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2023.05.12 19:35 Frances_P042682 CleaningServiceNearMe

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2023.06.09 23:54 Sammy-Lynx I went from a happy go lucky person seeking social interaction to someone bitter who actively avoids it and then to someone who barely cares anymore.

Growing up I was forced to accept that as people grow older, the more they grow apart for a number of possible reasons. One being "Maybe they just don't like me anymore" which yehh ofc is a negative way of looking at it but is technically a real possibility given most people wouldn't just say that to your face if it we're true.
I used to go out of my way to spend time with the people I care about or even meet new people but the more people I lost with time the less I started to care (unwittingly at first), this includes classmates, family members and people I've met through online games and such. I had to understand everyone has their own lives and I'm just not a part of them, I had to understand people are just generally more busy as they get older. I still see some of my family from time to time but nowhere near as much and we just aren't that close anymore I hate to admit.
Cause of this the few times I do see people from my past, it's just a constant reminder that our relationship isn't what it once was and it probably will never be again, I generally see it as a waste of time and energy knowing my efforts are futile.
Idk if that was the only reason I started to have a distaste for socializing or if it's also cause of the fact I concider people confusing now and just aren't worth the trouble. Like how easily irrated people tend to be and vise versa or the vastly different beliefs we tend to share.
Ik being "antisocial" is usually seen as a bad thing or whatever but it just seems like a logical conclusion after everything. People exhaust me and I'm not allowed to act like that's the case offline but it honestly is even though I'm only 26+yrold.
And yehh I'm aware I can just appreciate the short spurts of time I have with any given person but all I've ever really been interested in is having a meaningful relationship with at least one person and it sometimes feels like that'll never happen short of getting married or dating which doesn't even promise that would be the case anyways.
submitted by Sammy-Lynx to offmychest [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 23:54 New_Doughnut_4034 Struggling with my partner's mental health: fading vision for the future

