Hello! First time posting in here, looking for some advice on my current weight loss journey. I've tried a few times before in the last several years and always fell off of it, and I thought this time was working but I'm hitting a plateau after not much progress. Let me know if I need to provide more details..
I (29f, 5'5) started around 425 lbs, and began in mid-January this year. I use the Lose It! app for calorie tracking and while I have my off days for sanity, I am generally at or under my calorie limit. The app is set at the highest deficit, which should yield about 2lbs lost a week purely based on the math.
I go to the gym sometimes, but work and life are very busy and it is hard to make the time. When I do go, I stick to a little treadmill and mostly elliptical.
The past few weeks I have been hovering at 390-395, with the lowest being 389 about 3 weeks ago. I realize that there's a lot of little factors that affect weight and cause it to fluctuate. I only weigh in the morning and not every day.
The app has my calorie limit at about 2800 calories, which is a decrease from when I started as it changes with your progress. I have very few days I go over, and most days I am well under, in the 1500-2000 range.
I have all but completely cut out soda and drinks with sugar, sticking to zero sugar energy drinks for my caffeine fix and unsweetened tea or sugar free flavored watedrink mixes. Fast food is a minimum and when I do, I watch the calories. Mostly cooking at home and bringing homemade lunch to work, with dinner being my biggest meal. I tend to have several small low- calorie snacks throughout the day so I don't get as hungry, things like granola bars, apples, fruit snacks, string cheese. Lunch mains are usually simple sandwiches, soup, salads, or the small lunchables. Dinners vary a lot but I am meticulous about the calorie counts when I cook something thats not so simple, usually a meat and bread/pasta/potato side, or low calorie microwave meals if short on time.
All this to say, I feel like I shouldve made some progress in the last 3 weeks but I am stuck around 395ish. Am I doing something wrong? I realize I could exercise more but if I don't have time, shouldn't the calorie deficit be enough with my current weight? I looked at many different website calculators and they all say I need over 3000 a day to maintain my weight.
Any advice would be appreciated!

Context:
I (20m) work at a hatchery for the summer. We do many different things throughout the summer. For example we house clams and oysters for non profit organizations and for other projects. If no one needs them we plant them in the bay (dumping them in the water). We also clean the clams and oysters because they can get very dirty very fast if you aren't keeping up with them.
Issue:
A few days ago we had a non profit organization come to collect 75 bags full of oysters and 15 liters of clams. Anyway when they arrive there is this girl that is with this group. She and a few others are collecting the bags that they needed while I collect their clams. Afterwards we all gather around to discuss about oysters and stuff. There is about 8 of us 3 being around my age and 3 being 50 or above. During the discussion I caught the girl checking me out. I was also checking her out. We were looking at each other more than listening to the conversation. The conversation finishes and we all shake hands with each other. They leave and I don't know if I will ever be able to see her again and I feel like I should have said something to her but I didn't because my boss was right next to me and I didn't think it was appropriate at work.
Did I mess up or am I just overthinking?

Some time ago, I made two posts with some of Percy's best feats. The first one can viewed here. And the second: here.
Now I know that Jason isn't the most liked character in the fandom, but I like him. So I wanted to scale him.
Contents: Strength, speed, reaction speed, skill, durability, actual powers, Tl;dscaling, closing segment.
​
He was able to throw a club hard enough to knock down a Venti. Even causing it to curve so that it would hit Dylan when he tried to doge:

Jason threw the club. It seemed useless with the winds so strong, but the club flew right at Dylan, even curving when he tried to dodge, and smacked in the head so hard he fell to his knees
The Lost Hero

He was able to deflect a spear hit from a giant:

Jason raised his javelin to block the giant's next strike-a big mistake. Don't fight force with force, a voice chided him-the wolf Lupa, who told him that long ago. He managed to deflect the spear, but it grazed his shoulder, and his arm went numb.
The Lost Hero

The same giant was able to cause the entire mountain to shake just by slamming the butt of said spear into the ground:

Before they could get very far, Enceladus slammed his spear against the ground. The entire mountain shook.
The Lost Hero

Moving onto House of Hades, we see him casually shatter a metal with a kick, firmly putting him into the superhuman category of strength. Not only that, but he managed to stagger and knocked a giant to his knees:

One last time Jason flew at [Clytius], kicking him in the chest, and the giant's breastplate shattered. Clytius staggered backward..He fell to his knees, and the demigods encircled him
House of Hades

He was able to cut through a statue made of metal with help from Piper:

Piper and Jason went to work on Hygeia. They slashed through the statue's knees
Blood of Olympus

We are now done with Jason it the strength department. Obviously, he lacks many feats in this department, especially compared to Percy, but he is definitely stronger than an average human.
Speed:
He was able to stab a giant:

[Jason] rolled away from the giant's first spear thrust and jabbed Enceladus in the ankle. Jason's javelin managed to pierce the thick dragon hide, and golden ichor-the blood of immortals-trickled down the giant's clawed foot.
The Lost Hero

This might not seem that impressive, but Jason was being slowed down by Gaea. The Giant was being helped by Gaea. Finally, the giant was predicting Jason's attacks:

Enceladus' spear missed him by a millimeter. Jason kept dodging, but the ground stuck to his feet. Gaea was getting stronger, and the giant was getting faster. Enceladus might be slow, but he was not dumb. He began anticipating Jason's moves, and Jason's attacks were only annoying him
The Lost Hero

We see this here again:

Enceladus let him approach, grinning with anticipation. At the last second, Jason faked a strike and rolled between the giant's legs. He came up quickly, thrusting with all his might, ready to stab the giant in the small of his back, but Enceladus anticipated the trick. He stepped aside with too much speed and agility for a giant, as if the earth were helping him move.
The Lost Hero

Reaction/ combat speed. This is where Jason really shines. As he has several impressive feats:
He was able to keep up with Lit. The same guy who was so good, he earned the name Reaper of Men:

Lit charged.
The guy was fast. He slashed and sliced, and Jason could barely dodge the strikes, but his mind went into a different mode-analyzing patterns, learning Lit's style, which was all offense, no defense.
The Lost Hero

He can react to giants:

Jason raised his javelin to block the giant's next strike-a big mistake. Don't fight force with force, a voice chided him-the wolf Lupa, who told him that long ago. He managed to deflect the spear, but it grazed his shoulder, and his arm went numb.
The Lost Hero

He scales to Percy in reaction speed and was able to amaze Piper:

[Piper] rolled to the edge of the road and looked back, dazed and horrified, as [Percy and Jason] crossed swords, gold against bronze. Sparks flew. Their blades blurred-strike and parry-and the pavement trembled. The first exchange only took a second, but Piper couldn't believe the speed of their sword fighting.
Mark of Athena

The same guy who I scaled to have reaction speed as fast as 10 milliseconds. And the average human reacts at 250 milliseconds.
He can react to lightning:

