Monique and sidney open relationship podcast

Hi there- I’m not exactly sure if this is the right page to be posting this (if it’s not I apologize & would love to be directed to the correct page), but I am a 24(f) with adhd in a new relationship with a 27(m) with autism. He was diagnosed 1 1/2 years ago and is still learning/understanding himself everyday (as we all are!!). We are pretty new in our relationship, but so far he has been the most loving, kind, direct, passionate & funny partner I’ve ever had. I want nothing more than a long & healthy relationship with him, so I have been trying to do as much research as possible to familiarize myself with autism, dating + autism, communication styles, etc. Google and twitter have both been incredible resources, but I would love to hear some general advice anyone might have on how to be the most supportive and caring partner I can be for him. Since he’s told me about his diagnosis, I’ve tried to create a safe space for him to open up more to me about it. With that being said, I do worry about asking questions because I don’t want to seem invasive/ want conversations to happen at a pace he’s comfortable with, but at the same time I don’t want him to think I don’t care by not asking questions. I guess I am having trouble navigating that? Yesterday was very exciting for me because he deep dived into one of his special interests for the first time & it was so much fun to learn about!! I could tell he felt a bit embarrassed about it at first, but I found his knowledge on the subject to be incredibly impressive. It also made me feel really good that he was comfortable enough to share it with me, because he said he’s felt lame/judged for it in the past. Although I am considered a neurodivergent person because of my adhd diagnosis, I feel as though I resonate heavily with neurotypical people in a number of ways when it comes to areas like my communication styles & the way I process certain emotions- which is something my partner & I differ in. I understand everyone is different & no 2 individuals experience autism in the exact same way, but so far he’s explained his struggle with social cues, social anxiety, overstimulations, the importance of directness with him, his struggles with speaking about emotions & how he takes more time to process feelings than most NT people. If you can relate to any of those, please let me know how your partner can make you feel safe, loved & seen. ❤️ thanks so much!

This shit is messy, so please dont tell me its messy I already know. I made a whole sock account because I dont want this traced back to me or my actual account that I use on here.
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So, I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years now, since i was 18. We met in high school, I was a freshman when he was a junior. We were really good friends in high school. His senior year (my sophomore year) - he ended up going to jail for dealing drugs.
Through his mom, I visited him in prison quite a bit when I was still in high school. His mom actually was the one who asked me to start visiting because he would always ask her to bring me. Eventually, I graduated high school, turned 18, he added me to his visitor list and I started visiting him on my own. Through those visits between us, he came out to me and told me he loved me and all that. He at the same time knew his mom was homophobic, so he asked me to keep it a secret. One day he tells his mom, his mom stops talking to him and basically leaves him in prison all on his own. It was a tough couple of months, because I didn't have any money to send him so we couldn't text or anything and i only got to see him when I went up to the prison to visit.
He gets out probably 3/4 months later. I know he told his mom right after parole hearing, and then they make them wait like 3 or 4 months after hearing to get out, so thats why I say 3/4 months. We start actually dating after, and we've been dating ever since. Been 4/5 years atp. Its been pretty good, no complaints so far besides me occasionally getting pissed over small stuff, but thats the prickly/persnickety personality I have, more than him.
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Recently he's been working with a therapist and a psychiatrist on depression. He has deep deep depression over not having any connection to his family. None of them fuck with him at all. Its extremely sad because he was very close with him and they haven't said a word to him in years.
He started being medicated over the past year or so, because its gotten extremely bad (like, waking me up in the middle of the night from night terrors and crying and making me hold him, sleeping all night and day and missing work, waking up to him crying in the shower in the morning, etc, really bad).
Side effect of the meds he's on - no sex. Sometimes he can get hard, sometimes he cant. He's never really into it at all anymore. If it happens, it feels like he's on Mars and not in bed with me. Its very upsetting, because our sex used to be AMAZING. I mean he used to dick me tf down, all the time, before and after work, the gym, all day between errands or tasks on the weekends, etc. One time he was mowing the lawn, got half way through, came in and wanted to fuck in the shower before he went back out and finished. THATS what I'm used to. Used to have me crying and shit it was so good. I haven't actually had what i would consider "sex" with him in over a year (April 2022). Devastating because I have a very high sex drive. He's been switching between medicines, none of them really seem to address his depression issues no matter how long he's on them, some of them have made him straight up suicidal, so we are still working on it.
After many months of sadness on my end, I have a talk with him about the sex. He ends up telling me just to go get a FWB. The relationship can be temporarily open until figure all his stuff out, and he's okay with that, so long as i dont get "romantic" with anybody and keep all of that for him. I'm 100% okay with that, I would prefer it that way anyway, so I start looking.
I match with this guy. Also went to high school with him. After talking for a bit, he comes over, we're going to fuck. Awesome! I had a crush on this guy in HS too so its really awesome. Tell my bf, hes going to be out of the house anyway, so it all works out.
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Guy comes over, I'm sucking his dick. My boyfriend comes home unexpected. The way the house is laid out, when you come in you can see part of the couch in the living room. So the first thing he sees coming in is me sucking this guy off (cant imagine that was a nice thing to see).
He slams the door so hard a picture falls off the wall. He comes in screaming. He's coming up to us, so I stand up and try to stand between him and my friend to make sure nothing pops off, not sure how my friend will react. Bf and I are having a shouting match (we used to have those in our early days, so its not new or scary for me, but it can be intense). The guy tries, after putting underwear on lol, to step in between us. I'm not moving, so he pushes me a little bit. I stumble and trip on his shoe, and fall into the TV Stand. the door on the stand is open, so I break the door off as I fall. The part from the door that is not broken off is sharp, and it basically slashes me across my back/hip. I'm sitting there on the floor having a moment on my back because i feel my hip just got cut open basically.
My boyfriend got PISSED after that, he steps up to the dude, he's yelling at him. He's saying "Did you really just fucking push him?" he's saying "No I didn't push him, he tripped, you dont need to be yelling at him or me, you need to calm down." my boyfriend keeps yelling "Dont ever touch him again" louder and louder no matter what the guy says. Eventually the guy yells "JUST CALM DOWN!" at the top of his lungs.
My boyfriend gets quiet, for one second. I think he's calmed down. Then he says, "I'm gonna break your neck" and punches that guy clear across the room. I saw his feet leave the ground from that punch. They are the same height, but my friend is like 6ft 170 lbs, my bf is 6ft and 210+ lbs, muscular as fuck, so he walloped the fuck out of the dude. I dont think my bf has ever been in a fight before this, I dont think any of us were expecting that to happen.
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I try to get back up, I'm keeping him from walking up on the dude again because I think he might actually murder this guy, his whole neck looks like a dick from the veins popping out and his face is blood red. Its shocking to see him be this upset. I'm yelling at the dude that he needs to get out. Dude scrambles to get rest of his clothes back on, my boyfriend is still yelling. At some point my boyfriend touches my back, it stings like a MF so I say ouch and push his hand off. I hear him yell "is this blood?" then I hear his voice crack "mother fucker is this your blood?", he pulls up my shirt and sees the cut on my hip, he tells me to look at it, its really bad (i probably should have went to the doctor for it, ngl). Then he stops talking, he's completely silent and he looks like he's about to explode. The dude try's to run out of the house, my bf takes a swing, i grab his arm, he misses, he punches the wall and punches a hole clear into the wall, first hit. Its not a true hole, because he punched a stud, but there is a massive dent in the wall that now looks caved in. Guy gets out, luckily without another blow.
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So its been a day since that happened. My boyfriend has been either crying in the bed or crying on the couch since then. He doesnt watch tv he just drifts in and out of sleep in the dark crying. I have not seen him shower or eat, he hasn't gone to work, he hasn't gone to the gym (he's gone to the gym every day we've been home since he got out of prison so that one is REALLY new) and he will only say "I'm sorry I ruin everything, please dont leave me" when I speak to him. We cant have a real conversation at this point because every time I start one he starts crying and begging me not to leave him. Even if I tell him I'm not going to he talks over me and tells me "But we both know you're going to and I can't handle that" or something along those lines.
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I talked to my two best friends about this. One of them told me to leave him because one day he will snap and beat tf out of me too and probably kill me because I cant defend myself against that. The other one tells me he's been through alot, and she says he told her a while back that I am the only family he has and that he would "kill for me", so she says I shouldn't leave because she thinks what he did was not really out of disrespect or a lack of discipline but instead because he was afraid.
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I dont know what to do anymore. I only did this because i wanted a nut man, I havent had a good nut in over a year. I didn't think all of this was going to happen, I really thought he would be okay with it. Its apparent I cannot bring another man around me like that at all while i am with him, the next one he may actually murder. And I own my house, if someone gets murdered here I have to deal with that energy for at least the next 5 years. So the 'open relationship' solution to this shit is done, permanently. I'll never do anything like that ever again.
Any thoughts on this? If you were me, would you leave? Would you stay and just be sexless for the foreseeable future? I feel like i'm so young, I'm really in my sexual prime in terms of drive and appearance, and right now I think I'm setting myself up for a future of frustration. Its really difficult because I love the guy I'm with soooooo much, but after the blind rage I've seen, I cant lie, I'm also kinda scared for myself. Afraid if I do leave him, he might decide to "break my neck" also.
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I'm sorry to write so fucking much about this. Not sure if anyone will read this far. Im just at my wits end. I feel like I'm going to end up staying because I love him, haven't really lived adult life without him, and call myself "ride or die". But I feel like even if I do stay i'm just going to end up being depressed myself and eventually mad/mean to him over stuff he cant control. Part of me wonders if he needs me to be a friend right now, more than he needs me to be a boyfriend. It doesn't seem like I'm really able to give him anything as a "boyfriend" anymore because he isn't in that space and hasn't been for a while now.
My life is kinda out of control rn as you can tell. Sorry, again. Might post this to some other advice subs I've seen before, not sure yet. Wanted to start here because being gay and in the deep south makes this a bit... unique? Might also delete this after I get a couple of replies, again super embarrassed and sad about this. Please dont be mean to me, if you can help it. I know that he is clinically depressed and theres a better way for me to be handling everything, I'm really trying my best.