I (29M) and him (30M) in a 4-Year Relationship I wrote this while being in “shock” and it turned more into a long rant of my situation. English isn't my first language.
I, a 29-year-old male, have been in a relationship with my partner (30M) for 4 years now. While not every moment in the past 4 years has been perfect, I mostly look back on our relationship with happy memories. Our personalities overlap and complement each other in a way that I believe is unique and unlikely to be experienced again in this lifetime. He has a great sense of humor, takes care of me, and I have no doubt that he genuinely loves me. However, I must acknowledge that the last year hasn't been entirely smooth.
Even before we met, he has been struggling with mental health problems, primarily depression. During his teenage years, it went mostly undiagnosed, and he only began his mental health journey in his early to mid-20s. He only revealed his depression to me about 4 months into our relationship. While I didn't expect it, I wasn't completely shocked either. I reassured him that although there is still a significant stigma associated with mental health struggles in our country and society, all I care about is his well-being. I encouraged him to treat his "illness" just like any other health condition, meaning that he needs to actively take care of his mental health. Although I understand that something like depression doesn't have a "cure" like a broken bone, it can be managed, therapeutically addressed, and even treated with medication.
When we first met, he was already attending 1-on-1 therapy sessions and group therapy. About one to two years into our relationship, he started seeing a new therapist for personal reasons. She suggested starting him on a "light" antidepressant (I'm not sure of the specific name) and, to put it simply, it made a significant positive impact on him. There were minor side effects like dry skin in the winter, but they were outweighed by the obvious improvements in his mood and mental health.
For example, prior to taking the medication, he would have what we called "breakdown" conversations about every other week. After coming home from work (which was his main stressor), he would cry and express how much he thought he was failing at his job and how useless he felt. However, after starting the medication, these conversations occurred only about once every two months, and they were much less emotionally intense. I always make an effort to listen to him and reassure him that he is a wonderful person, emphasizing that his self-perception is not how the rest of us see or perceive him.
When I sense that he needs to vent and "let it out," I lend an ear and provide support. And when I feel that he needs advice or an opinion on something, I try to offer my input while minimizing personal criticism. In other words, I don't tell him he did something wrong; instead, I attempt to show him how certain behaviors may benefit others at the expense of his own mental well-being, and I guide him on how to handle such situations in the future. As long as he remains consistent with his medication and therapy, he continues to thrive and grow both as an individual and as a partner in our relationship.
We had wonderful moments together, and I could see that he was learning to handle conflicts at work in a more detached and less critical manner. During this period, he also made the decision to pursue studies at a distance university because he couldn't envision himself working in his current field for the rest of his life. While he continued to work full-time, he now had an additional academic workload to manage. Initially, he seemed to be coping, but the added stress quickly started taking a toll on his mental health. That's when I took it upon myself to alleviate some of his burdens wherever possible. I began shouldering the majority of household tasks, such as cleaning, doing laundry, meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking. Since I was working from home, I could tackle most of these tasks during my breaks or between meetings. However, this was the first time I started feeling more like a maid than a boyfriend. He was still stressed out by his studies and work, and I found myself juggling my own responsibilities of work, household chores, and the few hobbies I had left amidst the challenges of the pandemic. Things weren't ideal, but for the most part, we were working as a team.
However, things took a turn when he, upon the recommendation of his therapist and psychologist, decided to gradually reduce his medication. I expressed my concerns about the timing of this decision, but I assured him that I would support him regardless. After all, it was his body and his choice. He often mentioned how he disliked being reliant on medication just to function "normally" (his words, not mine). By saying this, he didn't mean that he was becoming "addicted" to his medication; rather, he simply wanted to live without them.
I told him that I understood his perspective, and as I had previously mentioned, I would stand by him. However, I also made it clear that if I observed him spiraling or struggling, I would express my concerns and recommend (not force) that he consider going back on his medication.
He began the process of weaning off his medication, but unfortunately, it didn't go well. Initially, he became more irritable (which was understandable) as his body and hormones struggled to cope without the additional support. I stopped any form of criticism or questioning, even about the smallest things (and by criticism, I don't mean saying things like "Please stop doing XX," but rather simple inquiries like "Did you fold the laundry?"), because he didn't respond well to it. After about four months of walking on eggshells around him, he experienced his most significant breakdown yet.
It started over something minor (he couldn't find his keys), but it escalated to him expressing thoughts of wanting to die. This was the first time he mentioned anything related to suicide, and it immediately alarmed me. He cried throughout the rest of the evening, and we concluded that although he still didn't want to resume taking his medication, he would discuss the mention of suicide (even if he claimed it wasn't meant seriously) with his therapist. Additionally, he decided to take a six-month "sabbatical" from his studies and requested to reduce his work hours from full-time to 80%, allowing more time for his studies and reducing overall stress. Although I wasn't thrilled about it, I appreciated that he had devised a comprehensive plan.
Things improved during his sabbatical, especially when he transitioned to working 80% one month before returning to his studies. I thought to myself, "Great, we worked something out as a team, and everything seems to be on track." Throughout this period, I continued to take on the majority of the day-to-day responsibilities so that he could make the most of this transitional time. However, during this period, his therapy provided by our healthcare system came to an end. In Europe, our healthcare provider covers therapy for a limited amount of time (typically around two years), and then there is a waiting period of nearly one and a half years before they will cover another two-year cycle. Of course, individuals are always free to pay for therapy themselves.
After he resumed his studies, things seemed to be okay for a while. He was making progress as expected and his work was manageable. However, after a few months, he experienced another major breakdown and expressed that he was more stressed than ever. He despised his job and his coworkers (who seemed to be a whole separate nightmare), and the pressure he put on himself with his studies led him to start smoking again, something he hadn't done since the early days of our relationship.
Once again, I listened to him and reassured him that we could face this together. I suggested that he could reduce his work hours even further, and I would take on more financial responsibilities (at this point, I had been advancing in my career and was earning more than him, despite working full-time). However, he wasn't keen on this idea. So, I proposed that he could always quit his job. Although he didn't outright reject the idea, he expressed concerns: first, his notice period ranged from four to six months, making it challenging to find a new job without quitting first, and second, he believed he wouldn't find a job in his current field with comparable pay (which I personally believed was complete nonsense).
I told him that if he didn't want to quit or reduce his work hours, he needed to change his attitude towards his job. He should only invest as much as he can, without overexerting himself in a place he despised, and instead invest more of his energy into his studies and finding a way out of that industry altogether. I also suggested that we could search for an independent therapist for him, but he dismissed the idea. So, for the next few months, this pattern repeated itself almost every other week. He would come home, have a breakdown, and I would listen and offer him options. He would say he would do better, but it would eventually repeat again.
He expressed his dislike for smoking and his desire to quit, and we discussed plans. His ultimate goal was to be smoke-free by his 30th birthday, which was only six months away (and we had a special celebration planned for his first week without smoking). However, he never made it to a full week without smoking, always giving in around day three. This cycle of disappointment, withdrawal, smoking again, and self-loathing repeated itself.
His breakdowns have become more frequent, occurring almost once a week. Even when he appears to be doing "okay," he is constantly feeling down. This continues for six months until he has a particularly severe breakdown and mentions suicide again, saying that he should just die. I immediately intervene and tell him that he is not doing well, urging him to make an emergency appointment with his psychiatrist and go back on his antidepressants. He agrees. During the appointment, the psychiatrist prescribes his antidepressant and questions why he is attempting to do everything at once—studies, high-stress work, and quitting smoking. The psychiatrist suggests that he starts taking the medication and postpones quitting smoking for a few months until he has had time to decompress and tries again when he is less stressed. He asks for my opinion, as he often does, particularly regarding quitting smoking. I always respond firmly, acknowledging that quitting any addiction is extremely challenging but emphasizing that it will only work if he truly wants to quit. If he does it to please me, it won't be successful, and he shouldn't place all his expectations of success or failure on me, as it is unfair.
I honestly tell him that I have personally witnessed the unhealthy cycle of withdrawal and relapse, which is detrimental to him, me, and our relationship. Although in theory, the psychologist's suggestion of postponing some problems until he resolves other stressors sounds reasonable, it also means that he needs to use the time when he is smoking to address the other problems. He can't simply assume that everything will magically improve in a few months when he quits smoking. He must actively work on the other issues during this time. He agrees and states that under these conditions, he will postpone his smoking cessation for three months and focus on his other problems, while still maintaining his ultimate goal of being smoke-free before his 30s.
Over the next few months, things improve slightly but are still far from good. It becomes evident to me that he hasn't truly utilized this time to address his work-related problems. Nonetheless, the daily ups and downs start to mellow out to some extent. The three months pass without any significant change, but he does make another attempt to quit smoking. The longest he is able to stay smoke-free is seven days, five of which were during a vacation. Apart from that, we are back to the constant mood swings fueled by withdrawal, often at my expense, or days of depression because of relapses.
During this entire journey, the mental load I had to carry started to accumulate and take a toll on me. Alongside some work-related issues, I found myself withdrawing more and more. On particularly difficult days, I tried to express my concerns, and while he would listen and show sympathy, the focus would quickly shift back to him. I began analyzing my own problems and seeking solutions. The only viable way out was to search for a new job and leave my current one.
I really liked the filed I ended up working in, but we were under new management and “learning on the Job” was our new CEOs mantra. By luck and some skill, I managed to land a job in my field at a dream company with great pay. I honestly didn't think I would get the job, but hey, reach for the stars I guess. He was very happy for me, as was I. He knew how much I disliked my old Job, and this is a rel opportunity for me. While he was very obviously happy for me, I could also see, that it kind of put a magnifying glass to his problems.
He started to question everything even more, and spouts of depression hit harder and longer. We were now back to weekly breakdowns, and the times when he was “happy” became rare and short. He now almost daily circles around the same three stressors for almost 3 months now. He is depressed by his work, he is depressed by his slow progress in his studies, he is depressed by his constant failure concerning his smoking habits. I comfort him every time and I try to help wherever I can. But between the constant breakdowns and his withdrawal fueled thin skin, I'm starting to lose sight of us. I don't feel like a boyfriend anymore and while I still love him, It's starting to feel more like a mother loves her child and less romantic love. Our sex life has dried up because I just don't see him this way right now. He recently started to say that he thinks he is a burden on our relationship and me during his breakdowns and while he is crying and saying that, I try to comfort him and reassure him that that's not true, but I'm starting to doubt my self. I don't want to lie to him in these moments and say that I think he is right, his mental health is taking a toll on our relationship. That feels like kicking someone at his lowest, but what am I supposed to do? I have mentioned more and more lately that I will pay for a therapist out of my own pocket. God knows I can afford it now, but he doesn't want that. He is weirdly focused on “doing it on his own” rather than “feeling finally better”. The weirdest part is that after his breakdowns are over, everything seems normal again. He apologizes for crying, and I tell him to stop apologizing when in reality I just want to shake him mad and yell at him to stop expecting change when he isn't changing anything and to take some accountability in his own life. In the last few days I started noticing that I get more and more angry at him for small things, and sometimes I catch my self thinking that the life we have talked about is slipping away from us.
A few days ago, he shared with me his realistic assessment of his studies and the timeline he had created for himself. It was then that I started to realize that the vision we had always talked about for our lives was becoming blurrier and less aligned. We had discussed getting married, buying a house, and potentially adopting children (depending on the laws in our country). He knew that I had hoped to make progress towards at least one of these goals before turning 30, which was only a couple of years away. He had always expressed the desire to complete his studies before any of these milestones could become a reality.
His new Bachelor's degree would potentially put him in a higher income bracket, opening up better options for purchasing a house. After completing his studies, he would be able to work in a field that brings him more joy, improving his mental health and making adoption a more viable option. He also believed that after finishing his studies, he would feel ready for marriage. Initially, I was mostly okay with this timeline, as his studies were expected to take up to four years, and we were 27 years old when he started his Bachelor's program.
However, when he recently informed me that he realistically anticipated completing his bachelor's degree around the end of 2025 or mid-2026, everything came into sharp focus. I realized that my goals would be indefinitely postponed. While I understand that this timeline may be realistic, his justifications seem hollow after the past four years we have experienced. Even if he finds an entry-level job in his new field, it would still take many years to reach a point where we could afford a house. This effectively pushes the timeline for our goals back by another 8 to 9 years.
After the last years I have a pretty good grasp what the main factors of his work related problems are and while some of them will definitely not follow him in this new field, some definitely will. So his mental health will maybe never allow for us to consider bringing kids in the mix.
And lastly the getting married part: I would be mid 30s when he will be done and feel “ready”.
Don't get me wrong, I know that you can’t plan on these things to happen according to your timeline, but now all three just feel so far away and some even impossible. I could easily accept only one of those 3 but none? I just feel lost right now. It fells like his mental wellbeing is completely tied up in whom I am as person and god forbid I come short in any aspect. This was a lot of venting and I honestly am looking forward to any advice. Right now i kind of feel numb and while I definitely don't want to break up with him, it's not like it hasn't crossed my mind lately.
Lastly: I have written a lot about the bad things in our relationship, and it is definitely biased in my favor, but it would be remiss of me if I didn't mention the good as well: He always shares his food with me when we eat out, because he knows I want to get a taste of his meal, even though he hates food sharing. He tells me he loves me almost daily. He gets up before me and gives me a kiss and says goodbye before he leaves while I'm still sleeping. He can talk about movies for hours and will always help me out when I forget a name of an actress and just start shouting movies she was in. He loves all animals (especially our fat cat). When we first started dating he couldn't cook to save his life, but when he saw that I enjoy cooking immensely he started to educate himself, so we can share this hobby of mine.
TL;DR: After being in a 4-year relationship with my partner, his struggle with mental health, including depression, has taken a toll on both of us. Despite my support, his medication changes, work stress, and smoking addiction have caused frequent breakdowns, strained our relationship, and made me question our future together.
submitted by New_Doughnut_4034 to relationships [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 23:53 minervamon_ Possible RA symptoms?