Jason called down another lightning strike, but Ephialtes caught it on his spear and deflected the blast, melting a life-size plastic cow. He slammed a stone column out of his way like a stack of building blocks. Percy tried to keep the lake churning. He didn’t want Otis rising to join this fight, but as Ephialtes closed the last few feet, Percy had to switch focus. Jason and he met the giant’s charge. They lunged around Ephialtes, stabbing and slashing in a blur of gold and bronze, but the giant parried every strike. “I will not yield!” Ephialtes roared. “You may have ruined my spectacle, but Gaea will still destroy your world!” Percy lashed out, slicing the giant’s spear in half. Ephialtes wasn’t even fazed. The giant swept low with the blunt end and knocked Percy off his feet. Percy landed hard on his sword arm, and Riptide clattered out of his grip. Mark of Athena

While technically not reacting to lighting, Percy fought a giant who could, so Ephialtes' reaction speed=Percy's. What I'm getting at here is Ephialtes can react to lightning. Percy can keep up with Ephialtes. So Percy=Ephialtes' reaction speed. Jason=Percy reaction speed. Therefore, Jason=Ephialtes' reaction speed.
Too much for you to follow, here:

Jason swung at the first spirit. His blade passed through it and the creature's smoky form disintegrated. The second spirit let loose a bolt of lightning, but Jason's blade absorbed the charge. Jason stepped in-one quick thrust, and the second storm spirit dissolved into gold powder
The Lost Hero

There you go.
He reacts to arrows:

This time Jason's senses were on high alert. He felt the air ripple as an arrow materialized, racing towards Nico's chest.
Jason intercepted it with his sword and deflected it sideways.
House of Hades

Now, Romans use a type of composite bow called a Sagittarii. Composite bows can shoot arrows as a speed of 250 to 370 feet per second (76 to 113 m/s).
Also keep in mind that he is nearsighted. Giving him even less time to react than normal:

"Oh, of course!" Asclepius said. "You're a bit nearsighted! Simple fix."
He opened the drawer, whipped out a prescription pad and an eyeglasses case. He scribbled something on the pad, then handed the glasses and the scrip to Jason.
Blood of Olympus

So all in all, he has some fast reaction speed. Well above human.
Next up, skill.
He can keep up with Lit, a man so deadly, he was named the Reaper of Men:

Lit charged.
The guy was fast. He slashed and sliced, and Jason could barely dodge the strikes, but his mind went into a different mode-analyzing patterns, learning Lit's style, which was all offense, no defense.
The Lost Hero

He did all of this:

"I slew the Trojan sea monster," Jason continued. "I toppled the black throne of Kronos, and destroyed the Titan Krios with my own hands. And now I'm going to destroy you, Porphyrion, and feed you to your own wolves."
The Lost Hero

He killed the Trojan sea monster and killed a Titan without a weapon.
Durability:
He is immune to, or at least, resistant to electricity:

Dylan's form flickered. "That was enough lightning to kill twenty men!"
The Lost Hero

He survived this:

Enceladus let him approach, grinning with anticipation. At the last second, Jason faked a strike and rolled between the giant's legs. He came up quickly, thrusting with all his might, ready to stab the giant in the small of his back, but Enceladus anticipated the trick. He stepped aside with too much speed and agility for a giant, as if the earth were helping him move. He swept his spear sideways and met Jason's javelin-and with a snap like a shotgun blast, the golden weapon shattered.
The explosion was hotter than the giant's breath, blinding Jason with golden light. The force knocked him off his feet and squeezed the breath out of him.
The Lost Hero

While this is an already impressive feat, we have this to make this even more impressive:

The javlin's destruction had released so much energy, it had blasted a perfect cone-shaped pit thirty feet deep, fusing the dirt and rock into a slick, glassy substance.
The lost Hero

He was uncut by plastic shrapnel:

Together, the giants picked up a fake mountain as big as Percy's New York apartment and hurled it at the demigods. Percy and Jason bolted. They dove into the nearest trench and the mountain shattered above them, spraying them with plastic shrapnel.
Mark of Athena

He can tank a hit from a giant trident, although he was in a lot of pain:

Jason managed to avoid the prongs of the trident again, but the giant swung the other end around and smacked him in the chest.
Jason reeled back, stunned and in pain. Polybotes came in for the kill. Just before the trident would have perforated him, Jason's ventus acted on its own. It spiraled sideways, whisking Jason thirty feet across the courtyard.

Powers. This is another place he is impressive in. He has several abilities he can call on in a clutch:
He can correct aim of things he throws:

Jason threw the club. It seemed useless with the winds so strong, but the club flew right at Dylan, even curving when he tried to dodge, and smacked in the head so hard he fell to his knees
The Lost Hero

He can control air pressure:

[Jason] felt a tugging sensation in his gut, and the air pressure dropped so rapidly his ears popped.
The Lost Hero

He can summon Tempest, a horse made of wind and electricity:

Suddenly the air turned cold. Piper's ears popped. About fifty yards away, a miniature cyclone three stories tall tore across the tops of the sunflowers like a scene from The Wizard of Oz. It touched down on the road next to Jason and took the form of a horse-a misty steed with lightning flickering through its body
Mark of Athena

Jason and Percy working together can create a massive storm:

On the deck of the Argo II, Percy and Jason stood together, their swords crossed. Annabeth got a tingle down her spine as she realized the boys were working together as one, summoning the sky and the sea to do their bidding. Water and wind churned together. Waves heaved against the ramparts and lightning flashed. Giant eagles were knocked out of the sky. Wreckage of the flying chariot burned in the water, and Coach Hedge swung a mounted crossbow, taking potshots at the Roman birds as the flew overhead.
The Mark of Athena

Jason can fly and carry people with him:

Jason summoned the wind to carry him and Piper to shore
Mark of Athena

He can cause water to boil and temporarily blind Piper:

BOOM! Lightning stirred the water into a boiling cauldron, steaming and hissing with electricity. Piper blinked the yellow spots out her eyes as the god Achelous wailed and dissolved under beneath the surface
Mark of Athena

He can use wind offensively:

The demigods rolled to either side, and Jason summoned the wind, using the giant's own momentum to shove him into the water
Mark of Athena

He can get angry enough to generate electricity:

the air turned electric-literally, as Jason started throwing off sparks.
Mark of Athena

He can melt iron and cause gold to steam:

Just then, thunder boomed overhead. Lightning flashed, and the bars on the nearest window burst into sizzling, melted stubs of iron.
Jason flew in like Peter Pan, electricity sparking around him and his gold sword steaming.
House of Hades

Jason has the ability to track people who use winds as a method of transport so things like air spirits can't run from him:

Jason couldn't exactly see him, but he'd had enough experience controlling the wind that he could track the angel's path-a warm wisp of red and gold zipping across the street..
House of Hades

He can control the four winds and even construct this out of wind:

[Jason] thrust out his hand. A swirl of dust shot toward the nearest horse. A lasso-a rope of wind, more tightly wound than any tornado-wrapped around the horse's neck. ..In less than a minute he had tethered all four venti. He reined them in, still whining and bucking, but they couldn't break Jason's rope. It felt like flying four kites in a strong wind-hard, yes, but not impossible.
House of Hades

He uses wind defensively:

Jason summoned gusts of wind to last aside javelins and arrows. He deflected a vial of Greek fire right up the throat of a gryphon, which burst into flames and spiraled into the pit.
House of Hades

He can carry others without having to fly himself:

Three dead Romans rose into the air and flew across the chasm. Then three more joined them. Finally Jason flew himself across and his squad began cutting through some very surprised-looking telkhines
House of Hades

He can use a sword or a javelin:

Jason slashed his gladius in a wide arc, vaporizing the nearest suitors; then he vaulted onto the table and jumped over Antinous' head. In midair he willed his bade to extend into a javelin-a trick he'd never tried with this sword-but somehow he knew it would work.
Blood of Olympus

He once more demonstrates his ability to create objects from air and now he can encase himself in air armor:

[Jason] raised his arm and summoned a lasso of wind... He lashed out with his wind rope, searching for strongest, most ornery *ventus in the storm.
He lassoed a nasty patch of storm cloud and pulled it in. "You're serving me today."
Howling in protest, the ventus encircled him. The storm above the ship seemed to lessen just a bit, as if the other venti were thinking Oh, crud. That guy means business.
Jason levitated off the deck, encased in his own miniature tornado. Spinning like a corkscrew, he plunged into the water.

