad died (they had finally reconnected at my now husbands insistence he wanted her to always know she had bio dads family she knows all about her family step brother and sisters) and it hit a nerve I didn't want her "real taking care of her since she was 1yr old" father to end up dead or worse so we reconnected and slowly built our marriage back ( I don't know why I just didn't divorce i had done it before in the other married but maybe my heart wanted him to get the help he needed and he did he started therapy seeing a psych doctor and was back to being the man I loved and married ....
So a year after seeing he was making progress I let him move back in prepandemic and just the pandemic has fucked up so many things like with my daughter she has social anxiety ...my husband also just tries to say he's fine doesn't need certain meds he used to take when we seperated
The reason I'm asking for advise is he refuses now to take anything but an antidepressant and anti anxiety med nothing to help anger at the world issues and mood swings. Or therapy again. This has been ongoing for a year. We fight all the time but are passionate people too so I take blame in fighting too. Lately he has been self medicating with marijuana and checks out for like a week out of the month and he used to be able to smoke when I first met him (he quit when 35 and picked it up again at 43) but now it just makes him sloppy and stupid and then he comes down and gets mean saying I wouldn't let him adopt his daughter I wouldn't go to appointments for mental help....but she gets survivor benefits so I don't know if it's in her best interest for him to legally adopt her that's college money saving every month and it causes nasty comments to be thrown at me about how she's not really his daughter then ofcourse he apologizes and I would go to every appointment but he needs to make them...
After pandemic im the only one working his jobs dried up and hard to get back into. He has tried to get disability for mental health and back issues and they deny him even with a lawyer...I love my job and working so I don't mind picking up extra but I'm tired all the time and he uses it against me.
To add a layer of difficulty we made the decision to have my parents move in with me so they could retire and at the time he was still doing great and supportive and on board knowing my mom also has mental illness that could cause psychosis and sure enough once she retired she got sick but my dad takes care of her and I try to be there for appointments which I would gladly do for him if he would go get help more than Prozac and Xanax he sees a doctor on video because mental health here sucks ...for the last 3 months he's gotten angrier my parents are here and that I work all the time so he's home being stay at home dad which he's awesome at and takes some chores from me like cooking cleaning taking our daughter (15F) to all her school events.
But everyday we fight because he has to be home with my sick mom and that I'm tired and only working all the time. I get it's hard but my dad takes care of her...hubby is just home all day and focused on tHat now. He has said he want to leave but has no where to go...today he says he doesn't like the way I treat him because when he's stoned all it makes me angry like why can't he just wait until night time he'll I would love the chance to some with him at night but can't .....
I have never heard him say he wants a divorce but today I asked if it's too much does he want oneingget thE I have no where to go (he could tell him mom he needs to stay there but won't)
So do I force his hand is it time For divorce because it got so much better and it's almost as as now as it was in 2016.....
Sorry so long let's sum up
TL;DR: hubby of 8 years (on and off relationship since 2004)had mental health breakdown we seperated 2016!he got help meds therapy let him movie back in years later 2018 same issues now are happening again....should I just call his bluff and just divorce?
submitted by stupidgirl87 to marriageadvice [link] [comments]
one year later when daughter was 1yr old guy who hubby and in in our 30's we became friends again then officially bf gf and he fell in love with my daughter and has raised her as his own. We got married when we were 35 (which funny enough in our 20's that's when he said he wanted to settle down) so 2015 we married he even gave her a ring at our ceremony to show he's marrying not just me but he wants to adopt her and be legal dad. I brought this up to bio dad who didn't seem to care (no more child support)
However right after we got married a year later hubby lost it he had a mental health breakdown and was diagnosed with PTSD and social anxiety and he generally doesn't work well with others so his job was gig work in entertainment industry ...but it got so bad I had to leave
I didn't divorce him right away I was supposed to live with my best friend and her kid like 2 gals going through splits and that turned into a nightmare (let's just say she had low self esteem and dated a guy with 18 DUIs who basically moved in too and I left I wouldn't have my daughter around alcoholics or the first time I met this piece of shit he wanted me to see his d**k and that didn't even phase my ex-bff) Lost the friendship of 12 years too. I knew no one and lost alot of money and possessions moving in with crazy psycho ex bff and her drunk bf and oh his best friend also moved in and slept in their room together like wtf?!? I found a quick place and left...
One year after my now husband and i separated my daughters bio dad died (they had finally reconnected at my now husbands insistence he wanted her to always know she had bio dads family she knows all about her family step brother and sisters) and it hit a nerve I didn't want her "real taking care of her since she was 1yr old" father to end up dead or worse so we reconnected and slowly built our marriage back ( I don't know why I just didn't divorce i had done it before in the other married but maybe my heart wanted him to get the help he needed and he did he started therapy seeing a psych doctor and was back to being the man I loved and married ....
So a year after seeing he was making progress I let him move back in prepandemic and just the pandemic has fucked up so many things like with my daughter she has social anxiety ...my husband also just tries to say he's fine doesn't need certain meds he used to take when we seperated
The reason I'm asking for advise is he refuses now to take anything but an antidepressant and anti anxiety med nothing to help anger at the world issues and mood swings. Or therapy again. This has been ongoing for a year. We fight all the time but are passionate people too so I take blame in fighting too. Lately he has been self medicating with marijuana and checks out for like a week out of the month and he used to be able to smoke when I first met him (he quit when 35 and picked it up again at 43) but now it just makes him sloppy and stupid and then he comes down and gets mean saying I wouldn't let him adopt his daughter I wouldn't go to appointments for mental help....but she gets survivor benefits so I don't know if it's in her best interest for him to legally adopt her that's college money saving every month and it causes nasty comments to be thrown at me about how she's not really his daughter then ofcourse he apologizes and I would go to every appointment but he needs to make them...
After pandemic im the only one working his jobs dried up and hard to get back into. He has tried to get disability for mental health and back issues and they deny him even with a lawyer...I love my job and working so I don't mind picking up extra but I'm tired all the time and he uses it against me.
To add a layer of difficulty we made the decision to have my parents move in with me so they could retire and at the time he was still doing great and supportive and on board knowing my mom also has mental illness that could cause psychosis and sure enough once she retired she got sick but my dad takes care of her and I try to be there for appointments which I would gladly do for him if he would go get help more than Prozac and Xanax he sees a doctor on video because mental health here sucks ...for the last 3 months he's gotten angrier my parents are here and that I work all the time so he's home being stay at home dad which he's awesome at and takes some chores from me like cooking cleaning taking our daughter (15F) to all her school events.
But everyday we fight because he has to be home with my sick mom and that I'm tired and only working all the time. I get it's hard but my dad takes care of her...hubby is just home all day and focused on tHat now. He has said he want to leave but has no where to go...today he says he doesn't like the way I treat him because when he's stoned all it makes me angry like why can't he just wait until night time he'll I would love the chance to some with him at night but can't .....
I have never heard him say he wants a divorce but today I asked if it's too much does he want oneingget thE I have no where to go (he could tell him mom he needs to stay there but won't)
So do I force his hand is it time For divorce because it got so much better and it's almost as as now as it was in 2016.....
Sorry so long let's sum up
TL;DR: hubby of 8 years (on and off relationship since 2004)had mental health breakdown we seperated 2016!he got help meds therapy let him movie back in years later 2018 same issues now are happening again....should I just call his bluff and just divorce?
2023.03.26 11:07 Worried_Ad6191 Reflecting on my career in Java, no pun intended.
As I lay in bed at 3 AM riding out Covid with a fever of 99.9 degrees Fahrenheit, I am loathing my employer Cigna, who prefers to hire contractors as apposed to full-time employees, unless you are willing to lick their boots. I was full time before, but attempted to leave seeking greener pastures and a higher hourly rate at Panera (take note here young developer, of the allure of the super high hourly rate, for it will only bring pain to its bearer, like The One Ring, I wish it had not come to me!), only to be met with an unlimited supply of non-technical managers joining standup micromanaging the small amount of developers they had been able to entrap into working there (Thanks Stephanie, I still hate your guts, learn to code or shut up and let those who can get to work).
I returned to Cigna, on request of my previous manager, who unknown to me at the time, was on his way out for reasons I have yet to learn. Upon returning as a contractor, I was not offered PTO, retirement benefits, a bonus, or AFFORDABLE HEALTHCARE. For a single healthy human I have to pay 145 a week for insurance with a 2000 deductible and 5000 in coinsurance, for total potential out of pocket cost of roughly 14k. By the way, this is Cigna insurance, I am being charged by my employer for this outrageous insurance, which I may now how to use.
I have just now been able to realize the scam they are running, using the H1B Visa to create indentured servitude among us. I am one of only three Americans on a team of 17 developers, which is beyond coincidence. I asked a developer on my team about his situation, he is eligible for a green card, but his contracting company will not respond to his requests to start the process.
I also fear that since we are slowing down, and with the exit of my old manager and his replacement not being American that they will send my team’s work to India to join the existing offshore teams.
I remember when I first accepted the role that set me down this path, I had a mountain of student loans, and there were an abundance of java roles being advertised. It seem’d that I only had to reach out and take one and I would be on the road to being able to free myself from my creditors. But now here I am, a maiden-less shut-in on the brink of acquiring medical debt while working a skilled role at a health insurance company if my fever continues to smolder.
I will end my fevered babbling and give my advice:
Find a good company that takes care of those who provide their labor, and don’t leave. A high hourly rate is here one day and gone tomorrow, just like your health, so don’t waste it as a commodified entity.
Avoid corporate java roles, you will come to regret this easy money, you will be seen as a commodified entity, and you will be jerked around by some ass hole in a golf polo on the east coast.
submitted by Worried_Ad6191 to cscareerquestions [link] [comments]
I returned to Cigna, on request of my previous manager, who unknown to me at the time, was on his way out for reasons I have yet to learn. Upon returning as a contractor, I was not offered PTO, retirement benefits, a bonus, or AFFORDABLE HEALTHCARE. For a single healthy human I have to pay 145 a week for insurance with a 2000 deductible and 5000 in coinsurance, for total potential out of pocket cost of roughly 14k. By the way, this is Cigna insurance, I am being charged by my employer for this outrageous insurance, which I may now how to use.
I have just now been able to realize the scam they are running, using the H1B Visa to create indentured servitude among us. I am one of only three Americans on a team of 17 developers, which is beyond coincidence. I asked a developer on my team about his situation, he is eligible for a green card, but his contracting company will not respond to his requests to start the process.
I also fear that since we are slowing down, and with the exit of my old manager and his replacement not being American that they will send my team’s work to India to join the existing offshore teams.
I remember when I first accepted the role that set me down this path, I had a mountain of student loans, and there were an abundance of java roles being advertised. It seem’d that I only had to reach out and take one and I would be on the road to being able to free myself from my creditors. But now here I am, a maiden-less shut-in on the brink of acquiring medical debt while working a skilled role at a health insurance company if my fever continues to smolder.
I will end my fevered babbling and give my advice:
Find a good company that takes care of those who provide their labor, and don’t leave. A high hourly rate is here one day and gone tomorrow, just like your health, so don’t waste it as a commodified entity.
Avoid corporate java roles, you will come to regret this easy money, you will be seen as a commodified entity, and you will be jerked around by some ass hole in a golf polo on the east coast.
2023.03.26 11:06 FishyBiller Is AliExpress actually safe to order from in the uk?
They always seem to be so much cheaper than everywhere else on google, and according to google, AliExpress is safe, because factory labour is much cheaper in china, so they just charge much less? Can I order from AliExpress or not? I don't care about delivery time, just can i order safely, or is it a scam?
submitted by FishyBiller to NoStupidQuestions [link] [comments]
2023.03.26 11:05 KittenDealinMama My mother hates me for telling my sister the truth
Originally posted by u/feisty-art9149 in TrueOffMyChest on March 19th, updated as an edit undated.
Trigger Warning: Child neglect, mentions of mental health struggles and self harm
Original post
My mother hates me for telling my sister the truth.
I want to preface this with an apology if it’s all over the place. There’s so much information to sort through and decide what does or doesn’t have a place here. I will reply to what I can and make edits for any common questions/ remarks.
So a little (or a lot) of background is required for this to make any sense. Many years ago my mother had an affair that completely blew up our family. I suppose the affair was the lesser issue, but rather all her other actions that screwed many of us over. For context I was 10, my younger sister was 7/8 and my older sister almost 14- all female.
To start with, in the years prior, my mother had taken out tens of thousands of dollars in loans and credit cards in my dads name, of which he was never aware of. Ignorant, absolutely, but she had always managed all finances while a SAHM. She also managed to make 5 years of GST payments disappear from the business account, for which dad was then charged with two charges (around 100K in fines) of tax evasion on top of the missed payments.
All three of us kids had a bank account set up from young, which our dad had added to so that we would be in a positive position when we were older- for University, or a house deposit, whatever it was that we desired. Being saving orientated even as a kid, I had chosen to put 100% of any money earnt through chores or gifted for birthdays into the account. At 14 when I began working and gained access to net banking I realised mum had drained my account, less $50… only my account.
If that wasn’t enough, her own mother had stored a sum of money in my parents safe that was intended for her funeral. My mother took every last dollar and refused to pay it back- my dad paid it back with interest when he found out.
Due to the tricky financial situation, dad had to travel for work, wherever the trade was needed in that moment. Typically he would leave in the early hours of Monday morning and return on Saturday afternoon. In this time my mother felt it appropriate to leave us at home so that she could visit the affair partner, usually not coming home for days at a time. Nobody knew- we had no carers or access to resource as we lived a 20 minute drive to the nearest town/stores.
This went on for a few weeks before my mum (sometimes) contacted our cousin to come stay with us while she was out… To this day I believe that only happened because the other guy figure out what was going on. Due to timing of people coming and going our dad didn’t know any of this happened to until months later. I kept quiet because I knew he couldn’t afford to stay home.
All this said- I stepped into the parent role. My little sister was kept in the dark as much as possible, I did my best to maintain her same routine so that she felt as little impact as possible. Obviously she suffered, to the point of requesting to sleep in my bed every night for a year, but it seems that she doesn’t remember any of the shitty things that happened back then.
My older sister was very mentally ill, where I had to medicate her each morning and conduct daily body and room checks. Those who know will get what I’m suggesting… To the best of my knowledge our little sister never saw any of this- I didn’t and don’t believe those are subject such little eyes should have to witness. The older sister was also really ashamed and has asked to keep this situation away from the youngest as she had a habit of speaking without realising or knowing the potential damage.
As much as I hated the responsibility, cooking, cleaning, hiding the families dirty laundry; I was also very aware that what was happening wasn’t okay. That if I couldn’t keep it together and matters hidden, that authorities would become involved. Those times were scary but the idea of not having access to and control over what happened to me or my siblings felt like it would be worse.
These are only the first things that come to mind but the details aren’t exactly the point of this post.
Anyway, I guess my younger sister’s soon to be in laws have asked some questions, of which my sister doesn’t have the ability to answer. I would suggest she asked our mother first but the queries would have been shut down. I know she feels guilty, knows that she screwed up, and frankly I hope she never forgives herself for it.
So, little sister came to me and for the first time in 15 years I was willing to give her the answers she was looking for. I’ve always been vague, not wanting to cause her pain, but I’ve started feeling guilty in recent years for not treating her as enough of an adult to make her own decisions. After a loooot of therapy, I have realised that I don’t have to be their parent anymore. My sister cried, I cried, and she apologised for assumption made and words said because she didn’t know any better in the past. She needs and wants time to process a whole lot of information that’s entirely new to her, that has quite literally flipped the way she has perceived many people over the years.
Anywho… she isn’t speaking to our mother right now and that’s where it becomes my problem, I guess. She called me, blowing up, claiming I’ve ruined her relationship with her daughter. That I’m out to get her, resentful without cause and need to stop living in the past. But I don’t see how me being honest about her actions is my fault? Could I have filtered details? Maybe. But I don’t understand why I should have to hold onto the pressure of keeping her shortcomings secret. Maybe it’s time to grow up and pay for the consequences of your actions….
Edit: to add genders.
In the comments:
She’s never taken any responsibility, only made excuses. My favourite was the one for her leaving us to care for ourselves- “you all made it clear you didn’t want to spend time with me”.
.
I feel like she thought she’d gotten away with it at this point and that’s why she’s mad. To be honest I only told my sister for selfish reasons… we’ve only in recent years developed a close relationship and I didn’t want to lose that if she became mad at me for not telling her anything. I know there was always a layer of resentment towards me for “thinking I was the boss of her”. She needed somebody to be mad at and at the time I was okay with that person being me.
.
.
In some ways I think caring for them was all that kept me sane. I was so busy and exhausted by the day to day motions that I didn’t have time to reflect on my own feelings or the situation as a whole. Full survival mode I suppose. I appreciate that, a lot. I tried my best… in hindsight doing for them what I probably needed myself.