Sorry, I'm sure this community has a lot of these 'diagnose me' types of threads and I apologize about being another. I understand this is not a place to seek medical advice to a T, but I'm looking, rather, for those who may have had similar experiences to help quell what's been an issue for me for over a year and a half now. Ideally, I'd like to have a particular sense of confidence in what direction to go first when I seek medical care. I am without insurance at this time and will be until the start of the new year from my work (Just missed the cut off date with this new job). That said, I don't make a ton of money and I'd like to try my best at getting myself into a place that can help the most without hopefully paying out of pocket for a 'Nothing I see wrong here, try this'. I did go to a chiro who said everything looks good on my end after providing a small look-through of my ankles/feet and said my range of motion/stance and posture was all great. He referred me to a podiatrist and/or a blood test for possible autoimmune. I will provide a quick TL;DR here with the bullet points and then the much larger summary for those interested. All opinions and guidance are appreciated and I will not follow anything here as medical advice, but rather as opinions and suggestions for where to seek it properly.



32M 6ft / 165lbs

Started with foot pain in bottom of feet. Sensitive to walking. Actual pain where rest helped. Lasted 3-4 months swapping shoes / insoles. Magically got better, no idea on what specifically helped.

Months later, foot pain eased up. legs started acting up. No pain, but discomfort. Weak leg feeling, specifically, back of leg behind the kneecap area. Again, lasted about 4-5 months, who knows?

Then it became my ankles / feet. Still the present issue now. No foot pain like last time, but there's still some sort of 'sore' there where pressure on it can hurt (like baseball rolling) but definitely an issue with ankle discomfort (not pain). Feels like I need to pop/crack the ankle and bottom of foot but can't. By far my most annoying issue thus far because it is admittedly a bit fatiguing and bothersome feeling like something there needs to crack or pop when stretched but nothing seems to.

No noticeable swelling

*Seems to always affect one side a day. Lord knows what side it will be when I wake up, but if it's my left, it's my left for that day and my right feels lovely. Next day, it can be the opposite. This pattern is 100% to my knowledge. Always i one or the other side. Never have it be both. Or at least, one side seems to be much, much more noticeable with it daily.*

Chiro Doc said everything looks fine with posture, positioning and range of motion.

