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Drexel University: The finest university in West Philly

2016.12.07 00:17 IamPatbrick Drexel University: The finest university in West Philly

Welcome to the Drexel University subreddit! Here you can discuss classes, professors, politics, or Co-op.
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2013.03.05 06:45 Let's face it, Reddit. Your taste in music sucks.

Another attempted antidote to the failures of /music, /listentothis, and other sources of music that fails to represent the quality and variety of music available to music listeners. Not quite as elitist as its name might indicate.
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2018.08.28 02:28 KurtisEckstein Author Kurt

A collection of short-stories by author Kurtis Eckstein. PLEASE NOTE that this is a vanity sub, all the content posted is copyrighted, and that posting is restricted to the author (anyone can comment). Website: https://www.AuthorKurt.com/ See information about Facebook Groups below.
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2023.06.10 12:48 WaffleDestroyer1000 [Question] GPU upgrade

Heya folks - I'm returning a few years after I was able to complete my first build with help from this community. I'm back with an upgrade question.
I started to run into display output issues. The first time this happened it was recommended I test with a new GPU. I picked up a cheap replacement from a local store to test. Turns out the one shipped to me was faulty. I got lazy and kept the test one because it worked fine enough.
Fast forward ~3 years, I'm experiencing display output issues again and suspect my GPU has died. I need another GPU to confirm my suspicions, but figured I'd upgrade this time.
I've been trying to do some research, but there seem to be an endless amount of options.
I mostly play games and watch movies. My current games are Warzone and Bioshock Infinite. I will likely get Diablo 4 at some point.
My current build
My (very basic) understanding is that core clock speed is more important to gaming. I'm looking at two cards, but have reached an impass. The cards are comparable in clock speed, but they differ in memory. The card with less memory is cheaper and some tests have it ranked higher than the more expensive card that has more memory. I'm trying to make sense of this as well as find some guidance on what would be the better buy.
Asus ROG STRIX GAMING OC Radeon RX 6700 XT 12 GB
Gigabyte EAGLE GeForce RTX 4060 Ti 8 GB
Apologies in advance if this is not the right place to post this. Thanks!
submitted by WaffleDestroyer1000 to buildapcforme [link] [comments]


2023.06.10 12:48 Informal-Pepper-6673 Just a quick vent

I certainly don't feel self-important enough to assume he still has feelings for me. Nor that he hasn't gotten over me in whatever sense he considers having gotten over a relationship. But it does feel like proximity, mental or physical, makes everything explode for him. Even if there hasn't been any contact for nearly a decade. Even if we've both had multiple separate relationships after.
Recently, I heard from a friend who happens to know him that he apparently went on an angry tirade about me at a party, saying my name - to people who prior to that were absolutely unaware of my existence. The people who heard it got even more confused when he admitted the relationship ended in 2014.
A few days after, I noticed that he had checked my LinkedIn account a week or so before the outburst - the one social media I haven't blocked him on, because I didn't even think of him when I created it in 2018. And I haven't posted anything on there in months.
Don't really know what to say. To think that he's having outbursts hurting himself socially over me after so long is harrowing, really. Especially since we haven't personally interacted. And I feel sorry for the people around him when I think back to how strange it felt to me when he was ruminating on long since ended things.
It does trigger me quite a bit as well, and makes me worry - if he's like this without us even interacting, after so long, what'd happen if we actually met? I told him when we broke up that we were done and blocked him everywhere, hell, I even ended any mutual friendships we had just to get away from him.
Throwaway and story slightly altered to avoid being identifiable.
submitted by Informal-Pepper-6673 to BPDlovedones [link] [comments]


2023.06.10 12:48 alexXx9_ My Plan to lose fat while maximize muscle retention ---25% to 12% BF (Alternate day fasting + 16/8 + Weight Training)

I have been following the fasting science and lifestyle for years now, couple of years ago i was overweight although i always had a good amount of muscle since i have been (inconsistently in the last few years) trained in the gym for the last 10 years and I am someone prone to build muscle fast but also prone to keep fat (endomorph), I am 5.825 (173 Cm), So, I did try my fasting routine and went from 83-84 Kgs to 72-73, In hindsight i did some mistakes, one of them was going too fast, doing 24 hours fast everyday, alternating 48-72 hours fast almost once a week, the problem is that i found it very hard to eat the needed amount of protein and macro to keep as much muscle as i could.... also, it was during a lockdown and i am sure bodyweight exercises aren't nearly as efficient as going to the gym.
The first experiment led me to lose a lot of weight in around 2 to 3 months, I was satisfied with the weight loss and the almost non-existent hunger, but i would force myself to eat a lot of meat and things in 1 hour and i think i depleted myself from nutrients, causing an exaggerated loss in muscles.
Fast forward to 72-73 Kgs and I was fit but not shredded, the abs were not showing much and i lost a LOT of volumes, then i started to work on a boat and the kitchen had a fixed menù and from there i started to eat carbs and everything again and i bounced back to 77-78 Kgs, bit overweight but not too much... Now, I didn't mantain a good diet at all and i have been very unhealthy, I am 88 KGS, the fattest I have ever been, I am starting again a weight loss program, this time i will do things differently, here's what I am gonna do: 1) Weight Training with Fundamentals 3 times x week (mon, wed, sat), I will stick to a 16/8 during those days, ensuring i can eat more and allow myself to eat more calories, including some carbs on saturday, such as a pizza or some pasta or sushi
2) Do 20/4 the other days, or 36 hours of alternate day fasting the other days, i still need to figure out what is better for me
3) Walk 10k steps on the fasting day
The goal is to lose fat, while trying to keep as much muscle as possible, i think the 16/8 days will help me to refeed and going into an anabolic state, I will eat some carbs to increase insuling and high quality protein to try to keep as much muscle as possible, while walking during the fasting days and eat almost no carbs.
I think in this way i can manage to lose weight slowly enough to keep as many muscles as possible, this will bring me an overall better shape and therefore i'll need to lose less weight in comparison to going down deep with all these extreme fasting routines...
Any ideas or thought?


submitted by alexXx9_ to intermittentfasting [link] [comments]


2023.06.10 12:47 DecentAstronomer Hands, and The Principles of The Physics of Consciousness

How Do I Move My Hand?
Answered by way of The Principles of The Physics of Consciousness
by
Saul Célere
Question: How do I move my hand?
Answer: Just like our Universe, we begin with The Postulate of Intrinsic Consciousness, which states,
All the physical Energy that came into existence at t = 0, in the Big Bang event is, and always has been, intrinsically conscious within Itself.
Or,
The Big Bang wasn't only a physical event, It was also a conscious experience experienced within the physical Energy Itself.
Or, most succinctly put,
E = C, Energy = Consciousness.
This makes sense, of course, because you, yourself, are a physical object, namely, your body, which is formed out of nothing except a small subset of the basic physical Energy that came into existence in the Big Bang event, and you are also a conscious experience experienced within your physical form.
So, under this Postulate, In the Beginning a very dense, infinitesimally small, perfectly symmetric sphere of conscious physical Energy, in fact, we say “physico-conscious” Energy, came into existence in the Big Bang event.
At some time later than t = 0, this basic, original, physico-conscious Energy formed particles out of Itself, and since the basic Energy they're formed out of is conscious, then, obviously, so are the particles.
Viewed Objectively, that is to say, from withoutside of itself, a particle is a spherical region of increased Energy density possessing approximately measurable physical variables, velocity, temperature etc..
Just like when you're observed objectively you’re also a physical object with approximately measurable physical properties.
Subjectively, all individual quantum particles experience themselves as singular, individual, centres of Consciousness.
Just like you subjectively experience yourself as a singular center of Consciousness within your physical form.
All individual conscious particles, as well as all individual conscious entities, including yourself, possess some limited conscious perception of their local surrounding Universe.
As well as Limited Free Will, the conscious ability to freely choose from limited sets of possible future states and actions to instantiate; the collapse of the wavefunction is a conscious act, specifically, a conscious choice.
For example, when an electron enters a magnetic field, it behaves like a compass needle that can point in one of only two directions within the field, towards the northerly direction of the field, or else in exactly the opposite direction. This phenomenon is referred to as the electron’s “spin”.
When an electron enters a magnetic field it always aligns its spin either “spin-up” or “spin-down” with respect to the field.
Very importantly, it is technically and absolutely impossible to predict or predetermine in which direction any given electron will actually align its spin before the electron actually does collapse into one of the two directions.
The best we can do is assign probabilities to each of two physically possible states.
If before entering the field the electron’s spin is halfway between up and down, then there exists a 50% chance of the electron aligning spin-up and a 50% chance of spin-down.
If before entering the field the electron is already more closely aligned to one of the directions, then it is more probable that the electron will align in that direction, BUT, no matter how nearly the electron is already aligned in one direction, it can always surprise us and flip all the way round into the further direction, and the ability to surprise is the essence of Free Will.
If the electron is aligned exactly in one of the directions before entering the field, the probability of the electron surprising us and flipping around into the more distant alignment becomes progressively smaller, but still possible.
Thus, conscious electrons are just like conscious humans, in that their actions are impossible to exactly predetermine and the best we can do is assign probabilities to each of the possible states and actions available to them to instantiate.
For example, if I ask you to snap the fingers of one of your hands, it is impossible for me, or anyone, to predetermine which hand you will actually choose to snap.
Since you have two hands I can assign approximate probabilities of 50% to the two possibilities. ( Since more people are right hand dominant we can expect some skew favouring right hands )
So, just like an electron, you have some limited conscious perception of your local surrounding Universe ( look around you ), as well as limited Free Will; you can't choose to instantiate anything you can imagine, like flying, for example, but you can freely choose to instantiate any of the physically possible future states and actions you can imagine, like walking, for example.
A bird is a very different formation of physico-conscious Energy than a human, and its physical form is such that ‘flight’ is regularly a member of the set of possible future states and actions that the bird can freely will to instantiate.
You have totally Free Will, just like you experience having every waking moment of your life, however, it is limited by the Laws of Physics as well as by your physico-conscious formation.
Atomic Intelligence
The basic conscious particles of our Universe have spent the last fourteen billion years evolving into more and more complex configurations and formations, from particles, atoms, and molecules, all the way up to humans, formations of physico-conscious Energy so complex that we are capable of consciously reflecting on the nature of our own Consciousness.
This evolution of complexity has also been an evolution of conscious intelligence.
Since the nucleus of any atom is much more massive than its surrounding electrons, the nucleus can energetically dominate its electrons.
The nucleus of an atom can emit energetic radiation, photons, in the direction of a surrounding electron exciting it into a higher energy level which also changes its position in space.
And since all of space is permeated with electric field, along with the fact that electrons possess negative electric charge, means that when an electron’s position changes a corresponding electric force will act on the atom resulting in a change its velocity, that is, a change in its speed and/or the direction of its motion through space; a nucleus can use its surrounding electrons as “electric rudders” to steer through space.
In short, a nucleus possessing one or more electrons can consciously steer itself through space, and the more electrons a nucleus is surrounded by, the more exactly and skillfully, which is to say, the more intelligently, it can consciously navigate its way through space.
This is an example of how The Principles of The Physics of Consciousness allow us to construct rigorously scientific theories of Conscious Intelligence from first principles.
Homo Sapiens
Terrestrially, over the course of fourteen billion years, this natural evolution of the complexity of physico-conscious forms has culminated in the physico-conscious entity we refer to as the Human Being.
A human being, your good self, for example, is a centre of Consciousness surrounded by a very vast quantity of individually conscious neurons ( and the other types of cells of your body ), like a nucleus surrounded by electrons.
Your primary centre of Consciousness, which like everything in our Universe is formed out of nothing except the basic physico-conscious Energy of our Universe, resides at the centre of your central nervous system, somewhere behind your eyes, which it uses, that is, which you use, to physico-consciously connect with and control the actions of your physico-conscious body.
Your brain and sense organs mediate between your centre of Consciousness, your conscious sensation of Self, and your local surrounding Universe in all the various ways you're intimately familiar with as a conscious human.
For example, your physico-conscious eyes, occipital lobe, etc. mediate between the photons of your local surrounding Universe and your centre of Consciousness where you experience your conscious visual experience of your local surrounding Universe.
Your nerve fibers employ what we call “Chameleon Consciousness”, which is when a conscious entity, or group of conscious entities, are capable of taking on the conscious state of whatever physio-conscious formation they happen to be embedded in.
So, for example, the nerve endings embedded in your big toe take on the conscious state of the cells in your toe surrounding them, and, thus, by way of your nervous system, your centre of Consciousness can choose to energise the neuronal pathways to your big toe and you can share in its conscious experience.
Try for yourself, freely choose to put your conscious attention in your favourite big toe and see how it's doing. If you stubbed it this morning you'll be able to share in the conscious sensation of its pain and throbbing.
This is an example of the passive, or witnessing, function of your nervous system, as well as proof that your entire physical form is conscious which can only be explained if all the basic physical Energy and particles you're formed out of are themselves conscious.
You can also use your nervous system actively to activate the different functions and capabilities of your brain and body.
Most immediately your centre of Consciousness can connect with the regions of your brain in your prefrontal cortex that you use to imagine things visually.
Again, it's worth mindfully witnessing how you can freely choose to do this whenever you want; close your eyes and imagine a tree, or the face of your latest crush, or what have you.
In doing so, you, your centre of Consciousness, physico-consciously connected with the conscious neurons of your imagination, which you can consciously ‘throw’ or ‘cast’ like conscious clay such that your private ( thank God! ) conscious experience of them is the image of whatever you chose to imagine.
Of course, your imagination isn't as vivid as when you see a real tree or face with your eyes because the density of neurons you're using to form the image is orders of magnitude lower than the density of particles and atoms that form an actual tree or face. Thus, we see with our imaginations only “as if through a glass darkly”.
Moving your Hand
All the particles, atoms, and molecules forming the muscle fibers of your arm and hand are quantum entities, and as such can discontinuously jump into, or we say “collapse” into different physical states from a preceding state.
When your centre of Consciousness, you, wants to lift your hand, you consciously will it to move, which involves you consciously connecting to the regions of your brain involved in movement, and from there a nervous signal is sent to the muscle fibers in each of the relevant muscles of your hand.
When the signal arrives at the muscle fibers, its effect is to stimulate them in such a way that they consciously jump into their contracted state.
Nerve fibers are distributed throughout any given muscle such that all its fibers contract at approximately the same time.
How did I Learn how to Control my Muscles?
As we already noted, your nerves can function passively and actively.
This means that any time you connect with your muscles to move them, you are simultaneously physico-consciously connected to their conscious experience, which is just to say that you know what your muscles consciously feel like when you contract them.
This is how you consciously learn to control your body; at first you don’t know how to control your limbs and you just experiment by sending random conscious impulses to them, resulting in the random, uncoordinated movements of newborn babies.
After some time experimenting in this way, since the baby has conscious sensation of her muscular movement, she learns how it feels to move her arm in one direction compared to another, and before very long she has learnt how to move her limbs in any direction she wants.
You experience a similar conscious experience any time you learn some new physical skill.
Your physico conscious Self, or physico-conscious Soul, is a large and very complex quantum molecule that has taken millions of years of evolution to achieve Its current level of complexity.
Your physico-conscious Soul has the ability to consciously choose some of Its future states and actions, like an electron can consciously choose between aligning spin-up and spin-down.
However, you are a vastly more complex formation of conscious Energy than an electron, and as such you can choose from proportionally more states and actions to choose from, hop, skip, dance, cry etc..
Of these different states that you can choose to instantiate, some of them are such that the effect on your surrounding brain is that a signal is sent to your muscles to move your hand in particular directions.
Thus, you know how you have to consciously feel, or how you have to consciously “will” within yourself, depending on how exactly you want your hand to move.
The more experimentation you do the more refined your movements become, and this can continue long into adulthood if our baby grows up to become a ballet dancer, for example.
All of this experimentation is pre-verbal and non-verbal; it can be achieved long before the baby has learnt any language, indeed, it is regularly achieved by every other animal species on the planet without any possibility of language whatsoever.
Similarly, you can move your body without any verbal activity; your inner voice can be totally silent while you walk or dance, for example, indeed, this silencing of your inner voice can improve your performance of such activities.
This is why you can't really verbally explain what the difference is between when you move your left hand or your right; you just intuitively, non-verbally, know how you need to consciously feel within yourself to bring about specific desired movements.
But, of course, humans specialise in multitasking, so, if you want to, you can also enjoy a conversation with someone, or with yourself, at the same time as walking or dancing.
Check out this essay about our conscious experience of music as well as the The Theoretical Physics of The Human Soul:
https://www.reddit.com/consciousness/comments/133kaq9/the\_conscious\_experience\_of\_a\_note\_being\_played/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3
submitted by DecentAstronomer to spirituality [link] [comments]