.
She was cut out for a very long time. The stolen money (from myself) was the absolute last straw which resulted in me going no contact for about 5 years. Part of me thinks she was glad for that, too, because I’d threatened to press charges against the mystery thief if she didn’t fess up. But because of my sisters age, and her eventually choosing to live with mum, I felt compelled to be civil because I missed my sister. I live 4 hours from my hometown now, so maintaining a healthy distance is really quite easy.
.
She’s 22 now and living with her partner. She and dad never had a strained relationship but after years of living exclusively with him, decided to spend the next few years with mum. Never any bad blood on either end where she’s concerned. They did divorce long ago, and as much as I find it strange, they still have a relatively positive relationship.
The money…. Literally who knows. Never saw a cent returned though! Dad didn’t know she stole from me until 6 ish years ago. Early on he was struggling and I knew he’d try to put the money back if I told him. He knew something had happened for me not to talk to my mother all those years but I hadn’t told him and she sure wasn’t going to.
Recently my husband and I built our first home and he was insistent on cutting “trade swaps” to save money which I strongly feel was his way of repaying her debt to me. He’s a great dad… has his flaws as every human does, but every step he’s taken has been with the intention of his kids not having to want for things as he and his siblings did.
.
I only tolerated her in the past to keep my sister close- I don’t trust our mother to not hurt her in the process of getting what she wants. The partners family aren’t stupid and while they will hand out finance they will never relinquish control of it. If they suspect somebody of having ill intent, they’re cut out of all their lives. Mums husband does pretty well for himself and pays all their living expenses, but knowing her past will not give her unbridled access so she has to work to support her spending habit which is probably where the jealousy comes in.
.
I used to tell my sister that I “don’t really know”, “can’t remember”, or “have only heard snippets of the story”, so not necessarily a lie but definitely deceit by omission.
1st Update:
Aaaand now she’s resorted to posting on Facebook, claiming that one of her “ingrates are spreading rumours to ruin her” JFC 🤦🏼♀️ I don’t even have Facebook, so not really sure what she’s trying to achieve in doing this, but an old family friend called my dad to ask what’s going on. Also, I’m speaking to nobody about the situation? I don’t even live in our hometown!!! If nothing else- she has nothing for me to ruin. No way I’m engaging or sinking to her level but seriously… what a waste of a person. Now the parents are fighting, she’s fighting with her current husband and shit is all around just getting messy. She thinks she’s making people feel sorry for her but mostly she just looks pathetic, if you ask me.
Update 2:
Turns out I REALLY don’t need to sink to her level, that’s been taken care of while I sleep. I guess mums privacy settings aren’t great and that’s working against her. The vague ‘woe is me’ post has been shared by three family members/ friends with a single, but far less cryptic, one liner. I’m told: “oh you mean the ingrate that raised your kids?”, “Should she be more grateful for your affair or the complete and utter abandonment of your three kids” and my absolute favourite (from my granny) “rot in hell you lying thieving bitch”
Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.
submitted by KittenDealinMama to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
Trigger Warning: Child neglect, mentions of mental health struggles and self harm
Original post
My mother hates me for telling my sister the truth.
I want to preface this with an apology if it’s all over the place. There’s so much information to sort through and decide what does or doesn’t have a place here. I will reply to what I can and make edits for any common questions/ remarks.
So a little (or a lot) of background is required for this to make any sense. Many years ago my mother had an affair that completely blew up our family. I suppose the affair was the lesser issue, but rather all her other actions that screwed many of us over. For context I was 10, my younger sister was 7/8 and my older sister almost 14- all female.
To start with, in the years prior, my mother had taken out tens of thousands of dollars in loans and credit cards in my dads name, of which he was never aware of. Ignorant, absolutely, but she had always managed all finances while a SAHM. She also managed to make 5 years of GST payments disappear from the business account, for which dad was then charged with two charges (around 100K in fines) of tax evasion on top of the missed payments.
All three of us kids had a bank account set up from young, which our dad had added to so that we would be in a positive position when we were older- for University, or a house deposit, whatever it was that we desired. Being saving orientated even as a kid, I had chosen to put 100% of any money earnt through chores or gifted for birthdays into the account. At 14 when I began working and gained access to net banking I realised mum had drained my account, less $50… only my account.
If that wasn’t enough, her own mother had stored a sum of money in my parents safe that was intended for her funeral. My mother took every last dollar and refused to pay it back- my dad paid it back with interest when he found out.
Due to the tricky financial situation, dad had to travel for work, wherever the trade was needed in that moment. Typically he would leave in the early hours of Monday morning and return on Saturday afternoon. In this time my mother felt it appropriate to leave us at home so that she could visit the affair partner, usually not coming home for days at a time. Nobody knew- we had no carers or access to resource as we lived a 20 minute drive to the nearest town/stores.
This went on for a few weeks before my mum (sometimes) contacted our cousin to come stay with us while she was out… To this day I believe that only happened because the other guy figure out what was going on. Due to timing of people coming and going our dad didn’t know any of this happened to until months later. I kept quiet because I knew he couldn’t afford to stay home.
All this said- I stepped into the parent role. My little sister was kept in the dark as much as possible, I did my best to maintain her same routine so that she felt as little impact as possible. Obviously she suffered, to the point of requesting to sleep in my bed every night for a year, but it seems that she doesn’t remember any of the shitty things that happened back then.
My older sister was very mentally ill, where I had to medicate her each morning and conduct daily body and room checks. Those who know will get what I’m suggesting… To the best of my knowledge our little sister never saw any of this- I didn’t and don’t believe those are subject such little eyes should have to witness. The older sister was also really ashamed and has asked to keep this situation away from the youngest as she had a habit of speaking without realising or knowing the potential damage.
As much as I hated the responsibility, cooking, cleaning, hiding the families dirty laundry; I was also very aware that what was happening wasn’t okay. That if I couldn’t keep it together and matters hidden, that authorities would become involved. Those times were scary but the idea of not having access to and control over what happened to me or my siblings felt like it would be worse.
These are only the first things that come to mind but the details aren’t exactly the point of this post.
Anyway, I guess my younger sister’s soon to be in laws have asked some questions, of which my sister doesn’t have the ability to answer. I would suggest she asked our mother first but the queries would have been shut down. I know she feels guilty, knows that she screwed up, and frankly I hope she never forgives herself for it.
So, little sister came to me and for the first time in 15 years I was willing to give her the answers she was looking for. I’ve always been vague, not wanting to cause her pain, but I’ve started feeling guilty in recent years for not treating her as enough of an adult to make her own decisions. After a loooot of therapy, I have realised that I don’t have to be their parent anymore. My sister cried, I cried, and she apologised for assumption made and words said because she didn’t know any better in the past. She needs and wants time to process a whole lot of information that’s entirely new to her, that has quite literally flipped the way she has perceived many people over the years.
Anywho… she isn’t speaking to our mother right now and that’s where it becomes my problem, I guess. She called me, blowing up, claiming I’ve ruined her relationship with her daughter. That I’m out to get her, resentful without cause and need to stop living in the past. But I don’t see how me being honest about her actions is my fault? Could I have filtered details? Maybe. But I don’t understand why I should have to hold onto the pressure of keeping her shortcomings secret. Maybe it’s time to grow up and pay for the consequences of your actions….
Edit: to add genders.
In the comments:
She’s never taken any responsibility, only made excuses. My favourite was the one for her leaving us to care for ourselves- “you all made it clear you didn’t want to spend time with me”.
.
I feel like she thought she’d gotten away with it at this point and that’s why she’s mad. To be honest I only told my sister for selfish reasons… we’ve only in recent years developed a close relationship and I didn’t want to lose that if she became mad at me for not telling her anything. I know there was always a layer of resentment towards me for “thinking I was the boss of her”. She needed somebody to be mad at and at the time I was okay with that person being me.
.
Children (and young adults) get mad at the people it is safe to be mad at. It sounds like you took that anger to give her a safe space and a safe person. Now that she's of an age where she is old enough to hear the truth, where it's safe for her to be angry at your mom without risking breaking your family apart, you've given her the truth. That's quite heroic. I hope you find the peace and space to have a life of your own free from your mother's negligent abuse. You've certainly more than earned it.OP: I never considered the aspect of somebody needing to be safe to be mad at them. That puts a lot into perspective… thank you. Tbh my mother has no influence over my life or feelings. I stopped regarding her as a parental figure long ago so her opinion of me, someone she really had no part in moulding, means nothing. Don’t get me wrong, I do not place the blame for all wrong doings exclusively on her, but she was certainly the catalyst for most of the difficult seasons. Every action or inaction I’ve ever made has been a decision to protect the other people she hurt which only served to protect her from backlash and I think it’s time she faced up.
.
In some ways I think caring for them was all that kept me sane. I was so busy and exhausted by the day to day motions that I didn’t have time to reflect on my own feelings or the situation as a whole. Full survival mode I suppose. I appreciate that, a lot. I tried my best… in hindsight doing for them what I probably needed myself.
.
She was cut out for a very long time. The stolen money (from myself) was the absolute last straw which resulted in me going no contact for about 5 years. Part of me thinks she was glad for that, too, because I’d threatened to press charges against the mystery thief if she didn’t fess up. But because of my sisters age, and her eventually choosing to live with mum, I felt compelled to be civil because I missed my sister. I live 4 hours from my hometown now, so maintaining a healthy distance is really quite easy.
.
Curious about your dad, how is he doing rn? After knowing the truth, did your younger sister go living with your dad? And did he divorce your mother? And all that money she stole, what was she doing with that money? Did you get any of your money back?OP: He’s doing really good, but of course had had a long time to pick up the pieces. In his 50s and still working 6 days a week- not because he needs to but because he’s never known anything else. His parents were immigrants so it was quite literally bred into him.
She’s 22 now and living with her partner. She and dad never had a strained relationship but after years of living exclusively with him, decided to spend the next few years with mum. Never any bad blood on either end where she’s concerned. They did divorce long ago, and as much as I find it strange, they still have a relatively positive relationship.
The money…. Literally who knows. Never saw a cent returned though! Dad didn’t know she stole from me until 6 ish years ago. Early on he was struggling and I knew he’d try to put the money back if I told him. He knew something had happened for me not to talk to my mother all those years but I hadn’t told him and she sure wasn’t going to.
Recently my husband and I built our first home and he was insistent on cutting “trade swaps” to save money which I strongly feel was his way of repaying her debt to me. He’s a great dad… has his flaws as every human does, but every step he’s taken has been with the intention of his kids not having to want for things as he and his siblings did.
.
I only tolerated her in the past to keep my sister close- I don’t trust our mother to not hurt her in the process of getting what she wants. The partners family aren’t stupid and while they will hand out finance they will never relinquish control of it. If they suspect somebody of having ill intent, they’re cut out of all their lives. Mums husband does pretty well for himself and pays all their living expenses, but knowing her past will not give her unbridled access so she has to work to support her spending habit which is probably where the jealousy comes in.
.
I used to tell my sister that I “don’t really know”, “can’t remember”, or “have only heard snippets of the story”, so not necessarily a lie but definitely deceit by omission.
1st Update:
Aaaand now she’s resorted to posting on Facebook, claiming that one of her “ingrates are spreading rumours to ruin her” JFC 🤦🏼♀️ I don’t even have Facebook, so not really sure what she’s trying to achieve in doing this, but an old family friend called my dad to ask what’s going on. Also, I’m speaking to nobody about the situation? I don’t even live in our hometown!!! If nothing else- she has nothing for me to ruin. No way I’m engaging or sinking to her level but seriously… what a waste of a person. Now the parents are fighting, she’s fighting with her current husband and shit is all around just getting messy. She thinks she’s making people feel sorry for her but mostly she just looks pathetic, if you ask me.
Update 2:
Turns out I REALLY don’t need to sink to her level, that’s been taken care of while I sleep. I guess mums privacy settings aren’t great and that’s working against her. The vague ‘woe is me’ post has been shared by three family members/ friends with a single, but far less cryptic, one liner. I’m told: “oh you mean the ingrate that raised your kids?”, “Should she be more grateful for your affair or the complete and utter abandonment of your three kids” and my absolute favourite (from my granny) “rot in hell you lying thieving bitch”
Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.
2023.03.26 11:05 Prestigious_Sir3605 I have a strong urge to hurt innocents, I am sure it is not ocd
Hello. This is a repost.
It is hard to describe the urges, my body feels like exploding and I feel extreme emotional pain constantly and I know I would feel the ultimate relief if I would hurt someone.
Before I describe the fantasies I have to say that I know that this is very immoral and I really don't want to act on it.
I can't describe it in detail cause I don't want to get suspended again but it is mostly about violently killing and raping innocents.
I think it is mostly about confronting people with things that they find disgusting is what gets me off.
My main problem aren't the fantasies itself, it helped me to feel good at first but after some time they became urges in real life, this is what really hurts, how my body and mind feels when I have those urges.
My Life was disgusting way before those urges but this made everything 100x worse.
Those urges began when I was 13 or so, I had the urge to hurt my dog, I remember my first sadistic urge, my dog was sleeping and I cuddled with him and then I had the urge to crush him, it felt extremely weird but I didn't mind. The first fantasies were when I realized how I got abused, I fantasized about murdering others constantly after that.
As I said I am pretty sure why I have those urges, I got abused massively in my childhood and my childhood generally was very bad.
In the Kindergarten I was very feared of social contact and didn't talk with anyone.
In the elementary school it got really bad, out of nowhere a "friend" forced me to show my penis, he said he would beat me up if I wouldn't show him so I did even though I didn't want to, another "friend" always touched my nipples and he didn't care that I said that it hurts. In this time I saw sexuality as something disgusting that only works if one person is hurt and I am pretty sure this is why I have rape fantasies cause my subconscious still thinks that even though I am against sexual violence. As far as I know is that they did it cause they were abused by pedophiles.
After Elementary school I thought everything has gotten better but it got worse when I visited my father, he had aggression problems so he had beaten me up multiple times and had to hide in a room and was extremely scared to go out. He also had a disease so he would puke a lot of blood, it was normal for me to see liters of human blood. He also showed me how to hang myself. The worst thing he did was when I visited my grandma and she was sleeping, everything was fine but then he grabbed a knife and threatened me and laughed at me when I was scared, the inner terror I felt. I also saw his corpse when he died and I cried cause I haven't seen a corpse and I was only 12.
After that I came in a new class and everything there was ok but then I got a crush on a girl and I told a "friend" and he said that he tells her if I didn't tell her myself so I did and she was scared and told everyone and then I got bullied, this has hurt really bad cause I trusted her and deeply loved her and constantly fantasized about being with her.
It was a really bad time but I could still feel love back then.
Then my grandma died and the last bit of love in me, I cried so much.
After that it was too much for me, I looked up videos of corpses and people dying to ease the pain and to normalize it for me and it worked but a bit too good, I began to watch gore excessively.
It became even worse when I realized how I got abused, then I fantasized about doing those things in real life and then the urges follow.
In that time I saw the old "friend" and hoped that he is better now but the first thing he does is sexually assault me, I asked him why he did this and he said because he had the urge to, this was very creepy for me cause he probably feels like myself except that he acts on it cause he can't endure the disgusting feeling of that urge.
I tried to break the contact with him and said I didn't like him cause he assaults me and this hurts me even more and he said he would better himself but then some weeks later his friend who forced me to show my penis in elementary school texted me that he would beat me up if I don't give them money, this made me feel an extreme amount of anger.
I told my other friends that he sexually assaulted me but they don't care.
I can't go out alone cause he has many strong people and I don't want to get beaten up my him, last helloween he searched for me to kill me.
I do the same thing I did when I got bullied in the past, not going out and just sitting in front of my pc after school, in the past it works but now I constantly feel the urge to hurt others.
It is kinda ironic how it hasn't changed a bit, in the past I distanced myself from others cause I was scared that they would hurt me and now I do the same thing but cause I am scared of myself.
I am also constantly scared that others will hurt me.
What is also bad is that I am really bad at impulse control, I was extremely angry in the past and destroyed every object in my room but this wasn't that bad cause it was only objects and not humans.
I think the best example of how I feel for this urges is how a person who is mentally addicted to a drug feels when they don't take it for long, they can stop it but will always have the urge to take it and they will also do that if they don't monitor themself but the difference is that while they would just get the drug issues if they don't watch themself I would rape or kill someone.
It is mental torture this pressure that I feel, it is probably one of the worst mental conditions.
I also can't feel love anymore.
I tried many psychologists but it just made it worse. The first and second one said that my problems are too big for them. The third one said that my urges scare him and that I don't have to wonder that no one likes me if I fantasize about others in that way which hurt me.
Cause I tried to kill myself I now have to go to a psychiatry everyday and there a therapist talks with me, but what I find weird is that everytime she asks if I can assure that I don't kill myself or others, for the first point I believe that it is my choice to die alone and for the second question I always feel like a monster.
