I lost my father to a illness around 5 years ago. The past few years have been really tough, I'm not going to go into detail but in some way I feel a little bit of guilt from his death. All I will say I wish I could've done more for him.
The thing is, over these past few years I've gotten some new friends. They know my father is dead. Although, the thing is I can't bear to listen to them talking about their own fathers. Don't get me wrong I am very happy for them, I don't wish this type of pain on anybody. But some part of me gets sad and jealous when they talk about their fathers. I wish I could hug my father, I wish me and my father would go for a walk togheter, I wish my father was there on my birthday. I wish my father wasn't dead.
When they talk about their fathers they seem so happy, always having a smile on a face, knowing that they will probably met him soon. But I will never met my father again, ever. It makes me so sad, sometimes I can't even bear to look at them when they talk to me about their dads. I don't even know what to say to them when they talk about their dads. I just stand there uncomfortable with a fake smile on my face. This also doesn't get better when they make fatherless jokes. I know it's just a joke which isn't even directed at me but a part of my feels like they are laughing at me, like there is something wrong with me. I haven't told them this, and I don't intend to.
Hearing about fathers is hard but seeing some can sometimes even be harder. Today I saw a cup with the words dad written on the. The cup belonged to someone i know, but just seeing that cup made me tears, I was close to crying.
Is it normal to be this sensitive about your fathers death even though it been over 5 years?
Sorry for my english, this isn't my first language.

The mesh thing inside the ear cups is halfway fallen out like it's only hanging by one side on both ear cups the rest has fallen in and I've only had them for less than 2 weeks should I return them? or is this fixable

The mesh thing inside the ear cups is halfway fallen out like it's only hanging by one side on both ear cups the rest has fallen in and I've only had them for less than 2 weeks should I return them? or is this fixable

Hello everyone, if there’s a thread someone can link me to for basic home recycling information. I just moved into my first place and I’ve got so much garbage, I just found out you can’t recycle plastic wrapping and labels in my blue bin?? Is this normal?
What I’m wondering is how many seperate bins should I need if I’d like to separate all the little things I use daily, Wrappers, labels, foam, McDonald’s wrappers coffee cup lids etc. This seems like an insane amount of waste for things that are all recyclable in different forms.

It's going to be a long one.... it's been a hell of a week....
Sorry, other than my best friend I really have no one to talk to about this. This is half venting, half asking for help from people who may know better how to do this.
My son, who I just recently learned has been my son all their life, is hysterically frightened.
Now that everything has come out in the open and I know I have a little boy and THEY know I'm going to help them fix the "accidentally born in the wrong kind of body" thing... our talks are getting to be nothing but doomy fears and no amount of reassuring helps.
I'm trying, but nothing I do fixes this, every time I think I fix one issue ten more come out in conversation... I'm flailing and failing my child in the worst way.
My child honestly, truly thinks they'll immediately be put in juvenile detention if other people find out they're really a boy. My child thinks I'll get arrested, the bad people will take our house away, and they'll be forced to wear dresses and makeup and grow boobs and they'll be put on Death Row and get put to sleep like a sick cat if they don't act like a girl.
What the utter fuck????
The missing gardening shears I thought my klepto neighbor took have been living under my child's mattress in case "the police come to take us away so I can die before they get me" ..... and that terrified ME.
How did I miss so much for so long that it got to THIS point?
Baby, NO, nobody is taking you away from me as long as I have a heartbeat.
My sweet little shiny star is breaking my heart with this. I've tried to raise my child to stand on their own two feet, be resilient and self reliant, but I thought I also raised them to know I'm always their backup and I will help them and love them always. My son has been hiding so much from me for so long and I don't know what I did to make them feel like they HAD to.
I do know where some of it is coming from and I'm putting an immediate stop to it.
My brother and sister-in-law, they're Trumptards and even though my child and I aren't super close to them we do the usual birthdays and holidays with them since they're the only family we have.
My son has repeated some things they heard said over there and drawn some awful conclusions.
I want to punch my idiot brother in the face for saying things like "They ought to just round up THOSE people and put them on an island somewhere" around ANY child, especially mine.
Funny how he didn't say that where I could hear, I tell him off every time when his stupidity comes out in conversation... my child has heard me do that. I've often told my son that his uncle is misguided and sometimes not very smart and how his uncle is not right about a LOT of things.
Moving forward we will be distancing ourselves from my brother and his family in a major way.
But I know what the realities are. My child is right to be afraid, I'm scared too. Where I grew up and have been happy all my life is not the safest or best place for a trans child to grow up. We're not as bad as Florida in this state, but we're not far off from that.
I've been researching and questing and trying to find my baby boy a therapist and a doctor for gender affirming care, and the best I can do for my child is a doctors appointment three months away in a city 200 miles from us... although I had good luck and found a good online therapist group who can zoom us next week.
I'm trying to dismantle the fears one by one, with plans and actions.
We've dealt with the "What if you die before I'm grown up" one. Honestly I should have done this a long time ago, my best friend and I have always promised each other that we'd take in each other's children if one of us went first because neither one of us wants them to be raised by our blood family members.
So my best friend and I went to a lawyer and made it formal and legal this week. I also put a fuck-you clause in just in case my brother tries to challenge my custody choice.... he fights it, he doesn't get to keep our parents house... they left all the cash to my brother but left the house to ME.... however he has 3 kids and I only have the one child so I let him live there rent free because, family, and honestly I like my perfect little cute 1920s house better than the giant ugly modern one our mom had built. But I still legally own it so my brother can behave or be homeless. I know that's mean, but if I have to be a cunt to protect my son then I'll be a cunt.
My best friend who is my son's "Aunt" G and her two kids are the only people my child felt safe coming out to. We had a coming out dinner with them and the sister of my heart got my kid a "Welcome to the family, nephew" hallmark card and hugged them and said they'd always love them. My heart was so happy seeing the look on my baby's face that day.
We've dealt with the "What if I grow boobs before we can stop it" fear. Will NOT happen. Doctors visit is coming. I've found several backups. If necessary we will go to take a long vacation in Seattle where there are several doctors who can help and I've researched many options for ordering the necessary meds online. Reached out to my college roommate that I still see twice a year, she lives in a good state and I asked if I needed her to be a mail drop, would she receive stuff and FedEx it to us in a plain box. Yes she will. And there are other ways.
Mama will get you the boob fighting meds baby, even if we have to go to Mexico for it.
It hasn't been explicitly said, but I know my son wants to leave town. NOW..... and I realize that we probably do need to. But here is my HOME. Here is where my soul lives.
I want to think people in my town are better than they are, but I've dealt with enough of the sneering and uninvited lecturing over my lack of husband and "permissive parenting" over the years to know that they've only been limiting themselves to calling my little family "odd" and "different" simply because my grandfather and dad were VERY respected in this town, and also because I haven't crossed any major lines except being a single mother, and I have outwardly lived a pretty respectable life here.... sadly I know there's a streak of stupid and mean that could come out if my child comes out as trans to everyone.
I went "away" to college, honestly only because my dad bribed me with cash for my house fund to go to college out of state and "see more of the world".
I've seen "the world" and I don't like it, never have. It's cool to vacation out in it, but I wouldn't want to have to live there.
The house we live in I have coveted since I was a little girl. It became mine when my son was 4 years old because the old owner finally died and my house fund had been growing since I was old enough to mow lawns and make money. ( And dad's bribe seriously helped )
Because of the small town situation my main job keeps me able to support my child well, and for us to be well off, and I can still do my dream job on the side. I never wanted the rat-race, struggling and scrambling, having to compete kind of life out there in the world.
I wanted to be HERE, two miles away from a river that's my second home. Here where all my good memories are. Here where I know everyone and everyone knows me.
So yeah, I'm terrified too in a way.
I am so overwhelmed right now.
Thanks for listening.