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submitted by New-Band7785 to u/New-Band7785 [link] [comments]


2023.06.10 12:47 madeuread Need advice; coworker and management situation

TLDR; Complained about toxic coworker several times. Boss asked me if I wanted to step down into a normal tech role cause I seem to stress myself out. I am very upset at that suggestion. Boss also emailed me that I’m to have weekly meetings at the end of each week to improve my leadership skills and to me it sounds like I have to sum up what I do . Your thoughts?
So I’m 1 of 2 senior techs-no real power mostly here to train and help. Everyone else came after us. Lately this coworker who’s been here 2 years who I helped train transfer to my shift. She has been rude, tries to tell me what to do (what she tells me is usually wrong), gives me attitude, questions my position the rare times I say idk…
For months I let it roll off me thinking it’d get better but I stated voicing my complaints to management a few times starting last month cause they always claim “talk to us anytime”
I got called I got he office the other day and my bosses hit me with “are you happy in your role? You can demote yourself back to regular tech if you want? You seem to always complain
I was so upset they just casually though I would willing step down when I’m a good worker.
And then today I got a email from my boss that the simplified version pretty much is:
**“After speaking with the other management we figured a short weekly meeting with you and I would be a positive way to address any issues, ideas, or general thoughts about the lead portion of your role. I want to serve as a better resource to you and give you all the tools you need to feel comfortable and confident with the entirety of you role.
You are objectively among the most technically gifted techs in the lab, but need room for improvement in leadership, which includes dealing with coworkers who may not be your favorite - in a head on and professional way.
If we can touch base weekly starting next and each Friday:
-Allow you to relay to me how you’ve made efforts to communicate more directly with the other techs -Describe how you handled less desirable interactions -Report instances of leadership you’ve actively been a part of -And more directly express thoughts or concerns
The end goal here is to improve communication in the lab, help keep morale and attitudes more positive, and make sure you fully understand the scope of what is expected.”**
I feel very insulted they asked if I wanted to step down just cause I complained about a coworker’s constant attitude (next time I’ll shut up).
And now I feel like they want to baby me and make me explain or justify what I do.
But someone else told me maybe they want me to better grow and learn better communication skills.
Your thoughts? I just feel very offended and unappreciated if I had another job lined up I’d have walked out
submitted by madeuread to Advice [link] [comments]


2023.06.10 12:47 Iammasking Struggling with possible POCD

Hi, I'm a 22 old trans male, and this started a few years back. I'm also autistic, and my original diagnosis did include possible ocd. I also have depression and anxiety. I'm also bisexual.
TW; Rape, abuse, porn, pedophilia, gore etc.
Where do I even start. I made this account just for this. I never had any ocd symptroms, that I know of, before this started. I'm fairly certain I know why and how this started too, so I guess I'll go into that first. I'll preface this by saying I'm an extremely curious person, and have often searched up things knowing they could be detrimantal to my health. I'm better at controlling it now, and I'm very numb to gore etc. And try and satiate my curiosity as healthily as I can.
So. When I first discovered porn, one of the first things I was exposed to was yaoi. And unfortunately yaoi has a lot of abuse, rape, violence and pedophilia. I unfortunately looked up child porn because I was curious, in the morbid way and I cannot tell you how much I regret it. I was of course disgusted, but I'm sure it contributed none the less. I try to avoid yaoi etc. like the plague nowadays, but why I was initally interested in (men, bondage & femdom), I inevitably come across it anyway. I happened to contact my favorite kindergarden teacher, and almost met with him, before discovering he was a pedophile. I still shiver at one particular comment about how sweet and round my cheeks looked...
I was very insecure as a teen, so I seeked male attention online and was unfortunately taken advatage of many times. My first and last serious relationship ended because I wanted to try polyamory and my partner whom I loved and trusted, and had treated me well thus fur introduced a minor as the potential partner, and I went along with it for almost 3 months, as he slowly revealed his abusive tendencies and I also realized how wrong it all was. I had just turned 18. The person he introduced was 15.
Then, the breaking point, is I was made aware of POCD. Now, before all this like I mentioned, I hadn't had any ocd like intrusive thoughts. I was obviously exposed to a lot of trauma, and had a warped view of attraction, but I was still a teen attracted to teens. And then a young adult attracted to young adults. I'm fairly certain if I hadn't been exposed to the yaoi and all the other stuff, I would have never started having intrusive thoughts. I read this on post about POCD, and after that it's like a switch flipped in my brain. I suddenly had these intense intrusive thoughts, and bodily reactions sometimes, and at the worst I felt uncomfortable around children.
Now, nowdays, I barely have them. And to be clear, I am attracted to adults perfectly fine and normally, so that has been my biggest relief and indicator that I'm not crazy.
But recently I've found myself going back to yaoi, and having a few intrusive thoughts here and there which I can thankfully fairly easily dismiss. What I've learned from OCD subreddits etc is to not give the throughts power, treat them as if they had no significance. Like a passing cloud. And it has helped.
The one thing I still struggle with is, that now that I've accepted I'm into femboys or just generally lean and cute men that present masculine, and not just muscly manly men, I find myself scrutinizing images that depict young men. And I feel have a hard time knowing the difference between what is and isn't accetable to look at. Like a fully adult man can be hairless, petite, and without any wrinkles, so I feel like how do I even tell the difference between a say a 23 year old and a 17 year old? Like in real life it's rarely a problem and can be solved easily by just asking someone their age and only interacting with adults. But in porn and art, it can be really hard to tell.
Tldr; Was exposed to :childporn:c, my favorite kindergarden teacher turned out to be a [pedophile], and my first serious relationship after just turning 18, ended in my same aged partner being abusive and ;a pedophile?; and introducing an 15 old into our relationship, discovered POCD and suddenly started having symptoms of it years ago, and am struggling with distincting young men from not men.
I guess what I'm asking is. 1. What more can I do to quell these intrusive thoughts, or react better to them and fight the impulses to seek out harmful content? What has worked for you?
  1. Should I just stop looking at porn altogether? I'm honestly a really horny person, so I don't know how viable that is
If you made it this far, I know this became really long, and thank you for taking the time to listen. I hope I'm asking in the right place.
submitted by Iammasking to intrusivethoughts [link] [comments]


2023.06.10 12:47 bigfyuckingoof129 the beginning of recovery

my name is justin. i'm a 17 year old male and, believe it or not, i have a porn addiction.
i've had a porn addiction ever since i was 12 years old. i was exposed to it around the age of 7-9 and didn't start masturbating until i was a pre-teen. it started off normally, just basic pornography of actors who are paid to be sexualised, but it got so much worse overtime. i had started using the social media photos of girls from my school, some of them i barely knew and some of them who were close friends, as my pornography. instead of using any of the millions of videos of people having sex available online that were posted with the intent of being used as jerking off material, i often used a photo of a girl at the beach or a video of her doing a tiktok dance and i often did it without regret because that was what my friends did. i had surrounded myself with people who were equally as addicted as me, i even knew a guy who forced one of his friends to stalk a girl around school and take photos of her ass so he could send them to all of his friends. i look back on what he did now as an absolutely disgusting act of dehumanizing and sexualisation, but as a 13 year old? i didn't give a shit, i just thought the girl was hot and downloaded one of the photos to throw on the pile of instagram screenshots. what's worse is that i keep doing it. i keep going to these girl's accounts and sexualising them. i have tried to stop myself countless times, i've been able to avoid using their photos for weeks at a time, i even got a whole month without using any of their photos or videos, but i always fall back into the pit of doing it and i hate that.
the addiction got way worse recently when i started using reddit as a platform to do erotic roleplays. i must've deleted 5 accounts by now to try and stop myself, but i always make another and i always start again. these roleplays started simple enough as classic porn scenarios: a student seeks extra credit, a guy helps his mom out with yoga, a girl cucks her boyfriend. but they became far, far more dehumanizing as time went on. nearly every scenario i did involved the girl becoming a submissive sex slave to the male and at that point, i kind of realised that it's getting out of hand.
i've installed the cold turkey blocker onto my computer and added a bunch of porn websites to it, alongside the social media accounts of every single one of those girls, and have been trying to use it to stop the addiction. it hasn't worked all that well, i can't block every porn website ever no matter how hard i try, but i've blocked every website that i could for the next month.
what i'm trying to gain by joining this subreddit and posting this is a sense of support and motivation to stop jerking off for at the very least a week. this addiction to porn has consumed my life and motivation to do anything other than masturbate. i want that motivation back and i don't want to lose myself to this addiction anymore than i have. one of my best friends recently told me he's been porn clean for 20 days and i want to be able to say the same to him 20 days from now. anyway, thank you for reading. i support all of you on your journey to recovery and i hope we can walk that road together.
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2023.06.10 12:45 christyg34 Microblade eyebrow scar, moderate to severe allergic reaction.