And besides that I am really scared to talk about this with other people.
And also I am pretty sure this isn't ocd, I enjoy these fantasies sometimes and now they are also urges not only thoughts.
I tried anypsychotics but it just makes the urges worse.
And also in the psychiatry a 10 year old said weird things about murder and cause of that they thought that I told him this cause it matches my fantasies even though I would never tell a child those things, this is what I get I get suspected for weird things just because I am honest with my thoughts to my therapist, this also hurt me, after that I got more scared to talk about my thoughts.
I think another big problem is that I have always lived in my fantasy world instead of socializing but it was all ok until the fantasies became so dark.
My plan is to try therapy until I am 18 (I am 16 right now), then get an apartment, buy the things necessary for inert gas and end my life without pain, I am to scared to hang myself or whatever.
My life is just nothing that I would've called "fun" anymore, in the past I loved it to play with my friends or play games, now all I do is fantasize about killing others or masturbating while thinking about rape, this is just disgusting if I think about it.
I can never cuddle with a future girlfriend without having the urge to hurt her or be with friends without having the urge to hurt them, it just just mental torture for me.
Castration wouldn't work cause many urges are non sexual, the masturbation is just a bit of relief for it.
submitted by Prestigious_Sir3605 to offmychest [link] [comments]
It is hard to describe the urges, my body feels like exploding and I feel extreme emotional pain constantly and I know I would feel the ultimate relief if I would hurt someone.
Before I describe the fantasies I have to say that I know that this is very immoral and I really don't want to act on it.
I can't describe it in detail cause I don't want to get suspended again but it is mostly about violently killing and raping innocents.
I think it is mostly about confronting people with things that they find disgusting is what gets me off.
My main problem aren't the fantasies itself, it helped me to feel good at first but after some time they became urges in real life, this is what really hurts, how my body and mind feels when I have those urges.
My Life was disgusting way before those urges but this made everything 100x worse.
Those urges began when I was 13 or so, I had the urge to hurt my dog, I remember my first sadistic urge, my dog was sleeping and I cuddled with him and then I had the urge to crush him, it felt extremely weird but I didn't mind. The first fantasies were when I realized how I got abused, I fantasized about murdering others constantly after that.
As I said I am pretty sure why I have those urges, I got abused massively in my childhood and my childhood generally was very bad.
In the Kindergarten I was very feared of social contact and didn't talk with anyone.
In the elementary school it got really bad, out of nowhere a "friend" forced me to show my penis, he said he would beat me up if I wouldn't show him so I did even though I didn't want to, another "friend" always touched my nipples and he didn't care that I said that it hurts. In this time I saw sexuality as something disgusting that only works if one person is hurt and I am pretty sure this is why I have rape fantasies cause my subconscious still thinks that even though I am against sexual violence. As far as I know is that they did it cause they were abused by pedophiles.
After Elementary school I thought everything has gotten better but it got worse when I visited my father, he had aggression problems so he had beaten me up multiple times and had to hide in a room and was extremely scared to go out. He also had a disease so he would puke a lot of blood, it was normal for me to see liters of human blood. He also showed me how to hang myself. The worst thing he did was when I visited my grandma and she was sleeping, everything was fine but then he grabbed a knife and threatened me and laughed at me when I was scared, the inner terror I felt. I also saw his corpse when he died and I cried cause I haven't seen a corpse and I was only 12.
After that I came in a new class and everything there was ok but then I got a crush on a girl and I told a "friend" and he said that he tells her if I didn't tell her myself so I did and she was scared and told everyone and then I got bullied, this has hurt really bad cause I trusted her and deeply loved her and constantly fantasized about being with her.
It was a really bad time but I could still feel love back then.
Then my grandma died and the last bit of love in me, I cried so much.
After that it was too much for me, I looked up videos of corpses and people dying to ease the pain and to normalize it for me and it worked but a bit too good, I began to watch gore excessively.
It became even worse when I realized how I got abused, then I fantasized about doing those things in real life and then the urges follow.
In that time I saw the old "friend" and hoped that he is better now but the first thing he does is sexually assault me, I asked him why he did this and he said because he had the urge to, this was very creepy for me cause he probably feels like myself except that he acts on it cause he can't endure the disgusting feeling of that urge.
I tried to break the contact with him and said I didn't like him cause he assaults me and this hurts me even more and he said he would better himself but then some weeks later his friend who forced me to show my penis in elementary school texted me that he would beat me up if I don't give them money, this made me feel an extreme amount of anger.
I told my other friends that he sexually assaulted me but they don't care.
I can't go out alone cause he has many strong people and I don't want to get beaten up my him, last helloween he searched for me to kill me.
I do the same thing I did when I got bullied in the past, not going out and just sitting in front of my pc after school, in the past it works but now I constantly feel the urge to hurt others.
It is kinda ironic how it hasn't changed a bit, in the past I distanced myself from others cause I was scared that they would hurt me and now I do the same thing but cause I am scared of myself.
I am also constantly scared that others will hurt me.
What is also bad is that I am really bad at impulse control, I was extremely angry in the past and destroyed every object in my room but this wasn't that bad cause it was only objects and not humans.
I think the best example of how I feel for this urges is how a person who is mentally addicted to a drug feels when they don't take it for long, they can stop it but will always have the urge to take it and they will also do that if they don't monitor themself but the difference is that while they would just get the drug issues if they don't watch themself I would rape or kill someone.
It is mental torture this pressure that I feel, it is probably one of the worst mental conditions.
I also can't feel love anymore.
I tried many psychologists but it just made it worse. The first and second one said that my problems are too big for them. The third one said that my urges scare him and that I don't have to wonder that no one likes me if I fantasize about others in that way which hurt me.
Cause I tried to kill myself I now have to go to a psychiatry everyday and there a therapist talks with me, but what I find weird is that everytime she asks if I can assure that I don't kill myself or others, for the first point I believe that it is my choice to die alone and for the second question I always feel like a monster.
And besides that I am really scared to talk about this with other people.
And also I am pretty sure this isn't ocd, I enjoy these fantasies sometimes and now they are also urges not only thoughts.
I tried anypsychotics but it just makes the urges worse.
And also in the psychiatry a 10 year old said weird things about murder and cause of that they thought that I told him this cause it matches my fantasies even though I would never tell a child those things, this is what I get I get suspected for weird things just because I am honest with my thoughts to my therapist, this also hurt me, after that I got more scared to talk about my thoughts.
I think another big problem is that I have always lived in my fantasy world instead of socializing but it was all ok until the fantasies became so dark.
My plan is to try therapy until I am 18 (I am 16 right now), then get an apartment, buy the things necessary for inert gas and end my life without pain, I am to scared to hang myself or whatever.
My life is just nothing that I would've called "fun" anymore, in the past I loved it to play with my friends or play games, now all I do is fantasize about killing others or masturbating while thinking about rape, this is just disgusting if I think about it.
I can never cuddle with a future girlfriend without having the urge to hurt her or be with friends without having the urge to hurt them, it just just mental torture for me.
Castration wouldn't work cause many urges are non sexual, the masturbation is just a bit of relief for it.
2023.03.26 11:03 SCG345 Peak human performance for AlbinoRhino
 | submitted by SCG345 to ShitHaloSays [link] [comments] |
2023.03.26 11:00 LIS1050010 Guide: Smart farming on a large lot
The desire to own land has been moving the prepping and off-grid communities for generations. Having a few acres that give you room to do almost anything you can think of is a dream for many of us. Even more, achieving self-sufficiency on such a lot, and having a large pond or a small woodlot, is the ultimate life goal for some.
Owning half an acre or more provides you with endless possibilities when it comes to farming and you must become as efficient as possible to avoid wasting time and resources. With a large lot, you just won’t have the time to do everything you want, and you will keep yourself busy all day trying to cover everything that needs to be done.
If you plan to build a fence, you will need various tools to do the job right. A 13-pounds maul is an indispensable tool for wooden posts, and if you use fence wire, you’ll need wire stretchers.
The more fencing you have; the more work will be needed to keep vegetation from growing up in the fence lines. In such a case, a string trimmer becomes mandatory to clear the weeds.
Pulling and lifting jobs become impossible chores without a hand winch, a tool that becomes indispensable at times.
Most people go with the two-story, gable-roofed barn since this design passed the efficiency and time-lasting tests. Some folks incorporate their chicken coop into their barn, especially if one side of the building provides access to a pasture area. Also, keep in mind that your barn should be connected to a corral. By doing so, you will be able to move livestock between pens but also load them into a truck with ease.
Building a barn is not easy since you’re dealing with a large construction project, and it becomes a major responsibility. Your barn needs to be strong enough to hold a heavy load in the upper loft and be able to also keep the elements out.
When you decide to build a barn, look up the term “pole barns” since these empty shells can be erected for a reasonable price. Once you have the framework up and the roof in place, you will also be able to work on the rest of the barn as time and budget allow it.
There are all sorts of DIY YouTube videos that show you how to build inexpensive greenhouses. Having a greenhouse allows you to start the growing season early if you start your plants inside that greenhouse. It will also allow you to start potted plants, bedding plants, and pretty much anything you can think of without worrying about the late frost.
Having enough room allows you to experiment with different animals, crops, and various ways to monetize your operations. You will soon discover which works best for your situation and how much time you must spend to achieve a successful backyard farm.
The tricky thing with pastures is establishing how much pasture you allow per animal. This means that any given area can support a maximum number of animals. If you have a real winter with heavy frost and temperatures below the freezing point, for example, you will need to supplement your animals’ diet with hat, grains, or meal.
The quality of your pasture also impacts the number of animals it can sustain. To establish how good the land in your area is, you should ask local farmers for their opinions. Those with experience will be able to provide you with tips on how to increase the soil quality, what works best, and what doesn’t.
A one-acre orchard can host around 100 standard-sized fruit trees that will bear fruit in five years. On the other hand, you could have between 400 to 600 dwarf fruit trees on that same acre, and they will bear fruit starting with the second or third year.
However, if you already have a stand of timber on the land you bought, you can improve its growth, and in return, you will get some free firewood. Before deciding if you want to heat your home using only firewood, you must establish how well insulated your home is, how the climate in your area will affect your wood supply, and how efficient your wood burner is.
Also, you should consider the growth rate and the actual burning rate of the various species of trees available on your lot. To get a general idea of how much land is needed to grow your own firewood, you can establish how much wood you are using per year and compare that number with the standing timber you currently have on your property.
If you manage to successfully grow your own feed, you’ll need a place to store it. So, here is where that barn comes into play.
Traditionally, field corn is kept in whole ears in corncribs, and smaller grains are kept in large cans or sacks. Sorghum cane is made into silage (high moisture fermented feed) by packing it into plastic bags and letting anaerobic fermentation do the work. Some folks also opt for silage instead of hay since it is much more nutritious for their livestock, so you might want to consider this option as well.
Some homesteaders grow beets as livestock feed since they hold their nutrients well during storage. But you have to consider that growing and harvesting beets is a much more sustained effort compared to other feed crops.
So, eight hours will be pretty much all the time you need to have your pond built. However, you must make sure you have clay-like soil in the area where you plan to create the pond; otherwise, you will have to line it with plastic or bentonite clay.
Also, consider that your land needs enough slope so that rain runoff can be diverted and keep your pond full. Once you have it filled with rainwater, you also have to stock it with fish and wait for the fish population to establish. Some large ponds won’t require feeding the fish, but in general, the fish will grow much faster if you take care of their needs in the first two years.
Miniature cattle are the micro version of the most common cattle breeds such as Holstein, Angus, Jersey, Hereford, but also Longhorn and Brahman. They can provide the right amount of meat for your family, and as far as your milk needs go, a miniature Holstein can give up to 3 gallons of milk per day.
To establish how many sheep you can raise, you can use the old rule stating that eight sheep can be raised on the land needed by one Jersey cow. Also, since you will use manure as fertilizer, you should know that one sheep can produce more than a ton of manure per year, and in general, sheep manure is a much better fertilizer compared to cattle manure.
One alternative for your animal fiber-producing project would be to raise alpacas. The value of alpaca fiber is unmatched due to its similarity to wool but also because it’s less itch and has hypoallergenic properties. You can go with the Suri breed with long and straight hair or pick the Huacaya breed with wooly and dense hair.
Some farm-friendly communities will allow you to grow everything except pigs since they “smell bad.” However, this is a misconception, and pigs are usually clean animals if they are not crammed together in small spaces. Pen pigs stand up to their reputation in terms of smell and cleanliness, so free-range pigs (pigs raised on pastures and in woodlands) may be the way to go if you have the available space.
Small tractors can be used to pull trailers full of heavy things, and they have gears for various tasks. Some of the more popular implements are plow, grader blade, mower, bush-hog, log splitter, loader, and post-hole auger.
Tractors provide you with many options, and you can do a lot of jobs that you won’t consider until the time to do so comes. They are well-built, and they aren’t cheap since they are considered universal pieces of machinery or tools. That said, you can opt for a good used tractor if money is a problem.
If you have five acres or less, you can also go with a smaller tractor, and you can pick an import one from Japan, Korea, China, or India. Or you can look for an old Ford N-serries. Even so, there are pros and cons to each.
The import ones are newer and more modern and have various features such as very low range transmissions and many forward speeds, modern hydraulics, and a four-wheel-drive system that will prove quite handy. However, the more complex they are, the harder it will be to fix them.
On the other hand, the Ford N-series are much simpler, and they allow you to fix almost everything yourself, provided you have the owner’s manual and the wits to do it. Even if the Fords are old models, there are many out there in perfect running condition, and their simplicity in design makes them a great purchase. Parts are cheap and easy to install, and you can get a good used one for half the price you will pay for an import one.
Let’s say you need to move and place something within an inch or so of a certain area. Using a tractor requires complex maneuvers to do the job right but using a skid loader will make working in one spot a precise and fast operation.
And just like tractors, such types of machinery have all sorts of available implements that will fit on the front. This alone makes them ideal for lifting and moving things. They can do various bulldozer-like jobs if they are equipped with the proper implements, and some people will even dig their own ponds using nothing more than a skid-steer loader. You can also find implements such as tree shears, stump grinders, buckets, and grapples for your loaders.
Even more, these are the preferred machines and a treasured investment for those farming in their late years since they can handle a lot of lifting and portability tasks.
Having the right tools and the proper knowledge to use them to handle various jobs also becomes mandatory on a large farm. You will spend your time more efficiently, and you will be able to take care of more and more tasks if you have the tools that can replace manual labor. The possibilities are endless, but you need to consider your abilities and limitations when farming on a large lot.
Article Source
submitted by LIS1050010 to selfreliance [link] [comments]
Owning half an acre or more provides you with endless possibilities when it comes to farming and you must become as efficient as possible to avoid wasting time and resources. With a large lot, you just won’t have the time to do everything you want, and you will keep yourself busy all day trying to cover everything that needs to be done.
Tools are needed
If you have a plot of land ranging from one to five acres, you will need certain tools to make your life easier. For example, a chainsaw can be used for both landscaping jobs and rough carpentry if needed.If you plan to build a fence, you will need various tools to do the job right. A 13-pounds maul is an indispensable tool for wooden posts, and if you use fence wire, you’ll need wire stretchers.
The more fencing you have; the more work will be needed to keep vegetation from growing up in the fence lines. In such a case, a string trimmer becomes mandatory to clear the weeds.
Pulling and lifting jobs become impossible chores without a hand winch, a tool that becomes indispensable at times.
A sturdy barn
As time goes by, you will acquire more and more tools, and you’ll find that a barn will become the ideal place to store all those tools. Even more, it will keep feed dry, it can host machinery and protect it from the elements, and it can accommodate your livestock. It can host a milking parlor for goats and pretty much all the utilities you can think of.Most people go with the two-story, gable-roofed barn since this design passed the efficiency and time-lasting tests. Some folks incorporate their chicken coop into their barn, especially if one side of the building provides access to a pasture area. Also, keep in mind that your barn should be connected to a corral. By doing so, you will be able to move livestock between pens but also load them into a truck with ease.
Building a barn is not easy since you’re dealing with a large construction project, and it becomes a major responsibility. Your barn needs to be strong enough to hold a heavy load in the upper loft and be able to also keep the elements out.
When you decide to build a barn, look up the term “pole barns” since these empty shells can be erected for a reasonable price. Once you have the framework up and the roof in place, you will also be able to work on the rest of the barn as time and budget allow it.
Building a greenhouse
Plastic sheeting, matched with plastic plumbing pipes and some scrap wood, allows you to build a cheap, small greenhouse that can host all your bedding plants and the seedlings you plan on selling.There are all sorts of DIY YouTube videos that show you how to build inexpensive greenhouses. Having a greenhouse allows you to start the growing season early if you start your plants inside that greenhouse. It will also allow you to start potted plants, bedding plants, and pretty much anything you can think of without worrying about the late frost.