Jason is capable of summoning weird lightning stuff at the bottom of the ocean. Also worth noting it is still as deadly and didn't shock Percy who was also in the water next to him. On top of that, he can now separate the volts to attack multiple targets instead of just one:

But [Jason] couldn't think of a better option. He thrust up his sword. Immediately the blade glowed red-hot.
A diffuse cloud of yellow light billowed through the depths, like someone had poured liquid neon into the water. The light hit Jason's sword and splayed outward in ten separate tendrils, zapping the basiliks.
Blood of Olympus

He can carry a current throughout his body, holding it for latter:

With a deafening blast, a white-hot bolt arced from the sky, straight through Jason's body as he leaped, wreathed in lightning, at the giant king.
Jason fell on King Porphyrion with such force that the giant crumpled to his knees-blasted with lightning and stabbed in the neck with a golden gladius.

He can blast a 30 foot giant off a clif:

Porphyrion lashed out wildly with his spear, but Jason cut it in half with his gladius. He charged in, jabbing his sword through the giant's breastplate, then summoned the winds and blasted Porphyrion off the edge of the cliff.
Blood of Olympus

Tl;dr and scaling: So Jason is powerful. He is definitely superhuman in al physical states. I am going to say, city level durability. His power level is at mountain level.
Closing segment: Honestly I think he could have been more powerful if we'd seen him in more books. Also I didn't use a Trials of Apollo feats as there I didn't find any. If you see any feats I missed let me know so I can scale them. So what did you think? Did this make you see Jason as more or less powerful than you originally thought? Who else would you like me to scale?
Respect Jason Grace, son of the sky god, Zeus!

My mental landscape has been becoming more easy to access. This has been due to multiple reasons. Firstly it was thanks to the anxiety treatment I desperately needed. That was a combination of a diagnosis of bipolar disorder (written as affective mood disorder by CareDoc and ER visit 19th April 2022, before I then engaged in an anxiety workshop over three weeks, three sessions. The bipolar disorder diagnosis, and I don't understand why, it really changed my perspective on my past six years. It was like a switch in my self-perception that day. I stopped beating myself and feeling so down about the bad existential depressions and sense of being very lost and constantly empty/lonely inside. I started to see that it was things I had overcome as I slowly find different communities and spaces I can belong to, finally start to recognize ways I can be seen as a valuable person within the societies I am finding a home in)
Now I no longer feel so anxious and I'm no longer ripping myself to shreads with depressive feelings surrounding that anxiety! Especially because I am doing the leaving certificate (I had 6 months in school to prepare for exams spanning 7th June and 27th June since I was real fast-tracked since I began 13th December 2022 due to having dropped out school to attend online courses but those could never have panned out because I wouldn't be able to get to a university for a degree) and I've done very well in first three exams. I am REALLY GOING TO ACTUALLY HAVE A RECOGNIZED ACADEMIC ACHIEVEMENT. I ACTUALLY FREAKING DID IT.
Very recently Rosabella has been cofronting a lot more often. That was due to joining a plural Discord space and I had managed to loosen my worries about how real the headmates all were to simply let Rosabella outward. This exercise of Rosabella being able to say simple words and phrases frequently and thus be able to hold limited conversation with others. This had a knock-on effect. I identified that mysterious and whispering voice that at times kept whispering to my ear, "it's ok..." in a loop and I believe that is a fragment of Oracle. Though if that's true it's been going on for several years which suggests something very interesting.
From an extended conversation with Chloe I did get to find out that it is true that Chloe experiences chronic psychedelic-like hallucinations, these are not to be mistaken with hallucinations from drugs but is more to signify that I think they might be vibrant/fluid in nature rather than the more distinct details I get very infrequently. (due to the neurochemical wackiness in my brain tbh) I had also recognized that Alula has synesthesia, though I do not know the type of synesthesia.
If anyone can give further helpful feedback/insights into this. I'd love to hear it.