One day high caffeine
Hi ladies! It's your frequent freak out poster here! Soooo, hope I'm not alone, but I had a lapse of judgement today. Very early pregnancy (<5 weeks). I have been having my cup of morning coffee per usual pre and post transfer, as I understand up to 200mg is ok and will prevent aversion.
Anyhow, it's my birthday today and I am meeting friends in the afternoon for dinner. Since I won't be drinking, I treated myself to an energy drink midday. Of course, pregnancy brain didn't kick in until later after I gulped it. Then came the freak out and googling. OF COURSE the top hits all mention the dreaded 'MC increased rates' and now I'm shook.
Final disclaimer, I haven't habitually crossed the 200mg limit, and usually am only consuming 10oz of coffee a day.
Worth the freak out or no? It won't happen again. Thank you to the community for helping me keep my head straight during this journey.

Hello everyone, you can call me Tsar! I’m looking for a 18+ writer (and characters) who doesn’t mind writing a few paragraphs. I don’t require anything crazy just as long as you can be detailed and don’t one line. I also do not care about your IRL gender when it comes to characters. This is a little bit of a niche plot but try it out, you may end up loving it!
Plot: Natasha Knight, one of world’s most renowned female footballers in the world, never found time for a personal life. She spent almost all her life committed to making to her country’s national team. (Will likely be the U.S.) She’d eventually achieve her dream, helping to lead her team to victory in the international stage. (World Cup.) Returning to the U.S., she is signed to the Seattle Reign to officially begin her professional career. What she didn’t expect, was to fall in love with the captain of their rival team The Portland Thorns. After a rather intense match between the two teams, Knight and Y/C find themselves stuck in the airport together late at night. The two players who once had much dislike towards one another find that they might have a lot more in common then they once thought.
Housekeeping: As you can see in the tags, this will be a slow burn plot. I’m not looking for anything crazy realistic but if you wanna lean more towards a realism based RP I may be able to work with that. NSFW will likely be a factor for this plot (hence why it’s in the NSFW category) but we can discuss how frequently it appears. Ideally I’d prefer realistic faceclaims as this is a realistic setting.
Thanks for reading! Shoot me a DM if any of this interests you!

First thing's first since fat girls aren't everyone's cup of tea, which is fine, we all have our preferences https://imgur.com/a/3dayBjC . Please be able to reciprocate with a pic as well, fair's fair.
Fair warning, I believe in all kinds of wacky shit. Bigfoot, aliens, astrology, a future where we'll be able to retire, parallel universes, etc. The truth is out there!
Anyways...I'm just an introverted gal looking for company and conversation. Primarily looking to get to know someone and form a friendship of sorts, although I wouldn't turn down a soul connection and unwavering loyalty with someone who values and respects me, but let's see if we can make it past one day of chatting first eh?
Like I said, I'm terribly introverted and so enjoy your bog standard introvert activities...binging all the shows, reading all the things, arts and crafty projects, witchy things, I'm a big Tolkien geek so always keen to talk about that, you get the picture. So much more than just those things though.
You just be you. Please don't be trying to cheat on your partner, that's gross. Tell me a bit about yourself and your zodiac sign and let's see if we click!