Using your land efficiently
Having five acres provides you with the opportunity to take on just about any agricultural project you want. You will also be able to experiment with various projects, and you will discover that some will have greater success than others.Having enough room allows you to experiment with different animals, crops, and various ways to monetize your operations. You will soon discover which works best for your situation and how much time you must spend to achieve a successful backyard farm.
Setting a pasture
Some of the acreages on your farm should be used to establish a pasture for large meat-producing animals such as small cattle, pigs, sheep, alpacas. Anything other than chicken and rabbits could feed off this pasture.The tricky thing with pastures is establishing how much pasture you allow per animal. This means that any given area can support a maximum number of animals. If you have a real winter with heavy frost and temperatures below the freezing point, for example, you will need to supplement your animals’ diet with hat, grains, or meal.
The quality of your pasture also impacts the number of animals it can sustain. To establish how good the land in your area is, you should ask local farmers for their opinions. Those with experience will be able to provide you with tips on how to increase the soil quality, what works best, and what doesn’t.
Planting an orchard
Planting an orchard can bring you a good profit and provide you with more fruits than you could eat. However, the trick here is to establish which trees to plant. Plus, you should know that people have switched from standard-sized trees to dwarf fruit trees in recent years. They are doing so since it was established that you could get more fruit from such small trees, and you also cut corners on having to buy ladders and other equipment needed to pick the fruit.A one-acre orchard can host around 100 standard-sized fruit trees that will bear fruit in five years. On the other hand, you could have between 400 to 600 dwarf fruit trees on that same acre, and they will bear fruit starting with the second or third year.
Establishing a woodlot
Growing your own woodlot from scratch isn’t very practical, and it takes time, even if you plant fast-growing species. Even more, you should consider that the trees with the best firewood or those used in furniture manufacturing are usually the slowest growing ones.However, if you already have a stand of timber on the land you bought, you can improve its growth, and in return, you will get some free firewood. Before deciding if you want to heat your home using only firewood, you must establish how well insulated your home is, how the climate in your area will affect your wood supply, and how efficient your wood burner is.
Also, you should consider the growth rate and the actual burning rate of the various species of trees available on your lot. To get a general idea of how much land is needed to grow your own firewood, you can establish how much wood you are using per year and compare that number with the standing timber you currently have on your property.
Growing feed
If you have more than one acre of land, you can establish a feed growing area in which corn, sorghum cane, and other animal feeds can be grown. How much feed you can obtain from one acre is subjected to different variables, but you can keep in mind that the national field corn production average is between 110 and 150 bushels per acre.If you manage to successfully grow your own feed, you’ll need a place to store it. So, here is where that barn comes into play.
Traditionally, field corn is kept in whole ears in corncribs, and smaller grains are kept in large cans or sacks. Sorghum cane is made into silage (high moisture fermented feed) by packing it into plastic bags and letting anaerobic fermentation do the work. Some folks also opt for silage instead of hay since it is much more nutritious for their livestock, so you might want to consider this option as well.
Some homesteaders grow beets as livestock feed since they hold their nutrients well during storage. But you have to consider that growing and harvesting beets is a much more sustained effort compared to other feed crops.
Creating a pond
A pond is usually a body of water that is smaller than a lake, and digging one is not as expensive as some folks believe, considering the benefits you get for the rest of your life. You can hire heavy equipment for the day and have a decent-sized pond dug in one day’s time.So, eight hours will be pretty much all the time you need to have your pond built. However, you must make sure you have clay-like soil in the area where you plan to create the pond; otherwise, you will have to line it with plastic or bentonite clay.
Also, consider that your land needs enough slope so that rain runoff can be diverted and keep your pond full. Once you have it filled with rainwater, you also have to stock it with fish and wait for the fish population to establish. Some large ponds won’t require feeding the fish, but in general, the fish will grow much faster if you take care of their needs in the first two years.
Raising small livestock
Establishing a pasture allows you to keep a milk cow, but you have to figure out if your family is ready for a milk cow and if you can use that much milk. Instead of dealing with one or two milk cows (since some also decide to sell raw milk – which is a complicated endeavor), you could concentrate your efforts on smaller livestock like miniature cattle, sheep, and other animals.
Miniature cattle
Tiny bovines have gained a lot of popularity in the last decade since some are not taller than 36 inches, and they can be raised for milk and meat without having to deal with the issues encountered when raising full-sized cattle. They are easier to handle, and transport and they require a smaller area, being cheaper to feed.Miniature cattle are the micro version of the most common cattle breeds such as Holstein, Angus, Jersey, Hereford, but also Longhorn and Brahman. They can provide the right amount of meat for your family, and as far as your milk needs go, a miniature Holstein can give up to 3 gallons of milk per day.
Sheep
Sheep will provide you with meat and milk and the valuable wool, which still remains the most used animal fiber on earth. If you decide to raise sheep, you should know that such animals require lush pastures and good fencing to contain them. Pastures for sheep are generally a mix of grass, forbs, and clover, but your sheep can also eat grains and hay. They also need clean, fresh water and an open-front shed.To establish how many sheep you can raise, you can use the old rule stating that eight sheep can be raised on the land needed by one Jersey cow. Also, since you will use manure as fertilizer, you should know that one sheep can produce more than a ton of manure per year, and in general, sheep manure is a much better fertilizer compared to cattle manure.
One alternative for your animal fiber-producing project would be to raise alpacas. The value of alpaca fiber is unmatched due to its similarity to wool but also because it’s less itch and has hypoallergenic properties. You can go with the Suri breed with long and straight hair or pick the Huacaya breed with wooly and dense hair.
Pigs
Many Americans love pork meat, and everyone I’ve met so far loves bacon. That being said, you should know that swine can be raised successfully, even in very small areas, in a humane manner. That is, of course, if you don’t have close neighbors that could be bothered by your meat production mission.Some farm-friendly communities will allow you to grow everything except pigs since they “smell bad.” However, this is a misconception, and pigs are usually clean animals if they are not crammed together in small spaces. Pen pigs stand up to their reputation in terms of smell and cleanliness, so free-range pigs (pigs raised on pastures and in woodlands) may be the way to go if you have the available space.
Helpful machinery to consider
No backyard farm is complete without a few helpful machines that make all chores much easier. Here are some options you should consider if you embark on such a project.
Tractor
Tractors come in all sizes and shapes (although they do look alike), and there are clear distinctions between a small tractor and, let’s say, a riding lawnmower. Your riding lawn mower has a single purpose (mowing the lawn), and it usually has about three speeds forward. On the other hand, a small tractor can have between four and ten speeds forward, hydraulics, a three-point hitch, and a heavy-duty build that should last for a lifetime (ideally).Small tractors can be used to pull trailers full of heavy things, and they have gears for various tasks. Some of the more popular implements are plow, grader blade, mower, bush-hog, log splitter, loader, and post-hole auger.
Tractors provide you with many options, and you can do a lot of jobs that you won’t consider until the time to do so comes. They are well-built, and they aren’t cheap since they are considered universal pieces of machinery or tools. That said, you can opt for a good used tractor if money is a problem.
If you have five acres or less, you can also go with a smaller tractor, and you can pick an import one from Japan, Korea, China, or India. Or you can look for an old Ford N-serries. Even so, there are pros and cons to each.
The import ones are newer and more modern and have various features such as very low range transmissions and many forward speeds, modern hydraulics, and a four-wheel-drive system that will prove quite handy. However, the more complex they are, the harder it will be to fix them.
On the other hand, the Ford N-series are much simpler, and they allow you to fix almost everything yourself, provided you have the owner’s manual and the wits to do it. Even if the Fords are old models, there are many out there in perfect running condition, and their simplicity in design makes them a great purchase. Parts are cheap and easy to install, and you can get a good used one for half the price you will pay for an import one.
Two-wheel tractor
These little machines are known in popular terms as “walk-behind tractors” and can till up a heavy garden in short order with little input from the operator. These are the perfect machines if you have ground to till, and they can perform other jobs as well, provided you have the proper attachments. For example, you can blow snow using a two-wheel tractor, or you can pull carts loaded with heavy items.
Skid-steer loader
You can also find a small skid loader on many farms since these machines do not require steering like tractors, and they can pivot by breaking one side or the other. They are extremely useful and easy to operate in close quarters since they can turn around at their own length.Let’s say you need to move and place something within an inch or so of a certain area. Using a tractor requires complex maneuvers to do the job right but using a skid loader will make working in one spot a precise and fast operation.
And just like tractors, such types of machinery have all sorts of available implements that will fit on the front. This alone makes them ideal for lifting and moving things. They can do various bulldozer-like jobs if they are equipped with the proper implements, and some people will even dig their own ponds using nothing more than a skid-steer loader. You can also find implements such as tree shears, stump grinders, buckets, and grapples for your loaders.
Even more, these are the preferred machines and a treasured investment for those farming in their late years since they can handle a lot of lifting and portability tasks.
Concluding
Farming on a large plot of land offers a lot of opportunities, but one also needs to plan things ahead before the heavy lifting starts. Each project will have its ups and downs, and some will prove to be most rewarding and minimize the failure of the less successful ones.Having the right tools and the proper knowledge to use them to handle various jobs also becomes mandatory on a large farm. You will spend your time more efficiently, and you will be able to take care of more and more tasks if you have the tools that can replace manual labor. The possibilities are endless, but you need to consider your abilities and limitations when farming on a large lot.
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2023.03.26 10:58 rtguk Second time is so hard
I read so much about how quickly people seem to make a success on Twitter and Reddit but I have a hugely different experience.
God damn entrepreneurship is hard. I had a very successful travel company up to COVID which turned over £2million per year. Life was great, I thought I had it sorted then BANG - COVID hit and it wiped out my business. We couldn't sustain the huge period of time without trade so went out of business.
Everything went. 13 years of hard work. My amazing team all lost jobs. It's had a profound effect on myself with stress and anxiety playing a huge part in me being stuck in a place of regret and looking back. It's even less me to suffering from stress-induced tinnitus which is very debilitating.
I managed to make through the immediate aftermath by offering marketing services and web design but that never really look off. It paid the bills but chasing the next client was so tough.
Once travel reopened I set up a small walking holiday company but without any cash for marketing and established competitors, it became too difficult to compete.
My main skillset is in marketing but without cash, it's impossible to make any success within the travel business.
I have always had ideas so built a few products on no code and sold these as starter, pre revenue saas to try and build up cash. The time intensive nature of this has meant we haven't ever got to scale and just covered costs. At the same time we developed and e-commerce project offering pet portraits which proved difficult with low margins. However I keep persevering.
My brother has agreed to come on board (coder) as we look at opportunities using AI with a specific tool for the travel trade being worked on. AI can also be used within no code (something I've really got to grips with) and I'm looking to build a couple of small b2b products which we may keep or sell.
Things are starting to look a little better as I have connections within the travel trade who can open doors to use our tool. Stress isn't getting any better as I constantly worry about the income - where is it coming from etc. I need to stop looking back at what was and move forward but I never had this problem when running the travel co.
Our cost of living crisis has raised my household Monthly living costs by £1200. I've worked for myself for 22 years but the last 3 years have had me at my worst. The only way is up.
submitted by rtguk to Entrepreneur [link] [comments]
God damn entrepreneurship is hard. I had a very successful travel company up to COVID which turned over £2million per year. Life was great, I thought I had it sorted then BANG - COVID hit and it wiped out my business. We couldn't sustain the huge period of time without trade so went out of business.
Everything went. 13 years of hard work. My amazing team all lost jobs. It's had a profound effect on myself with stress and anxiety playing a huge part in me being stuck in a place of regret and looking back. It's even less me to suffering from stress-induced tinnitus which is very debilitating.
I managed to make through the immediate aftermath by offering marketing services and web design but that never really look off. It paid the bills but chasing the next client was so tough.
Once travel reopened I set up a small walking holiday company but without any cash for marketing and established competitors, it became too difficult to compete.
My main skillset is in marketing but without cash, it's impossible to make any success within the travel business.
I have always had ideas so built a few products on no code and sold these as starter, pre revenue saas to try and build up cash. The time intensive nature of this has meant we haven't ever got to scale and just covered costs. At the same time we developed and e-commerce project offering pet portraits which proved difficult with low margins. However I keep persevering.
My brother has agreed to come on board (coder) as we look at opportunities using AI with a specific tool for the travel trade being worked on. AI can also be used within no code (something I've really got to grips with) and I'm looking to build a couple of small b2b products which we may keep or sell.
Things are starting to look a little better as I have connections within the travel trade who can open doors to use our tool. Stress isn't getting any better as I constantly worry about the income - where is it coming from etc. I need to stop looking back at what was and move forward but I never had this problem when running the travel co.
Our cost of living crisis has raised my household Monthly living costs by £1200. I've worked for myself for 22 years but the last 3 years have had me at my worst. The only way is up.
2023.03.26 10:57 Exact_Attention3150 Need advice about current house market!
This is a long one, sorry guys!! I'm a first time home buyer, with a unique situation. I'm looking for a condo in the $250 or less range. A little background: My mom has been helping me with housing costs since I started nursing school, and she has decided it makes more sense for her to buy a condo as a second home but give it to me when I graduate and can take over the mortgage. Extremely kind of her, I am really so eternally greatful and am NOT making this post to bitch or complain. I have to be out of my apartment by July due to my landlord's situation changing, but when I was looking for other places to rent I did not qualify anymore unless I paid the full year up front and a lot of places don't do that. I dropped to part time hours at work when I started school. She is doing 70k for the down payment because she would be paying the same amount or more for 3 years rent anyway. If I rent she will never get that $ back, but when I sell I can give it right back to her. And she gets the tax writeoff. I've seen about 30 places so far...some are extremely nice, some just need some updating, and some are godawful. We won all the offers we put in for the places that needed some work or updating but we've had to pull them all due to things like 1.) lead paint so couldn't do the updates we wanted without extreme expense and headache 2.) one had downright crazy HOA rules that weren't disclosed and 3.) another had an underground oil tank and the sewer line was leaking.
Due to these above issues, now she wants to go with one of the really really nice ones (brand new renovated units) BUT isn't willing to bid high enough based on whatever asking is. Hard to explain but for example the offers we won on the places with issues were $235 (asking $225); $210 (asking $215), and $242 (asking $239) so the AMOUNT isn't the issue. The really nice ones have much higher competiton...if my realtor says a place will go for X amount over, she won't do it and we lose the place. One asked for $215, my realtor said we're wasting our time if we didn't offer at LEAST $235... but mom said that's ridiculous, I'm only offering $225. Obviously lost it. One place was a newly renovated 1250 sqft 2bed/2bath...they were asking $219, but offered to cancel their open house and accept if we would do $225 because they had just closed on their new home and were desperate to sell. She said no, she wouldn't go over $222, they can go ahead and have the open house and she's willing to gamble...probably going to lose this one tomorrow. Rinse and repeat. She doesn't seem to understand the state of the market right now, and doesn't seem to believe that people are asking low just to get people in and start bidding wars. Inventory is low and competition is high. I have to move out by July...we would have to find a place by May at the very latest because of the time it takes to close. I feel at this rate we will never get anything. We've exhausted literally almost all the options in inventory in the areas we wanted (Bergen, Passaic, Essex counties). She keeps telling me to trust her and that she knows what she's doing, but with the way this market is it doesn't seem to be a strategy that will go anywhere. Would it make more sense for me to just throw in the towel and tell her I'm going to just try to find another place to rent?? I don't want to have to scramble at the last second to find a LL that agrees to take the whole year rent and end up with a place I hate, an awful landlord, or whatever. Any advice in how we should change our gameplan or more info on the ins/outs of the market would be greatly appreciated!!
submitted by Exact_Attention3150 to newjersey [link] [comments]
Due to these above issues, now she wants to go with one of the really really nice ones (brand new renovated units) BUT isn't willing to bid high enough based on whatever asking is. Hard to explain but for example the offers we won on the places with issues were $235 (asking $225); $210 (asking $215), and $242 (asking $239) so the AMOUNT isn't the issue. The really nice ones have much higher competiton...if my realtor says a place will go for X amount over, she won't do it and we lose the place. One asked for $215, my realtor said we're wasting our time if we didn't offer at LEAST $235... but mom said that's ridiculous, I'm only offering $225. Obviously lost it. One place was a newly renovated 1250 sqft 2bed/2bath...they were asking $219, but offered to cancel their open house and accept if we would do $225 because they had just closed on their new home and were desperate to sell. She said no, she wouldn't go over $222, they can go ahead and have the open house and she's willing to gamble...probably going to lose this one tomorrow. Rinse and repeat. She doesn't seem to understand the state of the market right now, and doesn't seem to believe that people are asking low just to get people in and start bidding wars. Inventory is low and competition is high. I have to move out by July...we would have to find a place by May at the very latest because of the time it takes to close. I feel at this rate we will never get anything. We've exhausted literally almost all the options in inventory in the areas we wanted (Bergen, Passaic, Essex counties). She keeps telling me to trust her and that she knows what she's doing, but with the way this market is it doesn't seem to be a strategy that will go anywhere. Would it make more sense for me to just throw in the towel and tell her I'm going to just try to find another place to rent?? I don't want to have to scramble at the last second to find a LL that agrees to take the whole year rent and end up with a place I hate, an awful landlord, or whatever. Any advice in how we should change our gameplan or more info on the ins/outs of the market would be greatly appreciated!!