A multi-level issue here and I don’t even know how to explain it all without a novel. I will TRY to keep it short. I just feel like I am getting zero wins, I leave work happy and come into a home that drags the joy out of me. I used to be a healthy balance of optimistic & realist, feet on the ground kind of guy. Now I find myself quick to anger, short bandwidth at work, and just all around more negative. I am at the end of my rope here and I am miserable. A man shouldn’t seek to be blissfully happy but he should seek to not be miserable.
I’m 36 (M), she’s 33 (F). Two SK’s 13 and 12. We have a beautiful son together who is incredible and perfect! But he and I are in a bad situation thanks to some poor decisions I’ve made. Or maybe I got duped I don’t know.
Met in Feb 2020, Married Nov 2021. I’ve always been picky and never met anyone good. She checked all the boxes. Aligned values, health, humor, she has hobbies, she had work ethic, wasn’t self obsessed, etc. She looked at me and listened to me like no one ever had. We’re both fit and she is gorgeous. It all felt right and great!
Didn’t meet her kids for 4 months, was weary about it but we felt like such a great match for each other that I wanted to try. The time spent with them of course was sparse since she usually came to spend time with me when they were at their bio dads. They were respectful and well behaved, very fun, when the time was spent. Anytime I went to their house it was spotless clean. Before we got married there were some red flags I chose to justify…she bit my head off a few times for stupid things. Kids were bad. Just some subtle clues. It’s hard to gauge the reality in those moments.
We get pregnant Feb 2022, planned. Things are still alright but this was the month some of the truth started coming out, honeymoon phase ends too soon. Kids become extremely messy, do the opposite of what their told, hyper desperate attempts for attention, interrupting, breaking things around the house, sneaking food not for them in their room, just suddenly all at once changing. This is BEFORE they found out we were pregnant (we waited 3 months to tell them which would be late April 2022). So I started worrying what was ahead but remained optimistic.
I make a very good amount of money, 7 figures some years. Which I never really brought up in a bragging manner, this wasn’t a sugar mama situation. I had a beautiful loft and nice things, but I don’t think any of them know the extent of the work I’ve accomplished. I own 2 e-commerce businesses and as of the last few years buy / sell commercial real estate. Her kids started asking for more and more things, demanding, expecting. Pitching fits when they don’t get them (I have to assume their dad is in their ear on some of this…). I bought us a beautiful home to live in…they weren’t living large when I met them.
Bio dad was invisible until March 2022 (she left him btw). The oldest brought us all these issues that were going on at her dads, which my wife reacted to by calling him and shouting (which seemed justified at the time). It started a complete war, he was constantly changing the rules and just creating chaos. Met a woman from Iraq who lived here for 20+ years but wanted to bring them to Iraq for their wedding. Ended up in court again. I PAID FOR IT ALL BECAUSE I WAS PRESSURED AND HAD NO CHOICE. She / we lost and they went to Iraq. They came back fine but all that damage was done. And then entire year of 2022, when it’s supposed to be a beautiful time of my first child, most days its 30-50% about the bio dad and all the conflict and chaos. That pure time was taken from me, from us. I don’t want to be selfish but I feel I am in last place.
TURNS OUT SD12 lied about everything that he was doing toxic or bad she got an iPhone on her bday and we read her texts where it all caved in. We confronted she admitted. Fast forward now we learned she is a compulsive liar and almost everything she says or does is a lie in effect. She is matching all the traits for antisocial personality disorder. She made up a SLEW of things about me (saying I screamed at her and verbally abuse her) to her dad and my mother in law. ALL untrue but it’s given me even more battles and riffs for my wife and I, her parents treat me differently now. Bio dad never mentioned it…I have to wonder if he knows it’s untrue and just rolls his eyes.
SD11 is a whole mess. I am not exaggerating the only things she speaks are bragging, whining, or being MEAN as hell…almost always interrupting and won’t stop talking even if she’s being fussed at for it. EVERYTHING she does is for attention even negative. She falls on purpose, she breaks things on purpose, she is ALWAYS sick, always coughing, she laughs overly hard at things that aren’t funny (no she’s not autistic). Even when you give her tons of attention for two weeks the well just gets deeper and then she needs MORE. It’s like a drug to her, completely untamable situation. She’s also very overweight, and knows how to get away with over eating. Yes it’s sad she’s doing it but I have no control so now I am venting on reddit about it. She eats very slow and gets 2nds 3rds 4ths over the course of 1.5 hours. She asks for dessert every night, the answer is NO, she asks again 5m later, NO, and the 3rd one another 5m later YES. If the answer continues to be no, she will wait until we’re asleep and sneak it upstairs. I have caught her in the act and told my wife, she blew it off. I counted her calories…she’s 4.5 feet tall and will regularly eat 3,500+ calories then whine all night about her stomach. She shits her pants at school, she does not have a medical condition we checked. Wife is aware and says “poor girl” because she’s very large but will only create solutions temporarily.
Bio dad is a pretty standard charismatic narcissist. Is nice, creates issues but acts like the other person is the irrational one, refuses to see his fault in the matter, doubles down, etc. He has no boundaries and knocked on our door and would walk in. I would have to tell him let’s go back outside. Eventually yelling at him and telling him to never do it again. One time during the Iraq chaos I come home to them yelling at each other in the yard and had to run up and tell everyone to shut up. Told my wife to go inside and followed her in. Then he left.
She then started a fight saying I should support her more, no one sees what she’s been through with him, etc etc. I felt like I was just a punching bag for her anger which is fine sometimes. She’d probably apologize later. I just nod and agree, wait some time then hug her…she says “I don’t know what the hell you’re doing…” then we don’t talk for 3 days. Completely stone walled. He says things to get under her skin, and gets the anger and reaction he wants (Narcissistic). When I tell her to approach it differently to get the result she wants, after some back and forth it ends in a fight. She says I don’t support her and I don’t understand what she’s been through and how hard it is.
I start bringing up issues about her kids, or the amount of time spent talking about their bio dad, in a calm and productive manner (I extensively researched how to positively communicate with an emotional wife, and either way was raised with good comm skills). Within minutes it’s “You don’t know shit about raising kids” and “You’re so mean and abusive”. As I try to de-escalate she finds anything and everything to latch onto that’s better…very standard crap like “OH so I’m derailing now…NO YOU’RE JUST NOT GETTING IT”.
No matter how big or how small the issue is, it turns into a massive blow out, she pulls out the most hurtful big guns she can think of. Issue is never resolved or communicated. I am stonewalled for 1 to 7 days. I never lose my cool and always think about the things I am going to say. It’s literally impossible to put my foot down calmly, irrationally, sweetly, anything. Because no matter what she plays mental gymnastics and as I am trying to de-escalate and get back on topic, while taking pretty hurtful blows, a door will be slammed and it’s all over. She finds a way to blame me and move on.
For the record I never bring up my money contribution to the matter, she quit work a few months before having our son, and hasn’t worked since. Which I prefer because she doesn’t have to and being a mom is a full time job and she has many side hustles on Etsy to keep her true to herself and centered (or so I think). This means I pay for A LOT of the SK’s stuff and with my situation the last 2 years I am really beginning to resent EVERYONE involved. I get no thanks, no appreciation. In fact during fights, despite never bringing up money, which has been a MASSIVE value adder for all of their lives, my wife tells me she doesn’t need any of it and it means nothing to her. WELL YOU ALL REALLY APPRECIATE THE SPOILS OF IT ALL. Even though I worked 12-14 hour days for 10 years to get where I am at, no handouts, it’s all devalued as a contribution to the marriage and written off. Sad.
After being stonewalled she will eventually hug me and say I don’t want to fight with you, I love you. And I will say me either, we don’t have to, I just want to work this out and we’ll be happier for it. I get either “I love you, I would never cause you problems or hurt you!” Or “I just want to enjoy our night / weekend whatever time it is together.” It’s never the right time. A lot of avoidance or kicking the can down the road. Then she is really sweet and great for 3-4 weeks, then it slowly goes back to biting my head off and getting a tone. I stay silent to keep the peace for a few weeks then I can’t take it anymore so I stand up for myself and stand my ground. Same thing happens over again.
Oh we went on a great lavish vacation early 2022, after the first one that was a nightmare…I was pressured into one more. And then I said no more for 3 years. Which turned into a massive MASSIVE fight with her telling me to move out at the end, then after a few days trying to act like that didn’t happen. Now I am being pressured into buying a new home since we outgrew ours.
So I am dealing with a marriage of very poor communication, AND I have the LEAST interesting kids ever (sorry but its true), they have zero skills, cannot have a conversation to save their life (all they do is ask me how my day was and when I answer with a sentence or more they just stare at me), no manners, no obedience, but they both act so sweet and cordial when I enter the home, and they immediately say sorry when we get onto them, but then they go right back to doing it. They lie, they fake things for attention, they can’t even walk behind us without bumping into us. Some of these things you’d expect from a 5 or 6 year old but now 10+. They are just really showing non pro-social behaviors and even seeing their friends leave them in the dust. And from the moment we had our son, I dislike them more...
My wife’s parenting style is a little reactive at times. She yells at them but doesn’t seem to understand root causes and how to go upstream to solve. She expects greatness but doesn’t know how to put in the time (their dad is a bigger issue). Her mom was really mean and toxic toward her growing up so with that it’s she really understand how to give and accept love or communicate calmly. Wife says all the time she doesn’t like the two girls, and how bad they are, and how hard she tries but no matter what they're awful. So she sees it. And when I try to make suggestions shes avoidant or it ends up in a fight. She’s an INCREDIBLE super mom to our son though. Which is great…
I realize this group is mostly women, and they will say her behavior is pre or post pregnancy. It’s not...there were watered down / held back situations that happened before all that. I even was considering leaving then we got pregnant. Yes it was planned but you can hold onto hope and have reality slapping you in the face at the same time.
Okay so it was a novel sorry. I am sad to think of leaving the marriage because we have an 8 month old who deserves better than this…I feel like I am putting in so much work into the marriage. I am reading books. I am in therapy myself which I have never done. I look at myself to see if I am the problem. I brought SO MUCH love and yes, financial value, to the relationship. I am getting none of that in return. She is keeping me on the line with temporary conditional love and wild sex that all gives me hope, I have always been above that but here I am. I feel like the root cause of my wife’s problems are solvable in time, but the step kids I dont know if I can do that any longer. It's just a tornado and theres been no growth. Thanks to those who read this much, I know it was chaotic.