Microblade eyebrow scar, moderate to severe allergic reaction.
I just had the scar done, and I wanted you to know what an allergic reaction looks like. This happened within 24 hours from the appointment when I woke up, I had it done bc I wanted to keep progressing and looking nice. As this only lasts a year, and was 150.00 plus tip, I was like sure. I was getting laser hair removal, and two tiny tattoo removals from the place that’s permanent and it’s the best laser. I used to work lots of marketing for a medspa, and it was really nice. I never had work done, just laser, but I really like having no scar. It’s different, my face feels more symmetrical. Working on a lot of things after long Covid and wanted to feel nice. Anyway, of course this would happen. I don’t know if it was the nickel in the ink or numbing cream she used. I never had a reaction to the two small tattoos being removed… anyway, can’t wait to I don’t shave nearly as much anymore…. already silky legs, underarms. Nice. Anyway, back to the allergic reaction…. The microblade was just done on the scar only, on my right side. Looks real, looks legit, she was even going to do a free touch up if needed. Uhhh this one only lasts a year though then back to gel and pencil to fill it in. Pretty much, I had my allergies checked before no nickel allergy. So no idea. None…. What gets me is, I text the microblade artist who has been doing this for years she said and she said she never seen anything like this, was she supposed to do a patch test? Yeah I’m not mad at her, but it scared me as it flared and puffed all up at night…. My whole body too, poof, lips and all… This isn’t my face 😅🤷‍♀️😂, I hope it doesn’t scar, I don’t think it’s going to. So, yeah, allergic reaction. One steroid shot for inflammation, one bottle of prednisone, two strong allergy blockers meds, one b-12 shot, one cream for face prescribed, one antibiotic just in case… but she said it was mostly the allergic reaction, and not the tears of frustrions from my dumb ex boyfriend I’d like to say. Who if he’s reading this, seriously? Anyway, this is something to look for when you get it done, rare but can happen…. It should take a week already looking less busted. I like having no scar though, :)… sigh… I wonder why she said she never seen this, you’d think she’d be trained on that… other than that can’t even tell a small part of it is not real. Especially when it heals and I go over it with makeup gel pencil eyelashes etc, you know what normal pretty people do…. That I need to get badly back into the grove… anyway, even just no makeup and skin inflamed to hell and back, i think I still look somewhat pretty. 😂🤣, darn allergies. Still working on it 💪 just got over long Covid and energy back, but then now I’m on all these allergy meds for a week… so that’s fun…
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2023.06.10 12:45 Angel466 [Life Of Emeron] We Plan, Gods Laugh - Part 65

PART SIXTY-FIVE
[Previous Part] [Beginning]
Whether it was a snow half-orc thing or because Felipe was the chief and in better control of himself, his rage, as he surged to the nearest tree and tore it to pieces, then ripped it out by its massive roots and beat it all into kindling (roaring the whole time), was the extent of his outpouring. Part of me felt sorry for the tree, but better it than us.
Tarq maintained a protective stance half a step ahead of me, tensing when Felipe began punching into the frozen soil, but within a minute or two, with both hands pressed into the ground, he leaned over the top of them and stilled.
In the past, half-orcs had been known to rage for hours … sometimes days, depending on the slight. When Felipe turned to us, his eyes were red with unshed tears. “Where is he?” he asked, his voice thick and gravelly.
“With the rest of my party, having his first meal. He’s scared, Felipe. We haven’t questioned him yet, except to learn his name is Shobi, and even that’s more a play on the slave designation they gave him. Snow-Half-Orc-Eight-One … and a few other numbers.”
Felipe frowned. “They’ve got more than half-orcs,” he said without hesitation.
I nodded in agreement. “I thought as much too. Why allocate the species in the brand unless you have others that are different?”
“Are you going to tell Gimweren?”
“I’ll let her know of the possibility. More to the point, you know your people better than I do. Should we let your troops know now or hold off in the hopes that they don’t locate the slave pits? How you were able to contain your rage just then was impressive, but neither place will be a good time to lose so many snow half-orcs to a war craze.”
Felipe looked away from me, palming his braid with both hands thoughtfully. “We get angry, but we don’t do the psychotic rage like our green-skinned cousins,” he said, which coincided with what I knew of the battle-grain debacle of the past. “And we are just settling in for the night. I’ll speak to the boy first, then talk to a small group of my people. Once they have accepted the situation, I’ll have them move out to notify the others. Hopefully, most, if not all of my people, will be apprised of the situation by morning.”
“Shobi is understandably very nervous. Do you need another few minutes to clear your head properly, or are you good to go?”
His lips pinched as he thought about it, then turned to a brand new tree and punched his fist dead centre through it up to his bicep. “Okay,” he declared after extracting his arm as if he were pulling it through water. “I’m good now.”
I dismantled the opaque sound-blister I had created around us and led him back to our area, showing him where the opening in our protection dome was. He paused at the human-sized entrance he and the other half-orcs could pass through. “You’re very scary, Emeron. You know that, right?”
“Sorry?”
He flicked a finger at the opening. “I had no idea this spell could be modified like this.”
To me, it wasn’t a modification. Not like the ones I was actively avoiding to side-step a potentially cataclysmic event like blending chain lightning and fireballs to create a firestorm. This was more like having a thousand troops in front of me and ordering nine hundred to turn left and use their shield to form a testudo, leaving the other one hundred as they were. I lifted my left shoulder, uttered a dismissive sound, and went inside.
Felipe followed, losing all interest in me and my magical ability as his eyes zeroed in on the boy tucked in behind the opening where no prying eyes would see him. Shobi had his head covered by a blanket, with another wrapped around his waist, still eating whatever rations my friends had found in my pack while I’d been away talking to Felipe. What stunned me was the sight of Milo chopping up my vegetables into fine cubes with the speed and grace of a professional chef. He caught me staring at him and lifted his knife just enough to point at Shobi.
I’m not entirely sure why I thought Milo couldn’t cook. Perhaps it was because the roles in his shire were so gender defined or because he’d never offered to before. But that skill with a blade didn’t come from butchering prey, and it was a story I made a mental note to ask him for as soon as I got the opportunity.
Felipe swivelled on his heel to face the boy and then dropped to his knees, his eyes taking in the gaunt features of a man-child who’d probably never had a real meal in his life. “Do you understand me?” he asked.
The boy’s eyes were so wide it would have been comical if it wasn’t so tragic as they took in every facet of the man kneeling before him before returning to his face and nodding silently.
“Do you speak?”
Shobi swallowed heavily and nodded again.
“Do you know who your parents are?”
Instead of answering, the boy reached out one hand and gingerly touched the leather bracer of Felipe’s armour. Felipe turned his hand, allowing the boy to trace his fingers across the seams and down onto his battle-hardened palms. “You fight,” he said, looking up at Felipe’s face.
“When I have to,” Felipe agreed. “And as of now, I will fight for you.”
The boy’s eyes immediately filled with tears. “I don’ wancha t’ die.”
It was more than the boy had ever said before, and I could already hear the differences in the dialogue. Shobi’s was more like the regular half-orc.
Felipe’s lips twitched into a forced smile. “I don’t plan on doing it anytime soon either, son. But those people who did this to you?” He lifted his hand to push back the blanket covering the boy’s head, and I watched the pain that danced across his face as the short hair, then the branding as the boy leaned forward, came into view. “I will end them all for this.” His tone had dropped to something I felt belonged on the other side of the gates of hell.
Shobi started to shudder. A little at first, but then more violently as Felipe’s words sank in. “No. No!” he insisted, his small frame shaking with determination. “Run. Flee! Hide! Free!” He gripped Felipe’s forearm, desperate to convey that message.
With his free hand, Felipe reached over his shoulder and drew one of his two swords, pointing it tip down and to the side where Shobi could see it. “We are not unarmed,” he said in his most assertive voice.
If anything, the sight of the sword made Shobi even more frantic. “NO!” he insisted, rising to his feet and pulling Felipe to his. “You not win! You not! Run! Run or we die!”
“My gun says we can,” I said, using their distraction to unsheathe my light weapon and hold it towards the roof of our dome with my finger nowhere near the trigger. I watched as Shobi’s eyes went wide with recognition, which confirmed what I’d thought. The Consitors also had light weapons. “That’s right, Shobi. We have them too.”
I saw his eyes drop to my gloved wrist and knew what he was looking for. “I am not one of them,” I promised. “And this is Chief Felipe. We’re here to free everyone, and we’re not leaving until we do.” It may not have been on my original agenda, but now that I knew about it, it was damn well up near the top of my to-do list, coming in just under the evisceration of the Consitor infiltrators. “And we have the numbers to do it. What we don’t have, is what you know. You escaped, Shobi. You got out. And now you need to tell us how you did that so we can use it to our advantage.”
“Emeron,” Felipe said, so softly I almost didn’t catch it.
“Yes?”
“I want my people to see Shobi as he is, but once that is done, would you please heal him?”
I looked between him and the boy. “I’m not sure what you’re asking,” I admitted. “He’s not in great health, but he’s not …”
“Could you heal his scalp and then grow his hair so that he never has to see himself like this again?”
I breathed out slowly. “Healing the burnt tissue is something any defence mage can do, however forcing one aspect of someone to age faster than normal, which is essentially what you’re asking me to do—that I’m not so sure of. I wouldn’t want to risk accidentally aging the boy as well.”
Felipe’s nose screwed up in annoyance. “Is that a light weapon?” he asked, finally noticing my gun.
“Yes,” I nodded. “And it is connected to me and me alone. If anyone else were to try and use it, they would die.”
“Yuh, yuh!” Shobi agreed, nodding emphatically. “They scream, fly apart and poof. Gone. Bad! Very bad!”
That was something I didn’t know, and Shobi was apparently speaking from experience. “When did you see it happen?”
Shobi’s gaze dropped to the floor. “Masters drop guns. Good vermins get food. Vermins who use them…”
I sheathed my gun while Felipe’s attention was on the boy, then snapped my fingers twice for both of their attention. “Vermins?” I tried very hard to keep the censure out of my tone, but the way Shobi’s head dipped low, I hadn’t been overly successful.
I watched Shobi patting himself on the chest while his other hand squeezed Felipe’s wrist. He then pointed out Milo, Thalien, Lanna and Tarq before he stopped and stared hard at Shay-Lee since our resident half-elf looked more human except for her slightly pointed ears.
“Her too,” I growled, for again, his twisted worldview confirmed much. Vermins? I would not show these Consitor dogs any mercy at all. The extent of my mercy went to how quickly that ship of theirs was destroyed. I saw Felipe’s jaw clench and knew we were of the same mind there.
“Alright,” I said, releasing the breath I hadn’t realised I’d been holding. “This is how we’re going to proceed. Felipe, you bring up to speed only those who were at that first meeting in Tetorli. I’ll come with you and erect another opaque sound blister so their various reactions won’t be seen by others. Thalien, you and Lanna go to Gimweren and speak to those she had at that same meeting. We’ll reconvene here after that, and Shobi can tell us what we need to know about getting into Jinis Ridge.”
I waited just long enough for everyone to agree to my directions, then continued, “This will be the first time we’ll have information on what’s going on inside Jinis Ridge, but Shobi is young and clearly exhausted, so we won’t be pushing him too hard for details tonight. We’ll get what we can and pick it up again in the morning, but not before you and Gimweren spread the word that we’ll be camping an extra day here.”
“We’re only a day’s ride from Cerro Nexo,” Shay Lee quickly argued. “Why not ride there with him and have this discussion with the elves too?”
Thalien hummed in agreement, and in fairness, I could see the merits of their argument. Ironically, ten years ago, I’d have done just that and to hell with what the boy had endured. “Because I’m not about to force this young man back towards the one place he’s just killed himself to escape from. He got this far all by himself, and although I plan on winning this war, there will be casualties. He will NOT be amongst them. We’ll draw all the information we can from him, and then we’ll get him the hell out of here.”
I felt Shobi’s eyes on me, and when I turned, Felipe had his hand on the boy’s shoulder, squeezing gently. “Is that what you wish? To be safe, far, far from here?” he asked. Shobi nodded so hard I thought his neck was going to snap. “Very well. I have fighters outside. Many men and women who will die to protect you. Once you’ve told us everything you can about your …err… where you were,” —like me, Felipe would rather gargle crushed glass than speak of the slave pits to Shobi— “They’ll take you far away, to our home in the south. Thousands of us are there. You’ve been so brave to come this far, and I promise you, with everything in me and our people, you’ll never be alone again.”
Tears welled in Shobi’s eyes, and without warning, he lurched forward and wrapped his arms around Felipe’s neck, burying his face against his throat. Felipe tipped backwards under the unexpected impact, but Tarq’s reflexes had him standing behind the snow half-orc chief, supporting Felipe’s back with his legs.
The second blanket fell away at the sudden movement, reminding me he was dressed only in a leather loincloth. Felipe closed his eyes and angled his head against Shobi’s, curling his arms around the younger man’s trembling body. Now and again, his hand would travel up to Shobi’s back to cup his shaved head, only to change direction before coming into contact with the brand.
I stared at Felipe’s clothing, knowing there weren’t any class distinctions between him and what his people wore, and commanded the dust dots to create an exact copy of it in Shobi’s size. Truthfully, I should’ve done this before, but better late than never. Included in that order were the boots and whatever passed for snow half-orc underwear. Yes, it would mean every nick, tear and stain in the chief’s clothes would be replicated in the smaller size, but better that than botching something more fundamental.
The dust dots whirled, creating something from nothing until they had everything piled neatly on my outstretched hand. Except for the boots on top, the dots had even gone to the trouble of putting it in the order that it would be donned.
Poor Shobi had never worn clothes, and as soon as Felipe pulled each piece into place, the boy tugged and picked at the hems and seams. He was delighted to be rid of the loincloth, though. That he threw straight into the fire.
I tried very hard not to react to something like that and our food being within the same proximity. At least it had been cleaned, thanks to Lanna; otherwise, we’d probably all be gagging on the stench that would quickly follow.
The boots were the most challenging thing for him to adapt to. His ankles rolled with each step, and sheer pride kept him upright. “They pinch my toes,” he complained to Felipe, his new hero.
“Your toes have spread from not wearing shoes. Even now, look,” the big man explained, putting his booted foot down beside Shobi’s. “Yours are wider in the toe than mine because those boots were made specifically for you. They fit fine.”
Shobi squinted, realising his were at least an inch wider, despite the rest of the boot being two-thirds of Felipe’s. Shobi’s feet were more like that of a regular half-orc, probably for the same reason.
When Felipe and I went to leave to speak to the other snow half-orcs, Shobi clung to Felipe’s hand and all but wrapped himself around the chief’s arm. Nothing either of us said could convince him to let go.
“My people will not be happy to learn you have been treated like an animal,” Felipe tried to explain for the hundredth time. “I don’t want them to frighten you when they start throwing things to vent their anger.”
“You be here?” Shobi asked, somehow interlocking their fingers even as he pointed to where Chief Felipe stood.
“Of course.”
“I hide behind you.”
Felipe snorted, and I had to smirk as well. That wasn’t precisely what Felipe had meant, but it seemed Shobi had chosen himself a champion. “Nothing untoward will ever touch you again as long as I breathe, boy. Count on that.”
Shobi pressed his forehead into Felipe’s upper bicep, and Felipe’s jaw tensed as our eyes met, both of us silently wishing we could purge all that had happened to the youngster. It didn’t take a genius to realise it would take magic and a crowbar to separate them, either.
“Okay,” I said, coming up with a new plan on the fly. I hid my hand inside my jacket and had the dust dots craft me a quilted coif in Shobi’s size, having it appear in my hidden hand. From there, I went over to the boy and slid it over his head to hide his brand, and when his head lifted to see what I was doing, I tied the strings under his chin. “Leave that on,” I said as he went to touch the fabric. My eyes then went to Felipe. “Once those at this meeting have seen the brand, Thalien and Milo will remove the boy and repair his scalp. Time will grow his hair out, but at least he won’t have that brand beyond tonight.”
I put my hand on Shobi’s cheek and guided his face to look at me. “Have you ever seen a half-orc in a rage? When they get really, really mad?” I didn’t care how much he clung to Felipe. If this were all too new for him and the sight of his own people raging frightened him, I’d have Harmony put the boy to sleep for a few minutes while we were away.
Shobi nodded. “Sportsday.”
I really didn’t want to know what he meant by that. “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather stay here with Harmony and Liab?”
Shobi looked past me to where Harmony and her familiar sat, watching. I took the tightening grip on Felipe’s arm to mean ‘No’.
“Alright then,” I said, waving them both towards the opening. “Let’s do this.”
The snow half-orcs reacted as well as I expected, but an hour later, I had fifteen of one race and sixteen of the other sitting inside our dome. The line of myself and my friends with our backs to our fire was no different to that night in Tetorli, though this time, Felipe sat directly across from me instead of on my right. Shobi sat on his feet, his shins flush to the ground and his weight leaning sideways against Felipe. More interestingly, Felipe had draped his braid across Shobi’s shoulders with the weighted end pooled possessively in the boy’s lap. The way Shobi’s other hand caressed the braid and smiled shyly at those around him, he was nervous, but Felipe’s presence made him feel safe.
I couldn’t help but look to my left where Tarq stood, knowing that feeling very well.
“Let us see it,” Gimweren commanded, flicking her finger at the youngster.
“Do not bark orders at him, Overseer,” Felipe warned. “It is only through his bravery that you are now aware that they could very well have the young of your kind in there as slaves too.”
“They do,” Shobi answered, looking up at his hero. “They have all vermins.”
Gimweren met Felipe’s eyes, but then she drew in a deep breath and held it for several seconds before dipping her head in a silent nod. I noticed several of the warriors on both sides had dragged their hands through the frozen ground to control their tempers, partially due to the boy’s presence but also because they were under my roof, which was where they wanted to stay. “Alright, lad. When you’re ready, please take off the coif and twist around so we can see what those animals did to you.”
Even though I’d seen it before, looking at the seared flesh and burnt bone, my stomach roiled, and no less than three dwarves rose to their feet. “Boy,” they all shouted at once. If it weren’t for the concern in their eyes, I would’ve ordered them back to their seats.
“Shobi,” Felipe corrected.
“Shobi,” the dwarf closest to me repeated while the other two retook their seats in deference to him. “Would you allow me to fix that for you right now? I’m Overseer Gimweren’s personal defence mage. Do you know what that is?”
Shobi leaned harder against Felipe and shook his head.
“Among other things, I’m a magical healer, and I’m begging you to let me take that scar away. Please?”
Shobi looked at me, and when I rolled my hand to give him the choice, he looked up at Felipe. “They won’t hurt you, son,” he promised.
The son part was new.
“I’m assuming no one needs to see it again?” the male defence mage ran his eye along both sides, almost daring anyone to argue with him. Unsurprisingly, no one did. The dwarf then moved to stand directly in front of Shobi and knelt in front of him.
We all waited while the defence mage completed the sequence that would make the dust dots repair the physical damage. It only took a minute. “There,” he said with a smile, reaching forward to touch the back of Shobi’s head. I couldn’t see Shobi’s reaction since the dwarf stood between us, but I could picture it, especially when the defence mage continued on. “The snow half-orcs have always looked after their own, but you have my vow now to add to that. Anyone who comes at you must go through me first.”
“AYE!” “Hear, hear!” the line of dwarves cried in unison. Even Gimweren added her shout to the cry.
I looked back at my friends and saw Harmony and Lanna clasping their hands to their chests, both fighting the tears that banked in their eyes, and I could appreciate the sentiment. The boy had won the respect and loyalty of not one army but two.
For the next hour, Shobi told us in his limited dialect about his life in the slave pits of Jinis Ridge. Many of his explanations required physical prompting when words failed him, but no one spoke to contradict or interrupt him. If he was to be believed, he wasn’t a captured prisoner turned slave like I thought. He’d been born in the pits from parents who’d been brought together for the specific purpose of breeding.
And as I listened to his tale, I thought about our own slave trade and realised his story probably wasn’t that different to so many others. The palace didn’t have slaves; only a few of the capital’s population kept them, but they weren’t outlawed.
In fact, people in certain provinces made good coin peddling in flesh. I myself had parted with a significant sum of money to buy Harmony’s freedom when she’d been taken, and I hadn’t thought to ask myself why I had even allowed it to happen in the first place. The slaves were former citizens whose citizenship was stripped from them by others who were only citizens themselves. A collar and a brand were all that separated an imperial citizen and a slave, and we had allowed that to happen.
No … I had allowed that to happen.
It was a startling wake-up call to realise the only difference between the two types of slavers was their place of origin. That if the Consitors were Imperials, we wouldn’t be so up in arms about them enslaving people.
I glanced at where Felipe sat protectively at Shobi’s side and knew I had to amend that. The snow half-orcs were the exception. No one had ever taken a snow half-orc as a slave before that I knew of.
I felt a hand on each of my shoulders and knew without looking that one belonged to Harmony and the other to Milo. Tarq always knew what I was thinking, but those two had the uncanny knack of knowing instinctively what I was feeling, and right then, it wasn’t good. I hadn’t protected all of my people—only some of them.
When this was all over, I knew I’d be discussing this at length with Roald, and I wouldn’t stop until he agreed to make a proclamation outlawing slavery within our borders. Some livelihoods would suffer, but on the whole, we didn’t need slaves. They were simply convenient. Buying someone outright instead of paying a daily wage was easier.
Depending on how wound up I got, I might even push for a total ban on slaves within the empire, including any overseas visitors.
Leave them home, or watch them be taken from you and freed.
I liked the sound of that.
Perhaps I was getting too emotionally invested, but what was the point of being the Emperor’s Shadow if I couldn’t do what should’ve already been done to safeguard not just the majority of my people but each and every imperial citizen? Slaves, before they were enslaved, would have paid their taxes too, which should have given them certain protections, and I had seriously fallen down on the job there.
Not anymore.
* * * ((All comments welcome. Good or bad, I'd love to hear your thoughts 🥰🤗 )) For more of my work including WPs: Angel466 or an index of previous WPS here. FULL INDEX OF WE PLAN, GODS LAUGH TO DATE CAN BE FOUND HERE!!
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2023.06.10 12:45 AbbreviationsReal560 [WP] Write a story about a Necromancer who doesn't realize they're a Necromancer, but instead thinks they're a gifted doctor.