2023.03.26 10:56 RagnarDa Deciding which patients to treat
I know this isn’t strictly about probabilitytheory but I am going to try to ask here as I get a lot of very good help in this subreddit!
I work as a psychologist in public health care and I have a waiting list for treatment. Health care is free in my country and me as an individual don’t have many ways to effect the resources available where I work (except maybe voting every four years). To deal with the waiting-list I can either a) treat less patients or b) spend less time per patient. I was thinking about what to aim for and one thing would be to minimize total time in illness for the patients as a whole (”time-in-illlness”), or rather maximize time-not-in-illness (so positive values is good). To decide which patients to treat I could use a screening-instrument with a selectable cut-off point with a specific sensitivity and selectivity. Using a more lenient cut-off would ensure more people with the illness are treated but that would also mean more people without the illness is given the treatment; and vice-versa. Let’s assume that only patients with the actual illness benefits from the treatment. Each patient with the illness who is treated (at a specific nr of sessions of treatment) have certain probability of remission. Even though a patient may actually have the illness, the treatment might not work for this patient, no matter how many sessions you receive. So p of remission is given by this equation: p(r)=(1-(1-s)x ) * c Where s is probability of remission per session for ”treatable” patients, x is number of sessions and c is the ratio of treatable patients. Makes sense?
As mentioned, there is a screening test administered for each patient which is used to decide whether the patient should receive treatment or if other illnesses (if any) should be considered. The possible outcomes are true positive, true negative, false positive and false negative. I was thinking the downside to errors is people have to wait longer in the wait-list so time-in-illness is extended. I will assume a false-negative patient is going to go back into the wait-list immediately. There is a also a mean duration when a patient is cured before experiencing recurrence of the illness. Here are the different outcomes:
True negative: Nothing happens? False positive: Wrong patient is treated, everyone on the list have to wait one treatment-time -t * q False negative: Patient with illness not treated, goes back to beginning of line -t * q True positive: (1-(1-s)x ) * c * u
Where t is treatment-time, q is number of patients on wait-list, u is mean time before recurrence of the illness.
Does this makes any sense?
What I want to calculate also is a minimum sensitivity and selectivity of the screening-instrument. The only way I can make somewhat reasonable numbers are with these equations: minimum_sensitivity = TP-FN / ((TP-FN)+(TN-FP)) minimum_selectivity = TN-FP / ((TP-FN)+(TN-FP)) Are they correct?
Many thanks in advance for any help!
submitted by RagnarDa to probabilitytheory [link] [comments]
I work as a psychologist in public health care and I have a waiting list for treatment. Health care is free in my country and me as an individual don’t have many ways to effect the resources available where I work (except maybe voting every four years). To deal with the waiting-list I can either a) treat less patients or b) spend less time per patient. I was thinking about what to aim for and one thing would be to minimize total time in illness for the patients as a whole (”time-in-illlness”), or rather maximize time-not-in-illness (so positive values is good). To decide which patients to treat I could use a screening-instrument with a selectable cut-off point with a specific sensitivity and selectivity. Using a more lenient cut-off would ensure more people with the illness are treated but that would also mean more people without the illness is given the treatment; and vice-versa. Let’s assume that only patients with the actual illness benefits from the treatment. Each patient with the illness who is treated (at a specific nr of sessions of treatment) have certain probability of remission. Even though a patient may actually have the illness, the treatment might not work for this patient, no matter how many sessions you receive. So p of remission is given by this equation: p(r)=(1-(1-s)x ) * c Where s is probability of remission per session for ”treatable” patients, x is number of sessions and c is the ratio of treatable patients. Makes sense?
As mentioned, there is a screening test administered for each patient which is used to decide whether the patient should receive treatment or if other illnesses (if any) should be considered. The possible outcomes are true positive, true negative, false positive and false negative. I was thinking the downside to errors is people have to wait longer in the wait-list so time-in-illness is extended. I will assume a false-negative patient is going to go back into the wait-list immediately. There is a also a mean duration when a patient is cured before experiencing recurrence of the illness. Here are the different outcomes:
True negative: Nothing happens? False positive: Wrong patient is treated, everyone on the list have to wait one treatment-time -t * q False negative: Patient with illness not treated, goes back to beginning of line -t * q True positive: (1-(1-s)x ) * c * u
Where t is treatment-time, q is number of patients on wait-list, u is mean time before recurrence of the illness.
Does this makes any sense?
What I want to calculate also is a minimum sensitivity and selectivity of the screening-instrument. The only way I can make somewhat reasonable numbers are with these equations: minimum_sensitivity = TP-FN / ((TP-FN)+(TN-FP)) minimum_selectivity = TN-FP / ((TP-FN)+(TN-FP)) Are they correct?
Many thanks in advance for any help!
2023.03.26 10:56 MelancholyCh I (23M) feel like being friends with my ex was a mistake and I'm hurting
So basically I had started dating this cool girl back around the beginning of the pandemic and it was going really well at first, I had never been in a relationship before, and tbh I didn't ever feel alone when I went on trips or did social gatherings, but when I met her, I understood how nice it can be to be in sync with someone, to have so much in common and to be with what feels like a best friend, someone thats on the same wavelength. I was super nervous always but always tried to be polite and as courteous, to the point of overthinking even the most basic messages.
The thing was that she was a cool person but over the course of the relationship, there were things that would happen that would make me sad or depressed, no matter what it seemed like she only ever wanted to see each other every 2 weeks on average(I honestly wanted to see her at least once a week or if possible like twice a week despite that she lived an hour away, i'd put the effort back then), and even tho I put in so much effort, I never felt like I got that back, I always tried to check up on her with how was work or life, and I almost always get the same 1-3 word response. I don't think I ever really got checked up on.... I honestly never felt like a priority... even when it came to games(and boy do I love games myself), it felt I always came last, never 2nd,3rd, or 4th. She's a cool person but.... she wasn't a good partner, I would get forgotten about for holidays we had planned for like 4th of July or new years. It honestly still hurts alot, and I wish I could let that stuff go, but when you feel more alone than ever when you're in a relationship is a type of pain I never knew you could experience. It leaves you empty, hollow, like a piece of driftwood. but I always thought in my heart, with communication and effort I could make it work.... I did talk about it, much more lightly than how I actually felt so she wouldn't feel bad or I'd feel like I was trying to be emotionally manipulative.... I had hope that she'd change(I know change is a big thing, and not always right to ask of but I was wanting to improve the relationship sorry) and put more effort..... hope just gets you hurt sadly. The relationship lasted about 1.5 years, until one day we split because of a specific circumstance, its not related to anything prior, its just a crappy circumstance that happened to pop up I guess.
I was really really sad and depressed to say the least, I was sad that it felt like I lost someone that finally understood me, I thought it was the end and that i'd never see them again and that in a sense they'd be dead to me perceptually cause the odds of running into them ever again if we cut ties is next to 0. So I decided to ask if she wanted to stay friends and she said yes, idk if it was the right choice then but I was scared of losing someone I felt so close with, and that was on the same wavelength in terms of how to view life and others, how they were kind to people and never judged. I tried getting some space and it kind of didn't work out since we ran into each other at an event a few weeks after.
I then got asked if I wanted to go to a trip to a con a month later with her and her friends and I being of the mindset " Sure why not, lets see what happens if I say yes and go against every logical thought", The day of the trip arrives and I of course still feel weird being around her, I just get a feeling of un-ease considering we had been dating up until a few months prior but I just shove it deep down my gut and put on a face of everything is fine cause I don't want to make things awkward. It honestly wasn't too hard putting on a face considering I did that constantly during the relationship for the same reason, I am a dumb people pleaser and hate myself for it.
I honestly felt nervous around everyone cause they weren't my friends, they were hers, I didn't know them, I knew of them... I honestly felt alone even with my ex there, I was worried... and it then got Worse. To say the least most people on the trip were wanting to do some gummies for fun, and I personally had never done anything like gummies or smoking before and didn't really care for it and just wanted to live in the moment, but I then got offered/given by my ex one, and I just wasn't sure, but I was put on the spot everyone waiting on me, I kept thinking "yes or no, yes or no" over and over. I looked at her and thought, I mean I dated her for 1.5 years and we knew each other for almost 2, she knows me, she's looking out for me right??? I can trust her right?!?!... I eat the gummy, not knowing what the recommended dosage for a newby is. it was over 12 times the max amount recommended...... I. I was high for 2 full days, and it was fine at first for a few hours I thought, maybe, but when you wake up and the feeling just wouldn't shut off, and it would still linger no matter what I did or ate, I felt so scared, and even more alone, I wanted to cry so badly, but how do you cry when you're surrounded by strangers and worse, her friends, how do you not make things weird...... I bottled up everything until I went outside and just cried alone while calling a friend, I was just tired of the feeling of not feeling myself, of everything feeling delayed, and not to mention that I was honestly thinking of seeking out a prescribed set of gummies in the future to mellow out my anxiety in the future, to calm me down, but I felt that was robbed from me cause I feel like this terrible first experience gave me some type of ptsd, I get nervous whenever anyone talks about weed, and my heart races nowadays when I smell it. The trip was ruined from nearly the beginning and it just sucked having that happened. We came back from the trip, I didn't really contact her unless she contacted me for quite a few months, I felt my trust betrayed, I felt more anxious than ever, I felt like my feelings didn't matter. I know she's not a bad person but she did some stupid decisions, and one being overdosing me for some reason.
I had decided to give myself some space, and it worked for a bit but knowing I still had contact with her still made me think of the lonely relationship, and the betrayal from the trip. about 7 months had passed and while we saw each other a few times, it was very sparse, up until one day we happened to go to a concert with some friends. Inside of venue before the opener even began the topic of the trip got brought up, she reminisced on how the trip was fun for her, and then and there she decided to casually say she was sorry to me about overdosing me, in front of our friends, in a very crowded public place.... I honestly had no words, and didn't give a reply, just stood there, hurt from the fact that it took 7+ months for an apology and it was done then and there.
From then on we hung out on occasion doing a events with friends and it was fun I won't deny but always at the back of my brain, I know I have feelings still, both from how happy I felt in the relationship and also the hurt and loneliness I felt from it, and then the trip incident.
It was then a few months after the "apology" she would then hype me up in front of friends about how much I took.... I had no response again, just staying quiet and keeping my thoughts to myself, feeling like I just got backhanded and made to feel like the apology meant even less. I swear she's a good kind person but. these actions, they just keep hurting me, and I keep wanting to bring this stuff up and talk about it, but there is never a good time, its been bottling up for so long now, its been over a year and I still have ptsd from the incident, I feel uneasy around her, and I just wish I could move one wihtout losing a friend, I just feel like no matter what I do I'm gonna end up sad and even more depressed. I have some amazing online friends who are a good support system, but in my town, I have only 1 good friend for support but we don't seem to always see eye to eye on quite a few things, and I did with my ex, and I just wish I had a better support system, had been in a healthy relationship, could be treated right, and not feel so scared and alone even after all this time. Idk if I should talk somehow or if I should just cut ties bluntly. It doesn't help that I already made plans with her for the next few months and its stuff thats already been paid for. I'm really sorry that this is so long, and am grateful if anyone bothered reading all this. I have these same thoughts going over and over in my head on an almost daily basis and I just can't stop them
submitted by MelancholyCh to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]
The thing was that she was a cool person but over the course of the relationship, there were things that would happen that would make me sad or depressed, no matter what it seemed like she only ever wanted to see each other every 2 weeks on average(I honestly wanted to see her at least once a week or if possible like twice a week despite that she lived an hour away, i'd put the effort back then), and even tho I put in so much effort, I never felt like I got that back, I always tried to check up on her with how was work or life, and I almost always get the same 1-3 word response. I don't think I ever really got checked up on.... I honestly never felt like a priority... even when it came to games(and boy do I love games myself), it felt I always came last, never 2nd,3rd, or 4th. She's a cool person but.... she wasn't a good partner, I would get forgotten about for holidays we had planned for like 4th of July or new years. It honestly still hurts alot, and I wish I could let that stuff go, but when you feel more alone than ever when you're in a relationship is a type of pain I never knew you could experience. It leaves you empty, hollow, like a piece of driftwood. but I always thought in my heart, with communication and effort I could make it work.... I did talk about it, much more lightly than how I actually felt so she wouldn't feel bad or I'd feel like I was trying to be emotionally manipulative.... I had hope that she'd change(I know change is a big thing, and not always right to ask of but I was wanting to improve the relationship sorry) and put more effort..... hope just gets you hurt sadly. The relationship lasted about 1.5 years, until one day we split because of a specific circumstance, its not related to anything prior, its just a crappy circumstance that happened to pop up I guess.
I was really really sad and depressed to say the least, I was sad that it felt like I lost someone that finally understood me, I thought it was the end and that i'd never see them again and that in a sense they'd be dead to me perceptually cause the odds of running into them ever again if we cut ties is next to 0. So I decided to ask if she wanted to stay friends and she said yes, idk if it was the right choice then but I was scared of losing someone I felt so close with, and that was on the same wavelength in terms of how to view life and others, how they were kind to people and never judged. I tried getting some space and it kind of didn't work out since we ran into each other at an event a few weeks after.
I then got asked if I wanted to go to a trip to a con a month later with her and her friends and I being of the mindset " Sure why not, lets see what happens if I say yes and go against every logical thought", The day of the trip arrives and I of course still feel weird being around her, I just get a feeling of un-ease considering we had been dating up until a few months prior but I just shove it deep down my gut and put on a face of everything is fine cause I don't want to make things awkward. It honestly wasn't too hard putting on a face considering I did that constantly during the relationship for the same reason, I am a dumb people pleaser and hate myself for it.
I honestly felt nervous around everyone cause they weren't my friends, they were hers, I didn't know them, I knew of them... I honestly felt alone even with my ex there, I was worried... and it then got Worse. To say the least most people on the trip were wanting to do some gummies for fun, and I personally had never done anything like gummies or smoking before and didn't really care for it and just wanted to live in the moment, but I then got offered/given by my ex one, and I just wasn't sure, but I was put on the spot everyone waiting on me, I kept thinking "yes or no, yes or no" over and over. I looked at her and thought, I mean I dated her for 1.5 years and we knew each other for almost 2, she knows me, she's looking out for me right??? I can trust her right?!?!... I eat the gummy, not knowing what the recommended dosage for a newby is. it was over 12 times the max amount recommended...... I. I was high for 2 full days, and it was fine at first for a few hours I thought, maybe, but when you wake up and the feeling just wouldn't shut off, and it would still linger no matter what I did or ate, I felt so scared, and even more alone, I wanted to cry so badly, but how do you cry when you're surrounded by strangers and worse, her friends, how do you not make things weird...... I bottled up everything until I went outside and just cried alone while calling a friend, I was just tired of the feeling of not feeling myself, of everything feeling delayed, and not to mention that I was honestly thinking of seeking out a prescribed set of gummies in the future to mellow out my anxiety in the future, to calm me down, but I felt that was robbed from me cause I feel like this terrible first experience gave me some type of ptsd, I get nervous whenever anyone talks about weed, and my heart races nowadays when I smell it. The trip was ruined from nearly the beginning and it just sucked having that happened. We came back from the trip, I didn't really contact her unless she contacted me for quite a few months, I felt my trust betrayed, I felt more anxious than ever, I felt like my feelings didn't matter. I know she's not a bad person but she did some stupid decisions, and one being overdosing me for some reason.
I had decided to give myself some space, and it worked for a bit but knowing I still had contact with her still made me think of the lonely relationship, and the betrayal from the trip. about 7 months had passed and while we saw each other a few times, it was very sparse, up until one day we happened to go to a concert with some friends. Inside of venue before the opener even began the topic of the trip got brought up, she reminisced on how the trip was fun for her, and then and there she decided to casually say she was sorry to me about overdosing me, in front of our friends, in a very crowded public place.... I honestly had no words, and didn't give a reply, just stood there, hurt from the fact that it took 7+ months for an apology and it was done then and there.
From then on we hung out on occasion doing a events with friends and it was fun I won't deny but always at the back of my brain, I know I have feelings still, both from how happy I felt in the relationship and also the hurt and loneliness I felt from it, and then the trip incident.