Alright, so I (24F) and my partner (33F) are having some… differences. For starters, and most importantly, we are having conflict on marriage.
For some background, my partner and I met when I was 18 turning 19. She was friends with my older sister and I was going through a break up at the time. My partner has a very bubbly, outgoing personality and that is what pretty much had uplifted me at the time when I met her. Admittedly, it might have been a distraction from my initial heartbreak at first, but eventually I did develop a connection with her. I do have some regret about getting myself into such a serious relationship at a young age given the age difference is causing some issues now that I’ve gotten older, but I’ll put that point aside for now.
Fast forward to now… she wants to get engaged by the end of this year. She says we’ve been together for a few years now and she’s getting older. I finished college about a year and a half ago, and moved out into my own apartment quickly (she immediately moved in with me). So we have been living together for about a year now. I am extremely hesitant about getting engaged for my own personal reasons, and also reasons tied into our relationship.

• I feel that I am still too young to be married. I just turned 24 and only moved into my own apartment a year ago. It just… doesn’t feel right to jump into this. I understand she is older, but… I don’t know. It’s just not something I think about or want right now.
  
• Our relationship over the years wasn’t always stable. We had a short break or break up a couple times and it was mainly due to my family disliking her, and conflict arising there. The biggest reason was because of her age. Things have been better and we’ve been in a better place now.
  
• There are still some incompatibilities that I feel concerned for, but am not willing to just break up over at this point. For example, we have very different sex drives and this causes a lot of insecurity. My sex drive is very low, and hers is very high so we do argue often about the imbalance there. Another major issue is my mental health. I have been struggling with depressive episodes and trying different medications/therapists for a while now, and she mentions she feels dragged down with me at times. I worry about the sustainability of our relationship let alone committing to marriage given these strong differences. I think we should continue to work through these things before thinking about marriage.
  

Overall, we are two young women who live together with no children and pretty good jobs. From a practical perspective, there is no need to rush getting married, but she “wants to call me her wife” and experience marriage with me, and feels she is getting too old to keep waiting. I have reservations and do not want to jump into what she wants, and she feels she loves me enough to know she wants to be committed to me and claims I do not love her to the same magnitude.
Am I being unfair here? I don’t know what to do. She has been so upset since we’ve had the whole marriage conversation and I don’t know how to resolve it without further hurting her feelings.

CONTEXT: The Iron Hands can simulate any recorded memory of past Iron Hands. This is used for training, intelligence and so on.
Stronos is an Iron Hands Marine. He is often disliked and mistrusted by his comrades due to his reluctance to embrace the mantra of the flesh being weak. Although he has significant augmentations himself, something about the Iron Hands' cold adherence to algorithms in battle and decision making bothers him.
As Stronos continues to question the doctrines and practices of his chapter, he begins to unravel the secrets of the Iron Hands which make the Dark Angels' internal politics look like children's play.
PART 1: THE CONCLAVE: Iron Father Kristos is a controversial, but increasingly powerful figure in the Iron Hands. His rise to power came with his crushing of a WAAAGH, but the specifics of that campaign are simultaneously very controversial & secretive.
His actions were so controversial, a conclave was created by Kristos to represent him to the Iron Council. Despite the controversy he creates, Kristos is incredibly powerful both as an individual and a commander.

“Blessings and benedictions of Mars.’ Velt smiled graciously. ‘Your criticisms are noted and welcomed–’ the scratching of meme-quill on parchment recorded his contrition for the future historians ‘–and I will be improved for the recognition of my prior failings.’
‘See to it,’ Verrox grumbled.
‘I will, Iron Father. As you know, the Iron Council demands the uprising be crushed immediately and utterly. To the last soul. Word of the Iron Hands’ failure to prevent insurrection within their own system limits cannot be allowed to spread. It will draw unwelcome attention at a difficult time, when the conclave of Kristos continues to engender discord within.’
‘I do not care what others think.’
‘What you will not have heard in open council,’ Velt went on, ‘is that Warleader Kristos himself has demanded the Mechanicus resolve this insurrection.’
‘Former warleader,’ said Verrox. ‘The Iron Fathers have chosen not to elevate one of our number to lead. Not since the debacle on Columnus.’
‘Putative,’ Quorus reprimanded the Iron Father. ‘The morality of Iron Father Kristos’ methodology remains in dispute. That is the entire basis of the conclave. He would undoubtedly emphasise that the Weirdwaaagh was crushed with minimal losses.”

So we can glimpse from conversations about him that Kristos is both disliked and respected. Guymer does an excellent job of portraying Kristos as someone worthy of this reputation, but most noteworthy is the mention of the Weirdwaaagh that he crushed.
Why is it so controversial? Stronos does not actively seek out the truth but it is eventually given to him.
PART 2: DISCORD BETWEEN IRON FATHERS: In this section, Stronos is shaken after learning a member of the Raven Guard was able to sneak around him undetected. He goes to the tech priests for a check-up and an upgrade, but encounters Tubriik Ares, an Iron Father and a Dreadnought.

“Is Stronos injured?’
Stronos considered silence, but decided that he could keep nothing from the ancient. ‘I am defective. I seek to rectify that.’
‘How so?’
‘The Raven’s son proved himself my superior. I must improve and adapt.’
‘Improve and adapt.’ Ares’ vocabularisers rumbled with scorn. ‘We recall a time when Iron Hands were less like Kristos and more like Kardan Stronos. They were ruthless, yes, but adaptable, not slaves to calculus.”

The calculus is a complex, algorithmic system that dictates every part of a battle to the Iron Hands. Most Iron Hands will follow the calculus to the letter during a battle, a practice that Stronos himself dislikes but is pushed for very strongly by Kristos and his conclave.
Interestingly, Ares, a Dreadnought and an Iron Father, dislikes the modern Iron Hands' reverence of it.

“The Kristosian question makes all matters subject to doubt,’ Stronos said to Ares, voice low. ‘All will be as it once was once the arguments are resolved.’
Ares turned from the Apothecary to him. His emptiness seemed for a moment… sorrowful. ‘Kardan Stronos speaks of the arguments, but what does he know of the question, for there is only one?’
Stronos made to formulate an answer, only to realise he had none. Often he had railed against the waste of energy that the conclave brought on the Iron Council, but had never found the time to learn for himself what, in effect, it was all for. He shook his head honestly. He had been built to be a war machine. This round voyage to Medusa was the first time since his novitiation that he had not been either in the thick of a warzone or in transit from one to another.”