I signed up using Stripe Atlas, Paid for it. The main reason being the free Stripe processing until $100,000 total payments. The first 2 payments I made to the account, were test payments from my own cards and everything was working fine. The very first payment I got from a client, The account was flagged and closed the same day. I appealed, and it was still closed. After contacting support and couple weeks of back and forth emails I was informed it is due to system flagging the payment as ot authorized by card holder, with me explaining and sharing documents they enable the account after two weeks? I got an email from Stripe saying how they were sorry for this suspension and it is back up now. When I signed back in, the payment was held in reserve, the entire amount. I contacted support again, and the next thing I know is, the account is closed again and support says they can’t support the business because it is high risk. I made no changes to account or had any payments between the account opening and closing again. I have been trying to reach support, they don’t even respond now. The funds are out of reserve now, and yet I can’t get the payout transferred. It says ti contact support. When I did, they say that I’ll have to wait another 2 weeks and then they’ll see if I can get the payout or not. The fact that it clearly says on Stripe dashboard that the amount is available to withdraw and I still can’t withdraw the funds. I have not received any support or solution from Stripe. They don’t even respond. Its been week of daily emails and I haven’t received any reply. Not even on Twitter. Yet, they advertise 24 hours responses. This is just absurd.

It was weird when I was a kid and always wanted glasses for no reason, now I am 19 and realized I need to wear my glasses more often.
At first, I thought I just needed blue-light blockers and maybe reading glasses but my depth perception is way more off than I realized, I do everything better with glasses on. Reading, video games, picking over a cup without spilling it. In hindsight, it should have been obvious, especially since everyone in my family needs glasses, but I didn't have these problems a few years ago.
They say nothing good lasts forever, I didn't think that would apply to my vision, but here we are.