It was then a few months after the "apology" she would then hype me up in front of friends about how much I took.... I had no response again, just staying quiet and keeping my thoughts to myself, feeling like I just got backhanded and made to feel like the apology meant even less. I swear she's a good kind person but. these actions, they just keep hurting me, and I keep wanting to bring this stuff up and talk about it, but there is never a good time, its been bottling up for so long now, its been over a year and I still have ptsd from the incident, I feel uneasy around her, and I just wish I could move one wihtout losing a friend, I just feel like no matter what I do I'm gonna end up sad and even more depressed. I have some amazing online friends who are a good support system, but in my town, I have only 1 good friend for support but we don't seem to always see eye to eye on quite a few things, and I did with my ex, and I just wish I had a better support system, had been in a healthy relationship, could be treated right, and not feel so scared and alone even after all this time. Idk if I should talk somehow or if I should just cut ties bluntly. It doesn't help that I already made plans with her for the next few months and its stuff thats already been paid for. I'm really sorry that this is so long, and am grateful if anyone bothered reading all this. I have these same thoughts going over and over in my head on an almost daily basis and I just can't stop them
2023.03.26 10:54 No_Kaleidoscope_5756 friend currently treats me like a mentee
Me [NB,21], Friend [F,22]
Background
Me and my friend have been friends since we were 18- start of first year we instantly clicked! She is fun, openminded and intelligent. We have both navigated some pretty rough terrain as it relates to mental health, and have supported each other through that for a decent amount of time.
My mum died in August 2022- and we had a fall out. Essentially I asked her if she would want to come to the funeral, she asked me to send her the details but I was in a super bad place and forgot- asked her the day before if she was coming and she sent me a long text explaining why she couldn't (regarding mental health issues). The next day I saw her at an empowerment brunch on instagram and I blew up because I did not understand why she could go there but not support me.
Whilst she explained that it was because of mental health and wanting to be empowered, I ended up dismissing her mental health as a way to lash out and ended the friendship.
I ended up regretting it as I really cared for her- reached out and said I still wanted to be friends, and she requested space- this was in September.
Present-ish time:
We reconciled in Feb, and we talked over a few things.
As soon as we sat down she talked about law career opportunities and stuff- I remember being very overwhelmed by this as we met up to talk about a rupture in the friendship and I let her know that I did not feel comfortable with that after. She mentioned how it hurt that I mentioned her mental health and brought up an incident with a mutual friend; I apologised for both things.
I asked her why she did not call to explain why she could not come to the funeral, or organise lunch after the fact- and she stayed silent. I brushed this off at first, but noted it. Part of me now is quite angry because it seems as though she just did not want to offer me an explanation for this break in communication.
I came out as trans-masc/non binary to her- and she kept quiet, I understood that it may take some time to sink in.
We agreed, perhaps prematurely? that we were friends again because overall, I missed her a lot and it felt like old times.
Now:
I have noticed that she doesn't talk about her mental health when I bring up topics of my own surrounding it- I understand that I hurt her and maybe she doesn't feel comfortable.
I noticed that she has not asked me any questions about my identity, and its been a while now since we met up- I am looking for support in safe spaces and groups but other friends have been more forthcoming with questions which helps me to feel safe and affirmed and most importantly, seen.
She is also Christian which whilst I understand does not mean you can't be open minded (she knew I was queer since we were 18), I am self conscious of the fact that this could play a part- although I may be overthinking. I also invited her out to possibly meet with my other long time friend, she said she would follow up with me abut it,I asked again and she did not get back to me. When we meet it is mostly on campus.
Whilst she is not eager to discuss personal topics of her own, She is eager to share any resources- I let her know I was struggling with scheduling, and she sent like 5-6 paragraphs (I still haven't read all of them yet as I am overwhelmed and I already have a personal tutor who I may actually work on this with).
She sent me an internship recently, and I said thanks- she said it was "the least she could do" and I just said I just care about her presence. She also said how "I've been going through a lot" when I was talking about academic pressure.
I asked her if she could support me recently via facetime after i went to my first trans group- she said she could after she got back from the hospital. I called her later in the evening and she apologised for not being able to call but did not reschedule, Again, like the time around my mum's funeral- I felt betrayed and neglected.
My thoughts:
Whilst I can see that she cares- I do not feel as though this is a friendship of equals. I am uncomfortable as I have shared personal issues with her and I do not necessarily feel seen- and I do not enjoy being pitied.
I need emotional support from her, I already have mentors who, I am able to trust more because of established expectations and more consistent communication overall.
And whilst I understand she does not feel comfortable discussing mental health topics, I also do not feel comfortable talking about how I am navigating the world - so I wonder where this leaves us.
Because at this point, with the avoidance of personal topics and the fact that she seems to be only comfortable discussing career related stuff/organisation, this does not feel like we are equals and I do not like being pitied or treated like a mentee LMAO.
I know I might need to bring this up to her, but a. I need to prioritise my workload and other work commitments right now, and perhaps can return to this over the summer. It is just such a hard conversation, and whilst I am typically quite assertive, part of me does not know if it is best just to allow us to drift off- which could already be happening.
Any advice? Thanks !!
submitted by No_Kaleidoscope_5756 to FriendshipAdvice [link] [comments]
Background
Me and my friend have been friends since we were 18- start of first year we instantly clicked! She is fun, openminded and intelligent. We have both navigated some pretty rough terrain as it relates to mental health, and have supported each other through that for a decent amount of time.
My mum died in August 2022- and we had a fall out. Essentially I asked her if she would want to come to the funeral, she asked me to send her the details but I was in a super bad place and forgot- asked her the day before if she was coming and she sent me a long text explaining why she couldn't (regarding mental health issues). The next day I saw her at an empowerment brunch on instagram and I blew up because I did not understand why she could go there but not support me.
Whilst she explained that it was because of mental health and wanting to be empowered, I ended up dismissing her mental health as a way to lash out and ended the friendship.
I ended up regretting it as I really cared for her- reached out and said I still wanted to be friends, and she requested space- this was in September.
Present-ish time:
We reconciled in Feb, and we talked over a few things.
As soon as we sat down she talked about law career opportunities and stuff- I remember being very overwhelmed by this as we met up to talk about a rupture in the friendship and I let her know that I did not feel comfortable with that after. She mentioned how it hurt that I mentioned her mental health and brought up an incident with a mutual friend; I apologised for both things.
I asked her why she did not call to explain why she could not come to the funeral, or organise lunch after the fact- and she stayed silent. I brushed this off at first, but noted it. Part of me now is quite angry because it seems as though she just did not want to offer me an explanation for this break in communication.
I came out as trans-masc/non binary to her- and she kept quiet, I understood that it may take some time to sink in.
We agreed, perhaps prematurely? that we were friends again because overall, I missed her a lot and it felt like old times.
Now:
I have noticed that she doesn't talk about her mental health when I bring up topics of my own surrounding it- I understand that I hurt her and maybe she doesn't feel comfortable.
I noticed that she has not asked me any questions about my identity, and its been a while now since we met up- I am looking for support in safe spaces and groups but other friends have been more forthcoming with questions which helps me to feel safe and affirmed and most importantly, seen.
She is also Christian which whilst I understand does not mean you can't be open minded (she knew I was queer since we were 18), I am self conscious of the fact that this could play a part- although I may be overthinking. I also invited her out to possibly meet with my other long time friend, she said she would follow up with me abut it,I asked again and she did not get back to me. When we meet it is mostly on campus.
Whilst she is not eager to discuss personal topics of her own, She is eager to share any resources- I let her know I was struggling with scheduling, and she sent like 5-6 paragraphs (I still haven't read all of them yet as I am overwhelmed and I already have a personal tutor who I may actually work on this with).
She sent me an internship recently, and I said thanks- she said it was "the least she could do" and I just said I just care about her presence. She also said how "I've been going through a lot" when I was talking about academic pressure.
I asked her if she could support me recently via facetime after i went to my first trans group- she said she could after she got back from the hospital. I called her later in the evening and she apologised for not being able to call but did not reschedule, Again, like the time around my mum's funeral- I felt betrayed and neglected.
My thoughts:
Whilst I can see that she cares- I do not feel as though this is a friendship of equals. I am uncomfortable as I have shared personal issues with her and I do not necessarily feel seen- and I do not enjoy being pitied.
I need emotional support from her, I already have mentors who, I am able to trust more because of established expectations and more consistent communication overall.
And whilst I understand she does not feel comfortable discussing mental health topics, I also do not feel comfortable talking about how I am navigating the world - so I wonder where this leaves us.
Because at this point, with the avoidance of personal topics and the fact that she seems to be only comfortable discussing career related stuff/organisation, this does not feel like we are equals and I do not like being pitied or treated like a mentee LMAO.
I know I might need to bring this up to her, but a. I need to prioritise my workload and other work commitments right now, and perhaps can return to this over the summer. It is just such a hard conversation, and whilst I am typically quite assertive, part of me does not know if it is best just to allow us to drift off- which could already be happening.
Any advice? Thanks !!
2023.03.26 10:50 MelancholyCh I (23 M) have been trying to to stay friends with my ex, and I think its been hurting me severely.
So basically I had started dating this cool girl back around the beginning of the pandemic and it was going really well at first, I had never been in a relationship before, and tbh I didn't ever feel alone when I went on trips or did social gatherings, but when I met her, I understood how nice it can be to be in sync with someone, to have so much in common and to be with what feels like a best friend, someone thats on the same wavelength. I was super nervous always but always tried to be polite and as courteous, to the point of overthinking even the most basic messages.
The thing was that she was a cool person but over the course of the relationship, there were things that would happen that would make me sad or depressed, no matter what it seemed like she only ever wanted to see each other every 2 weeks on average(I honestly wanted to see her at least once a week or if possible like twice a week despite that she lived an hour away, i'd put the effort back then), and even tho I put in so much effort, I never felt like I got that back, I always tried to check up on her with how was work or life, and I almost always get the same 1-3 word response. I don't think I ever really got checked up on.... I honestly never felt like a priority... even when it came to games(and boy do I love games myself), it felt I always came last, never 2nd,3rd, or 4th. She's a cool person but.... she wasn't a good partner, I would get forgotten about for holidays we had planned for like 4th of July or new years. It honestly still hurts alot, and I wish I could let that stuff go, but when you feel more alone than ever when you're in a relationship is a type of pain I never knew you could experience. It leaves you empty, hollow, like a piece of driftwood. but I always thought in my heart, with communication and effort I could make it work.... I did talk about it, much more lightly than how I actually felt so she wouldn't feel bad or I'd feel like I was trying to be emotionally manipulative.... I had hope that she'd change(I know change is a big thing, and not always right to ask of but I was wanting to improve the relationship sorry) and put more effort..... hope just gets you hurt sadly. The relationship lasted about 1.5 years, until one day we split because of a specific circumstance, its not related to anything prior, its just a crappy circumstance that happened to pop up I guess.
I was really really sad and depressed to say the least, I was sad that it felt like I lost someone that finally understood me, I thought it was the end and that i'd never see them again and that in a sense they'd be dead to me perceptually cause the odds of running into them ever again if we cut ties is next to 0. So I decided to ask if she wanted to stay friends and she said yes, idk if it was the right choice then but I was scared of losing someone I felt so close with, and that was on the same wavelength in terms of how to view life and others, how they were kind to people and never judged. I tried getting some space and it kind of didn't work out since we ran into each other at an event a few weeks after.
I then got asked if I wanted to go to a trip to a con a month later with her and her friends and I being of the mindset " Sure why not, lets see what happens if I say yes and go against every logical thought", The day of the trip arrives and I of course still feel weird being around her, I just get a feeling of un-ease considering we had been dating up until a few months prior but I just shove it deep down my gut and put on a face of everything is fine cause I don't want to make things awkward. It honestly wasn't too hard putting on a face considering I did that constantly during the relationship for the same reason, I am a dumb people pleaser and hate myself for it.
I honestly felt nervous around everyone cause they weren't my friends, they were hers, I didn't know them, I knew of them... I honestly felt alone even with my ex there, I was worried... and it then got Worse. To say the least most people on the trip were wanting to do some gummies for fun, and I personally had never done anything like gummies or smoking before and didn't really care for it and just wanted to live in the moment, but I then got offered/given by my ex one, and I just wasn't sure, but I was put on the spot everyone waiting on me, I kept thinking "yes or no, yes or no" over and over. I looked at her and thought, I mean I dated her for 1.5 years and we knew each other for almost 2, she knows me, she's looking out for me right??? I can trust her right?!?!... I eat the gummy, not knowing what the recommended dosage for a newby is. it was over 12 times the max amount recommended...... I. I was high for 2 full days, and it was fine at first for a few hours I thought, maybe, but when you wake up and the feeling just wouldn't shut off, and it would still linger no matter what I did or ate, I felt so scared, and even more alone, I wanted to cry so badly, but how do you cry when you're surrounded by strangers and worse, her friends, how do you not make things weird...... I bottled up everything until I went outside and just cried alone while calling a friend, I was just tired of the feeling of not feeling myself, of everything feeling delayed, and not to mention that I was honestly thinking of seeking out a prescribed set of gummies in the future to mellow out my anxiety in the future, to calm me down, but I felt that was robbed from me cause I feel like this terrible first experience gave me some type of ptsd, I get nervous whenever anyone talks about weed, and my heart races nowadays when I smell it. The trip was ruined from nearly the beginning and it just sucked having that happened. We came back from the trip, I didn't really contact her unless she contacted me for quite a few months, I felt my trust betrayed, I felt more anxious than ever, I felt like my feelings didn't matter. I know she's not a bad person but she did some stupid decisions, and one being overdosing me for some reason.
I had decided to give myself some space, and it worked for a bit but knowing I still had contact with her still made me think of the lonely relationship, and the betrayal from the trip. about 7 months had passed and while we saw each other a few times, it was very sparse, up until one day we happened to go to a concert with some friends. Inside of venue before the opener even began the topic of the trip got brought up, she reminisced on how the trip was fun for her, and then and there she decided to casually say she was sorry to me about overdosing me, in front of our friends, in a very crowded public place.... I honestly had no words, and didn't give a reply, just stood there, hurt from the fact that it took 7+ months for an apology and it was done then and there.
From then on we hung out on occasion doing a events with friends and it was fun I won't deny but always at the back of my brain, I know I have feelings still, both from how happy I felt in the relationship and also the hurt and loneliness I felt from it, and then the trip incident.
It was then a few months after the "apology" she would then hype me up in front of friends about how much I took.... I had no response again, just staying quiet and keeping my thoughts to myself, feeling like I just got backhanded and made to feel like the apology meant even less. I swear she's a good kind person but. these actions, they just keep hurting me, and I keep wanting to bring this stuff up and talk about it, but there is never a good time, its been bottling up for so long now, its been over a year and I still have ptsd from the incident, I feel uneasy around her, and I just wish I could move one wihtout losing a friend, I just feel like no matter what I do I'm gonna end up sad and even more depressed. I have some amazing online friends who are a good support system, but in my town, I have only 1 good friend for support but we don't seem to always see eye to eye on quite a few things, and I did with my ex, and I just wish I had a better support system, had been in a healthy relationship, could be treated right, and not feel so scared and alone even after all this time. Idk if I should talk somehow or if I should just cut ties bluntly. It doesn't help that I already made plans with her for the next few months and its stuff thats already been paid for. I'm really sorry that this is so long, and am grateful if anyone bothered reading all this. I have these same thoughts going over and over in my head on an almost daily basis and I just can't stop them
submitted by MelancholyCh to offmychest [link] [comments]
The thing was that she was a cool person but over the course of the relationship, there were things that would happen that would make me sad or depressed, no matter what it seemed like she only ever wanted to see each other every 2 weeks on average(I honestly wanted to see her at least once a week or if possible like twice a week despite that she lived an hour away, i'd put the effort back then), and even tho I put in so much effort, I never felt like I got that back, I always tried to check up on her with how was work or life, and I almost always get the same 1-3 word response. I don't think I ever really got checked up on.... I honestly never felt like a priority... even when it came to games(and boy do I love games myself), it felt I always came last, never 2nd,3rd, or 4th. She's a cool person but.... she wasn't a good partner, I would get forgotten about for holidays we had planned for like 4th of July or new years. It honestly still hurts alot, and I wish I could let that stuff go, but when you feel more alone than ever when you're in a relationship is a type of pain I never knew you could experience. It leaves you empty, hollow, like a piece of driftwood. but I always thought in my heart, with communication and effort I could make it work.... I did talk about it, much more lightly than how I actually felt so she wouldn't feel bad or I'd feel like I was trying to be emotionally manipulative.... I had hope that she'd change(I know change is a big thing, and not always right to ask of but I was wanting to improve the relationship sorry) and put more effort..... hope just gets you hurt sadly. The relationship lasted about 1.5 years, until one day we split because of a specific circumstance, its not related to anything prior, its just a crappy circumstance that happened to pop up I guess.