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Kaleidobolt - This One Simple Trick LP
What an interesting adventure this record is. This One Simple Trick contains a wide array of traditional and nontraditional song assembly built upon a solid rock and roll foundation that is structured around extremely talented riff attacks. One can only imagine how much fun this group must have while formatting these jams. Seems there may be a little tongue in cheek snicker at their ability and how far out they can go with it yet remain totally approachable to the listener. Buy the ticket, take the ride.
Note: This review originally appeared in the May 2022 Doom Charts Peroration list found at DoomCharts.com
Bandcamp: https://kaleidobolt.bandcamp.com/album/this-one-simple-trick
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/album/2nHH8FJgi3ZiBWCgPHCAzK?si=FoRcq9EoTSOg4rSlaGv4cw
Physical Shop: @collectiveclothing Web Store: InherentRecords.com Weekly Podcast: https://monumentsinruin.com/blogs/podcast
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Hey! Any creative types out there looking for friends? I’m a gay guy in the US and in a committed relationship. But, I work from home, which doesn’t give me much social interaction during the days. I’m also an introvert, but can be quite chatty and open with people I’m comfortable with and care about.
I’ve always been the one my friends come to for advice and to rant. And, I’m the one who always seems to solve a lot of other people’s problems. I enjoy it, but it can also be isolating at times.
I prefer having a few really good friends that I can rely on and who rely on me, than just having lot of aquaintances. So, I’d love to make a genuine connection with someone looking to chat consistently, willing to ask questions, and can relate to anything I’m saying.
Still reading? I’m an entrepreneur at heart, with too many ideas. My ideas and passions tend to be on the creative/experiential side - art, music, culture, theater, hospitality, and anything that inspires or serves a community need. But, I’m also a very analytical, detail-oriented, down-to-earth guy.
Other hobbies? Baking, cooking, gardening, anything outdoors, animals. Not really into gaming or too much pop culture.
Hit me up if you want to talk, make a friend, or maybe get creative and day dream together. Maybe we’ll click!

From all the private conversations I’ve had with people on this subreddit, this is my personal take: while it’s crucial to acknowledge that everyone’s journey is unique, it appears that a significant number of individuals in this community base their decision on personal family or social trauma rather than rigorous research on the Quran and Hadith. Traumatic experiences can undoubtedly shape one’s perception and relationship with religion. It happened to me too, and it’s crucial to empathize with those who have gone through such difficulties.
However, it’s important to recognize that personal trauma alone does not provide a comprehensive analysis or evaluation of the truth claims of Islam. Ruling out Islam as a valid religious path based solely on individual experiences or negative social interactions overlooks the rich intellectual and theological traditions that underpin the faith. It’s wiser to approach the exploration of religious truth with an open mind, considering multiple perspectives, engaging in scholarly research, and seeking a balanced understanding of religious texts and teachings. This approach allows for a more nuanced and informed assessment of Islam and its potential as a source of truth and spiritual guidance.
Regarding my personal journey, my Madrasa teachers as a kid, my parents, or anyone who I thought was “preaching” couldn’t bring me closer to Islam. It was quite unexpected that three tabs of acid, left behind by my atheist friend who grew up attending a private Roman Catholic school, would be the catalyst. Trust me, nobody hates or talks more negatively about one’s religion than a Roman Catholic turned atheist. The blasphemy is unmatched, and there are levels to it, which I never knew existed. So please, let this subreddit not become an echo chamber that reinforces your doubts, personal trauma, or vendettas. Instead, use it as a means to engage in thoughtful discussions.
One analogy I found online that I like is viewing the world as one big messed up game show about religion. Statistics show that asking the audience gives you the correct answer about 90% of the time. So, if the question is, “What god is the true God?” you’re likely to get the monotheistic Abrahamic God portrayed in the three major religions (Judaism, Christianity, and Islam). These religions make up 55.2% of the global population. Despite their differences, they all agree on the existence of one god. The fact that 3.9 billion people out of a global population of 7 billion are able to agree on anything, especially something that requires faith, is mind-blowing. Another aspect that drew me back to Islam is the scripture’s mention of God making a covenant with the people of Israel, who constitute a small percentage of the global and Earth’s population. How could such a small group give rise to two other religions that would spread variations of the same story across the world? It can only be seen as divine, in my opinion.
I hope you all have a wonderful day, and may Allah guide us all. P.S. I’m not advocating for anyone to try LSD by any means; it simply brought back what I can only explain as hope and strengthened my faith . Only God and myself know what I experienced that night, and without a brain, LSD is just a synthetic crystalline compound. It needs a brain to spark its magic and I thank god for using something alot of people would view as bad to bring me back unexpectedly. I totally understand why it’s considered Haram as well. I can see how someone, especially on a higher dose, might view themselves as god or be so mind-blown that they question everything they’ve ever known and slowly go straight down the agnostic or atheist pipeline. I definitely was a victim of that, I would say. There are definitely other realms; they happen to be life, death, and the hereafter and just compost for some people ahahahha. May we all be made whole! Assalamu Alaikum!