I pulled her card from my lockbox today. I couldn’t bring myself to remove it from its wrapping though. I’ll explain the card in a little while. Even in just that briefest of moments though, the tears became too thick. I so wanted to see her name. Instead I decided to only go back to the memories. They bring enough tears. So I put the card back but need to tell my story of that memory. So thank you for your time in letting me indulge dear Reader. I know your time is precious and I am loquacious of a sort.
The place I used to work at a long, long time ago, Croc’s, was an odd duck. It was a Transformer of sorts. During the day and early evening it was a damn good Mexican restaurant. One of the best in town. Lunch was insane. Dinner was a respite. But on Friday, Saturdays, some Thursdays, and almost every holiday eve, it was… I don’t even have words. Nothing like what went on in those walls had been seen in Denver at the time. We had lines around blocks. The plural is not a mistake. On those nights, Croc’s was THE place to be in Denver. The owners got there before everyone else and had hit a jackpot with the place. The Rockies were starting over at Mile High and moving to LoDo soon. LoDo was booming and we were in the middle of it partying like no tomorrow every night.
But this isn’t about that amazing place, that’s for another day. Nope. This is about her, her son and I. Or rather, about loss and memories. But it all started at Croc’s and you needed to know what a breath of a moment in time we shared there. Not on one of those crazy nights but one lazy Sunday when we were pretty slow.
I mentioned the restaurant was an odd duck. See, it was designed so that from breakfast through dinner and into very early evening, it was a purposeful, full-fledged, extremely popular, and well reviewed dining establishment. But after that, it was designed so we could remove every table, chair, stool and booth. We essentially turned the whole restaurant into a giant dance floor with a bar that spanned half the distance of the long wall topped with massive tequila and booze pyramids. The wells were at either end with a plant potter behind them for storage. It was split level(ish) with a few VIP areas squirreled away. State of the art DJ booth on the south end of the bar. Oh and did I mention we had a 28 foot replica of a Nile croc suspended from the roof named “Hal”.
The owners were a group of friends who had grown up in the business. One of them was from the family that started Senior Frogs and the like down in Mexico. They had all met and worked at some of the hottest places in the state and been to some of the craziest places around the Americas. So when I say no one had seen anything like it, they hadn’t. We had a person that would blow tequila from a custom bong into a partier's mouth from 30 feet away. Our DJ’s were the best in town. We poached the absolute best in talent from every bar in a 4000 mile radius. That movie “Cocktail”? Yeah, that was this place on steroids. Hell, beside myself and 1 or 2 other guys, our security eventually turned into off duty SWAT cops. All these places around Denver and, hell, around the country you see now? Yeah these guys started it right there in LoDo.
It was the paper and crayons we would put on every table though where my memory begins.
There had been other places that had done what we did with the butcher block paper. It went on every table with crayons. It wasn’t the most innovative thing there but it was fun and the patrons enjoyed it. Many great artists out there! And of course the kids loved it. A lot of the folks who lived around there would bring their kids with them for lunch or dinner. I worked a lot of Sunday day shifts because a) everyone was hung over and never wanted to work and b) it was usually a nice bit of quiet after two nights that would make Caligula jealous. Plus the people who did come in were usually pretty cool and just out for a good meal. It was pretty chill after all that joyous chaos.
My section was usually the front lifted area just in front of the potters and a few tables in the middle. I was splitting with the other server that day since it was more dead than usual. A beautiful Colorado day back then. Blue sky with puffy clouds. Perfect temperature with no wind so the front doors to the small little patio were open. You could smell the flowers from across the street. The other server let me know she had sat a couple of people at one of my four tops. Sounded good so I headed out to say hello.
It was customary for us to write our name on the paper when we showed up. It was hokie but everyone loved it. It was our way of saying welcome and have fun! Some servers could do it upside down but I could never get the hang of that.
I headed down the bar toward the front, preoccupied with getting my marker out for the intro. I remember coming around the corner of the potter and just kind of coming to a juddering stop at the top step, tripping and almost falling on my face. Luckily she was a little preoccupied with her son and getting him situated so she missed seeing me make a gobsmacked fool out of myself.
I luckily regained what little balance I could alongside some composure quick enough to walk up and say hi. She said hi and then kind of waited. “Oh yeah dumbass” I said to myself as I told her, or rather flubbed, my name as I wrote it in the corner so they could read it right side up. She giggled a little bit as most people did with my nickname at the time. I hadn’t noticed but her son had been waiting the whole time for that moment. He grabbed his crayon and wrote his name and her name in front of them. “That’s a good name isn’t it?” I asked him. I told him it was the same as mine but the longer version. He was a little surprised by this as I went by “Scooter” back then. It took a second but he quickly realized it was a nickname. He had signed the long version of our name and said that’s what he liked. Right on man, you got it. Damn smart kid. You can tell, ya know?
After that briefest of moments, I shook myself a little and introduced myself for, I think the fourth time now. She tells me her name but it is instantly gone. Not only because of the effect this moment is having on me, but just because I am bad with names on the first go around. I don’t think we heard what either was saying anyway. Our eyes were locked and in that moment, it was all that mattered somehow. I can remember how deeply they shined. Her hair was a little damp and unkempt like someone in a hurry but has that respect for herself. Dark like her eyes but shining from the light outside. A simple blue/light purple and white striped shirt. Slightly damp around the shoulders. Worn jeans. Not the designer type but jeans aged with a good strong life. Blue canvas deck shoes with the white souls if I remember that part right. Maybe black canvas. I saw all this without ever breaking her gaze.
It was as if in the same moment we both realized we were in the same place together but not there alone. A moment later we both found ourselves apologizing for talking over the other. Sheepishly, like teens on their first date. Giggling a bit. Not knowing what was happening but knowing that something most definitely was. I apologized for the awkwardness and I think I cracked a joke or something but neither of us knew what to do. There was a calm panic and, I dare to say, a longing that was unknown?
It was her son who brought us both back to reality. He had asked if we had Coke or Pepsi. I shook myself internally again and told him we had Coke but could find some Pepsi if he really wanted it. Luckily he was not a Pepsi kid. I also told him that, yes, I would be happy to add a cherry to it. This time though when I met his eyes, I looked at myself when I was that age, as I answered that question. I hadn’t noticed it. Like a mirror as they say. Dark brown hair full of cowlicks. Round face with a big smile. Getting that cherry meant the world to him. I remembered that same feeling again through him. It was like looking at a version of myself I only saw in pictures.
At this very second in time I remember being terrified. Not “scared” terrified. It was more like, holy shite is this happening? What is going on? I wanted to turn and run and hide but somehow regained what little composure was left in that split second. I turned back to her and saw that she had just seen what I had seen. I could see wonder, joy, confusion, happiness, peace, thrill, fear and hope that I am sure were being reflected in my own eyes. We both needed a few minutes. We each could see it. It was overwhelming. Again, not a bad overwhelming but one of those moments where you need to put your hands on your knees and take some big, deep breaths.
The whole 3 or 4 minutes were surreal. And I will never forget them. I will fight as hard as I can to hold onto the others I have of both of them.
Somehow I managed to Charlie Chaplin myself away to get their drink order. I believe hers was a Sprite with a lemon. Normally I would go right around the corner of the plant potter and get the sodas from the guns there. Instead I went all the way to the back station. I needed to breathe. It seemed like an hour but I headed back. By this time the son was going to town. He had talent and it showed. It seemed like we had regained ourselves somewhat but the whole meal was kind of like an episode out of a teen comedy. We giggled, laughed, blushed, and did all the other things you would expect to see from two teenagers who discover they like each other. It wasn’t like I was trying to stay with them, or they tried to keep me there. It just kind of happened. I’d start to go away and she would ask me back for something simple. I would bring something I had forgotten in case they needed it. The whole meal went that way.