Ares' sorrow is a noteworthy reaction. A sign that not all Iron Hands condone the actions of Kristos.

“I know little of Kristos beyond his roll of honours,’ said Stronos, stung. ‘I know that he was once considered an exemplar of the Iron Creed.’
‘As it is now interpreted for you, perhaps.’
‘What do you mean by that?’ demanded Haas [the Apothecary working on Stronos].
Ares did not answer directly. ‘It began on Columnus,’ he said.
‘Everyone knows that,’ Haas said, dismissively, then picked up a spoon-headed implement from his medicae trolley and bent towards Stronos.
‘And what happened there to cause such crisis?’ Ares countered.
Stronos couldn’t answer. He looked to Haas. The Apothecary let out a frustrated sigh and said nothing, focusing instead on Stronos’ eye. He had no answer either.”

PART 3: THE CALCULUS: To show him the truth, Ares takes Stronos to the Simulus. With the Simulus, Stronos can experience the memories of anyone at the event - the Simulus uses complex algorithms and calculations to accurately simulate the POV of anyone at a recorded event, even if the perspective of that individual is not recorded in data.
The simulus jumps to the planet Columnus where the Raven Guard and the Iron Hands are fighting an Ork Waaagh together. Stronos sees the events from the perspective of Captain Stenn

“ Stronos canted, and though he was unconscious of his physical body he could somehow feel that he spoke with a strained jaw and through gritted teeth.
He had a bitter, illogical loathing for the descendants of Corax that he could not explain. Having just experienced a small part of Orvid Stenn’s existence, he felt that he should feel greater empathy for his brother Space Marine, but he did not. What he felt was greater ambivalence, as though along with his body he had been dissociated from everything of his own experience that could have made him care. He was not Orvid Stenn, and the dissonant notion arose that he might equally not be Kardan Stronos. He was nobody, and anybody had the potential to be him.
He was simulus – the collective.”

...

“The Raven Guard were spread along the length of the thigh-height rockcrete wall that demarcated the bombed-out lot of haulage depot 764 from the adjoining premises. It wasn’t much, but it was something. With the exception of some minor damage, it had weathered the destruction of the outer defences relatively intact, a credit to the Administratum clerk that had overseen its construction, and ran roughly parallel to where the curtain wall had been until ten minutes before.”

After being driven back by the Orks, the Imperial forces realize that the Waaagh is being led by a warpboss who is granting the orks unnatural bravery and fierceness. The Raven Guard hold the front line alongside mortal troops.

“He had heard in dispatches of the psychic energies that flowed through their Gargants – weapon grids, shields and piercing uncanny augurs – and that brought their lumpen drop ships to ground still. He had heard too of the court of warpheads with which the self-styled warpboss, Zagdakka, surrounded himself, and had lost two squads of his most experienced Scouts in a failed attempt at thinning their “numbers. He saw now with his own eyes the weird energy that flowed through these greenskins in their battle-madness like some manner of psychic connective tissue, the brawn and sinew of some gestalt ork that drove them unto death with a single, overriding will. The fire discipline of the Raven Guard and their mortal allies slaughtered greenskins every minute by the hundred, but they didn’t seem to care, hurling themselves recklessly against the Imperial guns as though possessed.
Not that the blasted Iron Hands would allow for the slightest deviation from their precious calculus. Stenn sneered, his pistol emitting a final hiss as coolant jets sprayed from the weapon’s muzzle and the vents locked. He thumbed off the safety and selected rapid fire.
He could teach the Iron Hands a thing or two about logic.
‘Kristos, you honourless shell, I’m talking to you.’ He raged into the vox as he seared the heaving mass of orks with plasma. Too soon, heat warnings blinked red on the pistol’s side and he was forced to flick back to vent. ‘I need reinforcements and I need them now. Now, Kristos! I want a creeping artillery barrage walking outwards from the outer “wall over the southern highway and I want aeronautica backup. Kristos!”

As the Raven Guard fight tooth and nail, Captain Stenn and the rest of the Raven Guard realize the Iron Hands are standing behind them but not engaging.

“A squad of Iron Hands Centurions, almost as well camouflaged as the Raven Guard themselves in their huge black warsuits and perfect stillness. Their hurricane bolters were unloaded and pointed at the ground or at walls, whichever direction they had happened to be facing when the strange malaise of inaction had taken them. Stenn regarded them with fury. The few Iron Hands he had seen had been that way, ever since the unexpected psychic onslaught had levelled the south wall outright. At first he had wondered if it was a secondary effect of Zagdakka’s powers, but the Raven Guard and their mortal allies were unaffected. Yavid had a replacement eye as well as a bionic arm and he remained functional, as did the crew interfaces of their vehicles. As did the damned skitarii.”

...

“The Centurions moved!
There they were, silent as the blown-out repair shops through which they came, ghosts of the machine bound forever to a doomed cycle of destruction and repair. The firepower of the Centurions alone would have ripped a hole into the ork horde as wide as the gates of the Ravenspire, but six full squads of Tactical Marines also moved up through the rubble behind them. They spread out, taking fire-positions just beyond the chokepoint where Stenn’s efforts held the orks at bay. What were they waiting for? He saw a pair of hellfire Dreadnoughts lumbering into position either side of the smaller Centurions, and then heard the weary collapse of a pockmarked stretch of rockcrete as the glacis plate of a Redeemer pattern Land Raider drove through it. Its sponson flamestorm cannons traversed to track the flows of the ork horde, liquid promethium dribbling to the rubble floor.
Stenn cursed as he punched his lightning claw through a charging ork’s ribs. Never expect an Iron Hand to commit until he was good and ready.”

...

“What are you waiting for?’ He shot an ork in the face as it made to barrel towards Yavid, and found himself in the sights of the nearest Iron Hands squad. They had bolters locked and aimed, but for some reason held their fire. Their eye slits shone an ephemeral white, but they could have been decoy suits for all the urgency they showed. ‘Shoot, curse you!’
A horrible sense of premonition grew under his skin like a worm. Stenn looked over his shoulder and >> RESTRICTED DATA >>”

The simulus is interrupted and Stronos learns from Ares that these events have been hidden from normal viewers. However, the data cannot be falsified even by Iron Fathers so Ares and Stronos continue watching.
We continue watching the Raven Guard struggle against the Warpwaaagh as the Raven Guard line begins to fall. Captain Stenn valiantly holds the line but warp powered orks are chipping away at the Raven Guard. He recognizes that the Iron Hands are holding back because of their calculus, but does not anticipate the final tactic the calculus commands.

“Stenn gave a grunt of pain as psychic fingers tightened around him and squeezed. ‘Damn you >> RESTRICTED DATA >> Just kill me yourself.’ His armour cracked like a sea-crustacean’s shell, blood spurting from ruptured seals as his body was crushed. He screamed, genhanced anatomy fighting a battle with pain that had been stacked well against it from the outset. ‘Emperor forgive you!’
With every scrap of conscious thought locked away in hardened centres of his brain structure he cursed the Iron Hands. He cursed the casual brutality, the bare calculation of risk versus reward. His last thoughts before those final redoubts succumbed to braindeath were not of the pain, nor of his brother Raven Guard that fell to the mind-blasts of the warpboss’ retinue, nor even of the Iron Hands themselves as they finally descended on the fray. With the enemy leaders bottled up with the last of the Raven Guard, the Iron Hands opened fire. Tactical Marines, Centurions, Land Raiders, each warrior a cog in a war machine that sprayed fire to a perfectly choreographed maelstrom that consumed Warpboss Zagdakka, his retinue, the Raven Guard, and Stenn himself.
But he was not thinking about that. He was thinking about Dawnbreak.
Because Iron Hands did not make mistakes.
>>> TERMINATING SIMULUS.”