My boyfriend and I have been together for four years. We do not live together. Our relationship has been loving and supportive, the sex is amazing, and I think we’re both good communicators.
On a few occasions, he mentioned to me that I didn’t say “thank you” after receiving a gift from him. He’s given me some pretty amazing gifts and I don’t think he’s being unreasonable to want me to say thank you. I appreciate his thoughtfulness and selflessness when it comes to gift giving. Also, I’m quick to say thank you in other social situations, like holding open a door or getting help with a task.
Recently, he took me on a vacation to see two NBA Finals games. We both love sports, so it was exciting for both of us. Truly a once-in-a-lifetime experience. We had a wonderful time. During that trip, I did nice things for him: woke him up every day with gentle kisses instead of having to hear a jarring alarm clock. I drove most of the time because I like driving and he doesn’t like the stress of it. But it wasn’t until the last day that he mentioned something about a thank you and I quickly responded, “Oh, gosh, I didn’t say thank you, did I?” During that conversation, I reiterated I was sorry for my carelessness and thanked him profusely for the trip and everything he did for me. I promised improvement in thanking him for gifts and gestures, which I think is reasonable, but I couldn’t promise perfection. He agreed to these terms and everything seemed fine.
Here's where I sheepishly admit that gift giving fills me with anxiety. I've always been bad at giving gifts, so much so that I've asked all family and friends to stop giving me gifts under any circumstances. This way, I don't have any favors to return and won't forget to send thank you notes or whatever is considered good manners in these situations. I've completely opted out of Christmas and plan my own birthdays, complete with buying myself birthday gifts. So far, everyone's been fine with this.
In a cruel bit of irony, my boyfriend feels like he’s been taken advantage of before and needs to hear thank you so he understands he’s being appreciated. It’s an emotional necessity for him. After our conversation on the final day of our trip, we flew home. I thought things were fine, but the next day, he was in despair.
What happened next was a long phone conversation with the following highlights:

• He was upset I hadn’t thanked him for the trip. I got upset because I thought we’d already talked this through.
• I cried because he talked to me like I had screwed up again, and I didn’t understand what I’d done wrong.
• He started reading off instructions for how to say thank you in a condescending way. I called him out and he apologized for it. But it hurt my feelings.
• We both agreed, again, that his ask wasn’t unreasonable and that I was doing my best to adhere to it. I even mentioned putting notes in my calendar to help me remember to do the things he needs.

Two days later, he’s still agitated about the situation and that we might break up. But that's not in danger because neither of us is talking like the relationship is in trouble. Personally, I don’t know that there’s much advice to give about this—save for therapy, I suppose—since it’s a worry about a situation that hasn’t happened.
At this point, the TL;DR seems to be…
Receiving thanks is vitally important for his emotional health and
Giving thanks gives me anxiety and it's difficult for me to remember to do and
This may, at some point, cause us relationship trouble.
So how do we manage his worry about this? And how do I cope with a relationship that I now know will be such an emotional minefield that I'm afraid to accept anything from him for any reason? We're both so worn out.