When they were done and ready to go, I was dreading it. Should I ask her out? She had mentioned she was single. It felt like I should ask her out. Like I said, the whole visit was surreal. There was no ring or even a suntan line of one (Don’t judge me, it was a different time). I wasn’t seeing anyone either. We seemed to get along amazingly, both her and her son. Even my fellow server noticed and was egging me on. It was obvious. Doing something like that with a client back then happened. Not usually in the first 30 seconds but you never know. I made up my mind to walk them out as I had no other tables and see what happened. I took the check to the table. She was packing her bag. I had gotten a refill for his togo cup and handed it to him. He said thank you and said he drew something for me. They had carefully torn it from the paper and he handed it to me. It was the three of us holding hands. How I held the tears then I do not know. I was a different person there at that precise point in time. At this moment those tears are here though.
I bent down to his level and thanked him sincerely. He said he was glad I liked it and he hugged me. I heard her try to stifle her gasp. Thank any or no gods or whoever for him. He let go, grabbed his Mom’s hand and said he was ready to go. As I stood up I could see tears welling in her eyes. He hadn’t done that to another man in, what she said, was a very long time she would tell me in a quiet voice as we started to walk toward the door. That was it. I didn’t know what to do. I hadn’t even noticed that when we got to the big double doors, he had grabbed my hand. It just was there.
By this time I do not think either of us really knew what to do or what was going on. I mean, this was an impromptu outing to a place her son had liked because of the paper. It was a cheap and good lunch and then off to wherever for them and another table for me while I rolled silverware in the back or stocked the empty quicks from the previous night. But it seemed like it had been years together but only moments, if that makes sense? I certainly did not know what to do at this point. I think I mumbled what a delight it was to be able to spend time with them and I hoped they had enjoyed themselves or something like that. I honestly could not tell you. By this time she had regained herself somewhat. That girlishness turned into an elegance, beauty and strength that I had not seen before. But those same feelings exchanged in that momentary glance were still there. As was still a bit of moisture along the bottom of her eyes. We made a bit of small talk till he got a bit antsy and wanted to head off.
As we said our goodbyes that day, almost at the same time, we asked our questions. I asked if she would like to come by again soon with her son. His birthday was coming up I think and I could get the guys in back to make him something special. At least I think that was it. Her’s was if it would be ok if they came back soon. You know because the little guy liked drawing and the food. More childish giggling and laughing. And before she left she gave me her card and said to call if I was going to be working again on a Sunday or just whenever. As they walked together, hand in hand down and around the corner, I just stared at them and then the card over and over.
That very card I put back in a safe place tonight.
She was a designer as it turned out. I didn’t pry into her past as it sounded like it wasn’t all that great at times. She came by the restaurant a few more times after that. I then called once or twice to say hi and how they were doing and to let her know to come by. Eventually she asked me out. We spent some time together and it started to get a little more serious. She was a few years older but not by much. She was driven and forthright. Quick witted and compassionate. And such a good Mom with a massive heart. I was young then, somewhat good looking, fairly well paid and worked at the hottest spot in the state. And I had this woman I couldn’t get out of my head. Even my coworkers knew and could see what was going on whenever we were together. Either just the two of us or all three of us. Walking on clouds was an apt statement. At this point I want to point out that while I am no saint whatsoever, I do consider myself a decent person. At least I was back then and for the most part today. Things have changed as they always do but I digress.
Eventually the moment came. The serious date. She had a small but fantastic apartment downtown and wanted to make me dinner for once. I don’t think she was done asking before I said yes. We set a date for later that week. I remember it was a Saturday because me taking a night off from that place, with all its amazing moments each night to the amount of money you walked out with each night to leaving one of the other bouncers with one of the other guys he wasn’t used to, was a pretty big deal. Had to call in favors but everyone just said go. No one there batted an eye. They all seemed to know what a big deal this was somehow.
We set it for a little later in the evening so I could get things in proper working fashion up front of the house and then head over. Any of you who have worked in a restaurant know that smell you get. Kind of need to have worked in that environment to know I guess. So that night, I didn’t have time to head home then come back. So I had a change of clothes and a vanity bag so I could clean up in the back. Wouldn’t be the first time I got sprayed down by the dishwasher but probably a first for this reason. Cleaned up pretty well, freshly shaved and quaffed, walking so far above Cloud 9 I lost track of which one I was on. Headed out to put the work kit and bag in the truck. On the way out a few who knew what had been going on smiled or waved.
And off I went. I was a little late but she said she had expected it given the night of the week. Back then, downtown Denver was different. Colorado was different. I guess everywhere was different back then. But in this instance, I mean in an architectural way. You didn’t have the towers all around LoDo as you do now. From some rooftops you could still watch a sunset over the mountains. Say what you will, even I have to admit that a purple and orange sunset over the mountains is quite possibly the most beautiful natural thing I have seen. It is immense but oh so fleeting. Just like our lives I guess. You could still hear birds and bugs over cars at times. I wouldn’t say it was peaceful but it was at least calm?
She was lucky as her apartment, though smallish, came with a hidden bonus. Her window allowed her to access the roof on the next building. A part of it anyway. But this little slice of hidden wonder allowed a view down Market Street, across Spear, over Auraria and then the mountain view. It was stunning. Like the apartment, the space was just cozy enough for two to enjoy a little rooftop barbeque and dining. She gave me the quick tour and we poured some wine. She was going through the menu as we “headed outside”. The door was a small little window. I remember scratching my head and thinking I may not fit out there. She handled it with the grace of a ballerina and said I could do it. It took a minute or two but I contorted my clumsy self outside. And she was right. It was spectacular.
Not just the view but what she had done with her little corner of peace. She had talked with the building owner who agreed that she could use this space as he didn't even know about it. It was like something out of a commercial today. A nice little seating couch type niche. Well built trellis with some small Christmas lights for effect. A little brick grilling area with a hibachi going. I can still smell it. The table with candles and dinnerware. Decking. I was taken aback. The way it was situated insulated her from the sounds down below. You could hear them but it was almost like distant white noise. It was just peaceful. I remember remarking about this. She said she discovered it by accident when her son thought it might be a good play area.
Dinner was wonderful. The night went on. There wasn’t a sense of time. Just us there in that little part of the universe that was only hers. To this day I do not think I felt that safe before anywhere nor since. Someone was letting me into one of their most sacred spots. Literally and figuratively. I felt privileged. Almost as though I was treading somewhere I shouldn’t be. I think that thought was my downfall however. Don’t worry dear Reader, you will understand all that very soon. We watched that sunset. It was perfect. The right contrast of colors. Just the right amount of clouds to change those colors ever so slightly. A reminder of how something can change for the simplest of reasons.
As night grew darker it started to get cold. The goosebumps we were feeling on each other's skin holding hands and looking at the stars weren’t just from feelings. It was getting cool so we moved inside. After safely dousing the grill and making sure the coals were in their proper place, we cleaned up. Since it was easier, I stayed outside and handed them into the house to her. We figured it would be safer for the dishes. Giggled some more as we came to realize more and more things about each other at the same time. Finally the outside was clear. I stood outside for another minute to take in what was happening. I think that is then that little bit of fear weeded its way in without my realizing it. This was as close to perfect as I could ever dream I thought.
After squeezing back inside, assisted again but ok with that, we cleaned up the dishes and opened another bottle of wine. The inside was just as cozy. At some point she had lit some more candles and had some soft music going. Light jazz if I remember. Not loud at all. Again, there, just outside the periphery. Sitting on the couch I can feel her sitting next to me. We are close. Two people holding each other wanting to believe but not sure if this is real. There was almost a vibration. The constant goosebumps were not because of the cold anymore. Once we were both comfortable and we just talked. For hours and hours. There were the intimate moments but nothing scandalous. A tenuous kiss from one to the other.