TL;DR The Raven Guard and Iron Hands are defending against a Warpwaaagh. In the final, climactic battle, the Iron Hands under the command of Kristos and the calculus, determine that the most efficient way to win the battle was to use the RG and IG as human shields, and only fire once the Warpboss was in range. Kristos rises to infamy because of his methods, which resulted in minimal losses for the IH.
In part, this incident is linked to an innate hatred of the Raven Guard that many Iron Hands have. However, as implied when Stronos first enters the calculus, it's suggested that this hatred has been programmed into the Iron Hands' calculus.
The calculus itself isn't unlike incredibly important algorithms that exist in companies today. Any changes require a collective vote, and the entities that have worked on it include Iron Fathers and important tech priests. This is just the tip of the iceberg in terms of conspiracies. If you want to find out how the Iron Hands are actually way worse than the Dark Angels in terms of secret circles and internal politics, I highly recommend Guymer's books.
Stronos is one of the most complex Space Marine protagonists I've read. He believes in many of the Iron Hands' tenets, yet cannot help but question aspects that the rest of his peers readily accept. It's an interesting look at how the dogmatic attitudes of the Space Marines often prime them for corruption as much as it protects them.

Idk if this belongs here, but i gues its only fitting subreddit i found.
7 years ago was probably the worst Ive been in my life. I struggle with mental health and at that I receeved very little help or understanding for it. I also have a history of selfharm which im not proud of, but i gues i feel like it does kinda belong to the story. Back than i used to play a lot of videogames, i liked it, it kept me busy and just helped me not to do something stuppid.
I was playing advanced warfare (you can judge me but this is my favourite cod ever) a lot back than. Around that time I met a pretty nice guy, me and my only two friends at that time were clubbing and i met a pretty nice guy. He was pretty awkward, like he seemdd to be coping so hard about being social and just made jokes and tried to be like weird to be funny. It was interesting, cause objectively, from a womens perspective he had no reason to be selfaware or anything like that, he was an good looking worked out guy. I somehow got into a conversation with him. And in my heavily drunk manner I started talking about videogames. He went with it and also talked about gamds, at some point i basicly am drunk enough to not rrmember anything, but i gues it became apparent that i wasnt doing great. Also i somehow gave this guy my number and he called me the next day, asking how i was and so on, and he than asked if i wanted to play videogames. And so we got to play together.
A couple weeks later I was once again doing pretty bad and at that point it had lasted a couple days and i didnt go out or anything and took no phonecalls. Well i than wanted to play AW and this surtain guy was online and he messaged me, how are you? You wanna play? And so on. I difnt want to be with anyone, especialy because he was in a party with other ppl i didnt know, i just wasnt feeling it so i wrote no. I play on my own and suddenly he writes about his dog that he had passed away and that he felt pretty down. (his dog had infsct died, it was no lie) He would go on the genuently guilttripp me into playing with them and it was probably the best time i had doing anything for a such a long time at that point. And we would start playing regulary and just becoming realy good friends.
Fast forward, Im in a 6 year long relationship and I till this day play videogames with the same group of ppl (there are a couple more ppl now, from wotk and still clubbing). These ppl are my closest friends and Im pretty confident I wouldnt be here without them and my now bf.
I hope you enjoyed my little story.

Before you say anything, no we have not had sex yet.
I'm fresh into dating a friend of a friend and everything is going great. But a past conversation has been stuck in my brain. This was a long time ago, before any romantic feelings. We were drunk at a party, bullshitting and sharing stories. She was telling a story about a hookup she had, and ended it with "...and that's actually the only time I've orgasmed from sex!"
Fast forward to now and that feels like a bad omen. Am I right to think that orgasms for women are less physical and more about how they feel about sex or about you?

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Just a few messages from the fantasyland that is a MAGA/conservative sub;
"This is from the Alvin Brag clownschool of copy and pasting charges."
"The FBI and DOJ are the real criminals trying to cover tracks from Crossfire Hurricane."
"I highly doubt that Trump himself packed all those boxes. Likely, staff members that packed everything, loaded onto the moving trucks, shipped, and unloaded. I just can’t see Trump doing all that labor work. If so, wouldn’t it be the staff members that committed the crime of removing the documents from the White House? It is also an easy way to purposely remove something to get Trump in trouble."
"Ehh… if there’s something damning against him I’m willing to hear it, but I don’t think that’s it. He could still argue that he declassified and whatever words he says in a non-public conversation are irrelevant. Not saying it’s a strong argument, just that he’s not quite done for just yet."
"Bottom line here is if Trump is convicted than so should Biden and Hilary."
"Who taped that meeting?

\~It was taped during an interview with a writer for a memoir. Trump was informed and knew that the meeting was being taped. The Indictment is very detailed and honestly looks very bad for Trump. 

~Well that seems boneheaded even for him"
"He was on tape talking about a single document he doesn't have. THAT'S why he couldn't declassify it."
"He's reportedly on tape talking about a single document and it's unclear what he actually means. While he probably is saying what we think he's saying, I don't think that the tape recording is evidence of anything."
"The goal is to send a message to all conservatives not to go against them, not because anyone actually cares about this in the slightest"
"I think the message is for anyone thinking of running, that isnt part of the Uniparty. They dont want anyone from the outside messing up their grift."
"If their goal is to really keep a continued stigma/cloud over Trump’s campaign, I would imagine they try to drag this out as long as they can, hence the laundry list of charges."
"I guess I will have to do more research but my initial question is whether Trump’s declassification defense (if he can establish it) would be a complete or partial defense to these changes. It would seem not a complete one if they could prove he asked people to lie to investigators or something of the like that had nothing to do with whether the documents were declassified or not"
"In any event it just seems like a case that is going to be destined to drag on forever."