I need to add context before I talk about the nightmare holiday. It's a long one because without it, it just kinda won't make sense. I probabaly wouldve got this off my chest ages ago but the sheer ammount of story telling seemed draining as talking about it makes me feel deflated and sad. It always pops up in my head though, think i just need to get it out
I have just turned 24 and my partner is 23, we have a 3yo together. I have ADHD and was only just diagnosed in January this year. I've been thought of as autistic too by counselors and as I've gotten older and more self aware, it's quite obvious that I am. I don't want a diagnosis for this though as it wouldn't change anything but add limitations due to the stigma and misconceptions surrounding it.
Im a stay at home mum and have been since i finished college at 21. Haveing a child has made symptoms more obvious and I heavily struggle with washing and putting clothes away due to sensory issues and with prioritising tasks, motivation etc Sometimes I can get overhwelemed by the sheer ammount of things to do that I shut down and fall behind. From the outside it can be perceived as laziness, to me I am battling myself and trying my hardest to get through each day. I also have complex ptsd and comes with that is permenant 24.7 depersonilsation which is its own hell, this makes me disconnected and feel dream like. Add on the over stimulation from lights, sounds, socialising etc this gets so bad that I can struggled getting around shopping centres. My brain turns to complete mush. All my issues and this made college HELL for me, I struggled so much and nearly got kicked out multiple times for each college due to awful attendance and falling behind severely. Idk how but I managed to walk away with 2 level 3 qualifications and a level 2. Working would be extremely difficult for me, when lo starts nursery in September I will look for a job but something that is part time and allows me to recuperate.
My partners never helped me, even during lockdown and paternity leave (4m off, lo was a newborn) I was healing from pregnancy (3rd degree stitches inside) and juggling a whole house (moved in 1 day before birth) and baby whilst he played his games everyday till 6am, wakeing up 1pm. I was so sleep deprived I was hallucaitng. He did nappies, I'd have to plead for him to clean a single dish or put his dish in the kitchen, put his wrappers in the bin and not stacking them up next to it, pissing on the floor in toilet. No matter how hard I begged and pleaded for help, he'd stonewall me. Laugh at me with his gamer friends on mic, tell his family I'm physco etc. 0 affection, only when he wants sex. Never a kiss, a touch, nothing.
When he started work, this became set in stone though. These things were no longer arguable, it was my job now. I communicated all the issues with my partner and his gameing addiction to mil because she kept saying that I was being controlling of lo and not allowing my partner the chance to bond, this pissed me off ALOT as I was begging him.. crying at him for help. Anyways as he started work and lo got older, things didn't exactly change but just became the norm. Mil would always bother the shit out of me with unsolicitled advice.. i'm breastfeeding for too long, makeing lo clingy, lo doesn't see her enough despite getting to see her 2x to 3x a week due to being down the road from us, I'm a mean mum for not giveing lo chocolate, I'm lean for not wanting people to smoke near her. Everything I want for my child was somehow me targeting her and stopping her from being a nana. His family members thought that I was controlling of lo because I don't allow mil the chance to bond with her due to no sleepover yet, that i don't allow lo over enough. I didn't give lo bottles to lo? I'm refusing mil the chance to bond. I'm refusing partner the chance to bond too despite makeing bottles for him and him only to give to lo, but him refusing because he's busy. Lo would only sleep if I put her to bed? Apparantly this is my fault, I made her too clingy and gave no one else the chance to do it despite begging partner to and him refusing.
I have openly called partner mentally and fincanially abusive and opened up about it due to the unfair judgments and comments I was receiving. Apparantly the issue lied with MY inability to communicate. (In the holiday my adhd and autism will be used as a means to gaslight in to thinking I'm the bad commutator, despite him being the one that refuses to even achlowledge me) they would always find every excuse under the sun to justify his behaviour because he's their perfect boy, the youngest.
Lo is now 3yo, she goes round to mils every Sunday unless somethings on that day. She still hasn't slept over but I don't see the need for it yet. I've brought up issues with her and stand my ground. Things are more settled, partner still does fuk all in the house but we've found more of a balance. He plays with lo more now and I got to out for the first time to see my friends and go out clubbing, she stayed with him for the whole night and was the first time she went down without me there. (This wasn't always my choice tho)
Mil has pissed me right off, many times.but she has done a lot for us, drove me many times to see my family who are further away. Helped me get back and fourth when my grandad was dying, payed for things for us, got us shopping, drove me shopping etc. I stayed with partner at mil and fils house, I'd catch the college bus from there. And his family are also nice, I just think I've been painted quite negativley which they've gone off. She's not all bad.
The holiday.
It's a large building in the countryside, 12 rooms which fit the 23 people going (7 were kids) it was mil, fil, partners 2 brothers and their partners, mils dad and mum, her brother and his gf, mils 2 sisters and their partners, and 1 of their kids who is a teenager brought their partner. As u come in to the building there's a pub which we stocked so as the day time was comeing to end and kids went to bed, drinking started. I had a drink the first night, didn't the 2nd.
Things were great for the first 2 days. Come the 3rd day and shit went down, it was the day I found out everyones true feelings about me, I've never felt so gaslight and bullied in my entire life (even despite being heavily bullied in school and abused at home).
It was about 9pm & we were all quite drunk at this point. I was less as I stayed sober until lo went to bed which was a lot later than the other kids. Partner doesn't drink so he was stone cold sober. We had to keep going up and checking I lo was alright as we didn't have a monitor and we were on the top floor near lots of stairs.
We were doing kareoke and I was really happy and relaxed. As I walked past partner who was playing darts with his brother (1) (who I need to add, has no kids and is 26 still living with mil) he called me over and told me to go check lo. idk what come over me but I said, no I've done every night of every day of her life. Let me have a break for once. (I have only seen my friends twice in 4yrs due to him being insecure, arguing against me leaving lo etc. Drinking is rare for me so I just wanted to relax and switch off just a bit) Partner didn't say anything, the brother turned round and said "no, I'm sorry but I don't agree with that" I say "what do u mean?" He goes "he works, he gives u a roof over ur head, food on the table. He works everyday to provide for u and lo and what do u bring to the table?" I just stood there for a moment processing what he justt implied and already feeling drained by the idea of if I go "I'm grew and raised lo, i maintain and house and have basicly sacrificed and given up everything to do it" he responds with "so u don't bring anything then? Because u don't do the washing, u never clean the house and being a sahm is a walk in the park to doing his job everyday" I stood there and just walked away.
I went to the bar and sat on the stool, I just felt really hurt especially as my partner just listened and nodded in agreement to everything. Psrtners brother (2) was makeing drinks (he has a 2m old). Mils brothers gf was sat on the stool next to me. I basicly just started crying, I couldnt hold it. I was just sad af. I basiy repeated what brother (1) had said and tried justifying myself and explaining why he's wrong and that despite falling behind on things at times I truly try. It's not fair to say I don't bring anything to the table when I could use the same logic and say be doesn't bring much to the table as a dad, bringing in money doesn't add more value to him and less to me. And was just saying it's always me who is made out to be unappreciative of him, when all I've done is show appreciation whilst he never has and has verbally told me he doesn't. They weren't mean they were trying to stay neutral and not add fuel to the fire which was fine.