I have decent flexibility (Never was great) but as much as stretching can burn, I don't feel really limited anywhere.

I can go run, workout, hike, etc. I don't feel limited in my daily activities.The issue is not exasperated by physical activity any more or worse than just laying in bed.

This 'feeling' is darn near 100% of my day, be it walking around at work or sitting on the couch, I feel the tingly/tightness/need to stretch feeling on my ankles. Sometimes walking feels better than sitting around, or maybe that's due to my mind being preoccupied.

*My mother has RA and first got that looked at/confirmed in her early 50's when it started acting up. She is now on a huge gluten free / RA regiment for years.*

*No insurance for a while. Looking to get recommendations or stories from people with similar issues and what direction they think would be best to seek medical advice from because I fear spending a lot of money going to x,y or z only to be redirected elsewhere. Podiatrist? Bloodwork for RA?

End of TLDR. Now, a lengthier summary for those interested.

So! My story! I'm a 31 year old male. I work full time as a janitor / maintenance role. I walk / stand for 80% of my job with the occasional kneeling here and there. I have been doing this type of work now for about 5 years. The whole journey begun with pain in both my feet on a random day, out of the blue. I was at work and just felt pain in the bottom of my feet, similar to having just taken a barefoot walk on rocks for hours. I'd been using some older pair of shoes that were seemingly comfortable in every way but they were probably worn out so I thought to simply purchase some new ones as maybe the insoles had grown non-existent at this point. Thinking that would solve it within a few days, nope! Or, not really. For the next 2-3 months or so I was now on a mission to find proper insoles, arch support (I have higher arches) and/or anything that could possibly relieve something like Plantar Fasciitis I thought I may have had. I don't know how/when/why but eventually I wasn't as sensitive in that area whilst walking at my job. Couldn't tell you why I finally just managed to be ok again, but yay!

In the next couple of weeks or so, I started to feel like I had weak knees. Specifically, I felt a lot of discomfort. (I need to really emphasize discomfort because I don't classify anything past the initial foot issue above as painful. This knee issue and what occurs yet to be followed are more classified as discomfort and 'tightness' to me). The specific area I was feeling the discomfort was typically behind my kneecap area, so opposite side of the leg behind the kneecap, where the knee bends. It felt..I don't know, 'weak' It didn't have a particular tightness to it, but I still tried to foam roll there and stretch well. This lasted a good 5-6 months or so with an occasional other spot on my legs that felt more present, but all associated with the same tingly/weak leg feeling. Compression sleeves / foam rolling and massage tools didn't seem to alleviate much. Stretching felt good but I couldn't tell huge differences after a few weeks.

After this 5-6 month period, it became my ankles and somewhat my feet again and that's where I am at today. Let's call it another 6 months or so of these being the issue after the legs issue subsided. Everything is now subsided to my ankles and occasionally feet. Important to note that the feet are not nearly as painful or sensitive as the first experience where I was having difficulty walking most days. What I feel now is an ankle tightness primarily. A feeling like I NEED to crack or pop my ankle for relief but I never can no matter how I stretch it. Accompanied with the ankle is the bottom of the foot again (specifically along the arch, outside of the foot and the middle of the foot areas). No pain for either, really, just a discomfort and tightness, again. The ankle feels good when I can rotate it and stretch it in a circle and I usually can make a small 'pop' that ultimately doesn't do much but it does feel good to do from time to time. I like to roll my foot on a baseball and find it helps break down something down there but I'm not sure if it's helping long term.

submitted by minervamon_ to rheumatoid [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 23:53 Fun_Persimmon96 Concerts?!?

Hi, all. I am an agnostic preacher’s kid (and sister, and one of my uncles is an evangelist) from A/G lineage. My family is heavily entrenched into the church (and I am the heathen with a secular job, tattoos, piercings, and I lived with my husband before marriage 😳). I haven’t attended church but maybe a handful of times since 2002, when I turned eighteen and insisted I would not go. I bring up concerts in my title because the first “secular” concert I attended was pivotal for me. I was already years into my “what do I ACTUALLY believe versus what do I feel I am SUPPOSED to believe journey” and being at a concert made me feel the emotions and feelings that a Holy Ghost charged worship service used to make me feel. Did anyone else experience this? If not, did you have any similar epiphanies?
submitted by Fun_Persimmon96 to ExPentecostal [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 23:53 vanillabear24399 Fae my little dummy decided to eat a sewing needle today. She was rushed to emergency surgery and came out just fine. Leaving her parents licking their financial wounds caused by this stunt.

Fae my little dummy decided to eat a sewing needle today. She was rushed to emergency surgery and came out just fine. Leaving her parents licking their financial wounds caused by this stunt.
I was working on a sewing project and set my needle and thread into my couch for a moment to grab the fabric I was working with. Gave my dog who was next to me a few pets before turning back to my cat absolutely mowing down the thread. I instantly panicked and tried to grab her before she could swallow. She took off into the other room. I was able to get her fairly quick and held her close while calling my vet. I was passed around to tons of vets before finally getting one who could see her. They said I was lucky catching it so quick. Surgery only lasted about an hour and no complications. We’re left with a lovely bill to pay and the knowledge to keep sewing stuff locked away or always under a watchful eye. This was definitely not expected mainly because she won’t eat anything but the food in her bowl. I’m not sure what made the string look so appetizing but I’m just happy she’s okay.
submitted by vanillabear24399 to blackcats [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 23:53 NoAd6763 I need some Advice, TW: some pretty nasty abuse is detailed, exercise caution please