Cpl Cooper's eyes opened, very, very slowly. Faint sounds of M-16's chattered softly in his ears as his platoon returned fire against the late afternoon N.V.A ambush. His face hurt, no doubt due to the impact of Private Henley's skull into his own. Private Henley lay silently over Cooper, or at least what was left of him did. Henley was missing his right arm and most of his face was now a charred mangle of flesh. His U.S. Marines fatigues were now black and smoldering were they hadn't just disappeared after the grenade went off and knocked both the men back. Cpl Cooper pushed the larger man off of him, requiring more strength than he thought he'd need. He eyed his former brother in arms for a moment, the usual feelings of terror and disgust threatening to overwhelm, as friends met their end in the jungle around him. A familiar voice could be heard now yelling something, drawing Cooper's attention. Lt. Murdock was pointing at him for some reason, before turning and barking orders in between bursts of his rifle.
Strong arms grasped Cooper and yanked him to his feet. He steadied himself and attempted to clear his mind. Another familiar face stared back at him, looking suspiciously like Private Harris motioning for him to duck. Dirt and blood speckled his dark skin as he rapped his knuckles against Cooper's helmet and shouted, "YOU GOOD DOC?"
Cooper immediately ducked and then nodded his head, unsure if he was answering truthfully.
Private Harris unslung an M-16 and pressed into Cooper's hands and shouted, "YOU DROPPED THIS!"
"THANKS!", Cooper yelled as he gripped his weapon and quickly checked to see its functionality. No sooner than he had done so, Harris's eyes went wide and began yelling, "CHARLIE! 6 O'CLO.." before two rounds pierced his throat and forehead and dropped him. Cooper pointed and fired blindly. Emotion flowed from him through every round he dispensed. He emptied his entire magazine into the forest behind the main group of soldiers and repeated Harris's announcement.
"6 O'CLOCK, 6 O'CLOCK!!"
Cooper ripped the grenade off his belt, put the pin in his teeth and pulled it out with great satisfaction. He cooked the grenade for a second before tossing it out with a hearty "FUCK YOU!" Cries of surprise and screams of pain followed the explosion. Cooper ejected his magazine and replaced it as the sound of dozens of Viet Cong infantry screamed towards him. Sgt. Phillip's massive bulk stepped into view with a scream of his own. Phillips leveled his flamethrower and began dousing the forest with flame. Cooper had learned to admire the big man, as this hadn't been the first time he'd stepped in to save him. The terrible acrid stench of fuel, fire and burning flesh assaulted his senses. Body after body fell in flames. Phillips had his typical wide eyed, maniacal grin he usually had when he was killing. Cooper started firing alongside him. Five more Marines stepped in beside them and unleashed hell at the enemy. The ambushes had been coming now for days, whittling down Cooper's platoon and exhausting everyone who survived. He was tired, he had seen far too many friends die, and he just wanted to go home. Incoming fire eventually stopped coming from the platoon's rear now, and the fireteam began fanning out to clear the area.
Cooper quickly sprinted towards Lt. Murdock who was now yelling coordinates into a radio. Two Marines lay next to him, one convulsing and one lying still. Cooper slid down next to the convulsing one and checked him for extra holes, for which he had one in his gut. He pulled out a shot of morphine and dosed the man, which slowed his shaking. Checking the wound, he saw what was clearly a large amount of blood loss and began putting pressure on the wound with his right hand.
"Shit, Shit, Shit, come on man don't fucking die!"
With his left hand he checked the soldier's pulse, finding it extremely weak and thready. The man's eyes rolled up towards his eyebrows and his breaths began to slow. Not again, Cooper thought. Too many. He'd seen too many friends die, he couldn't watch another one. He buried his head into the man's chest and began to sob as he felt the rise and fall of his chest quickly begin to cease. Cooper grasped the agate stone that hung on a necklace alongside his dogtags, and cursed the mystic shop owner who had sold it to him. The guys in his troop had laughed at him when he bought it back in Saigon, telling him that no magic stone would protect him when he was out in the shit. He hadn't cared, thinking that any superstition that gave you hope, was as good as another.
He ripped the stone off and placed it over the man's chest as he began compressions. After two intervals he checked the pulse. Nothing. He was gone. Emotion filled Cooper. He couldn't tell what he felt, but he was sure it wasn't sadness. This was more like determination. He funneled all of his thought and consciousness into the ball that was his fist and slammed it into the chest of the corpse. Nothing. Cooper hit him again. And again. Rage pouring out of him with each strike. Rage for this God forsaken jungle. Rage for this God forsaken war. Rage for his failure.
The still body twitched. Cooper nearly fell back in amazement. Fingers straightened out and eyelids burst opened wide. The man sat up impossibly fast with a pale, surprised look on his face and drew in a deep, loud breath. Cooper nearly pissed himself. The once dead soldier looked around in bewilderment and pulled up his shirt to expose his bullet entry wound. Blood still pooled around him, but the wound had apparently already clotted. In fact, color even began returning to the man's face.
"Uhhh Doc?...." the bewildered man asked.
"What's your name soldier?" Cooper asked.
"Private Ortiz."
"Well Ortiz, it seems you just had an out of body experience."
Ortiz gave a half-hearted chuckle, "No Shit?"
The sounds of battle had begun to fade to the outskirts of the valley that the ambush had been launched. Laughs and cheers could be heard as Murdock called out to his men that air-support was coming and the N.V.A. was falling back.
Cooper stared incredulously at the necklace in his hand for a moment. Could the knick knack have done it? Ortiz broke his concentration by asking,
"Doc, are you religous?"
Cooper didn't know what to believe in this moment. He shook his head.
"No, Agnostic apparently."
Ortiz stared uncomfortably into Cooper's eyes, grabbed him by collar and said,
"I fucking met him Doc. The guy who takes you to hell. He was all teeth, and fucking eyes all over him. And he smiled.... That fucking smile. I can't unsee it!" Ortiz rubbed his face, "He says your name and tells you he's been waiting." A tear rolled down Ortiz's face. "Then, I felt a pounding on my chest and suddenly I see you."
Cooper knew that some people claim to have seen things when they come back from Cardiac arrest. He remembered his trainer telling him an anecdote of something similar during medic school.
"Well you're back with us now Ortiz. Try not to move too much, I gave you morphine so you'll have trouble walking."
Lt. Murdock approached the two men and said in his customary confident manner,
"Cooper, Ortiz, glad to see you're still with us. Let's get everyone mobile in ten, we're heading home."
Back in Saigon, Cooper and Ortiz stood facing a small shop, nestled comfortably within a busy market near the outskirts of town. Ortiz had a puzzled look on his face.
"You got it here?"
Cooper half shrugged,
"Told you, nothing special."
Cooper led Ortiz into the shop. Shop was a generous name, as it was little more than the a hovel that was converted into a shop during the day. A Vietnamese man, small in stature but beaming with pride, stood in the middle of the store and graciously invited the men inside. He spoke very limited English so conversation was, interesting. Cooper held out his necklace to the shorter man.
"You sold me this, remember?"
The shop owner stared for a moment at the necklace before he shook his head.
"No refund."
Cooper shook his own head in response,
"No no, I don't want a refund. I want to thank you!"
The shopowner looked perplexed. Cooper spread out his arms and motioned for a hug. The shopowner took a careful step back. Ortiz laughed and held out his hand toward Cooper.
"Doc, I don't think he's a hugger."
Ortiz pointed at the necklace and slowly asked the shopowner,
"Do you have more of these?"
The shopowner smiled and motioned them towards a small bamboo box full of the things. The two soldiers stood in awe.
"Bring good fortune." The shopowner spoke the words in a practiced fashion. "Ten Cent."
Cooper scoffed. "You charged me a quarter last time."
The shopowner switched to his native tongue and spoke in a much louder fashion now. It was clear whatever the smaller man thought he had heard was insulting. Cooper put his hands up.
"Ok, OK, fine."
Ortiz reached into his pocket and pulled out a dime, then presented it for payment. The shopkeeper picked up the coin and stuffed it into a pocket. Then he held up one finger, indicating how many they were welcomed to. The two soldiers selected one and left.
Tran Văn Ngo stood in his shop, his usual beaming pride awash on his face. Liem, his wife, tapped him on the shoulder after the two soldiers had been clearly seen rounding the corner out of their market.
"What the fuck was their deal?" She asked her husband.
"Fuck if I know?" He gestured at the recycled treasures that had been salvaged off dead soldiers. "They crowed about how much they liked that useless crap we got." Liem giggled. "Fucking seriously?" Tran giggled himself. "Fucking seriously."
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2023.06.10 12:45 Angel466 [Life Of Emeron] We Plan, Gods Laugh - Part 65