Brother (1) gf comes over to see what's going on. I repeat everything i told them and everything else to her. She goes "no no no, I'm gonna stop you right there. I havnt talked to you much and only hear what's going on from other people, I'm gonna tell you straight what I think" She is shouting all of this at me quite aggressively. Me: "okay" im a little confused tho Her: "No. Don't speak, let me finish" Me: "okay" Her: repeats what b1 was saying "WHAT DO U BRING TO THE TABLE, UR ALWAYS COMPLANING ABOUT HIM BUT U DO FUK ALL" Me: "But thats not fair -" Her: "NO LET ME SPEAK, NO, NO,NO" Me: "but what ur saying isn't fair" Her: repeats everything b1 said to me Me: still trying to speak but she keeps saying no over me and saying shut up. Mils brothers gf starts saying to the gf, let her speak (eventually she and everyone listening will tell me that it was me who wouldn't let her speak and was aggressive first) Me: I start raising my voice to try and over power hers in hopes of her hearing me and letting me defend myself. I'm trying to say the same things I said before and hseing the same logic but turned round on partner to try and get them to relise how unfair what they were saying to me was.
Mil comes STORMING in from the other room and starts screaming at me to shut and telling me that I always talk badly about her son when ive had a drink (that's not true. The last time I spoke about him was because he stormed off and ran away from the house because he thought I said something sexual to his brother in a group convo about shoes 🥴. Another time was when one of aunties ASKED me and tried getting gossip out of me. Its not even negative but the truth) Fil comes in and starts on me, partner comes and says I agree with what's being said but u all need to calm down. I'm basicly crying my eyes out and they all keep it going, I'm now repeating that I didn't start it I just felt hurt about what b(1) said to me. Mil hears what he said to me and agrees to, saying u don't appreciate partner.
Eventually she goes and things die down, I'm still really upset. I go outside to vape and get some fresh air, b(1) comes out to talk and said he was out of order but that I don't do enough at home. I ipen up about my struggles with adhd and autism and how what seems nothing to them, is harder for me. I'm trying my hardest and the house isn't even messy at all, its fine I just struggle with washing. We basicly end up chatting about random stuff after and yh.
I go back in and I try talk to b(1) gf who I see is playing pool with the uncles gf. I say can we squash it, play pool with you and be friends? she kicks off and says no, I don't like you and I don't agree with you etc. She starts shouting again, really load. I snap and say FUK YOU Mil STORMS in worse than before and pushes her body against mine, I'm taller so she raised her head and pushes it close to mine. I can feel her breath, she points her finger to me and screams about how I woke her dad up with MY screaming (it wasn't me it was b(1) gf and she knew this) she is still going and I just stare her dead in the eye, my breathing is calm and I didn't move an inch. I was abused physically, mentally and emotionally at home so I started to withdraw. Apparantly everyome thinks I'm being aggressive towards mil now but I'm not reacting. Partner had the audacity to grab me and try and pull ME away from her, I try yanking myself away and say get off me, I've literally done fuk all this whole night and then u pull me away as if im the one being aggressive and instigating?
I go back outside to vape and listen to music because im just sad af at the point, i hide on a bench where it's pitch black and zone out staring at the views and the lights from the towns in the distance. I start getting yelled at, called a wanker, an attention seeker etc. I eventually come in at this point, if anyone spoke to me I'd just ball it. Everyone was calling me selfish for still being awake because I should go to bed and sleep it off. I just needed to be alone and needed the peace and fresh air.
I walk in to the living room and see gf 1 is chatting with partner, twisting something I told her a while ago. I said a guy from college messaged me that I used to fancy, I ignored him but wanted to try and disconnect my Facebook from my partners phone incase he got jealous and funny with me. Even after deleting the message I was still really worried because he is quite jealous, I was worried about gim getting a message notification. She basicly made out that I wanted to meet him up and cheat. She thought my partner should know the secret she had been keeping to herself.. 😐 5mins later she goes to brother (2) and tries touching him and flirting with the mils brother, everyone saw it and spoke about it the day after. But not as much as how apparantly wanted to cheat on partner.
Eventually I went to bed.
The next day I didn't come downstairs, I didn't eat etc. Not because I didn't want food but because I didn't want to see or be round any of them and going to the kitchen meant I had to do that. Mil came to the room and never apologised but stood there saying.. well I don't appreciate partner, he was playing darts with his brother and it was your turn to check lo. I said yes maybe I should've just gone up but I just needed a break in that moment, i wanted to switch off. Maybe I was wrong for saying it but what b(1) said was disgusting. She goes well partner doesn't get to switch off, apparantly him going out multiple times a week to football and spending all his free time after work isn't time to himself but winding down. That its wrong for me to expect him to give me any money for train tickets to see my friends because I need to fund fun things myself. That its wrong to ask my money to do anything and I should just be happy staying at home and going to the same park with lo. Basicly saying all my labour is for everyone else but all his is for himself and he deserves more respect etc. Trying to give me parent advice, how I should change my routine etc how its my fault me and partner don't spend quality time together because I don't give up lo enough. How I'm the reason partner has worries about me going out with friends because I give him reasons to (I never ever have) and uses what the brothers gf said. That if i have these struggles that I just need to go doctor and get fixed because he pulls his weight and I don't pull mine. That I don't listen to people, everyone's tying to help me and I'm stubborn and won't take anyone's advice etc. How I blame partner for all our issues when its also on me and I need to communicate better, despite me being the one begging for a simple no or yes from him.
Everyone is telling me that it was the drinks and I was in the wrong too by saying the things i did. That I started being aggressive and rude to the gf first, everyone who witnessed how she wouldnt let me say even a word and how she was shouting at me first.. all now said it was me.
That I use my adhd and autism as way to get sympathy and justify being lazy, I just heed go the doctors and sort my head out. That I'm the one who comes across really closed off and blunt when all everyone wants to do is help, I push everyone away. That I'm really closed off and don't agree with everyone trying trying insert themselves other people's relationships is wrong, they are an open family and are only trying to help as they don't want to see us break up.
Yh.
They go out and fly kites with the kids, I go down to do it with lo. Afterwards brothers gf comes up to me and says I'm sorry for how I said everything last night, but not for what I said. I snapped and started going in on her. She says I lie about him being abusive and I victimise myself, I use all my issues as an excuse to make people feel sorry for me to get away with doing the bare minimum. That if she ever had kids she'd make sure she was working first and I'm a bad partner for haveing a baby before I sorted myself out. That I shouldn't expect partner to have lo to go out, I expect too much from him because he works and I don't do anything.
Yh no. I snapped back and used the times she faked pregnancies to keep brother 1, the times she would cause chaos because he had friends that were girls on Facebook. How she took phycoclogy yet has the audacity to tell me I'm lying about my issues etc. Her nickname is " physco *name: so whenever she spoke I kept saying it. I went.. its not nice when someone won't let u speak is it? And kept doing it until she left me alone. She went in and screamed to everyone about me, how she came to kindly apologise and I was horrible to her.
When we got home I havnt looked at the family or anyone else since. I didn't put down the things they said in full but it was basicly me stood there as all these people watched in agreement as they went in on me and disrespected me as a mum, a person with mental health issues and just as a bloody human. I hate them all. It was genunaly the worse night of my entire life and the day after was just as bad. The way everyone was gaslighting me and trying to get in my head twist things. It's all my pushed under the rug because its just a bad night of drinking. It wasn't just a bad night, not only did they show their true colors and thoughts about me but full on targeted me.
I would love to move and be a single mum, but I can't drive in a place that requires me to do so to get the jobs. (Bus routes are bad where I am) I feel utterly trapped. I'd need a low stimulating job too. It's just shit.
Btw if anyone actually read all this, damn 🤣 I just really needed to get it all off my chest weather it be heard by anyone or not.