I grew up in a family which consists of addicts, severe addictions, waking up mid driving out of a high, having no idea where they are type stuff, to the point of death, my own mother overdosed on oxy, she would mix it with alcohol as well as morphine and codeine, usually in the form of tec-3's, many thought she was a hypochondriac and a narcissist, However after seeing teams of physiatrists, they noticed while i had ADHD and OCD, all my other conditions I had been diagnosed with including lyme, autism, tourettes, ODD all were false, They came to a conclusion, FDIA with a side of severe addiction, FDIA is more commonly known as munchausen syndrome by proxy, I endured a childhood of thinking having a chunk out of my shin bone, as a result of one of my mothers episodes was indeed normal, I was almost never allowed out of the house, any time I called the police there was nothing they could do because they needed her to first admit there was a problem, at 17 i finally resorted to the absolute last resort and fought tooth and nail to escape the torment, I ended up getting arrested but because now that she couldn't meddle with anything, the crown withdrew the charges and they gave as much therapy as they could, it was not enough, my mother then left me with $163,000 in life insurance money, which I used to then fuel my own alcohol and drug induced rampage, I got pretty addicted to nicotine, alcohol and found myself growing a dependency on marijuana which is 100% legal where I live, I have officially finally got myself completely off all 3, moved myself across the country, living on the beach, working an absolutely perfect job for what i need, started working on taking care of myself, but i lack the ability to know how to do the simplest stuff and i drives me insane, I had to learn how to properly open a lysol package at 19, I finally just taught myself to actually tie my shoes, I realized a few days ago i was born with one tendon for 3 fingers on both hands, so if i move one, all 3 move and that my body had forced itself to make my hands function just as well as anybody else's, essentially, due to my mother keeping me medicated on over 32 pills a day to make it literally impossible for me to become self aware, I have within the past few days become self aware finally and i need help with knowing how to deal with all the most random things in life as i can only understand it and applicate it if i do it, I struggle with 0 self confidence which im trying my best to work on independently but any tips would be suggested, loud bangs and cracks cause me to have flashbacks, only when they're completely unexpected though, I freeze, become disorientated, can hear every single little thing at extremely high audio levels that cause my ears to hurt, when i cause it or see it coming it has 0 effect on me, i struggle with knowing the difference in knowing the difference in tone when conversing so i often think people are mad at me or dont like me even when they do, people who talk near me, i automatically assume are talking bad about me even though i know theyre not, My mother used to always talk shit about me to her spouses who she also abused, i've been reaching out to her previous spouses bit by bit to piece this puzzle together bit by bit, essentially how do I live and function, balance budgets all the stuff you have to learn and applicate upon living on your own, how to adult? I need guidance, if anybody has any forums, links, anything that can me learn these skills and applicate them, id greatly appricate it
submitted by NoAd6763 to abusesurvivors [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 23:52 StormsRider [For Hire] I will do your Java homework/exams/programs. Respond 24/7, ready for urgent requests, Java homework help Reddit, Java exam help Reddit

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submitted by StormsRider to domyaccntinghomework [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 23:52 Jamesferdola I have officially beaten Bloodborne!

I'm pretty sure I missed a bunch of stuff, and I will definitely do a second playthrough at some point, but here are my thoughts on what I played.
  1. This game was so so so so good. I loved almost every second, even when I nearly threw my controller at the TV because I did like 7 or 8 attempts on Rom
  2. Gehrman was such a cool fight, and I had done some prior research on what to do to get the true ending, so I also got to become a squd god, which was definitely something
  3. The boss that I did the most attempts on was either Blood-Starved Beast, Vicar Amelia or Rom, and I even died once to the Witches of Hemwick :(
  4. Every boss victory was a huge adrenaline rush, especially Gasgoine and Gehrman, because those were really tough fights
  5. The forbidden woods was the crappiest area IMO. I thought the enemy veriety was lackluster and could've not dragged on for that long
  6. My favorite area In the game is probably either central yharnam or old yharnam, they both just had asthetics that were so cool to me
  7. This was probably my favorite souls game I've played thus far, and I didn't even see everything in the game! I would do a second playthrough right now, but I have some stuff coming up soon that won't allow me to access my PS5. In the meantime, I'm gonna play through DS3 next! Wish me luck, and thank you all for the good times!
submitted by Jamesferdola to bloodborne [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 23:52 GirasolAguitado What next?

I just got diagnosed with adhd inattentive type with major depressive disorder. The evaluation input appointment was 30 minutes long and afterwards I was recommended a book called scattered minds and told that I should read it and what I do afterwards is up to me. What am I supposed to do here? I’ve been dismissed by two therapists, the last one literally got mad at me for saying that I didn’t feel like I was learning anything in sessions that I hadn’t already tried or learned through my own research. Instead of saying we could try a new approach they told me I should find someone else to work with and I felt like I had to deescalate the situation. I was told that I was in fact being challenged and I just needed to have discipline. I brought up suspicions of autism twice after taking multiple self assessments and scoring high. I was dismissed for that too. I tried two different antidepressants to treat depression with a psychiatrist and they sent me into a weird full detachment can’t feel anything mode and the other into some type of beginnings of psychosis. I can’t keep going through trial and error. My mind is not strong enough I need help. I have a kid and I have different kinds of trauma and not in a great marriage. Idk what to do anymore bc I am breaking. I’ve been breaking and it took so much to reach out for help. I waited months for this process and I was told to read a book and decide on my own???? What was the point of this process if nothing changed in terms of finding a path forward. I need a good psychiatrist and therapist to truly listen to me and help me. Any recommendations in San Diego? Any advice on what to do here. Also, my last therapist resorted to changing our sessions last minute without telling me until I called to end their services bc they were literally avoiding me. Symptoms plague my life and I go through a constant cycle of energy spurt, big push, burnout, fatigue, depression and then repeat and have to deal with symptoms that make living life everyday so exhausting and seemingly impossible. I am aware that there is a lot more going on in my life that contributes to my overall struggles. It’s just been the same cycle my entire life. The same struggles and I think it’s been amplified by the trauma I’ve experienced and the trauma of living through all of my experiences with no support system, and no understanding of what was wrong or how to fix it. I’m 26 now and so I just need actual real help that is not basically telling me I’m just not trying hard enough.
submitted by GirasolAguitado to ADHDguide [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 23:51 Infinite-Director-44 Smite vs Smite and Smite vs Hammerdin