PART SIXTY-FIVE
[Previous Part] [Beginning]
Whether it was a snow half-orc thing or because Felipe was the chief and in better control of himself, his rage, as he surged to the nearest tree and tore it to pieces, then ripped it out by its massive roots and beat it all into kindling (roaring the whole time), was the extent of his outpouring. Part of me felt sorry for the tree, but better it than us.
Tarq maintained a protective stance half a step ahead of me, tensing when Felipe began punching into the frozen soil, but within a minute or two, with both hands pressed into the ground, he leaned over the top of them and stilled.
In the past, half-orcs had been known to rage for hours … sometimes days, depending on the slight. When Felipe turned to us, his eyes were red with unshed tears. “Where is he?” he asked, his voice thick and gravelly.
“With the rest of my party, having his first meal. He’s scared, Felipe. We haven’t questioned him yet, except to learn his name is Shobi, and even that’s more a play on the slave designation they gave him. Snow-Half-Orc-Eight-One … and a few other numbers.”
Felipe frowned. “They’ve got more than half-orcs,” he said without hesitation.
I nodded in agreement. “I thought as much too. Why allocate the species in the brand unless you have others that are different?”
“Are you going to tell Gimweren?”
“I’ll let her know of the possibility. More to the point, you know your people better than I do. Should we let your troops know now or hold off in the hopes that they don’t locate the slave pits? How you were able to contain your rage just then was impressive, but neither place will be a good time to lose so many snow half-orcs to a war craze.”
Felipe looked away from me, palming his braid with both hands thoughtfully. “We get angry, but we don’t do the psychotic rage like our green-skinned cousins,” he said, which coincided with what I knew of the battle-grain debacle of the past. “And we are just settling in for the night. I’ll speak to the boy first, then talk to a small group of my people. Once they have accepted the situation, I’ll have them move out to notify the others. Hopefully, most, if not all of my people, will be apprised of the situation by morning.”
“Shobi is understandably very nervous. Do you need another few minutes to clear your head properly, or are you good to go?”
His lips pinched as he thought about it, then turned to a brand new tree and punched his fist dead centre through it up to his bicep. “Okay,” he declared after extracting his arm as if he were pulling it through water. “I’m good now.”
I dismantled the opaque sound-blister I had created around us and led him back to our area, showing him where the opening in our protection dome was. He paused at the human-sized entrance he and the other half-orcs could pass through. “You’re very scary, Emeron. You know that, right?”
“Sorry?”
He flicked a finger at the opening. “I had no idea this spell could be modified like this.”
To me, it wasn’t a modification. Not like the ones I was actively avoiding to side-step a potentially cataclysmic event like blending chain lightning and fireballs to create a firestorm. This was more like having a thousand troops in front of me and ordering nine hundred to turn left and use their shield to form a testudo, leaving the other one hundred as they were. I lifted my left shoulder, uttered a dismissive sound, and went inside.
Felipe followed, losing all interest in me and my magical ability as his eyes zeroed in on the boy tucked in behind the opening where no prying eyes would see him. Shobi had his head covered by a blanket, with another wrapped around his waist, still eating whatever rations my friends had found in my pack while I’d been away talking to Felipe. What stunned me was the sight of Milo chopping up my vegetables into fine cubes with the speed and grace of a professional chef. He caught me staring at him and lifted his knife just enough to point at Shobi.
I’m not entirely sure why I thought Milo couldn’t cook. Perhaps it was because the roles in his shire were so gender defined or because he’d never offered to before. But that skill with a blade didn’t come from butchering prey, and it was a story I made a mental note to ask him for as soon as I got the opportunity.
Felipe swivelled on his heel to face the boy and then dropped to his knees, his eyes taking in the gaunt features of a man-child who’d probably never had a real meal in his life. “Do you understand me?” he asked.
The boy’s eyes were so wide it would have been comical if it wasn’t so tragic as they took in every facet of the man kneeling before him before returning to his face and nodding silently.
“Do you speak?”
Shobi swallowed heavily and nodded again.
“Do you know who your parents are?”
Instead of answering, the boy reached out one hand and gingerly touched the leather bracer of Felipe’s armour. Felipe turned his hand, allowing the boy to trace his fingers across the seams and down onto his battle-hardened palms. “You fight,” he said, looking up at Felipe’s face.
“When I have to,” Felipe agreed. “And as of now, I will fight for you.”
The boy’s eyes immediately filled with tears. “I don’ wancha t’ die.”
It was more than the boy had ever said before, and I could already hear the differences in the dialogue. Shobi’s was more like the regular half-orc.
Felipe’s lips twitched into a forced smile. “I don’t plan on doing it anytime soon either, son. But those people who did this to you?” He lifted his hand to push back the blanket covering the boy’s head, and I watched the pain that danced across his face as the short hair, then the branding as the boy leaned forward, came into view. “I will end them all for this.” His tone had dropped to something I felt belonged on the other side of the gates of hell.
Shobi started to shudder. A little at first, but then more violently as Felipe’s words sank in. “No. No!” he insisted, his small frame shaking with determination. “Run. Flee! Hide! Free!” He gripped Felipe’s forearm, desperate to convey that message.
With his free hand, Felipe reached over his shoulder and drew one of his two swords, pointing it tip down and to the side where Shobi could see it. “We are not unarmed,” he said in his most assertive voice.
If anything, the sight of the sword made Shobi even more frantic. “NO!” he insisted, rising to his feet and pulling Felipe to his. “You not win! You not! Run! Run or we die!”
“My gun says we can,” I said, using their distraction to unsheathe my light weapon and hold it towards the roof of our dome with my finger nowhere near the trigger. I watched as Shobi’s eyes went wide with recognition, which confirmed what I’d thought. The Consitors also had light weapons. “That’s right, Shobi. We have them too.”
I saw his eyes drop to my gloved wrist and knew what he was looking for. “I am not one of them,” I promised. “And this is Chief Felipe. We’re here to free everyone, and we’re not leaving until we do.” It may not have been on my original agenda, but now that I knew about it, it was damn well up near the top of my to-do list, coming in just under the evisceration of the Consitor infiltrators. “And we have the numbers to do it. What we don’t have, is what you know. You escaped, Shobi. You got out. And now you need to tell us how you did that so we can use it to our advantage.”
“Emeron,” Felipe said, so softly I almost didn’t catch it.
“Yes?”
“I want my people to see Shobi as he is, but once that is done, would you please heal him?”
I looked between him and the boy. “I’m not sure what you’re asking,” I admitted. “He’s not in great health, but he’s not …”
“Could you heal his scalp and then grow his hair so that he never has to see himself like this again?”
I breathed out slowly. “Healing the burnt tissue is something any defence mage can do, however forcing one aspect of someone to age faster than normal, which is essentially what you’re asking me to do—that I’m not so sure of. I wouldn’t want to risk accidentally aging the boy as well.”
Felipe’s nose screwed up in annoyance. “Is that a light weapon?” he asked, finally noticing my gun.
“Yes,” I nodded. “And it is connected to me and me alone. If anyone else were to try and use it, they would die.”
“Yuh, yuh!” Shobi agreed, nodding emphatically. “They scream, fly apart and poof. Gone. Bad! Very bad!”
That was something I didn’t know, and Shobi was apparently speaking from experience. “When did you see it happen?”
Shobi’s gaze dropped to the floor. “Masters drop guns. Good Vermins get food. Vermins who use them…”
I sheathed my gun while Felipe’s attention was on the boy, then snapped my fingers twice for both of their attention. “Vermins?” I tried very hard to keep the censure out of my tone, but the way Shobi’s head dipped low, I hadn’t been overly successful.
I watched Shobi patting himself on the chest while his other hand squeezed Felipe’s wrist. He then pointed out Milo, Thalien, Lanna and Tarq before he stopped and stared hard at Shay-Lee since our resident half-elf looked more human except for her slightly pointed ears.
“Her too,” I growled, for again, his twisted worldview confirmed much. Vermins? I would not show these Consitor dogs any mercy at all. The extent of my mercy went to how quickly that ship of theirs was destroyed. I saw Felipe’s jaw clench and knew we were of the same mind there.
“Alright,” I said, releasing the breath I hadn’t realised I’d been holding. “This is how we’re going to proceed. Felipe, you bring up to speed only those who were at that first meeting in Tetorli. I’ll come with you and erect another opaque sound blister so their various reactions won’t be seen by others. Thalien, you and Lanna go to Gimweren and speak to those she had at that same meeting. We’ll reconvene here after that, and Shobi can tell us what we need to know about getting into Jinis Ridge.”
I waited just long enough for everyone to agree to my directions, then continued, “This will be the first time we’ll have information on what’s going on inside Jinis Ridge, but Shobi is young and clearly exhausted, so we won’t be pushing him too hard for details tonight. We’ll get what we can and pick it up again in the morning, but not before you and Gimweren spread the word that we’ll be camping an extra day here.”
“We’re only a day’s ride from Cerro Nexo,” Shay Lee quickly argued. “Why not ride there with him and have this discussion with the elves too?”
Thalien hummed in agreement, and in fairness, I could see the merits of their argument. Ironically, ten years ago, I’d have done just that and to hell with what the boy had endured. “Because I’m not about to force this young man back towards the one place he’s just killed himself to escape from. He got this far all by himself, and although I plan on winning this war, there will be casualties. He will NOT be amongst them. We’ll draw all the information we can from him, and then we’ll get him the hell out of here.”
I felt Shobi’s eyes on me, and when I turned, Felipe had his hand on the boy’s shoulder, squeezing gently. “Is that what you wish? To be safe, far, far from here?” he asked. Shobi nodded so hard I thought his neck was going to snap. “Very well. I have fighters outside. Many men and women who will die to protect you. Once you’ve told us everything you can about your …err… where you were,” —like me, Felipe would rather gargle crushed glass than speak of the slave pits to Shobi— “They’ll take you far away, to our home in the south. Thousands of us are there. You’ve been so brave to come this far, and I promise you, with everything in me and our people, you’ll never be alone again.”
Tears welled in Shobi’s eyes, and without warning, he lurched forward and wrapped his arms around Felipe’s neck, burying his face against his throat. Felipe tipped backwards under the unexpected impact, but Tarq’s reflexes had him standing behind the snow half-orc chief, supporting Felipe’s back with his legs.
The second blanket fell away at the sudden movement, reminding me he was dressed only in a leather loincloth. Felipe closed his eyes and angled his head against Shobi’s, curling his arms around the younger man’s trembling body. Now and again, his hand would travel up to Shobi’s back to cup his shaved head, only to change direction before coming into contact with the brand.
I stared at Felipe’s clothing, knowing there weren’t any class distinctions between him and what his people wore, and commanded the dust dots to create an exact copy of it in Shobi’s size. Truthfully, I should’ve done this before, but better late than never. Included in that order were the boots and whatever passed for snow half-orc underwear. Yes, it would mean every nick, tear and stain in the chief’s clothes would be replicated in the smaller size, but better that than botching something more fundamental.
The dust dots whirled, creating something from nothing until they had everything piled neatly on my outstretched hand. Except for the boots on top, the dots had even gone to the trouble of putting it in the order that it would be donned.
Poor Shobi had never worn clothes, and as soon as Felipe pulled each piece into place, the boy tugged and picked at the hems and seams. He was delighted to be rid of the loincloth, though. That he threw straight into the fire.
I tried very hard not to react to something like that and our food being within the same proximity. At least it had been cleaned, thanks to Lanna; otherwise, we’d probably all be gagging on the stench that would quickly follow.
The boots were the most challenging thing for him to adapt to. His ankles rolled with each step, and sheer pride kept him upright. “They pinch my toes,” he complained to Felipe, his new hero.
“Your toes have spread from not wearing shoes. Even now, look,” the big man explained, putting his booted foot down beside Shobi’s. “Yours are wider in the toe than mine because those boots were made specifically for you. They fit fine.”
Shobi squinted, realising his were at least an inch wider, despite the rest of the boot being two-thirds of Felipe’s. Shobi’s feet were more like that of a regular half-orc, probably for the same reason.
When Felipe and I went to leave to speak to the other snow half-orcs, Shobi clung to Felipe’s hand and all but wrapped himself around the chief’s arm. Nothing either of us said could convince him to let go.
“My people will not be happy to learn you have been treated like an animal,” Felipe tried to explain for the hundredth time. “I don’t want them to frighten you when they start throwing things to vent their anger.”
“You be here?” Shobi asked, somehow interlocking their fingers even as he pointed to where Chief Felipe stood.
“Of course.”
“I hide behind you.”
Felipe snorted, and I had to smirk as well. That wasn’t precisely what Felipe had meant, but it seemed Shobi had chosen himself a champion. “Nothing untoward will ever touch you again as long as I breathe, boy. Count on that.”
Shobi pressed his forehead into Felipe’s upper bicep, and Felipe’s jaw tensed as our eyes met, both of us silently wishing we could purge all that had happened to the youngster. It didn’t take a genius to realise it would take magic and a crowbar to separate them, either.
“Okay,” I said, coming up with a new plan on the fly. I hid my hand inside my jacket and had the dust dots craft me a quilted coif in Shobi’s size, having it appear in my hidden hand. From there, I went over to the boy and slid it over his head to hide his brand, and when his head lifted to see what I was doing, I tied the strings under his chin. “Leave that on,” I said as he went to touch the fabric. My eyes then went to Felipe. “Once those at this meeting have seen the brand, Thalien and Milo will remove the boy and repair his scalp. Time will grow his hair out, but at least he won’t have that brand beyond tonight.”
I put my hand on Shobi’s cheek and guided his face to look at me. “Have you ever seen a half-orc in a rage? When they get really, really mad?” I didn’t care how much he clung to Felipe. If this were all too new for him and the sight of his own people raging frightened him, I’d have Harmony put the boy to sleep for a few minutes while we were away.
Shobi nodded. “Sportsday.”
I really didn’t want to know what he meant by that. “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather stay here with Harmony and Liab?”
Shobi looked past me to where Harmony and her familiar sat, watching. I took the tightening grip on Felipe’s arm to mean ‘No’.
“Alright then,” I said, waving them both towards the opening. “Let’s do this.”
The snow half-orcs reacted as well as I expected, but an hour later, I had fifteen of one race and sixteen of the other sitting inside our dome. The line of myself and my friends with our backs to our fire was no different to that night in Tetorli, though this time, Felipe sat directly across from me instead of on my right. Shobi sat on his feet, his shins flush to the ground and his weight leaning sideways against Felipe. More interestingly, Felipe had draped his braid across Shobi’s shoulders with the weighted end pooled possessively in the boy’s lap. The way Shobi’s other hand caressed the braid and smiled shyly at those around him, he was nervous, but Felipe’s presence made him feel safe.
I couldn’t help but look to my left where Tarq stood, knowing that feeling very well.
“Let us see it,” Gimweren commanded, flicking her finger at the youngster.
“Do not bark orders at him, Overseer,” Felipe warned. “It is only through his bravery that you are now aware that they could very well have the young of your kind in there as slaves too.”
“They do,” Shobi answered, looking up at his hero. “They have all vermins.”
Gimweren met Felipe’s eyes, but then she drew in a deep breath and held it for several seconds before dipping her head in a silent nod. I noticed several of the warriors on both sides had dragged their hands through the frozen ground to control their tempers, partially due to the boy’s presence but also because they were under my roof, which was where they wanted to stay. “Alright, lad. When you’re ready, please take off the coif and twist around so we can see what those animals did to you.”
Even though I’d seen it before, looking at the seared flesh and burnt bone, my stomach roiled, and no less than three dwarves rose to their feet. “Boy,” they all shouted at once. If it weren’t for the concern in their eyes, I would’ve ordered them back to their seats.
“Shobi,” Felipe corrected.
“Shobi,” the dwarf closest to me repeated while the other two retook their seats in deference to him. “Would you allow me to fix that for you right now? I’m Overseer Gimweren’s personal defence mage. Do you know what that is?”
Shobi leaned harder against Felipe and shook his head.
“Among other things, I’m a magical healer, and I’m begging you to let me take that scar away. Please?”
Shobi looked at me, and when I rolled my hand to give him the choice, he looked up at Felipe. “They won’t hurt you, son,” he promised.
The son part was new.
“I’m assuming no one needs to see it again?” the male defence mage ran his eye along both sides, almost daring anyone to argue with him. Unsurprisingly, no one did. The dwarf then moved to stand directly in front of Shobi and knelt in front of him.
We all waited while the defence mage completed the sequence that would make the dust dots repair the physical damage. It only took a minute. “There,” he said with a smile, reaching forward to touch the back of Shobi’s head. I couldn’t see Shobi’s reaction since the dwarf stood between us, but I could picture it, especially when the defence mage continued on. “The snow half-orcs have always looked after their own, but you have my vow now to add to that. Anyone who comes at you must go through me first.”
“AYE!” “Hear, hear!” the line of dwarves cried in unison. Even Gimweren added her shout to the cry.
I looked back at my friends and saw Harmony and Lanna clasping their hands to their chests, both fighting the tears that banked in their eyes, and I could appreciate the sentiment. The boy had won the respect and loyalty of not one army but two.
For the next hour, Shobi told us in his limited dialect about his life in the slave pits of Jinis Ridge. Many of his explanations required physical prompting when words failed him, but no one spoke to contradict or interrupt him. If he was to be believed, he wasn’t a captured prisoner turned slave like I thought. He’d been born in the pits from parents who’d been brought together for the specific purpose of breeding.
And as I listened to his tale, I thought about our own slave trade and realised his story probably wasn’t that different to so many others. The palace didn’t have slaves; only a few of the capital’s population kept them, but they weren’t outlawed.
In fact, people in certain provinces made good coin peddling in flesh. I myself had parted with a significant sum of money to buy Harmony’s freedom when she’d been taken, and I hadn’t thought to ask myself why I had even allowed it to happen in the first place. The slaves were former citizens whose citizenship was stripped from them by others who were only citizens themselves. A collar and a brand were all that separated an imperial citizen and a slave, and we had allowed that to happen.
No … I had allowed that to happen.
It was a startling wake-up call to realise the only difference between the two types of slavers was their place of origin. That if the Consitors were Imperials, we wouldn’t be so up in arms about them enslaving people.
I glanced at where Felipe sat protectively at Shobi’s side and knew I had to amend that. The snow half-orcs were the exception. No one had ever taken a snow half-orc as a slave before that I knew of.
I felt a hand on each of my shoulders and knew without looking that one belonged to Harmony and the other to Milo. Tarq always knew what I was thinking, but those two had the uncanny knack of knowing instinctively what I was feeling, and right then, it wasn’t good. I hadn’t protected all of my people—only some of them.
When this was all over, I knew I’d be discussing this at length with Roald, and I wouldn’t stop until he agreed to make a proclamation outlawing slavery within our borders. Some livelihoods would suffer, but on the whole, we didn’t need slaves. They were simply convenient. Buying someone outright instead of paying a daily wage was easier.
Depending on how wound up I got, I might even push for a total ban on slaves within the empire, including any overseas visitors.
Leave them home, or watch them be taken from you and freed.
I liked the sound of that.
Perhaps I was getting too emotionally invested, but what was the point of being the Emperor’s Shadow if I couldn’t do what should’ve already been done to safeguard not just the majority of my people but each and every imperial citizen? Slaves, before they were enslaved, would have paid their taxes too, which should have given them certain protections, and I had seriously fallen down on the job there.
Not anymore.
* * *
((All comments welcome. Good or bad, I'd love to hear your thoughts 🥰🤗 ))
For more of my work including WPs: Angel466 or an index of previous WPS here.
FULL INDEX OF WE PLAN, GODS LAUGH TO DATE CAN BE FOUND HERE!!
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2023.06.10 12:44 Unknown_Bruh TEVO Trantula acting odd