I’m looking for someone that’s able to play Jayce Talis from Arcane (I will be playing Viktor). I’m very happy to play out their building friendship, into a relationship and many other situations that we can discuss! I would love to hear your thoughts and headcanons you have for Jayce and even Viktor.
I would love to do some slow build and grow their relationship, bringing them closer. I’m open to one sided pining or pining from both sides, even oblivious pining! They should learn about each other and find the things they love, sharing their feelings and dreams. I want this rp to be about their relationship and how it could change once they are in a relationship with eachother. Maybe the relationship is solely sexual and one wants to change that?
I want to know about your Jayce, and learn what he likes and doesn’t, and how he loves.
Please message me if you’re interested! We can build more plot and discuss more together! Hoping for a literate, full punctuation and 1-4 paragraph writing partner. Someone how loves plotting and sharing ideas, and art.
Notes: - I play Viktor as a Transman with top surgery and no bottom surgery. - I have 9 years rp experience and 5 years nsfw rp experience. I write in full sentences, use punctuation, and communicate between replies most of the time. Please be able to do so yourself. - I’m open to much more than sexual rps and would be happy to discuss them with people!

Today it happened for the 4th consecutive time in a week… I also have them during the day, multiple times. At any given point during the day I’d suddenly remember something or think about something that my body start shaking and I have a really hard time breathing. I tried everything possible to calm my nervous system but nothing is working for longer than a few minutes. I realised I’ve been betraying myself for a long time. I don’t trust myself. I don’t trust people. I’m afraid I’ll hurt myself, I mean I’ve done it in other ways, how would anything I do next be different? I’m scared of letting people in, I’m scared of letting them see me. There’s nothing worse than being seen for who you really are, then being left for it. I don’t wanna feel naked emotionally. I don’t mind casual relationships, I’ve done quite a few. They numb my pain and distract me. But at the end of the day, I’m just a scared kid. I don’t think they even love me. All of this effort they’re putting makes no sense to me. I know if I were to open up and let them in, they’d leave. and now I’m just forcing everyone to leave. I’m so damn defensive, I’m angry all the time, I’m easily upset, and I’m always ready for a fight. But a while ago I wasn’t like this, I was a soft lover girl. I was quite. Was I happier? I don’t know. I just can’t let anyone promise me anything, it scares me. My friend said to me the other day “as another person, I’m telling you not everyone is like that”. These intense emotions I’m having scared me to the point where I was convinced that I have bpd, till I found out that no it’s PTSD. Which is something that I joked about having but never thought I actually do. I’m not sure if it’s any better. How do i become better cause I’m always scared of what I can do during my self loathing phases that are almost all the time. I don’t have trust in myself, I’ve been harming myself lately. Spent 5 days with little to no food and no water. I also have been self sabotaging myself in many many ways. How do I fix any of it. This feeling sucks

Hello! I'm a guy from the Philippines and have been dating this cute discreet guy as well.
Idk, I have no one else to talk to or give me rational advice so I decided to ask for advice and help here if possible. :((
Me and my BF dated for four months, and we've been having some communication issues. He's an avoidant attachment and I'm anxious attachment. Before when I asked for reassurance he would get all defensive, but now that we've gotten through some big arguments and conversations about it, he's more open to giving me reassurance. After that it's been a very pleasant relationship so far. We have a lot of things in common and we just bond and have a great time.
However, I was suspicious as of recent and I decided to do something that I didn't want to do at all, which was to go through his phone.
There I found he's been messaging guys on Twitter and flirting with them, and asking them when to meet and all. But all of the conversations didn't have a follow up response. So I understand he never went through with his planned meet ups. This has been going on throughout our relationship and he would message guys once every two weeks, but all responses have no follow ups.
However, I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt because this is his first relationship with a guy, and that because we didn't set up our boundaries or rules in our relationship, he might not understand that what he's doing is something that I consider cheating already.
Today I brought it up to him that I loved him and passively asked if I should worry about whether or not he might have the possibility of messaging other guys. I also passively told him that messaging other men is considered cheating and he said he understood. He keeps reassuring me that he doesn't message other guys and that I am the only one. Hugging me and kissing me and all that.
But I know he wasn't telling the truth as he flirted with another guy two days ago as from what I saw on his phone.
I want this relationship to work, and I understand that from an outside perspective looking in is to breakup with him. But it hurts so much carrying this burden.
Can I kindly ask for help on how I should confront him with this, or how I should move forward? Please be as blunt and realistic as possible because I know I need to think more with my head than my heart.
Thank you in advance, I love you all, and Happy Pride 🏳️‍🌈

SFW
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On this episode of the Spoon Mob Podcast, sommelier Chris Dillman returns to the podcast to chat about taking on the beverage director role at the forthcoming Littleton's Market in the Upper Arlington neighborhood of Columbus, Ohio. For more on sommelier Chris Dillman, visit spoonmob.com/chrisdillman and follow him on Instagram @best_dressed_busser + @littletonsmarket. Visit littletonsmarket.com for additional details. For all things Spoon Mob, visit spoonmob.com and make sure to follow us on Instagram (@spoonmob), Twitter (@spoonmob1), Facebook (@spoonmob1) + TikTok (@spoonmob). Audio editing by @TrackEditPrint. Intro music by @kabbalisticvillage.

Hey there! My name is Jonathan. I'm from Oklahoma. I know this app is more dominated by the older man/younger woman dynamic, but maybe I can be lucky and the three or so older women on this subreddit will see my post. It's a long shot, but I can be stupidly hopeful lol.
Firstly, a little about me. I have my bachelor's in clinical exercise science. Currently I work as a physical therapy technician. My goal is to eventually work as an exercise physiologist. I also live with my sister currently. Hopefully within a year I plan to move out on my own. Stuff is just so expensive these days.
Physically, I am 6 foot tall and roughly 175 lbs. I am a little skinny and flabby but I am working on my physique. I have blonde hair and hazel eyes. I wear glasses because I'm blind af and I have a scruffy beard.
Some things I like include video games (I have a switch and a ps4), cooking, hiking, camping (kind of lean towards glamling like an rv but still love being in nature). I also love history and museums. I love animals and going to zoos. I love amusements parks and theme parks.
I consider myself a reserved and quiet person for the most part. I have a hard time talking to people I don't know. However, I can and will talk your ear off when we get to know eachother more.
In terms of what I'm looking for, I am a bit of a hopeless romantic and I believe in love. I want a special someone in my life to spend my days with and grow old with. I also understand that life is about experiences, so I'm not against a more casual short term relationship if that is your preference.
I am more attracted to and prefer to date women older than me. My main range is between 30 and 45, but that's not set in stone and I'm open to someone older if there's a connection.
Distance wise, it's not a major issue, per se. I don't mind long distance but I don't want to play the waiting game. I've done it before where I dated a girl for almost two years without meeting in person and it was too emotional painful. If we're not able to meet up around 4-5 months after we meet online, we're wasting eachother's time. I don't make a lot of money, but I can save up if I think someone is worth it.
Anyways, that was a lot more than I intended to write out. If you read all that, I owe you some cookies. I don't mind so if you think we'd be a good match, just send me a message! I'd be happy to chat with you. I can send pics if you're interested.