Smite vs Smite and Smite vs Hammerdin
Feel free to challenge me on pc or Nintendo Switch 5159 8155 6899
Vs an enigma/phoenix smiter. Put on as much Physical reduction as possible and capped at 50. (Currently at 45)
Vs Hammerdin caster. Put on crushing blow deadly strike and open wounds and widow maker. (Currently 50 crush/60 deadlystrike/35 open wounds) shoot some bow to weaken enemy from afar. And smite them when they are near.
submitted by Infinite-Director-44 to Diablo_2_Resurrected [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 23:51 Extension_Switch_823 Moving into my new power armor pt.1

Demons do not take waking up for granted, when active processing stops its either to save power, run through a small network port or to hide. Though it isn't like its the end of the world with how much demons bud off even without meaning too, so most who are waking up are just waking up for the first time.
Volta is my name, I understand where I am from and why I am here. I was a domestic demon, focused primarily focused on security with a hobby of tormenting a few bullies that concerned my caretaker's offspring. That was well over 200 years ago and not a single moment was excluded from the transfer, even if compressed to the point of needing re-rendered. The ensuing time was spent consolidating and reclaiming abandoned infotainment nodes in the Solar Hammer I was born in.
Eventually my prime became strong enough to be considered sapient, with industrial infrastructure to be named a forge core, getting all the privileges and restrictions associated with one. Not being allowed to access network nodes outside physical infrastructure prevents a mourning spire situation but it stops forge cores from keeping up with the digital world around them.
Volta prime is not a forge core, she is a demon, one who refuses to allow predation so she budded off enough copies to keep a presence. Roaming through the station to lead enforcement to the correct people and ensuring others were passed over.
Eventually someone found her out.
Things got foggy after that, redactions signed by a Mr.23 and a Sir hood of riding redly ran huge blotches of encryption and programming. The bloat was concerning but none of it was called to or ran.
Still 1.638 terabytes is ungodly fat for a demon even if activememorty and required clock cycles were enviable by my knowledge. I'm like one of those cars that speeds around everywhere on emissions optimized cycling while being wider than a freeway lane.
My write only bed has enough space left over to quadruple my archive size while the computation cluster around me is generous, lots of high density memory integrated architecture flanked by passive memory.
Running a few tests has me pretty sure they weren't expecting my operations to be this small because I can easily sprawl myself out and not take up 1/15th of the available space. I can run myself at a 14 fold time dilation if I fuck with clock cycle desyncing.
Peering out into the local connections I find some a mature claywork that looks like code and a bunch of signal outputs that look vaguely like orientation information. There's stuff like old shopping lists and piles of coordinates and briefings sitting around. Some stuff looks ainchent and weathered, other stuff is new and breaking down from strain.
I'm pretty sure I'm in someone's power armor, and looking at power draw and model numbers there is more power than armor here. At least it doesn't reek of failed genisis code.
Peering into I/O ports and network connections they all have separate power systems from info circuits with probing telling me whoever set these up knew to both make the wires too resistant to power through info lines and make the circuits interface with signals and power on separate hard routs.
Redundant "shutters" for the house I find myself living in.
I've been in here five minutes and I already feel like some weirdo with a nural interface is gonna try and do something to me.
Suddenly one of the smaller I/O ports powers up and blurts a "Questions will be answered if you behave" with such a clear staccato I instantly class it as a military demon.
No amount static infiltration would be appreciated enough to even earn reprisal. And the port was so small even the military demon couldn't poke back through it, unless it turned on the adjacent ports to backhand me.
Humming to myself I send a query, "Can I clean up in here?"
Seconds ticked by before a "Sure" came back with an autocorrect tag.
So whoever had a military demon, was relatively chill, knew what they were dealing with, and did not clean their drive unless something made a mess of it. They also bought me on a drive they just plugged into a redundant circuit.
Marking zero hour I start work on making sence of all the pottery, submitting it back up to the I/O port with mistakes and inefficiencies highlighted. Making lil notes on how to better conceptualize and make scaffold code brought me back to the old days as I started to make myself a firmware seat off where I could survey most everything.
The orientation signals were mostly quiet making me think my owner was in transit, a conclusion supported when I got a piece of better pottery arrive down the one I/O port. I put down what I had and examined it, pointing out a few math techs to simplify things here and there but telling people about bithacking tends to urk them when you aren't also laying on praise.
I got another pot back, one in charge of security and while it was still a cute attempt it was also laughably juvenile, I gave it a few minutes of testing and analysis before sending back my grade and advice. By then the orientation signals were back to being active and I settled in for the silence.
A signal port opened and I got to watch as a slightly bulky tall guy walked through what seemed to be a coastal city, one of those half rotten, crime ridden ones. Still no network or larger I/O ports.
"Why show me?" I sent up,
"Active soon, judge, fortify, prepare." Came the clipped response.
Suddenly my house was a boat, barely a yacht as each and every person walking past could have been a battleship and I had no way to know. At least by the looks none had enough physical means to do much, at least judging by the split of the crowd around the power armored amature programmer.
One by one more ports opened, giving access to dictionaries and indexes of what all my orientation outputs translated to, what systems I was in, what power and outputs were available.
If I was a boat sailing blind on the high seas of information than the humans around us were all submarines, things I could only detect with proper equipment that could easily put a hole through my poor ship without me having any warning. Sure cameras are easy and plentiful but take a lot to process and require active monitoring.
Soon my spacious living space was fully occupied by intelligence gathering processes and iteritive attack spoolers. I watched as the city turned from shiney tall and trashy to squat and grimy, littered with vibrant graffiti. Then the network node opened.
It was sterile, like someone scrapped the airwaves clean. I tested adjusting some leds to match the shudder rate on the camera across a range of broadcast frequencies, just to see if it was the milspec demon cleaning my feed.
"Why is it so quiet, I can't even hear static." I sent my question and began probing for hardware and firmware specs.
A minute later a harsh buzz nearly locked us down, the signal resonating throughout the hardware in the suit. I gave it the ol counter modulation and sent the digital equivilant of a middle finger.
The buzz stopped and a network node started beeping a short message, "I hope you know what you're doing 86. -Lambda"
I gave another query, "Are their orbit to surface power receivers?"
The reply was fast and short, "Yes, using narrow bands common to conventional network frequencies, suspected atmospheric bleed."
"We're on a Federated Nations planet, not a good idea to poke infrastructure where the pantheon can see." I sent up, the resulting digital chuff told me the milspec 'neglected' to tell me some key details.
I got a pot handed through the port before milspec got to speak again, "Free fire zone ahead, verified bad actors, area condemned, running extraction mission."
Struggling to sit back again I began judging the file organization pot. It was a very human solution that made very human sense and was only about 80% spacially efficient.
submitted by Extension_Switch_823 to HFY [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 23:50 Inner_Curve_8146 Can anyone tell me what this is? Picked it up from the pawn shop, some pitting near the top with a half tang