Recently my grandfather had given me his 3d printer, he claimed it had some problems that he didn't understand. When the printer begins printing it will often start stuttering at random, in addition nearly everytime it prints it will sometimes extrude a little extra filament causing a faulty print. Anyone knows any troubleshooting I can try? Thanks
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2023.06.10 12:44 2bozosCan Is It Just Me Who Doesn't Want To Pay For System Memory and Video Memory Separately Anymore?

First off, there's some subjective stuff on this post, It's basically full of my opinions, but bear with me.
Over the years, system memory and video memory sizes have been getting closer to each other. Especially for the average user who only games on their computers.
Here's my history of PC building, unless defined ratio is for ideal ratio:
From here on out, it gets increasingly more worrying. 8GB system memory kept being viable for many years for the average gaming user. But I kept upgrading
Today, arguably, as a minimum, 16GB system memory is still sufficiently enough for 1080p gaming because more than 12GB memory is rarely used during gaming. While 8GB video memory is not sufficient. Latest titles, or even old titles like RDR2 completely use up the 8GB. Not to mention that both Playstation and Xbox has more video memory. And as a result, recent game titles require more than 8GB vram even at 1080p.
TLDR:
So, at a minimum, one needs 16GB ram and 12GB vram. That is a 4:3 ratio, almost 1:1, this is outrageous. Of course there are no 8GB DDR5 sticks, or they are rare, so you can't sensibly buy just 16GB of DDR5 memory for your computer. At a minimum you can buy 32GB. This skews the ratio to 2.66:1.
But, this is a whole another issue for the desktop market, which is already failing. Everybody knows the server market is carrying x86, but even that is encroached by Arm. I mean, everybody has multiple arm devices, phones, smart TV's, automobiles, more phones. Yet not everyone has a PC. By PC I strictly mean x86 Linux and Windows of course, but I digress. Let me get back to the topic at hand.
Apple, yes that Apple, has made certain innovations that got rid of separate memory for system and video. They market this as "unified memory". Their low-tier has 4 memory channels, mid-tier 8, high-end has 16. This provides so much memory bandwidth it's sufficient for graphics applications. As a result, they do not need specialized memory for graphics.
I have never used a mac or an Iphone, yet this is a much welcome innovation for me. I want Intel and AMD to pick up the pace and give us more memory channels too. Preferably with smaller memory modules.
Because at the end of the day, at any time, one of the memory is always underutilized. Vram is virtually unused while not playing games.
Same thing applies to GPU and CPU too. Because while evaluating the player input and calculating logic, GPU is literally idling. And while rendering the CPU is virtually idling. I say virtually because the CPU needs to micromanage what the GPU does, it's just how the GPU works, it's not magical. It could be argued that these cyclic idling during games is beneficial for cooling or whatever, but it could also be argued that they don't have to.
I've went off the topic again at that last paragraph. But anyway, I don't want to pay for a specialized video memory anymore. Apple's unified memory sounds good, PC market needs that innovation.
submitted by 2bozosCan to pcmasterrace [link] [comments]


2023.06.10 12:43 restlicht Air intake crunch

Hi,
my nearly new V7 stone (2022) makes as strange crunch on the right side of the intake hose. I have made a video on it https://youtu.be/MU5zk6CCIM4
Is this a normal behavior? What should I do. It was already at the dealer. They reseted the engine. But this behavior still occurs. The hotter it gets, the stronger the crunch.
I hope you can help me.
Thank you. :-)
submitted by restlicht to MotoGuzzi [link] [comments]


2023.06.10 12:43 BrassRattler 23 [TM4A] looking for friends or more WA. US.