I don’t really know where to start with this but it was a few weeks ago now and I’m still unpacking it & I kinda just wanted to vent. Long post, thanks in advance if you get to the end. TLDR - my mum apologised to me, I grey rocked her after realising the conversation wasn’t worth my energy and I accepted her apology but I don’t forgive her.
I’m 31, f, oldest of 3 kids, my 2 siblings are both brothers. We grew up in a VERY fundie home. I was home schooled until I was in year 5 because my mum didn’t want school to corrupt us. No Pokémon because they were considered pocket monsters, aka Demons. No Disney movies because they were too worldly, no Harry Potter, no secular music. Not allowed to watch “home alone” because it was BAD. We travelled around Australia in early childhood evangelising to people. Deep Purity culture beliefs. Youth group Fridays, church morning and night Sunday’s, young women’s “circle” on Wednesday nights. Sex is bad. Cover your body so boys don’t lust after you… yada yada. You get the picture.
Anyway, in childhood I always felt there were different rules for me vs my brothers… I’m the only girl/the oldest and I was expected to be perfect, and set a good example, the boys always got away with so much more than me. My mum was way more strict on me, her strictness was abuse, I have come to realise. I have a very surface level relationship with her now. We are low contact (my choice, I phased her out of my personal life). She has been cruel to me at times, invasive of my privacy, she has no boundaries and treated me like I was her property.
My mum called me and told me that the way she raised me was wrong, she said she was sorry and realised that the church we were in was a cult (this is growth for her and I was shocked to hear her admit that). She said she didn’t know any better at the time & she thought she was doing the right thing to please gawd. (Mate she was 31 when she had me so she obviously did know better, she just has no backbone) and the pastors told her to raise me the way she did so she didn’t question it, she just did what they asked mindlessly. Like a good little lamb.
She said now that they (her and my dad) have moved churches, her eyes have been opened and she’s really sorry for being so harsh on me. Eg: when I was 16 I was told by my mum that because I got my belly button pierced I wasn’t welcome in the home anymore and I needed to take it out because I was possessed by the devil, I was a jezebel, setting a bad example for my brothers and she told me I had to leave if I didn’t take it out. So I told her I’d leave. I’d never felt so rejected in my life (looking back I was pretty strong for a teenager). She also told me my body was tainted because of it and no boys would ever want to marry me. I liked it so I kept it.
Anyway her apology seemed sincere, but she also didn’t take any ownership for her choices to raise & treat me like shit, she blamed the church & the leadership.
I started to tell her that I have done a lot of work on myself mentally to overcome the childhood (I used the words religious trauma), I said I will never go back to church or religion. Then I stopped myself and went totally grey rock and just gave her yes, no uhah answers. I just decided I couldn’t be bothered with the conversation mid way. She ended the conversation by saying I should never turn my back on Jesus (in my head I was like lol too late, I haven’t believed in him since I was about 14 years old) and she said she loves me. I accepted her apology, she said she’s praying for me, I said thanks and that was the end of the conversation.
My whole family is still deep in the religion. I am the black sheep. Which is hard. I can never be 100% authentic with them because nobody knows I’m an agnostic atheist. I just cannot be fucked having that conversation.
I accept her apology and I feel it was a nice gesture but I don’t forgive her for stealing my childhood from me. I don’t forgive her for abusing me and disrespecting me as an individual person. I also don’t resent her anymore (I used to deeply). I just kinda wish I didn’t grey rock her. It would have felt so good to unleash my deepest thoughts to her in that moment but it was easier not to, it would have been such a headache having an actual real conversation with her.
Anyway I’m rambling now. It’s just a lot to unpack. One conversation on the phone with a sort-of apology does not make up for a whole childhood of bullshit.
That’s it. I’ve had therapy for this shit but it’s still very much a work in progress even after leaving the church at 17 and moving away from them.

Hey everyone.
My GF and I met eight months ago. When we started dating, she worked as a waitress in a pub and studied digital marketing. She never paid for any course, focusing only on what she could find online for free. Now she says that she wants to open her own agency. What bothers me is that she wants me to sponsor her endeavor.
It wouldn't be a problem if she'd simply wanted to work from home as a freelancer, but my GF wants to rent an office, hire people and run an expensive advertising company on all possible platforms. As you understand, this requires a lot of money.
I tried to convince her that first, she should look for an online marketing position in some agency to acquire more experience in this field and learn from those who're successful in this area. Still, whenever I start this talk, she gets offended, saying that she doesn't want to work for the pittance agencies offer to inexperienced employees. She reduces all my arguments to the fact that I don't believe in her, pull her back, and don't support her enough.
On the one hand, I'm glad that she feels confident enough in her skills, but on the other, she doesn't have any experience in this area. Undoubtedly, articles like 8 SEO Trends to Watch in 2023 and the Youtube tutorials she constantly watches are helpful. Still, I don't think it's enough to convince people to hire her, especially since she has no successful cases in her portfolio.
Yesterday, we had another fight because of this. She made another scene and said I either give her money for the business or we break up.
I care about her very much, and I'd like our relationship to evolve into something more serious, but at the same time, I don't want to invest in something I don't believe in.
What should I do? Any advice?

I just had to share this. So 8 months ago I went NC with my parents. I didn't say a word, I just blocked them on everything. I live in a different country so this was easy.
I suddenly got a call from someone from my home country. I got nervous and didn't pick up, googled the number and saw it was from my aunt/godmother. I texted her back saying I was free if she wanted to call again. Now important to note is that I know my parents haven't told anyone ANYTHING. My grandfather still asks me when I'm going to see them next and since I'm not fluent in my other mothertounge I vaguely reply that I need to sort my passport out first and that's on the other side of the country, costs, yada yada.
First thing she asks me is "so what's up with you and your parents?" Oh have they said anything? And apparently, she'd spoken to my mother and she said she was depressed and seeing a psychiatrist. So my aunt asks if her brother's been an ass again and said something stupid (he's known to do that) and mom said no. Well okay, then you HAVE to tell me. So my mom told her that I don't talk to them anymore and she just doesn't understand why.
So I told my aunt everything. How we grew up, how we were treated, the lot. "That's child abuse!!" she replies with. Yuuuup. And gosh, just the fact that she just completely understood, supported me, accepted what I said, didn't do the whole shenanigans of "they're your parents" deal. And even said before we said bye that she was going to go google narcissism. It was just so.. nice. I felt so heard and seen. And so relieved. She's always been my fav aunt. I was so glad I didn't have to block her too, that I've aquired a family member!
She said she wasn't going to share anything of what I've told her. In her translated words "if they're seeing psychiatrists then they can do some self reflecting and figure it the F out themselves."
​
I would like to ask you guys though what you all think of her suggestion. She made it clear that it was just a thought, and absolutely nothing we need to do; To have our daughter, lets call her May(5y), write them letters. Tell them how she feels, if she wants to share how school or life in general goes etc, but to sign off each letter saying that letters they've sent back will be stashed away and she wont open them until she's like 13 or something, and by that point she herself can decide whether she wants a relationship with her grandparents or not. We are a bit on the fence with it, because our plan was that once we move, they won't have our new address and they won't be able to find us and surprise us with an out of the blue visit (which I would not put past my mother). I get the thought behind it, but yeah, not sure. I know for a fact that May doesn't want to ever talk to them because they were mean to her and they were mean to her mom. She even told me the other day that she wished that she was my mother and that if she was she would have protected me (yes I bawled at this). Has anyone done anything like this or been in a similar situation with kids and grandparents?