We talked about what two people talk about who truly want to know the other. I believe we asked as many honest questions of ourselves as we did of the other. We really, truly, wholly wanted to know each other. And that is what we did. The more we talked the more comfortable we felt. Each of us had our scars that were not easily revealed. Nor did we reveal all of them that night and guarded them well. But we each wanted to know if the other was someone we could trust with those deepest places that we all hide in the darkest parts of our soul.
We talked a little about her son’s father but not in depth. It was easy to see that was one of the scars. We talked about her son. Why she was so astonished that first day. My heart wrenches this very moment dear Reader upon remembering that. Her hopes for him. His likes and his dislikes. Some of the stories parents tell others to embarrass their children later in life. We talked about what futures there could be not for us but for him and his world. He really was an amazing kid and I am sure has grown up to be someone she can be proud of. Time did not exist that night. Feelings and thoughts were exchanged that did not need to be said. We just knew each other that night.
We never did finish the second bottle if memory serves, we talked, laughed and sat together in peaceful comfort and gave no care about anything else. But tomorrow was coming as it always does and we had to leave each other. I remember the closeness as we held each other. The pressure of two bodies at that singular moment in time. That one instant that feels as though it could last through infinity. When two become one and feel the safety, love, compassion, trust and sameness that is rarely, if ever experienced.
Pardon me dear Reader but must ask a moment to compose myself. We are getting close to the end of my tale so also ask for just a bit more of your time. I know how so very precious it is. Thank you for allowing me to continue.
I do not know how long we held each other. To this day I wish it had been so much longer however. I do remember leaving. Working where I did, I was sadly but actively very familiar with many different levels and types of inebriation. That feeling that morning however was something that surpassed all that I had experienced in my life. I had never felt like this. I knew that the sun was starting to come up as I parked my car. I knew that I got through the door, downstairs and then fell asleep. I wasn’t drunk. It was pure. A pure love, happiness, joy and trust I had never felt from someone else. This feeling was so powerful it had knocked me for a loop that I just was not ready for.
I awoke later that day, thankful I didn’t have to work. It was late in the afternoon and I felt like I had been hit by a bus but didn’t care. I believe that the night before we both had excised many things that we had held inside for so long. I could (and can) still remember the whole night if not the words. I felt like one does after you give everything physically possible to something and have nothing left to give. But it felt right. Regardless of the ending, I do believe that, even though brief, that night, two people who had needed to find each other did. I think they needed to know that there was at least one person who understood, even if they hadn’t needed to actually say anything.
Now dear Reader I must ask you to remember that part about fear. Given my early life and life up to that point and to this day, I do find it very hard to trust. So this was something I had to confront. And so I started to. Instead of seeing what she saw in me, I saw the things I thought were ugly. I got scared that those scars would be peeled away and she would be repulsed. And these thoughts and fears grew. We still saw each other and talked for a while after that night. But my fear took over quickly. Before I knew it I had driven her away. There was no maliciousness about it. The thoughts that had ruled my life for so long before her and then after her, to this day, always got to the same thing. If you let her in, she will leave because of who you are. It was idiotic but it was ingrained at this point. I eventually told her I didn’t think it was going to work out. The truth was that I was scared. Scared to let her in. I hated myself for not being honest with her. She would have understood. Probably more than any other.
After that, I went on with my life as a young person does in that atmosphere. I saw her one time after that final talk. She waved as she and her son sat in a section away from mine. I waved back and remembered going out back and beating the hell out of our cooler there. I was so mad at myself then. While the anger passed as life threw one thing at me after another as it does until I find myself here today writing this, the pain of losing her has never healed. Nor do I want it to. That pain also brings memories that I so rarely experience anymore. I buried it for a long, long, long time but recently I find myself thinking about her and her son more and more. What would have been?
For you see dear Reader, that moment was my perfect chance. Not long ago in my life I was diagnosed with cancer. I eventually beat it but it has long since ruined my life. But that is not why I tell this tale. I ask for no sympathy. My life is where I am supposed to be. I have come to peace with that. To an extent I guess anyway. The reason it was my perfect chance is this. I was also diagnosed with a genetic defect which essentially makes me a cancer producer with no natural way to fight it. My mothers father died of colon and pancreatic cancer. My Mother has beaten 5 different bouts of cancer. I have been tested and confirmed. So if I had had a child, I would more than likely have passed that to them. After listening to what my mother watched her father go through. After watching my own Mother fight this monster 5 times and win each time. After all that I was horrified to learn that I could have passed this monster to someone I would have loved with all my heart.
I never married and never had a child. For most of my life I regretted that most of all to the point of shame. I am the last person in my familial lineage that will ever carry my name. My line dies with me. For the longest time that has been a great burden. However, after the geneticist confirmed me and a great deal of internal contemplation, with the aid of hindsight, part of me is glad that I never had a wife and child who would have to go through the horrors I have heard about, watched and gone through first hand and personally. That at least brings me a modicum of inner peace. Do not be fooled ever though. This monster is evil. It takes everything from all but the luckiest.
And I had my moment of perfect chance. Even though I did not know it at the time, I had an opportunity to spend the rest of my life with two someones who I truly believe to this day, loved me. Even if for so very briefly. I gave up the chance to be able to be a husband and care for someone I believe I loved and loved me. I had a chance to be the father I wanted to be without passing on my monster. To see a child grow into their best self. I get angry at times that I did this. Not necessarily my own selfish needs. I am also mad that this person trusted me and I couldn’t do the same in the end. That I let a child down who for his own reasons let me in when he shut others out. That we could have been the family we could have been. And I ran because I was scared. I can never forgive myself for doing that to them. This may sound selfish and perhaps it is but it is my history.
And now dear Reader we come to the end of my tale. Where it all began.
Her card.
I think you will understand why I put it away instead of taking it out after this. I mentioned that she was a designer. Her card is exquisite. I don’t need to see it to describe it. There is a silver cord ribbon wrapped around a waxed paper tied in a bow. It sparkles silver but is brittle after all the years. I can slide the card out carefully but don’t want to take a chance of damaging it. My hands aren’t the best anymore. The writing on the card is done with a most excellent penmanship in purple over white with black. The backing is white with the black used as border highlighting with purple as the border and main color. There is a bit of sparkle in one of the purples but not a garish amount. Just enough to catch the eye. The back is similar with details of her work at the time as well as some contact information. I don’t know if she did this on all of them, but there was a scent of her perfume that accompanied it for a while. It, like much else, has faded.
We all have a place to keep our most precious items. This one rarely leaves that place for me.
So in the really bad times dear Reader, I try to look at that card. I say try because it is very painful to try to do so. Today was one of those days and I wanted to share it. In the end I couldn’t get past the tears to look at it so returned it to its safety. Not really because of the pain. Believe me, the pain is there in vast amounts. But because of that first moment. I needed to remember what that feeling was like. I needed to remember what it is to look in another's eyes and see the whole universe and all its infinite possibilities. Some regrets, regardless of time, will always follow you. Be honest about that with yourself dear Reader. Today I needed to remember her and him. I needed that acceptance. That peace. That joy, That trust. That love.
This time however I needed to commit this to our history so that perhaps at least one other will read it and maybe it will impact somehow. This is not meant to be a moralistic tale. It is just a tale of love lost. A life that could have been different. I hope, dear Reader, that your life is filled with wonder and love. Do not miss a single chance in your life because of fear. Be cautious but be open. Your world is massive but also miniscule. The chances don’t happen often anymore so grab them and hold onto them when you can. Try to think of all possibilities and look through others' eyes. But most importantly. If you do find your perfect moment, do not let it go dear Reader. It may never come again.
That is the end of my tale. I thank you so much dear Reader. As I have said many times, your time is precious and I have taken enough. Safe journeys to you my friend.