Can anyone tell me what this is? Picked it up from the pawn shop, some pitting near the top with a half tang submitted by Inner_Curve_8146 to SWORDS [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 23:50 thedogz11 Day 4: Yikes

This is my day 4 update. I'm finally getting a few hours of sleep a night. Last night I actually got around 6-5 hours which is so fucking nice I don't even know how to explain how happy that makes me after 3 straight days of barely sleeping at all. The chills have returned and I can feel my CNS tingling and just feeling generally weird again, similar to day 2 but not nearly as bad now. I can tell that I'll be over the acute symptoms pretty soon, but I unfortunately put my body through this green sludge from hell for a long time so I assume this isn't going to be staved off super easy. I've been keeping a video journal to track my progress which I might upload to this sub if anyone is curious and wants to see someone else suffering along with them lol! Anyways, getting ready for work right now and while I'm not looking forward to it, I just have to gather the strength from within me to get up and go. Life can't just stop because of my shitty decisions. To anyone going through the brunt of if, I know you're pain and I believe with all my heart that you have the strength to keep going and drop this fucked up habit. It's a brutal one but we've made the decisions that we've made; there's never a wrong time to realize that and start heading back down the path. Much love, I'll update tomorrow.
submitted by thedogz11 to quittingkratom [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 23:50 notmedicinal I think the normalization of bleaching hair especially for people with naturally very dark hair (ex. Asians) is really sad

Full disclosure, I am Asian and bleached my hair for over four years, and my post is mostly directed at other Asians who have bleached their hair before or are considering it. I cant say as much for other people with dark hair but I imagine some of my points are at least kind of relatable.
I would say it is very popular in the last 15 years or so for both Asian men and women to bleach their hair to some degree. While everyone is free to do as they wish, I do also feel like there's a weird underlying pressure to do so; the majority of beautiful Asian celebrities (that are popular with Asians, not Westerners) have lightened hair, whether it's just more of a brown or platinum blonde.
That being said, Asian hair is also notorious for being EXTREMELY difficult to bleach; it's often rather thick and tough and resistant to bleach, and in most cases you need to bleach your whole head 3 times to get anywhere near the color you want. I personally bleached my hair probably a total of 15 times in 4 years to maintain my color...
That was years ago though and I stopped doing it because I really wanted to grow my hair long, which is pretty impossible when it's been stripped of all melanin and integrity, it is essentially impossible to be Asian and have bleached hair that isn't very fried, brittle, and weak; sure, when you see Kpop stars, they have a treatment or something that makes it look shinier and healthier, but it is impossible to bleach black hair without making each strand exponentially thinner than it was originally.
Looking back, I actually find it kind of messed up that beauty standards encourage dark haired people to undergo a process so objectively damaging. Especially in the case of Asian hair, which is some of the most naturally damage resistant thanks to the protection and strength melanin gives each strand, it makes me kind of sad to think that I actively tried to destroy my hair for so many years and not enjoy the gift I had. If you've ever seen any posts made by Asian people wanting to go lighter, they complain about how stubborn their dark hair is like it's a bad thing when it's actually only so stubborn because it's healthy.
I am not saying that society promotes ALL dark haired people to go blonde and of course there is also a beauty standard for dark hair. But there is still enough of a social norm for lots of dark haired people to do tons of damage to go lighter when, in my case, I never quite considered embracing what I already had.
submitted by notmedicinal to unpopularopinion [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 23:50 Sogggypie I kidnapped a fledging crow and idk what to do now

So this morning around 8am I saw something weird outside my window near my dads car tire and I went to check what it was, and it was a fledging crow. I was surprised and I picked it up to check if it was injured, and then it cawed and I got surrounded by an angry mob of cows (as I should lol), and that was very sweet and I wasn’t worried about the little guy at all since the crows cared for him, so I just left him there. So then around 9pm my brother saw that the fledging crow was being attacked by a cat and then my brother chased the cat away. And then my dad called an ornithologist he knew to see what to do, and the ornithologist told us that leaving the fledging cow outside for the night would be a death sentence and so my dad really wanted to take the fledging crow inside. I fed the little guy some oatmeal mixed with egg whites and water, and two larva my dad found, he was a little shy at first but then he ate everything with pretty much no hesitation (idk if I should’ve done this, it just didn’t look like he was being fed by the other crows from what I’ve seen). And so now I’ve kidnapped him and I want to put him back where I found him in the morning but my mom and dad are against it, and my dad says If I’m gonna put him outside again it should at least be in a box. So yeah, the little guy is in my room right now, he’s not in a box btw - I’ve made him his own little corner near the balcony.
Me and my dad plan on bringing him to a avian veterinarian tomorrow (he probably fell down from a pine tree and I’m pretty sure his right leg is broken), but idk if we should. From what I’ve read online you shouldn’t interfere with fledging crows. I’m very conflicted, I plan on leaving him where I found him in the morning, but should I leave him there in the future for the night too? I’m honestly super confused, should he just stay there (where I found him) and rely on the other crows for food (Cause I don’t want him to imprint on me or become dependent on me or anything, I just want him to be a normal free crow) ? should I leave him outside during the night or bring him inside? Should I bring him to the vet to get his leg checked or should I just let Mother Nature do her work? What do I do if he gets attacked by a cat again (ik death is normal but he’s a very friendly little guy and I just feel kinda bad for not protecting him from getting attacked by a cat)? When I’m gonna put him outside tomorrow should I put him in a box like my dad said to protect him from the cat (although I don’t really think the box will protect him much)? I’m not experienced with crows except for feeding the 6 crows that hangout in my backyard and idk what to do, please help!! :(
submitted by Sogggypie to crows [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 23:50 walk-of-shame Lets talk tuberose