Hello people of Daylio!
My name is Kayleigh Flaxman, and I am a Researcher at the University of Kent conducting research on how people use ‘Mood apps’ (e.g. Daylio, Woebot and the like), what sort of relationships develop with these technologies, and how these apps change or do not change people’s relationships with their emotions. This project is being run by Dr. Vincent Miller at the University of Kent in the United Kingdom.
I am looking for mood app users to interview, as I believe that these apps are a potentially important new technology that opens up many interesting questions around mental health, emotions and technology, and I think that the best way to understand this is by talking to the people who use these technologies about their experiences.
What is this project about?
People are increasingly concerned about mental health issues, and mood apps have become an accessible way to gain some mental health support for many. Thus, it is important to study these new technologies not only to see if they help, but also to see how they are used to manage emotional well-being, and what sort of relationships are developing between people and these technologies. Right now, there is little information on, for example, how mood apps might change the way people think about their emotions.
This study ‘Emotional technologies of the self’’ aims to address some of these questions. It is part of a research project funded by the University of Kent and has been approved by the University’s Research Ethics Committee.
If I take part, what do I have to do?
If you would like to take part, please contact me by email or private message and we can arrange a mutually convenient time for a video interview call. The interview will be conducted by me and will take around one hour. I will ask you about you and your experiences with Mood apps, how you use them, what affects they might have had.
Participation is voluntary (this is not a paid study), you can change your mind and end the interview at any time. Before deciding, it is important that you understand what this study is about and what will happen if you agree to take part, so will be provided with a project information sheet in advance so you know exactly what to expect, and how we will treat any information you give us.
Want to participate?
If you would like to take part in this study or simply find out more, please contact me through private message, or email me at [email protected]
Thank you for your time, I hope you will consider taking part.
Kayleigh Flaxman

Throwaway account. I (F26) live with my youngest sister(18). Before my mom died I promised her I'd take care of my sister until she's ready to go to college.
My sister and I have a good relationship but she's kind of spoiled and entitled. When I started dating my boyfriend she wouldn't let me have him over and was generally not open to the idea of me dating someone. My boyfriend and I have a good relationship and we can't survive without one another. It took my sister a few months to be open about the idea of him visiting and staying over (he lived more than an hour away, and couldn't commute back and forth at the same day.) My friends don't like being around my sister because they think she's too bossy and acts like my parent. All or most of my friends support the idea of me moving out.
An important consideration about my life is that any sort of mental or physical stress is not good for my health because I have a chronic illness. My sisters don't seem to understand this at all. This month another one of my sister is visiting us and she has been staying in my room so I don't have a lot of personal space. Recently, both my sisters ganged up on me over an argument and starting yelling at me for a mistake I made. I felt like I couldn't escape from the situation and felt trapped in my own house. My boyfriend has suggested that I move in with him when he moves to the same city later this year and I am ready to move in with him. Although I feel like I need to escape this living situation with my sister, I'm scared that I'm making a mistake by leaving my sister behind. My sister also mentions that I'm abandoning her any time I bring up the idea of moving out. I am reminded of the promise I made to my mom when I think about moving out.
Most of the days, we don't get into arguments but when we do they're really bad and effect my mental health severely. I am very conflicted by the idea of moving out but I would like my personal freedom. I do all the house chores and my sister does not help at all most of the days. I am worried that she won't be able to cope with living alone or living with another one of my sisters until she goes to college. She also has a chronic disease but it's more controlled than mine. I'm worried that I'm abandoning her. Should I move out? Or should I stay with her until she's ready to go to college?

Hello! I'm a guy from the Philippines and have been dating this cute discreet guy as well.
Idk, I have no one else to talk to or give me rational advice so I decided to ask for advice and help here if possible. :((
Me and my BF dated for four months, and we've been having some communication issues. He's an avoidant attachment and I'm anxious attachment. Before when I asked for reassurance he would get all defensive, but now that we've gotten through some big arguments and conversations about it, he's more open to giving me reassurance. After that it's been a very pleasant relationship so far. We have a lot of things in common and we just bond and have a great time.
However, I was suspicious as of recent and I decided to do something that I didn't want to do at all, which was to go through his phone.
There I found he's been messaging guys on Twitter and flirting with them, and asking them when to meet and all. But all of the conversations didn't have a follow up response. So I understand he never went through with his planned meet ups. This has been going on throughout our relationship and he would message guys once every two weeks, but all responses have no follow ups.
However, I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt because this is his first relationship with a guy, and that because we didn't set up our boundaries or rules in our relationship, he might not understand that what he's doing is something that I consider cheating already.
Today I brought it up to him that I loved him and passively asked if I should worry about whether or not he might have the possibility of messaging other guys. I also passively told him that messaging other men is considered cheating and he said he understood. He keeps reassuring me that he doesn't message other guys and that I am the only one. Hugging me and kissing me and all that.
But I know he wasn't telling the truth as he flirted with another guy two days ago as from what I saw on his phone.
I want this relationship to work, and I understand that from an outside perspective looking in is to breakup with him. But it hurts so much carrying this burden.
Can I kindly ask for help on how I should confront him with this, or how I should move forward? Please be as blunt and realistic as possible because I know I need to think more with my head than my heart.
Thank you in advance, I love you all, and Happy Pride 🏳️‍🌈

4 years ago I met someone special and I made the decision to follow him to New Zealand from Europe, driven by the desire to build a relationship. However, my journey in this new country has been accompanied by numerous challenges, particularly in finding suitable employment. While I embarked on this adventure with a sense of excitement, my heart still yearns for Europe.
My boyfriend, who is also not a native of New Zealand, shares my passion for travel and was open to the idea of moving to Europe together. However, he encountered obstacles in securing suitable employment due to visa restrictions and lower salaries. Despite our shared aspirations to relocate, our plans to move to Europe were repeatedly delayed by him as he struggled to find a well-paying job. Presently, he has established stability in his career in New Zealand and has decided to remain until he attains citizenship. We mutually agreed that after he gets the citizenship that he expects in a year, we would proceed with the move irrespective of his job situation.
Unfortunately, we recently discovered that the process of acquiring citizenship will take an additional period of 8-21 months. In order for me to stay in New Zealand, it is necessary for me to obtain a new visa, which incurs a cost of $3000. In light of this, I have requested my boyfriend to contribute half of the visa expenses, as it is primarily for our shared benefit and will enable us to remain together until he accomplishes his goal. Throughout our relationship, we have diligently divided expenses equally, even though he earns substantially more (2-3x more) than I do. In the past six months, I experienced a loss of employment and have been diligently seeking full-time opportunities while working part-time. Even during this challenging phase, I have consistently fulfilled my financial obligations, contributing my fair share for all our expenses.
The question of fairness emerges in this situation. Considering that my intention is not to stay in New Zealand long-term and the visa primarily serves his interests, it seems reasonable to expect him to contribute to the cost. Throughout the course of our relationship, I have never sought financial assistance, and we have maintained a balanced and equitable arrangement. Given the circumstances, I find myself uncertain about the best course of action. Although I deeply care for him, his reluctance to share the visa expenses implies a lack of willingness to support my stay and casts doubt on the future of our relationship. He also believes that I am seeking financial support from him, despite the fact that I have never asked for money and have always taken care of my own financial responsibilities.