I was really really sad and depressed to say the least, I was sad that it felt like I lost someone that finally understood me, I thought it was the end and that i'd never see them again and that in a sense they'd be dead to me perceptually cause the odds of running into them ever again if we cut ties is next to 0. So I decided to ask if she wanted to stay friends and she said yes, idk if it was the right choice then but I was scared of losing someone I felt so close with, and that was on the same wavelength in terms of how to view life and others, how they were kind to people and never judged. I tried getting some space and it kind of didn't work out since we ran into each other at an event a few weeks after.
I then got asked if I wanted to go to a trip to a con a month later with her and her friends and I being of the mindset " Sure why not, lets see what happens if I say yes and go against every logical thought", The day of the trip arrives and I of course still feel weird being around her, I just get a feeling of un-ease considering we had been dating up until a few months prior but I just shove it deep down my gut and put on a face of everything is fine cause I don't want to make things awkward. It honestly wasn't too hard putting on a face considering I did that constantly during the relationship for the same reason, I am a dumb people pleaser and hate myself for it.
I honestly felt nervous around everyone cause they weren't my friends, they were hers, I didn't know them, I knew of them... I honestly felt alone even with my ex there, I was worried... and it then got Worse. To say the least most people on the trip were wanting to do some gummies for fun, and I personally had never done anything like gummies or smoking before and didn't really care for it and just wanted to live in the moment, but I then got offered/given by my ex one, and I just wasn't sure, but I was put on the spot everyone waiting on me, I kept thinking "yes or no, yes or no" over and over. I looked at her and thought, I mean I dated her for 1.5 years and we knew each other for almost 2, she knows me, she's looking out for me right??? I can trust her right?!?!... I eat the gummy, not knowing what the recommended dosage for a newby is. it was over 12 times the max amount recommended...... I. I was high for 2 full days, and it was fine at first for a few hours I thought, maybe, but when you wake up and the feeling just wouldn't shut off, and it would still linger no matter what I did or ate, I felt so scared, and even more alone, I wanted to cry so badly, but how do you cry when you're surrounded by strangers and worse, her friends, how do you not make things weird...... I bottled up everything until I went outside and just cried alone while calling a friend, I was just tired of the feeling of not feeling myself, of everything feeling delayed, and not to mention that I was honestly thinking of seeking out a prescribed set of gummies in the future to mellow out my anxiety in the future, to calm me down, but I felt that was robbed from me cause I feel like this terrible first experience gave me some type of ptsd, I get nervous whenever anyone talks about weed, and my heart races nowadays when I smell it. The trip was ruined from nearly the beginning and it just sucked having that happened. We came back from the trip, I didn't really contact her unless she contacted me for quite a few months, I felt my trust betrayed, I felt more anxious than ever, I felt like my feelings didn't matter. I know she's not a bad person but she did some stupid decisions, and one being overdosing me for some reason.
I had decided to give myself some space, and it worked for a bit but knowing I still had contact with her still made me think of the lonely relationship, and the betrayal from the trip. about 7 months had passed and while we saw each other a few times, it was very sparse, up until one day we happened to go to a concert with some friends. Inside of venue before the opener even began the topic of the trip got brought up, she reminisced on how the trip was fun for her, and then and there she decided to casually say she was sorry to me about overdosing me, in front of our friends, in a very crowded public place.... I honestly had no words, and didn't give a reply, just stood there, hurt from the fact that it took 7+ months for an apology and it was done then and there.
From then on we hung out on occasion doing a events with friends and it was fun I won't deny but always at the back of my brain, I know I have feelings still, both from how happy I felt in the relationship and also the hurt and loneliness I felt from it, and then the trip incident.
It was then a few months after the "apology" she would then hype me up in front of friends about how much I took.... I had no response again, just staying quiet and keeping my thoughts to myself, feeling like I just got backhanded and made to feel like the apology meant even less. I swear she's a good kind person but. these actions, they just keep hurting me, and I keep wanting to bring this stuff up and talk about it, but there is never a good time, its been bottling up for so long now, its been over a year and I still have ptsd from the incident, I feel uneasy around her, and I just wish I could move one wihtout losing a friend, I just feel like no matter what I do I'm gonna end up sad and even more depressed. I have some amazing online friends who are a good support system, but in my town, I have only 1 good friend for support but we don't seem to always see eye to eye on quite a few things, and I did with my ex, and I just wish I had a better support system, had been in a healthy relationship, could be treated right, and not feel so scared and alone even after all this time. Idk if I should talk somehow or if I should just cut ties bluntly. It doesn't help that I already made plans with her for the next few months and its stuff thats already been paid for. I'm really sorry that this is so long, and am grateful if anyone bothered reading all this. I have these same thoughts going over and over in my head on an almost daily basis and I just can't stop them
2023.03.26 10:49 Prestigious_Sir3605 I have a strong urge to hurt innocents, I am sure it is not ocd. Is suicide the best option?
Hello. This is a repost.
It is hard to describe the urges, my body feels like exploding and I feel extreme emotional pain constantly and I know I would feel the ultimate relief if I would hurt someone.
Before I describe the fantasies I have to say that I know that this is very immoral and I really don't want to act on it.
I can't describe it in detail cause I don't want to get suspended again but it is mostly about violently killing and raping innocents.
I think it is mostly about confronting people with things that they find disgusting is what gets me off.
My main problem aren't the fantasies itself, it helped me to feel good at first but after some time they became urges in real life, this is what really hurts, how my body and mind feels when I have those urges.
My Life was disgusting way before those urges but this made everything 100x worse.
Those urges began when I was 13 or so, I had the urge to hurt my dog, I remember my first sadistic urge, my dog was sleeping and I cuddled with him and then I had the urge to crush him, it felt extremely weird but I didn't mind. The first fantasies were when I realized how I got abused, I fantasized about murdering others constantly after that.
As I said I am pretty sure why I have those urges, I got abused massively in my childhood and my childhood generally was very bad.
In the Kindergarten I was very feared of social contact and didn't talk with anyone.
In the elementary school it got really bad, out of nowhere a "friend" forced me to show my penis, he said he would beat me up if I wouldn't show him so I did even though I didn't want to, another "friend" always touched my nipples and he didn't care that I said that it hurts. In this time I saw sexuality as something disgusting that only works if one person is hurt and I am pretty sure this is why I have rape fantasies cause my subconscious still thinks that even though I am against sexual violence. As far as I know is that they did it cause they were abused by pedophiles.
After Elementary school I thought everything has gotten better but it got worse when I visited my father, he had aggression problems so he had beaten me up multiple times and had to hide in a room and was extremely scared to go out. He also had a disease so he would puke a lot of blood, it was normal for me to see liters of human blood. He also showed me how to hang myself. The worst thing he did was when I visited my grandma and she was sleeping, everything was fine but then he grabbed a knife and threatened me and laughed at me when I was scared, the inner terror I felt. I also saw his corpse when he died and I cried cause I haven't seen a corpse and I was only 12.
After that I came in a new class and everything there was ok but then I got a crush on a girl and I told a "friend" and he said that he tells her if I didn't tell her myself so I did and she was scared and told everyone and then I got bullied, this has hurt really bad cause I trusted her and deeply loved her and constantly fantasized about being with her.
It was a really bad time but I could still feel love back then.
Then my grandma died and the last bit of love in me, I cried so much.
After that it was too much for me, I looked up videos of corpses and people dying to ease the pain and to normalize it for me and it worked but a bit too good, I began to watch gore excessively.
It became even worse when I realized how I got abused, then I fantasized about doing those things in real life and then the urges follow.
In that time I saw the old "friend" and hoped that he is better now but the first thing he does is sexually assault me, I asked him why he did this and he said because he had the urge to, this was very creepy for me cause he probably feels like myself except that he acts on it cause he can't endure the disgusting feeling of that urge.
I tried to break the contact with him and said I didn't like him cause he assaults me and this hurts me even more and he said he would better himself but then some weeks later his friend who forced me to show my penis in elementary school texted me that he would beat me up if I don't give them money, this made me feel an extreme amount of anger.
I told my other friends that he sexually assaulted me but they don't care.
I can't go out alone cause he has many strong people and I don't want to get beaten up my him, last helloween he searched for me to kill me.
I do the same thing I did when I got bullied in the past, not going out and just sitting in front of my pc after school, in the past it works but now I constantly feel the urge to hurt others.
It is kinda ironic how it hasn't changed a bit, in the past I distanced myself from others cause I was scared that they would hurt me and now I do the same thing but cause I am scared of myself.
I am also constantly scared that others will hurt me.
What is also bad is that I am really bad at impulse control, I was extremely angry in the past and destroyed every object in my room but this wasn't that bad cause it was only objects and not humans.
I think the best example of how I feel for this urges is how a person who is mentally addicted to a drug feels when they don't take it for long, they can stop it but will always have the urge to take it and they will also do that if they don't monitor themself but the difference is that while they would just get the drug issues if they don't watch themself I would rape or kill someone.
It is mental torture this pressure that I feel, it is probably one of the worst mental conditions.
I also can't feel love anymore.
I tried many psychologists but it just made it worse. The first and second one said that my problems are too big for them. The third one said that my urges scare him and that I don't have to wonder that no one likes me if I fantasize about others in that way which hurt me.
Cause I tried to kill myself I now have to go to a psychiatry everyday and there a therapist talks with me, but what I find weird is that everytime she asks if I can assure that I don't kill myself or others, for the first point I believe that it is my choice to die alone and for the second question I always feel like a monster.
And besides that I am really scared to talk about this with other people.
And also I am pretty sure this isn't ocd, I enjoy these fantasies sometimes and now they are also urges not only thoughts.
I tried anypsychotics but it just makes the urges worse.
And also in the psychiatry a 10 year old said weird things about murder and cause of that they thought that I told him this cause it matches my fantasies even though I would never tell a child those things, this is what I get I get suspected for weird things just because I am honest with my thoughts to my therapist, this also hurt me, after that I got more scared to talk about my thoughts.
I think another big problem is that I have always lived in my fantasy world instead of socializing but it was all ok until the fantasies became so dark.
My plan is to try therapy until I am 18 (I am 16 right now), then get an apartment, buy the things necessary for inert gas and end my life without pain, I am to scared to hang myself or whatever.
My life is just nothing that I would've called "fun" anymore, in the past I loved it to play with my friends or play games, now all I do is fantasize about killing others or masturbating while thinking about rape, this is just disgusting if I think about it.
I can never cuddle with a future girlfriend without having the urge to hurt her or be with friends without having the urge to hurt them, it just just mental torture for me.
Castration wouldn't work cause many urges are non sexual, the masturbation is just a bit of relief for it.
submitted by Prestigious_Sir3605 to askatherapist [link] [comments]
It is hard to describe the urges, my body feels like exploding and I feel extreme emotional pain constantly and I know I would feel the ultimate relief if I would hurt someone.
Before I describe the fantasies I have to say that I know that this is very immoral and I really don't want to act on it.
I can't describe it in detail cause I don't want to get suspended again but it is mostly about violently killing and raping innocents.
I think it is mostly about confronting people with things that they find disgusting is what gets me off.
My main problem aren't the fantasies itself, it helped me to feel good at first but after some time they became urges in real life, this is what really hurts, how my body and mind feels when I have those urges.
My Life was disgusting way before those urges but this made everything 100x worse.
Those urges began when I was 13 or so, I had the urge to hurt my dog, I remember my first sadistic urge, my dog was sleeping and I cuddled with him and then I had the urge to crush him, it felt extremely weird but I didn't mind. The first fantasies were when I realized how I got abused, I fantasized about murdering others constantly after that.
As I said I am pretty sure why I have those urges, I got abused massively in my childhood and my childhood generally was very bad.
In the Kindergarten I was very feared of social contact and didn't talk with anyone.
In the elementary school it got really bad, out of nowhere a "friend" forced me to show my penis, he said he would beat me up if I wouldn't show him so I did even though I didn't want to, another "friend" always touched my nipples and he didn't care that I said that it hurts. In this time I saw sexuality as something disgusting that only works if one person is hurt and I am pretty sure this is why I have rape fantasies cause my subconscious still thinks that even though I am against sexual violence. As far as I know is that they did it cause they were abused by pedophiles.
After Elementary school I thought everything has gotten better but it got worse when I visited my father, he had aggression problems so he had beaten me up multiple times and had to hide in a room and was extremely scared to go out. He also had a disease so he would puke a lot of blood, it was normal for me to see liters of human blood. He also showed me how to hang myself. The worst thing he did was when I visited my grandma and she was sleeping, everything was fine but then he grabbed a knife and threatened me and laughed at me when I was scared, the inner terror I felt. I also saw his corpse when he died and I cried cause I haven't seen a corpse and I was only 12.
After that I came in a new class and everything there was ok but then I got a crush on a girl and I told a "friend" and he said that he tells her if I didn't tell her myself so I did and she was scared and told everyone and then I got bullied, this has hurt really bad cause I trusted her and deeply loved her and constantly fantasized about being with her.
It was a really bad time but I could still feel love back then.
Then my grandma died and the last bit of love in me, I cried so much.
After that it was too much for me, I looked up videos of corpses and people dying to ease the pain and to normalize it for me and it worked but a bit too good, I began to watch gore excessively.
It became even worse when I realized how I got abused, then I fantasized about doing those things in real life and then the urges follow.
In that time I saw the old "friend" and hoped that he is better now but the first thing he does is sexually assault me, I asked him why he did this and he said because he had the urge to, this was very creepy for me cause he probably feels like myself except that he acts on it cause he can't endure the disgusting feeling of that urge.
I tried to break the contact with him and said I didn't like him cause he assaults me and this hurts me even more and he said he would better himself but then some weeks later his friend who forced me to show my penis in elementary school texted me that he would beat me up if I don't give them money, this made me feel an extreme amount of anger.
I told my other friends that he sexually assaulted me but they don't care.
I can't go out alone cause he has many strong people and I don't want to get beaten up my him, last helloween he searched for me to kill me.
I do the same thing I did when I got bullied in the past, not going out and just sitting in front of my pc after school, in the past it works but now I constantly feel the urge to hurt others.
It is kinda ironic how it hasn't changed a bit, in the past I distanced myself from others cause I was scared that they would hurt me and now I do the same thing but cause I am scared of myself.
I am also constantly scared that others will hurt me.
What is also bad is that I am really bad at impulse control, I was extremely angry in the past and destroyed every object in my room but this wasn't that bad cause it was only objects and not humans.
I think the best example of how I feel for this urges is how a person who is mentally addicted to a drug feels when they don't take it for long, they can stop it but will always have the urge to take it and they will also do that if they don't monitor themself but the difference is that while they would just get the drug issues if they don't watch themself I would rape or kill someone.
It is mental torture this pressure that I feel, it is probably one of the worst mental conditions.
I also can't feel love anymore.
I tried many psychologists but it just made it worse. The first and second one said that my problems are too big for them. The third one said that my urges scare him and that I don't have to wonder that no one likes me if I fantasize about others in that way which hurt me.
Cause I tried to kill myself I now have to go to a psychiatry everyday and there a therapist talks with me, but what I find weird is that everytime she asks if I can assure that I don't kill myself or others, for the first point I believe that it is my choice to die alone and for the second question I always feel like a monster.
And besides that I am really scared to talk about this with other people.
And also I am pretty sure this isn't ocd, I enjoy these fantasies sometimes and now they are also urges not only thoughts.
I tried anypsychotics but it just makes the urges worse.
And also in the psychiatry a 10 year old said weird things about murder and cause of that they thought that I told him this cause it matches my fantasies even though I would never tell a child those things, this is what I get I get suspected for weird things just because I am honest with my thoughts to my therapist, this also hurt me, after that I got more scared to talk about my thoughts.
I think another big problem is that I have always lived in my fantasy world instead of socializing but it was all ok until the fantasies became so dark.
My plan is to try therapy until I am 18 (I am 16 right now), then get an apartment, buy the things necessary for inert gas and end my life without pain, I am to scared to hang myself or whatever.
My life is just nothing that I would've called "fun" anymore, in the past I loved it to play with my friends or play games, now all I do is fantasize about killing others or masturbating while thinking about rape, this is just disgusting if I think about it.
I can never cuddle with a future girlfriend without having the urge to hurt her or be with friends without having the urge to hurt them, it just just mental torture for me.
Castration wouldn't work cause many urges are non sexual, the masturbation is just a bit of relief for it.
2023.03.26 10:49 Overall-Principle409 Just a vent about my past.