I’m back again! Unfortunately, I didn’t find anything except ghosts and people who don’t really know what they want. I can’t believe I have to say this but I am not here to just dirty talk with you so if you are looking to just flirt with someone please move along, I’m looking for a real connection! I have not had excellent luck with love, I’ve been single for a very long time searching for that one who ticks most or even just some of the boxes and I am seriously looking for long-term rest of my-life type thing... So please only reply if you are SERIOUS about dating and know what you want. Where I live everyone is super outdoors oriented and I am quite an introverted homebody who likes video games and cozy nights at home. Online dating apps have been a complete bust due to this, so here I am on Reddit. If you don’t have a good post history on your account you will have to make sure you write a great intro message telling me about yourself or I probably won’t reply. I was almost catfished a while ago so please also send a picture.

• 36, just shy of 5"11, short brown hair, blue eyes, trimmed beard. Kinda like a big ol' bear. Or at least I have been told I have a Papa Bear look whatever that means. This is me
• BC, Canada - I won’t give too much away about my location yet but I am in The Okanagan in BC. Seattle is about 6 hours away from me and Vancouver is about 4 hours away.
• No kids - I'm not sure if I want them but open to it if my future partner doesLoves animals, especially big doggos - I had to put down my German Shepherd of 12 years in December and it was the toughest thing I've ever had to do. I have a new puppy! 4-month-old Golden Retriever, expect pics and videos of him!
• Super nerdy - Most of what I do is play video games so if you could join me in that, that would be great especially if we are unable to hang out in person often. I love talking about gaming and gaming-related news.
• Dad bod - Maybe a little bit more than that but I am working on getting it down. I understand that’s not everyone’s cup of tea but it is what it is!
• My taste in music is all over the place. From Video Game Soundtracks & Remixes, Lo-fi, 80's, Rap, Country, Rock, I like pretty much all of it but if I had to pick my top ones I would say Melodic Metal (Amaranthe, Ad Infinitum, Follow the Cypher), and Rock.
• I will always be respectful and treat you kindly.
• Homebody - I don’t really like going out all the time or being outdoors a lot. An issue I’m having is finding someone whose whole identity isn’t hiking, camping, & fishing. I like taking my puppy for walks and to the dog beach though.
• Depression & Anxiety! - Yup me too! Seems to be common among gamers and most people on the internet. Maybe the internet is the problem hmmm... Anyway, support of mental health awareness is a must, and non-judginess (that's not a word) is a must.
• No drugs! - I don’t do any drugs and do not even smoke weed. I don’t care if you smoke weed just don’t let it be your personality lol
• Rarely drink - the last drink I had was over a year ago, I don’t care for it but I will have a drink rarely.
• Non-religious - I don't really believe in any one thing and don't really like it when people are too religious. Religious usually means judgemental. I would really prefer it if religion was not an important factor in your life.
• Supportive - I will be your personal hype man and emotionally support you for almost anything!
• Hopeless romantic - I like to say cheesy things and I probably fall a little too easily.