Preferably looking for another TM like myself, but anyone is fine, mostly looking for someone to chat with online, but if you live near id be down to hangout after texting for a while, I love music of all kinds, cooking, art and cars. I am 420 friendly. I am a dominant leaning switch I genuinely love fighting for dominance...hard. I am a very kinky person if you like it chances are I do to, past all the uh gayness lol, I do enjoy deep conversations late at night and science topics alot. I don't know, hit me up, Dm me I promise I dont bite ill take friendship or more
submitted by BrassRattler to t4t [link] [comments]


2023.06.10 12:42 Neprofik PCVR Walkabout Minigolf issues

TL;DR: Walkabout Minigolf stutters like crazy, I have tried everything I could think of and nothing helps (rebooting and reinstalling everything, making adjustments to the playing area and testing with other games). Seems to be tracking issues. Does anyone have any ideas what could be causing it?
Hello everyone, sorry for the wall of text,
I wanted to try and see if anyone could have an idea what's going on with our setup. I would be really grateful, it's been driving me crazy.
For the last couple of days (since Tuesday, I believe), we've been experiencing frequent annoying stuttering in Walkabout Minigolf, making the game difficult and unpleasant to play. We are playing the Steam version via Virtual Desktop. The issue is recent, the game was working perfectly well for the past two weeks.
Our setup:
The stuttering doesn't seem to affect other SteamVR games, or at least not this much. Beat Saber can be played without problems, for example. I did notice some slight stutters when ducking or looking down, although only occasionally and not nearly to the extent they occur in Walkabout Minigolf, which stutters every 5–8 seconds or so. Also, we ran an experiment – my wife tried playing the game while I looked at the PC's screen and the game was stuttering there as well, so I do not suppose this is a network problem.
This leads me to believe this could be a tracking issue. Anyway, so far, I have tried:
I am not aware of anything that could have caused this as I do not believe anything changed, really. The playing area is the same, there are no new objects. I have not changed anything in our setup, nor have I installed any new software. There was a Walkabout Minigolf update recently (I think on Thursday) with the release of a new course, but the issues appeared before that.
At this point, I think I'm just ready to give up, move on and try again in a few months. Any ideas what else I could try?
submitted by Neprofik to OculusQuest [link] [comments]


2023.06.10 12:42 DecentAstronomer Hands, and The Principles of The Physics of Consciousness

How Do I Move My Hand?
Answered by way of The Principles of The Physics of Consciousness
by
Saul Célere
Question: How do I move my hand?
Answer: Just like our Universe, we begin with The Postulate of Intrinsic Consciousness, which states,
All the physical Energy that came into existence at t = 0, in the Big Bang event is, and always has been, intrinsically conscious within Itself.
Or,
The Big Bang wasn't only a physical event, It was also a conscious experience experienced within the physical Energy Itself.
Or, most succinctly put,
E = C, Energy = Consciousness.
This makes sense, of course, because you, yourself, are a physical object, namely, your body, which is formed out of nothing except a small subset of the basic physical Energy that came into existence in the Big Bang event, and you are also a conscious experience experienced within your physical form.
So, under this Postulate, In the Beginning a very dense, infinitesimally small, perfectly symmetric sphere of conscious physical Energy, in fact, we say “physico-conscious” Energy, came into existence in the Big Bang event.
At some time later than t = 0, this basic, original, physico-conscious Energy formed particles out of Itself, and since the basic Energy they're formed out of is conscious, then, obviously, so are the particles.
Viewed Objectively, that is to say, from withoutside of itself, a particle is a spherical region of increased Energy density possessing approximately measurable physical variables, velocity, temperature etc..
Just like when you're observed objectively you’re also a physical object with approximately measurable physical properties.
Subjectively, all individual quantum particles experience themselves as singular, individual, centres of Consciousness.
Just like you subjectively experience yourself as a singular center of Consciousness within your physical form.
All individual conscious particles, as well as all individual conscious entities, including yourself, possess some limited conscious perception of their local surrounding Universe.
As well as Limited Free Will, the conscious ability to freely choose from limited sets of possible future states and actions to instantiate; the collapse of the wavefunction is a conscious act, specifically, a conscious choice.
For example, when an electron enters a magnetic field, it behaves like a compass needle that can point in one of only two directions within the field, towards the northerly direction of the field, or else in exactly the opposite direction. This phenomenon is referred to as the electron’s “spin”.
When an electron enters a magnetic field it always aligns its spin either “spin-up” or “spin-down” with respect to the field.
Very importantly, it is technically and absolutely impossible to predict or predetermine in which direction any given electron will actually align its spin before the electron actually does collapse into one of the two directions.
The best we can do is assign probabilities to each of two physically possible states.
If before entering the field the electron’s spin is halfway between up and down, then there exists a 50% chance of the electron aligning spin-up and a 50% chance of spin-down.
If before entering the field the electron is already more closely aligned to one of the directions, then it is more probable that the electron will align in that direction, BUT, no matter how nearly the electron is already aligned in one direction, it can always surprise us and flip all the way round into the further direction, and the ability to surprise is the essence of Free Will.
If the electron is aligned exactly in one of the directions before entering the field, the probability of the electron surprising us and flipping around into the more distant alignment becomes progressively smaller, but still possible.
Thus, conscious electrons are just like conscious humans, in that their actions are impossible to exactly predetermine and the best we can do is assign probabilities to each of the possible states and actions available to them to instantiate.
For example, if I ask you to snap the fingers of one of your hands, it is impossible for me, or anyone, to predetermine which hand you will actually choose to snap.
Since you have two hands I can assign approximate probabilities of 50% to the two possibilities. ( Since more people are right hand dominant we can expect some skew favouring right hands )
So, just like an electron, you have some limited conscious perception of your local surrounding Universe ( look around you ), as well as limited Free Will; you can't choose to instantiate anything you can imagine, like flying, for example, but you can freely choose to instantiate any of the physically possible future states and actions you can imagine, like walking, for example.
A bird is a very different formation of physico-conscious Energy than a human, and its physical form is such that ‘flight’ is regularly a member of the set of possible future states and actions that the bird can freely will to instantiate.
You have totally Free Will, just like you experience having every waking moment of your life, however, it is limited by the Laws of Physics as well as by your physico-conscious formation.
Atomic Intelligence
The basic conscious particles of our Universe have spent the last fourteen billion years evolving into more and more complex configurations and formations, from particles, atoms, and molecules, all the way up to humans, formations of physico-conscious Energy so complex that we are capable of consciously reflecting on the nature of our own Consciousness.
This evolution of complexity has also been an evolution of conscious intelligence.
Since the nucleus of any atom is much more massive than its surrounding electrons, the nucleus can energetically dominate its electrons.
The nucleus of an atom can emit energetic radiation, photons, in the direction of a surrounding electron exciting it into a higher energy level which also changes its position in space.
And since all of space is permeated with electric field, along with the fact that electrons possess negative electric charge, means that when an electron’s position changes a corresponding electric force will act on the atom resulting in a change its velocity, that is, a change in its speed and/or the direction of its motion through space; a nucleus can use its surrounding electrons as “electric rudders” to steer through space.
In short, a nucleus possessing one or more electrons can consciously steer itself through space, and the more electrons a nucleus is surrounded by, the more exactly and skillfully, which is to say, the more intelligently, it can consciously navigate its way through space.
This is an example of how The Principles of The Physics of Consciousness allow us to construct rigorously scientific theories of Conscious Intelligence from first principles.
Homo Sapiens
Terrestrially, over the course of fourteen billion years, this natural evolution of the complexity of physico-conscious forms has culminated in the physico-conscious entity we refer to as the Human Being.
A human being, your good self, for example, is a centre of Consciousness surrounded by a very vast quantity of individually conscious neurons ( and the other types of cells of your body ), like a nucleus surrounded by electrons.
Your primary centre of Consciousness, which like everything in our Universe is formed out of nothing except the basic physico-conscious Energy of our Universe, resides at the centre of your central nervous system, somewhere behind your eyes, which it uses, that is, which you use, to physico-consciously connect with and control the actions of your physico-conscious body.
Your brain and sense organs mediate between your centre of Consciousness, your conscious sensation of Self, and your local surrounding Universe in all the various ways you're intimately familiar with as a conscious human.
For example, your physico-conscious eyes, occipital lobe, etc. mediate between the photons of your local surrounding Universe and your centre of Consciousness where you experience your conscious visual experience of your local surrounding Universe.
Your nerve fibers employ what we call “Chameleon Consciousness”, which is when a conscious entity, or group of conscious entities, are capable of taking on the conscious state of whatever physio-conscious formation they happen to be embedded in.
So, for example, the nerve endings embedded in your big toe take on the conscious state of the cells in your toe surrounding them, and, thus, by way of your nervous system, your centre of Consciousness can choose to energise the neuronal pathways to your big toe and you can share in its conscious experience.
Try for yourself, freely choose to put your conscious attention in your favourite big toe and see how it's doing. If you stubbed it this morning you'll be able to share in the conscious sensation of its pain and throbbing.
This is an example of the passive, or witnessing, function of your nervous system, as well as proof that your entire physical form is conscious which can only be explained if all the basic physical Energy and particles you're formed out of are themselves conscious.
You can also use your nervous system actively to activate the different functions and capabilities of your brain and body.
Most immediately your centre of Consciousness can connect with the regions of your brain in your prefrontal cortex that you use to imagine things visually.
Again, it's worth mindfully witnessing how you can freely choose to do this whenever you want; close your eyes and imagine a tree, or the face of your latest crush, or what have you.
In doing so, you, your centre of Consciousness, physico-consciously connected with the conscious neurons of your imagination, which you can consciously ‘throw’ or ‘cast’ like conscious clay such that your private ( thank God! ) conscious experience of them is the image of whatever you chose to imagine.
Of course, your imagination isn't as vivid as when you see a real tree or face with your eyes because the density of neurons you're using to form the image is orders of magnitude lower than the density of particles and atoms that form an actual tree or face. Thus, we see with our imaginations only “as if through a glass darkly”.
Moving your Hand
All the particles, atoms, and molecules forming the muscle fibers of your arm and hand are quantum entities, and as such can discontinuously jump into, or we say “collapse” into different physical states from a preceding state.
When your centre of Consciousness, you, wants to lift your hand, you consciously will it to move, which involves you consciously connecting to the regions of your brain involved in movement, and from there a nervous signal is sent to the muscle fibers in each of the relevant muscles of your hand.
When the signal arrives at the muscle fibers, its effect is to stimulate them in such a way that they consciously jump into their contracted state.
Nerve fibers are distributed throughout any given muscle such that all its fibers contract at approximately the same time.
How did I Learn how to Control my Muscles?
As we already noted, your nerves can function passively and actively.
This means that any time you connect with your muscles to move them, you are simultaneously physico-consciously connected to their conscious experience, which is just to say that you know what your muscles consciously feel like when you contract them.
This is how you consciously learn to control your body; at first you don’t know how to control your limbs and you just experiment by sending random conscious impulses to them, resulting in the random, uncoordinated movements of newborn babies.
After some time experimenting in this way, since the baby has conscious sensation of her muscular movement, she learns how it feels to move her arm in one direction compared to another, and before very long she has learnt how to move her limbs in any direction she wants.
You experience a similar conscious experience any time you learn some new physical skill.
Your physico conscious Self, or physico-conscious Soul, is a large and very complex quantum molecule that has taken millions of years of evolution to achieve Its current level of complexity.
Your physico-conscious Soul has the ability to consciously choose some of Its future states and actions, like an electron can consciously choose between aligning spin-up and spin-down.
However, you are a vastly more complex formation of conscious Energy than an electron, and as such you can choose from proportionally more states and actions to choose from, hop, skip, dance, cry etc..
Of these different states that you can choose to instantiate, some of them are such that the effect on your surrounding brain is that a signal is sent to your muscles to move your hand in particular directions.
Thus, you know how you have to consciously feel, or how you have to consciously “will” within yourself, depending on how exactly you want your hand to move.
The more experimentation you do the more refined your movements become, and this can continue long into adulthood if our baby grows up to become a ballet dancer, for example.
All of this experimentation is pre-verbal and non-verbal; it can be achieved long before the baby has learnt any language, indeed, it is regularly achieved by every other animal species on the planet without any possibility of language whatsoever.
Similarly, you can move your body without any verbal activity; your inner voice can be totally silent while you walk or dance, for example, indeed, this silencing of your inner voice can improve your performance of such activities.
This is why you can't really verbally explain what the difference is between when you move your left hand or your right; you just intuitively, non-verbally, know how you need to consciously feel within yourself to bring about specific desired movements.
But, of course, humans specialise in multitasking, so, if you want to, you can also enjoy a conversation with someone, or with yourself, at the same time as walking or dancing.
Check out this essay about our conscious experience of music as well as the The Theoretical Physics of The Human Soul:
https://www.reddit.com/consciousness/comments/133kaq9/the\_conscious\_experience\_of\_a\_note\_being\_played/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3
submitted by DecentAstronomer to AlanWatts [link] [comments]


2023.06.10 12:41 worldofwhat Undramatization in classic British cinema

I was reminded of yhis by another post here mentioning Day of the Jackal but is this a trend and does anyone have any other examples?
What I mean is British cinema of the mid-20th century that eschews melodramatic dramatization for a grounded, almost procedural approach to a series of events. It's a bit like American neorealism but almost more banal and less character focused. Forgive me if it seems reaching, as I can only think of two examples offhand but I swrar there are others on the tip of my tongue. My examples are Day of the Jackal and Dambusters. Both films have little or nothing in way of a score and present scenes very methodically and without rushing or giving much emphasis on cinematography or performance, very dry. They present the mechanics of procedures and tactical decisions in great detail. The other post mentioned the methodical perfection of the Hitman's craft in Day of the Jackal. 80% of Dambusters is focused on the various tests and developments of the mechanism and formations for carrying out the attack. Characters are largely cogs in the operational machine and while they have some personality, they rarely run into high drama between themselves and are pretty consistently alligned in goals. There's no asshole higher up trying to kill the project leader's plan, it's just test it thoroughly to make sure it works. I remember noting a similar thing reading Lord of the Rings, with the Fellowship very rarely having conficting goals or fighting, save to some extent Boromir. It feels like a very British attitude to narrative. These are all related to military/public defense so it could be a reflection of a national desire for cohesion in these areas. Thoughts?
submitted by worldofwhat to TrueFilm [link] [comments]