Just a vent because I have no one to talk to. I grew up shy and I am autistic, so it's hard to make friends. I had a friend in 5th grade, but due to military, they had to move. Since then, met my first girlfriend in 8th grade. 9th grade, on Halloween, she took her life due to issues with family. After that, I met my best friend. He got me to continue going out and see more people. He got me with my next girlfriend and after 6 years of being with her, I broke up with her. She also didn't know how to care for animals and I had to bury newborn puppies. She was mentally and physically abusive. Then, shortly after, my best friend killed himself and I saw his corpse. His suicide note was covered in blood and brain matter. I found my next girlfriend shortly after, but she ended up cheating with another guy, got pregnant and left after 3 years. After that, I gave up. I spent time traveling the states and met lots of people and had a great time. I found my 4th girlfriend and it was long distance. We traveled every few months to see each other and it was actually amazing. After 4 years of dating her, she started talking about meeting people closer. I knew it was over. Months later, she left me saying she didn't love me anymore. When I asked her about it, she just said, "Please. No. :(" Once that relationship ended, I gave up entirely on dating. During these relationships, I had 6 friends. One got drunk and drove 2 others into the wrong lane and they all died. The other 3 took their lives and left me here alone. I've been spending a lot of time trying to develop new relationships just to find out that they are all fake. If they can't use and abuse you, they don't want anything to do with you. It's either that or they have no interest in me. I work so hard and do so much for everyone. I never expect anything from anyone, but it makes me feel unappreciated. I care about people but no one seems to care about me. I have my family, but they live across the country. I live alone and it seems like no matter how hard I try, no one ever cares to be a friend. They hang out with their friends and post it all the time. I always ask to hang out and they make it seem like it's going to happen, but they always cancel or some emergency comes up. I've heard all the excuses, legitimate or not. I get things happen, but it's just annoying. Billions of people in the world and not one wants to be my friend. I've done a lot of self care and worked hard to not be a negative person, but it's hard not to be when the world rejects your very existence. Even in the Army, it's difficult to make friends. But also, because I'm in the Army, people turn away instantly without ever getting to know me. I literally just want friends that genuinely care. People say to be comfortable with being alone. I've been comfortable with it for 29 years. I'm an introvert and I enjoy my time alone. It just gets old and boring after so many years. People don't understand because they are used to having friends and were never forced to be alone for so long. People would always bully me and call me a school shooter for my emo looks. I don't have the look anymore, but I still get people saying I'll shoot the place up. I don't care to hurt anyone. I'm just a lonely and sad person. I've exhausted all my hobbies and whenever I try doing new things, nothing works. I've been to therapy, took medicine, but nothing seems to help. I really don't know what to do anymore. I want friends so badly, but no one cares to be one. I've done so much for my "friends" and would buy them food, take them to cool places, and we'd always have a good time. Lots of them had no car and I was always driving people around. I call them fake friends because I knew they used me. They made it clear when they ghosted me or purposely ignored me. I'm just tired of fake people. I just want to go out and hang out with people and have a good time. I feel like I'm just not good at finding the right people. I work so hard and it all just falls apart in the end. I'm sure there are plenty of others out there dealing with similar issues too. For those out there dealing with loneliness, don't give up. It's not worth the pain to those that do care. I've attempted to take my life 4 times, but each time failed. First one was rope and it hurt so I chickened out. Second and third time were with a knife, but again I got scared. Last one was with a gun that I cleaned well. It had no safety and for some reason my body froze. I screamed as loud as I could and froze in a cold sweat. The trigger was pulled and it didn't fire. I gave up and decided to live on. I live to see what I would have missed out on. I want to experience happiness, no matter how little it is. I still haven't seemed to have found that happiness, but I am still able to keep going because I know someday life will change for the better. I've come to a point to where I am comfortable in my own skin and I am doing much better. I just want those struggling out there to know that things do get better. The only one who can change it though is you. If you hate things, change it. The best thing about humans is that we have the ability to change and grow. Sorry for all the text, but I just really didn't know what else to do. The loneliness was consuming me and driving me crazy.
submitted by Overall-Principle409 to u/Overall-Principle409 [link] [comments]
2023.03.26 10:48 Joseph-R-BidenJr Do you agree or disagree with my reasoning to cut my brother out?
This is pretty much the only sub in the multiverse where I can get a second opinion on this. I'll keep it as short and simple as I can
When I was a kid, he'd come and go. He'd show up, we'd have an awesome night, then he'd disappear for a year or sometimes longer. He would always make excuses to avoid seeing me, the most common one was the claim that he couldnt afford to even though gas was maybe $2.50/gallon, it was a 20 minute drive, and he made $450 a DAY. It reached a point where I hadnt even heard from him in almost 3 years. Eventually I called him out on it, he blamed our mom, said he wanted things to change, and nothing changed
Then I got older and stopped caring. Went without him for all those years, what's 60 more, is my mentality. But out of the blue, he suddenly wants to see me, wants to hang out, misses me, started reaching out first. But I no longer care, I no longer want to even speak his name. He willingly and intentionally made me feel unloved and uncared for, for 19 years, and then he suddenly cares again? No thanks
Heres the kicker. Most of my family thinks I'm the antichrist for this. Always trying to make me feel like a bad person for wanting zero association with him, harassing me to make amends, etc
So here I am, asking for your guys opinions on it. I can clarify any points or answer any questions if needed, I just didnt want the post itself to be too long. Thanks for any opinions, whether or not you're on my side
submitted by Joseph-R-BidenJr to TooAfraidToAsk [link] [comments]
When I was a kid, he'd come and go. He'd show up, we'd have an awesome night, then he'd disappear for a year or sometimes longer. He would always make excuses to avoid seeing me, the most common one was the claim that he couldnt afford to even though gas was maybe $2.50/gallon, it was a 20 minute drive, and he made $450 a DAY. It reached a point where I hadnt even heard from him in almost 3 years. Eventually I called him out on it, he blamed our mom, said he wanted things to change, and nothing changed
Then I got older and stopped caring. Went without him for all those years, what's 60 more, is my mentality. But out of the blue, he suddenly wants to see me, wants to hang out, misses me, started reaching out first. But I no longer care, I no longer want to even speak his name. He willingly and intentionally made me feel unloved and uncared for, for 19 years, and then he suddenly cares again? No thanks
Heres the kicker. Most of my family thinks I'm the antichrist for this. Always trying to make me feel like a bad person for wanting zero association with him, harassing me to make amends, etc
So here I am, asking for your guys opinions on it. I can clarify any points or answer any questions if needed, I just didnt want the post itself to be too long. Thanks for any opinions, whether or not you're on my side
2023.03.26 10:48 ArtisticFurrball It’s been less than a year and I cry every time I think about her…
I had a dog, her name was Pearl and we were inseparable, I will never get tired telling our story. I used to be a very lonely kid, not even my parents have me that much attention and I was pretty much obnoxious to everything due to how lonely I felt. One thing I’ve always loved: animals. They are wonderful, specially dogs. One day at my grandparents farm one of their dogs had puppies. I was overjoyed and went running to see the mama with her pups (obviously from a distance). Then I saw her: the most beautiful and amazing and perfect doggo. She was a beautiful cream-colored puppy with the prettiest black nose. I swear that the moment we saw each other it was then that I knew she and I were meant to be together. I was the happiest 6 year old when my grandpa said I could take her. It was something out of this world, I can’t explain how our bond was. From moment one she was extremely loyal to me and so I was immensely loving towards her. I spent days and nights playing with her and my world became the brightest since then. Even at my lowest she was the only constant I had. I suffered through many things: bullying from family and classmates, constant rejection from others, being alone, not having any friends, being diagnosed with depression as a kid… She was always there for me. I would come home after school and she always greeted me like this. Looking at her smile always made me feel way better about my life. I bought her the best things and gave her the best opportunities I could bringing her to the best vets in our city. Not once I left her alone, every time I could I would bring her along with me and we traveled our country together. Beaches, forests, cities, and countryside: you name it we went together. I always felt as if she was a part of me. I couldn’t explain it but it was as if she and I were a single soul. We were the best friends ever. Then one Thursday as I was getting ready she seemed off so my mom and I went to the emergency pet hospital nearby. When we arrived the vets saw her and ran to attend her. She had entered a shock and there was bloody liquid bubbling out her nose. I was panicking and crying like I’ve never before. I’m not one to cry easily but at that moment I was very vulnerable. My mom had to hold me back to me not to run behind the vets. We spent there more than two hours. After this, I couldn’t go to school and I was so extremely tired from crying that I fell asleep the moment I got home. Pearl had been hospitalized, and was intubated with oxygen. We didn’t care we paid proximately $370 just for her to be ok, she was our Pearl. Then later at 11 o’clock they called us to tell us she had passed away. They had tried everything they could but her body gave up. At first I couldn’t process the shock it was to me. Even saying that days after I kept relieving the memory in flashes and am still emotionally traumatized by watching her die in front of me. I acted extremely cold towards everyone and everything. I just locked myself in my room and didn’t speak to anybody. I kept telling myself I was OK, but I know I was not. At night, when I finally could process what had happened I cried, Innoway I cannot explain. I felt like a part of me had been ripped off and I couldn’t breathe. My mom tried calming me down, but I just simply was having a mental breakdown. Now it’s been less than a year and I know I was just 16 years old and I should be getting over it, but I can’t. Pearl was my whole world, and I miss her with my whole heart every day. I have other tree dogs, but things are just not the same with them. I keep giving them love and playing with them and bringing them places like I would normally do with Pearl. However, I cannot get over that feeling that she’s just not here. I love my other doggos with all my heart and I wish I didn’t feel this way, but sometimes I cannot see myself loving them in a way that’s nearly as much as I loved Pearl. She was something like my pet soulmate, and nothing will ever change that. My family knows that for me talking about Pearl is an extremely touchy subject because I can’t even think about her when I’m already crying. I’ve been writing this and I’ve been crying nonstop. That’s a lot for me because I am a person that even when she’s depressed or extremely overwhelmed, doesn’t cry just keeps to herself. Right now this is something way bigger than me. How do you even deal with the situation? How do you get over a 10 year friendship that was so special? You just simply can’t. I believe I will always have her in my heart. Even after she died not much then a couple of days later I had a dream about her. I was in the backyard of our old house, and suddenly she came to me. After I saw her, I immediately started crying, part of me just knew that was her. Even if I was just dreaming, I knew that was her soul in that very moment. Even when I knew I was dreaming (sort of) I knew she couldn’t be there because she was gone and she had to go. I didn’t want to wake up. I wanted to hold her forever. Part of me even wished I was dead to be with her, but I kept telling her that she needed to go, because even if I love her she had to rest. Part of me regrets it every day because after she went away, she has not come back in any dream. However, I know that it was the right thing, she had to rest. I know I am selfish for not wanting her to go, yet I know it was her time. I just can’t see myself without her in my life, I promised myself I would keep on going every day for her because that’s what she would’ve wanted. I know I’m talking as if she was a person here but that’s just how important she was to me. I hope that as I keep on living, she wil accompany me with her soul, and that the day I die, she will meet me in heaven. She has been the purest soul. I know God will take care of her for me and I am sure she’s happy by his side while I’m gone. It sometimes feel as if no one understands the emotional and even physical pain I’m undergoing because of this. I swear the day I got her ashes, I felt as if I was stabbed 1 million times in the chest. I felt great pain every time I cried, holding her urn. And I may never get over this, but I know things will be better end that I have three more beautiful dogs that love me and that can be awesome fur friends. Sorry, I just had to get this off my chest. I hope that anyone in any type of similar situation to mine gets better to, us humans really don’t deserve their beautiful perfect souls. I am sure that they watch us from heaven and that neither they or us will forget about each other. Please don’t DM me. I am OK. This is just something I needed to get off my chest as I said and I can assure you I’m better now. Now I am 17 years old and she’s still 10, she will keep on her age, and I will go on growing mine with our beautiful memories we had.
submitted by ArtisticFurrball to Petloss [link] [comments]
2023.03.26 10:45 swervindaburvin84 Off the deep end
After broaching a subject that have been steaming for a while, one of my best friends had completely checked out whilst I solemnly dealt with breaking up I almost 10-year marriage because I couldn't deal with the way that I was being treated anymore.
We had a nice bonfire at my place a while back and he told me that he was embarrassed about how I was acting, embarrassed about how I was acting while I was going through the most traumatic thing in my entire life in my own backyard at my own bonfire with what I assumed was my best friend and a couple other best friends..
It was a rough moment and I had to put him in his place and tell him to stay away, the way he had chosen to be for the last 5 months that I was dealing with the roughest thing ever while he had no interest in helping or advising or caring or helping anyway whatsoever..
Unfortunately my emotions got the best of me and I drove by her place/the house that I had poured my own blood sweat and tears into for many many years with remodels and being the sole provider paying for everything always..
It's late Saturday night she wasn't home, my phone for a few times and got the classic Fu button..
So I took a sawzall and trimmed a bit of landscaping..
I know she's out with somebody else in their bed clicking the red button when I've called her phone..
It's my weekend to have our daughters and they are over at the best friend's house having a sleepover with his daughter..
It's been a rough process throughout and my emotions got the best of me.
I'm not really proud of any of it except for maybe 3%..
Ponytail palms birds of paradise all kinds of good stuff, I just can't believe this existence this world or any of it really..
I've been watching healing from narcissistic abusive relationships audio books while I drive to and from work and everything makes total sense, it just blows my mind entirely..
Things were quite a bit amical before but I don't know if they will be afterwards now but I don't really care..
Anyway I hope somebody gets a little bit of something out of this, I know I did.
submitted by swervindaburvin84 to Divorce [link] [comments]
We had a nice bonfire at my place a while back and he told me that he was embarrassed about how I was acting, embarrassed about how I was acting while I was going through the most traumatic thing in my entire life in my own backyard at my own bonfire with what I assumed was my best friend and a couple other best friends..
It was a rough moment and I had to put him in his place and tell him to stay away, the way he had chosen to be for the last 5 months that I was dealing with the roughest thing ever while he had no interest in helping or advising or caring or helping anyway whatsoever..
Unfortunately my emotions got the best of me and I drove by her place/the house that I had poured my own blood sweat and tears into for many many years with remodels and being the sole provider paying for everything always..
It's late Saturday night she wasn't home, my phone for a few times and got the classic Fu button..
So I took a sawzall and trimmed a bit of landscaping..
I know she's out with somebody else in their bed clicking the red button when I've called her phone..
It's my weekend to have our daughters and they are over at the best friend's house having a sleepover with his daughter..
It's been a rough process throughout and my emotions got the best of me.
I'm not really proud of any of it except for maybe 3%..
Ponytail palms birds of paradise all kinds of good stuff, I just can't believe this existence this world or any of it really..
I've been watching healing from narcissistic abusive relationships audio books while I drive to and from work and everything makes total sense, it just blows my mind entirely..
Things were quite a bit amical before but I don't know if they will be afterwards now but I don't really care..
Anyway I hope somebody gets a little bit of something out of this, I know I did.
2023.03.26 10:45 btonasse 3000eur budget advice
Hi all, I have around 3000 EUR to build a gaming pc. Given the details below, could you give me advice on what to buy? Thanks in advance!
Processor: Intel i9 13900kf
MB: gigabyte z790 aorus elite ax
PSU: Corsair hx1200
Cooling: Noctua NH-D15
Memory: g.skill 32gb ddr5 6000mhz cl36 flare X5 and expo
GPU: GeForce 4080 16gb. There are so many different models that I'm totally lost here. For now I "randomly" chose gigabyte GeForce RTX 4080 16gb aero oc
Case: Here I'm really lost too. My local vendors don't seem to have many options, so for now I'm going with the Gigabyte Aorus c300 glass. I'm not exactly happy with that choice though.
submitted by btonasse to buildapc [link] [comments]
- This will be a PC for gaming but also for productivity
- I don't care much about aesthetics. Actually it's not exactly that, but I really don't like all that bling of most gaming setups. I prefer minimalistic/low profile designs. In other words, some RGB in the case is fine, but anything else is either unnecessary or an outright waste of electricity/money for me.
- I already have disk storage sorted , so thats one thing less to buy.
- I also already have a monitor, mouse+kB and an external usb sound card.
- I have windows 10.
- Motherboard doesn't need WiFi. I connect via ethernet. But I guess it's hard to find a good one that doesn't have it.
- I guess that's already clear from #2, but I value performance and durability above aesthetics.
- I don't care about overclocking.
- I'm in the Czech Republic
Processor: Intel i9 13900kf
MB: gigabyte z790 aorus elite ax
PSU: Corsair hx1200
Cooling: Noctua NH-D15
Memory: g.skill 32gb ddr5 6000mhz cl36 flare X5 and expo
GPU: GeForce 4080 16gb. There are so many different models that I'm totally lost here. For now I "randomly" chose gigabyte GeForce RTX 4080 16gb aero oc
Case: Here I'm really lost too. My local vendors don't seem to have many options, so for now I'm going with the Gigabyte Aorus c300 glass. I'm not exactly happy with that choice though.