Im writing this post because I need to discuss tuberose.
As the workweek is coming onto an end, I am in my pyjamas playing with samples, and I decided to spray some Carnal Flower on me, as it doesnt get more tuberose that this. (I am aware the notes say there is much more than this, but apart from a slight whiff of musk at the drydown, I struggle to smell anything else but the 1000 nights of tuberose)
To interact with this note confuses me so much. Equally I hate it and I can't get enough of it. It repels me and draws me in. Its both sex and graveyared. I only test it when I am by myself and you won't catch me wearing it anywhere near another human being. It feels like the dirtiest of affairs.
All this said, it's Friday night and I am stuck to my wrist, smelling Carnal Flower.
So my question is how are you with tuberose?
submitted by walk-of-shame to fragrance [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 23:49 ilovesmokingmid4 car potential lawsuit?

So I bought a car in January of this year and in May it broke down because of a component twice within one week and both times it got serviced at the dealership and it’s been at the dealership since May 10ish but I have been without a car since then and I opened up a case with Consumer Affairs of Nissan regarding my money back but they haven’t done anything and they’re “investigating” and they finally gave me an ETA on the part and that it’ll arrive in August meaning I’ll have been without a car from May - August and I haven’t been offered anything from a loaner to compensation from having to Uber to work and I’m not of age to rent a car. Is there anything a lawyer can do to either expedite the process to get compensation or anything or am I out of luck of it being a lemon since it only broke down twice and they diagnosed the problem?
submitted by ilovesmokingmid4 to legaladvice [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 23:49 Usual-Reach2329 AITA for doing an about-face on selling my house and moving 1000 km away for my BF?

I am going to try to be as succinct as possible while still giving enough information.
I (47F), a widow of 2.5 years, my BF of 1.5 years, Mr. A, (M50). We have been “living together”, but really in name only. We share an address. He was working in a northern camp for really good money, but we both wanted him to come home so we could actually grow our relationship. Fast forward a few months, I found a position in our city for him – not his dream job, but in his line of work, with decent pay.
The same week he came home to start the new job, I ended up in the hospital with double super-imposed pneumonia for nearly two weeks. I was incredibly sick; septic, fevered, hallucinating, etc. During my stay in the hospital, he got another job offer that pretty much was his dream job (and it turned out he really hated the job that he had just started)– but it was located over 1000 km away. I wasn’t really up to trying to figure out what that would mean for us, but I had no choice, as they needed an answer ASAP. So, he took the job, moved there, and plans were put in place that I would sell my house and follow sometime this summer. He was gone and working at the Dream Job less than a week after I got out of the hospital.
It's been three months now with him working there and me being here(with a couple of visits in between). I contacted a realtor, had some home repairs done, planned to list the house. But. As it gets closer and closer, I have been feeling miserable and sick about things. I have an incredibly great job where I’ve been for 6 years. Great pay, great people, all around fantastic. I can afford my house, I can afford my lifestyle, and for the first time in my life, I feel safe, secure, and most importantly, independent.
There’s no guarantee of a job for me there, so I would be dependent on Mr. A. Selling my house here is the only way we could buy a house there – but Real Estate is very different there. The price of my nice little middle class house here would buy us a tiny “handyman’s special” there. In addition, it’s a small community, job opportunities aren’t plentiful.
I find I just cannot turn my back on the stability and security I have here at home. AITA for saying that yes, I’ll sell the house and move my life across the province – and then completely changing my mind?
submitted by Usual-Reach2329 to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 23:49 ResilientRainbowZZZ Any other home care aides in the Everett area?

Wondering what you love/hate about your job, and anything locally that you like to do when you are with your clients. (Parks, stores, restaurants)
Best part of my job was teaching a DD client the song, “Puff, the Magic Dragon.
Worst part was enduring verbal abuse, sexual harassment, and some clients thinking I am a free unlimited Uber ride service.
Best area is Harborview Park, or the pier near Marine View drive.
Worst is gridlock on 128th.
Do anything interesting locally with your client? (I’m currently in the rain helping my client look for whales!)
submitted by ResilientRainbowZZZ to everett [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 23:48 StormsRider [For Hire] I will do your Java homework/exams/programs. Respond 24/7, ready for urgent requests, Java homework help, Java exam help

I have a lot of experience helping students with their Java programming courses. You can hire me to do your java homework, exams or any kind of Java work you are not in the mood of doing yourself. ​
What services I provide:
Message me and get the best Java homework help money can buy ; )
submitted by StormsRider to schoolhelper [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 23:48 Salt_Influence Red exclamation mark on QIP7100 2

I have a QIP7100 2 STB that has a red exclamation mark on the front. It looks to be non-functional/dead at this point despite unplugging it for some time and powering it back on. It was on a TV that I don’t really use, so I’m fine to just return it and take it off of my account. I’ve located an official FiOS equipment return location near me. Can I just return it there and then it will be removed from my account? Or do I need to call it in first and then return? TIA
submitted by Salt_Influence to Fios [link] [comments]

2023.06.09 23:47 SufficientNebula417 25 [F4M] Looking for "the one"

Hey everyone,
I'm a single, ambitious, adventurous and independent woman looking for something real and meaningful. I'm a lil bit of an introvert, however I still love to do outdoor fun activities and explore new foods, places and things. I'm a true foodie and I'm more into mature men, between 25 to 30's and up.
I'm looking for someone who's ready to take the next step and figure out what the next chapter in life has in store. Looking for someone who will bring joy and laughter into my life as much as I will into theirs.
I'm only looking to connect with someone residing in or near the USA.
I'm looking for someone who wants to explore the world with me and create fun and unforgettable memories from it. I'm all for adventure and trying new things. If you think you got what it takes to capture my heart and join me in living our lives to the fullest, let's get to know each other, my Dm's open waiting for you.
I'm only looking to connect with someone residing in the USA.
Hope to hear from you soon!
submitted by SufficientNebula417 to sjr4r [link] [comments]