2023.06.10 12:41 DecentAstronomer Hands, and The Principles of The Physics of Consciousness

How Do I Move My Hand?
Answered by way of The Principles of The Physics of Consciousness
by
Saul Célere
Question: How do I move my hand?
Answer: Just like our Universe, we begin with The Postulate of Intrinsic Consciousness, which states,
All the physical Energy that came into existence at t = 0, in the Big Bang event is, and always has been, intrinsically conscious within Itself.
Or,
The Big Bang wasn't only a physical event, It was also a conscious experience experienced within the physical Energy Itself.
Or, most succinctly put,
E = C, Energy = Consciousness.
This makes sense, of course, because you, yourself, are a physical object, namely, your body, which is formed out of nothing except a small subset of the basic physical Energy that came into existence in the Big Bang event, and you are also a conscious experience experienced within your physical form.
So, under this Postulate, In the Beginning a very dense, infinitesimally small, perfectly symmetric sphere of conscious physical Energy, in fact, we say “physico-conscious” Energy, came into existence in the Big Bang event.
At some time later than t = 0, this basic, original, physico-conscious Energy formed particles out of Itself, and since the basic Energy they're formed out of is conscious, then, obviously, so are the particles.
Viewed Objectively, that is to say, from withoutside of itself, a particle is a spherical region of increased Energy density possessing approximately measurable physical variables, velocity, temperature etc..
Just like when you're observed objectively you’re also a physical object with approximately measurable physical properties.
Subjectively, all individual quantum particles experience themselves as singular, individual, centres of Consciousness.
Just like you subjectively experience yourself as a singular center of Consciousness within your physical form.
All individual conscious particles, as well as all individual conscious entities, including yourself, possess some limited conscious perception of their local surrounding Universe.
As well as Limited Free Will, the conscious ability to freely choose from limited sets of possible future states and actions to instantiate; the collapse of the wavefunction is a conscious act, specifically, a conscious choice.
For example, when an electron enters a magnetic field, it behaves like a compass needle that can point in one of only two directions within the field, towards the northerly direction of the field, or else in exactly the opposite direction. This phenomenon is referred to as the electron’s “spin”.
When an electron enters a magnetic field it always aligns its spin either “spin-up” or “spin-down” with respect to the field.
Very importantly, it is technically and absolutely impossible to predict or predetermine in which direction any given electron will actually align its spin before the electron actually does collapse into one of the two directions.
The best we can do is assign probabilities to each of two physically possible states.
If before entering the field the electron’s spin is halfway between up and down, then there exists a 50% chance of the electron aligning spin-up and a 50% chance of spin-down.
If before entering the field the electron is already more closely aligned to one of the directions, then it is more probable that the electron will align in that direction, BUT, no matter how nearly the electron is already aligned in one direction, it can always surprise us and flip all the way round into the further direction, and the ability to surprise is the essence of Free Will.
If the electron is aligned exactly in one of the directions before entering the field, the probability of the electron surprising us and flipping around into the more distant alignment becomes progressively smaller, but still possible.
Thus, conscious electrons are just like conscious humans, in that their actions are impossible to exactly predetermine and the best we can do is assign probabilities to each of the possible states and actions available to them to instantiate.
For example, if I ask you to snap the fingers of one of your hands, it is impossible for me, or anyone, to predetermine which hand you will actually choose to snap.
Since you have two hands I can assign approximate probabilities of 50% to the two possibilities. ( Since more people are right hand dominant we can expect some skew favouring right hands )
So, just like an electron, you have some limited conscious perception of your local surrounding Universe ( look around you ), as well as limited Free Will; you can't choose to instantiate anything you can imagine, like flying, for example, but you can freely choose to instantiate any of the physically possible future states and actions you can imagine, like walking, for example.
A bird is a very different formation of physico-conscious Energy than a human, and its physical form is such that ‘flight’ is regularly a member of the set of possible future states and actions that the bird can freely will to instantiate.
You have totally Free Will, just like you experience having every waking moment of your life, however, it is limited by the Laws of Physics as well as by your physico-conscious formation.
Atomic Intelligence
The basic conscious particles of our Universe have spent the last fourteen billion years evolving into more and more complex configurations and formations, from particles, atoms, and molecules, all the way up to humans, formations of physico-conscious Energy so complex that we are capable of consciously reflecting on the nature of our own Consciousness.
This evolution of complexity has also been an evolution of conscious intelligence.
Since the nucleus of any atom is much more massive than its surrounding electrons, the nucleus can energetically dominate its electrons.
The nucleus of an atom can emit energetic radiation, photons, in the direction of a surrounding electron exciting it into a higher energy level which also changes its position in space.
And since all of space is permeated with electric field, along with the fact that electrons possess negative electric charge, means that when an electron’s position changes a corresponding electric force will act on the atom resulting in a change its velocity, that is, a change in its speed and/or the direction of its motion through space; a nucleus can use its surrounding electrons as “electric rudders” to steer through space.
In short, a nucleus possessing one or more electrons can consciously steer itself through space, and the more electrons a nucleus is surrounded by, the more exactly and skillfully, which is to say, the more intelligently, it can consciously navigate its way through space.
This is an example of how The Principles of The Physics of Consciousness allow us to construct rigorously scientific theories of Conscious Intelligence from first principles.
Homo Sapiens
Terrestrially, over the course of fourteen billion years, this natural evolution of the complexity of physico-conscious forms has culminated in the physico-conscious entity we refer to as the Human Being.
A human being, your good self, for example, is a centre of Consciousness surrounded by a very vast quantity of individually conscious neurons ( and the other types of cells of your body ), like a nucleus surrounded by electrons.
Your primary centre of Consciousness, which like everything in our Universe is formed out of nothing except the basic physico-conscious Energy of our Universe, resides at the centre of your central nervous system, somewhere behind your eyes, which it uses, that is, which you use, to physico-consciously connect with and control the actions of your physico-conscious body.
Your brain and sense organs mediate between your centre of Consciousness, your conscious sensation of Self, and your local surrounding Universe in all the various ways you're intimately familiar with as a conscious human.
For example, your physico-conscious eyes, occipital lobe, etc. mediate between the photons of your local surrounding Universe and your centre of Consciousness where you experience your conscious visual experience of your local surrounding Universe.
Your nerve fibers employ what we call “Chameleon Consciousness”, which is when a conscious entity, or group of conscious entities, are capable of taking on the conscious state of whatever physio-conscious formation they happen to be embedded in.
So, for example, the nerve endings embedded in your big toe take on the conscious state of the cells in your toe surrounding them, and, thus, by way of your nervous system, your centre of Consciousness can choose to energise the neuronal pathways to your big toe and you can share in its conscious experience.
Try for yourself, freely choose to put your conscious attention in your favourite big toe and see how it's doing. If you stubbed it this morning you'll be able to share in the conscious sensation of its pain and throbbing.
This is an example of the passive, or witnessing, function of your nervous system, as well as proof that your entire physical form is conscious which can only be explained if all the basic physical Energy and particles you're formed out of are themselves conscious.
You can also use your nervous system actively to activate the different functions and capabilities of your brain and body.
Most immediately your centre of Consciousness can connect with the regions of your brain in your prefrontal cortex that you use to imagine things visually.
Again, it's worth mindfully witnessing how you can freely choose to do this whenever you want; close your eyes and imagine a tree, or the face of your latest crush, or what have you.
In doing so, you, your centre of Consciousness, physico-consciously connected with the conscious neurons of your imagination, which you can consciously ‘throw’ or ‘cast’ like conscious clay such that your private ( thank God! ) conscious experience of them is the image of whatever you chose to imagine.
Of course, your imagination isn't as vivid as when you see a real tree or face with your eyes because the density of neurons you're using to form the image is orders of magnitude lower than the density of particles and atoms that form an actual tree or face. Thus, we see with our imaginations only “as if through a glass darkly”.
Moving your Hand
All the particles, atoms, and molecules forming the muscle fibers of your arm and hand are quantum entities, and as such can discontinuously jump into, or we say “collapse” into different physical states from a preceding state.
When your centre of Consciousness, you, wants to lift your hand, you consciously will it to move, which involves you consciously connecting to the regions of your brain involved in movement, and from there a nervous signal is sent to the muscle fibers in each of the relevant muscles of your hand.
When the signal arrives at the muscle fibers, its effect is to stimulate them in such a way that they consciously jump into their contracted state.
Nerve fibers are distributed throughout any given muscle such that all its fibers contract at approximately the same time.
How did I Learn how to Control my Muscles?
As we already noted, your nerves can function passively and actively.
This means that any time you connect with your muscles to move them, you are simultaneously physico-consciously connected to their conscious experience, which is just to say that you know what your muscles consciously feel like when you contract them.
This is how you consciously learn to control your body; at first you don’t know how to control your limbs and you just experiment by sending random conscious impulses to them, resulting in the random, uncoordinated movements of newborn babies.
After some time experimenting in this way, since the baby has conscious sensation of her muscular movement, she learns how it feels to move her arm in one direction compared to another, and before very long she has learnt how to move her limbs in any direction she wants.
You experience a similar conscious experience any time you learn some new physical skill.
Your physico conscious Self, or physico-conscious Soul, is a large and very complex quantum molecule that has taken millions of years of evolution to achieve Its current level of complexity.
Your physico-conscious Soul has the ability to consciously choose some of Its future states and actions, like an electron can consciously choose between aligning spin-up and spin-down.
However, you are a vastly more complex formation of conscious Energy than an electron, and as such you can choose from proportionally more states and actions to choose from, hop, skip, dance, cry etc..
Of these different states that you can choose to instantiate, some of them are such that the effect on your surrounding brain is that a signal is sent to your muscles to move your hand in particular directions.
Thus, you know how you have to consciously feel, or how you have to consciously “will” within yourself, depending on how exactly you want your hand to move.
The more experimentation you do the more refined your movements become, and this can continue long into adulthood if our baby grows up to become a ballet dancer, for example.
All of this experimentation is pre-verbal and non-verbal; it can be achieved long before the baby has learnt any language, indeed, it is regularly achieved by every other animal species on the planet without any possibility of language whatsoever.
Similarly, you can move your body without any verbal activity; your inner voice can be totally silent while you walk or dance, for example, indeed, this silencing of your inner voice can improve your performance of such activities.
This is why you can't really verbally explain what the difference is between when you move your left hand or your right; you just intuitively, non-verbally, know how you need to consciously feel within yourself to bring about specific desired movements.
But, of course, humans specialise in multitasking, so, if you want to, you can also enjoy a conversation with someone, or with yourself, at the same time as walking or dancing.
Check out this essay about our conscious experience of music as well as the The Theoretical Physics of The Human Soul:
https://www.reddit.com/consciousness/comments/133kaq9/the\_conscious\_experience\_of\_a\_note\_being\_played/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3
submitted by DecentAstronomer to nonduality [link] [comments]


2023.06.10 12:40 Arcturus975 How Do You Get Through It All?

I’ve been in the Air Force now for nearly a decade and I feel like I’ve hit the lowest point in my life. I’m enlisted and I have another 5 years left on my contract. Don’t get me wrong I have an absolutely amazing family that supports me really well, but the job I do feels like it’s sucking the life out of me. I’m no maintainer or SFS, but I am a shift worker that consistently works 12 hour shifts. My current job is incredibly tedious. It’s 12 hours of answering phones and doing the same monotonous things over and over and over again. Every time I have to go to work I have this overwhelming feeling of dread and sadness. It’s gotten to the point where I went to mental health, because I’m struggling at enjoying my time off and now I’m struggling to reschedule appointments with mental health because it all just feels so never ending. All I can think about is wanting to get out of the military, but I can’t and it makes me feel worse. I’m just at a loss at what to do right now.
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2023.06.10 12:40 singing_chocolate Mother been censoring me my whole life

I’m pretty sure my mother is a narcissist. Her brother and sister both have schizophrenia sadly and her other brother and her are estranged. My whole life I have felt censored and gaslit by my mother. Since I got diagnosed with ADHD a year ago I have realised my mother is the main cause of my insecurities and is more than likely a narcissist. She has always been the gatekeeper to mine and my brothers relationship. Gets paranoid when we talk together, gets upset by any perceived slights and accuses people- namely me of disloyalty when she is not informed or things. Since I realised she has caused a lot of issues, a whole lot of enlightened memories have surfaced.
Throughout my life, mum would try and censor me. She would kick me under the table or nudge me if she thought I was “talking too much” or “said the wrong thing” and would glare at me for saying the “wrong thing”. She still does it and I’m nearly 40. Some of the insults mum has hurled at me throughout the years has been abusive.
I have felt gaslit for so long, convinced I was the problem. Having ADHD I realise that two things can be true. I can be the problem and also I will be anxious and paranoid that it’s still true. However, I have realised my mothers negative criticisms, slut shaming, fat phobia and misogyny have got to me over the years. She appears to be a warm, kind, progressive and passionate woman. However, it is heartbreaking to me to realise that I am not sure my mother ever loved me- or if she has- it’s always been conditional on her approval
Even now, when I am with others, I see my mothers glare and feel her nudge against my arm and I feel like I am still being “too much”.
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