Now, what about you? What am I looking for? Well...

• 25-40 years old - I don’t think I’d go more than that age range. I have a silly joke book of "The Bro Code" from How I Met Your Mother and in there, it says the youngest you should date is half your age + 7 so I tend to go by that. I have a sister whos 23 so too young would be weird.
• Nerdy - At least even a little bit? I’d love to play video games together, even if you aren't super into them as long as it's something we can sometimes do together. Even if it's just Mario. I would really like it if you also play Diablo 4 since that is what I am mainly playing at the moment and would love to be able to play together.
• Tattooed - obviously, this isn’t actually needed, it’s just really attractive
• Effort - This one is huge. I don’t like to be the one to send the first message all the time. Please be able to hold a conversation. I don’t want to be the one asking all the questions and keeping the conversation going.
• Kind - Treat people kindly in general. Not just me. So much negativity in the world I would really like someone that likes to spread kindness and smiles. Also as I said, don't be judgy.
• This one is difficult to explain because I don’t want to seem mean but I don’t find myself attracted to big women. I always hate saying that but there are people who like big women or small women and everything in between. My attraction ranges from petite to curvy. You don’t have to be a gym rat. In fact, I would prefer it if you weren’t a gym rat. I try to keep telling myself it’s okay to have preferences because I do feel bad for ever mentioning it.
• I don’t care how much you have or make and you really shouldn’t care how much I have either.
• Open - I want us to be able to talk about EVERYTHING together. Obviously, this takes time but I have anxiety and don't want to be constantly thinking something is wrong because you are always vague.
• Loves to give attention - This probably goes with the effort thing but I love getting attention. If you give it you get it. I don't care if you seem needy, I might even like that! Just don't be all jealous and controlling. I want to feel like I matter. I want someone that wants to put time and effort into me and I will return it. I like waking up to cute messages you have left or just something that tells me you’ve been thinking about me.

It probably seems like I am looking for something a little TOO specific but as I said before you don’t have to check all the boxes. Sometimes you just click with someone and the attraction is just there but I have yet to find that.
I am not interested in anyone from another country! Unless it's pretty close like Seattle, Washington but I primarily want someone in BC, Canada, or at least within 6-8 hours of me like Alberta or something, and you must be willing to travel. I’m just not very good with long-distance unless we are constantly talking and doing things together, so I don't want anything further than that unless you have the resources to visit me often. I don’t really want to leave BC so hopefully if you aren’t within this area then you are willing to relocate in the future. I just want someone who will talk to me every day, send each other memes and music, and do stuff together like best friends would.
This was a lot longer post than I thought and I hope that doesn’t scare people away. I’m just really exhausted with online dating. Thanks for reading my long post! If any of this sounds good to you please feel free to message me and tell me a little about yourself. I’d like you to include a picture too since I’m so cautious now.

After every defeat in knockouts we can't say that the opposition played well...bcci needs to adress certain problems in its system of cricket itself...with the amount of cricket now you can't have careers spanning over 20 yrs for your nations team...let other guys aslo get the opportunities as well.... whenever we have given chance to a new team we have gotten results in our faver i.e t20 world cup in 2007, odi in 2011 and champions trophy in 2013
NOW THE PROBLEM PART-
the problem is lack of opportunities to young talent in the senior team....those same guys play every format ...this then creates a very big problem in the system itself...those young guys are caught in the trap of playing domestic cricket all their life and then the age groupe like u19s and u23s don't get to represent their senior state team....india need to adapt the team systems like that of Australia and england where every format has different teams and youngsters are given chances very frequently.....(see the example of english team and how they won both 50 over and t20 world cup ..also how good they are doing in test)
We don’t want to get stuck in the cycle where england or australia will win every major tournament

After every defeat in knockouts we can't say that the opposition played well...bcci needs to adress certain problems in its system of cricket itself...with the amount of cricket now you can't have careers spanning over 20 yrs for your nations team...let other guys aslo get the opportunities as well....
NOW THE PROBLEM PART-
the problem is lack of opportunities to young talent in the senior team....those same guys play every format ...this then creates a very big problem in the system itself...those young guys are caught in the trap of playing domestic cricket all their life and then the age groupe like u19s and u23s don't get to represent their senior state team....india need to adapt the team systems like that of Australia and england where every format has different teams and youngsters are given chances very frequently.....(see the example of english team and how they won both 50 over and t20 world cup ..also how good they are doing in test)
We don’t want to get stuck in the cycle where england or australia will win every major tournament

Proof & Full Picture Album: https://imgur.com/a/BLSsjoz
All coins Sigma PRO full penetration tested.
​
- 1947 Mexico 50 Peso (1.206 ozt agw) - $2440 ea - Qty 2 (best dealer price on findbullionprices $2486)
- 1924 US $20 St Gaudens (.9675 ozt agw) - $2061 (best dealer price on findbullionprices $2111)
- 1926 US $20 St Gaudens (.9675 ozt agw) - $2061
- 1904 British Sovereign, Edward VII (.2354 ozt agw) - $482
​
Shipping Options: $4 USPS First Class package with tracking, optional insurance is $.80 per $100 value;
$8 USPS Priority;
$15 USPS Priority insured with signature confirmation for orders over $1,000; or
UPS and FedEx available at cost.
My liability ends once package is in carrier custody
Payment Options: PaypalFF, Venmo, Zelle, CashApp, Picture Check (up to 5 days to clear). No trades. No notes or comments (use period or emote for venmo).
​