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Married 8 years, together 15. My (40F) husband (38M) has a prescription for Viagra because he sometimes has “issues” due to stress. He had it filled in January. To the best of my knowledge he has not used any of it with me - we have had sex a whopping 2.5 times in that time period, and if the decimal doesn’t give away the fact that he hasn’t been throwing his “A” game, I don’t know what will. We used to have GREAT sex, even without Rx intervention, now it’s like a joke - “ha, we have a sexless marriage”. To offer some background - he’s cheated before. We worked through it and one of the things he told me was that he had a hard (or not so) time making it happen while he was stepping out on me. So fast forward to earlier this week - he can’t find his wallet anywhere, so I helped turn the house upside down looking for it. I opened his nightstand drawer to find the prescription bottle with one pill left in it. 8 were dispensed in January of this year. I know he’s up to his bullshit again and I want to have a candid conversation with him. That said, I know his first reaction will be to obfuscate, deflect, and gaslight the shit out of me. I’d like to know what y’all think are some good questions for me to ask him at this point that will cut to the chase and bypass his usual tactics. Please note: I can’t afford to leave, I DEFINITELY can’t afford an attorney, and I’m not interested in getting divorced a second time. If you feel the need to berate me about how low my self esteem is, knock yourself out - you won’t be saying anything I haven’t said to myself already. This shit is complicated, and life isn’t always so cut-and-dried as “guuuurl, leave him and take everything he owns!”. Believe me, I considered it, but that’s just not me. We had tried the open relationship thing before, but even then his dumb ass snuck around. I don’t get it. I just want to understand why he doesn’t realize how much this sucks for me. TIA for not roasting me, I’m having a bad enough week as it is. 💕

My(24f) Husbands(25m) uncle (FIL’s brother) passed away 3 years ago. His family didn’t have a funeral, The uncle had mental health issues so he didn’t have anyone in his life outside of immediate family and myself. In February of this year we get this random text that on June 3(no significance to this date) there’s going to be a funeral for him in Ohio. We agreed to go(it’s only 3 hours away from us and we would be back home that night) even though it’s really weird this is happening almost 3 years later on an insignificant date. We agreed to go despite our feelings of it being 3 years later strictly out of respect for FIL.
In March, we went on a trip to Virginia for a wedding and we stayed with his parents. His dad brought up that he’s booking an Airbnb for the funeral and we have to stay with them. This was ignored by both my husband and I since our dog has been having these weird stomach problems(she’s mostly back to normal now) and our pet sitter had to clean up shit and bathe her for 2 days. It kept getting worse she couldn’t stop throwing up or control her bowel movements. We left our trip early while our angel of a pet sitter stayed with her until we got home. At this point with us leaving early, FIL is upset because he wanted us to spend the night in Ohio, and he was trying to book an Airbnb, even though we never agreed to that and he was like “oh, I guess I shouldn’t have asked for that given the circumstances with the dog”. 24 hours later, he still booked the Airbnb.
Anyway, so throughout April and May our dog was still having these issues where we couldn’t leave the house for more than eight hours without her having uncontrollable diarrhea/vomit for multiple days. My husband tells his mother that we’re not gonna be able to spend the night because of our dog and we don’t want our pet sitter to have to deal with what he went through in March again because that would not be fair to him and not fair to the dog to lay in her own shit overnight. MIL just started screaming at husband on the phone saying that “this is funeral more important than our dog and we should have our pet sitter watch her so we can stay the night with them and be a family.” This controversial conversation went on for weeks until they finally let up on our decision to prioritize our dogs health. This past Friday, inlaws dog ended up needing emergency surgery. So they had to reschedule this funeral, which is okay however we’re moving back to to our home state in the south in a few weeks and we have a lot going on. I suggested the first weekend of July if they want us to be able to come this summer, but that doesn’t work for them because there’s gonna be traffic and they have a vacation the second week of July. I also suggested a date in two weeks from now and heard crickets. They decided that we weren’t going to go and they decided on a date where I said that my mom I haven’t seen in six months(she just became a flight attendant and it’s the only days she has off she will be flying from Detroit to see me and then back to Detroit for work) is coming to visit and help me pack and husband didn’t want to takeoff of work for this 3 year late funeral as the emotions/urgency has been gone since then. Husband gets screamed at by his mother saying how important this is to his dad and just going off on him and suggesting my husband just leaves me at home and he comes. Then SIL(22f) calls and screams at him that this is important and my “plans are bullshit and everyone is saying it’s bullshit”. They get into it but nothing is resolved. FIL and Ben were chatting about other dates on the phone and SIL comes in screaming because she has a babysitting job on a Friday/Thursday that would work. That phone call ends abruptly and MIL calls husband to scream at him and then the FIL and SIL chime in to start screaming at him to leave me at home and why can’t I be left alone with my mom(my mom was coming to visit with both of us and help us) and why can’t I pack by myself(I have pretty bad health issues). I finally yelled in their presence for the first time “I don’t fucking care anymore just go without me so SIL can go to her fucking babysitting job I don’t even want to go anymore” then they all shut the fuck up and I pretended to leave the room and then SIL starts crying on the phone & now everyone is upset. Next day FIL calls husband and said he understands if husband doesn’t come as my feelings were extremely hurt and this is an open wound they keep opening. Alright so, husband called FIL (who said previously he understands if Ben doesn’t go to stand by me) to tell FIL he’s not going and FIL started screaming at my husband. Apparently they are all offended/embarrassed I yelled obscenities at SIL. After that, my husband was upset and said he has to go to this funeral, I agreed but I’m still upset over how I have been treated like a pet you can just leave at home. Anyways I ended up calling FIL and told him how I feel, it was going okay but then he was saying he doesn’t let his children cuss at eachother and then he randomly asked if my father deceased 10 years ago) allowed that and I stated that my dad encouraged us to fight it out and get over it. He then said that SIL apologized. In my head, I was like to what the wind? I left the room. He was almost insinuating I need to apologize and I stated that I would not be apologizing. He then asked if I wanted to be treated like his daughter because if I want that that means he would tell me to get over it and I would have to come to the funeral regardless of my plans. Found that comment to be bizarre as he’s not my father nor my fathers replacement. MIL had tried calling me that day but I didn’t answer bc I am not in the right headspace and he told me he would’ve told me to pick up the damn phone if I was his daughter…. But I’m not your daughter I’m an adult who’s married to your son. Anyways that phone call ended with me saying I need to be left alone right now and he agreed.
MIL texted me afterwards saying she’s upset and wants to talk to me. Husband called inlaws and was pissed that she texted me. I responded to her with “I am not ready to talk right now cause my emotions are high as well and I want to be able to have a productive conversation with you.”
Anyways fast forward to yesterday MIL said to husband on a phone call that she doesn’t understand why I am offended/hurt. He explained that I am his wife, I was one of the few people that knew his uncle outside of family and they have disrespected me multiple times previously in similar situations. Husband told me he explained to MIL his priorities were with me and she apparently said ”what if your priorities change” and also said “well you’re going without her now anyways so why is she upset”
This has been exhausting. Of course if this death had recently happened, we would both drop anything and everything for it but as it can be rescheduled, I’m not understanding why it has to be a specific time that ONLY works for them.

A month ago, I left my boyfriend and my best friend. I still had feelings and was up to fixing the issues we had, but he had changed. We used to communicate very openly and talk a lot, but he had not sent anything for a week, and got angry when I asked if we could see in person.
But things used to be different, we met a year ago at a summer camp. I didn't really connect with the others, but I really wanted to overcome my shyness and went to talk with the guy sitting alone, far from everyone. I had never started a conversation before, we ended up talking a bit and he started opening up about the bullying he experiences every day, and how much he wants to die. This all felt sudden, but I stayed with him through the night.
After that incident, we spent every day of the camp together talking light and serious topics, we had similar humor and talking to him felt easy. I really wanted to hug him at the end, but he refused and when camp ended, he vanished before I could say goodbye
But we had exchanged numbers and talked occasionally for a few months. When he graduated I wanted to go see him, but I eventually couldn't. We did have our first long convo, and I realised just how much I missed him. I was too shy to ask him to meet up, but eventually I took a chance and we met after months. It was really awkward at first, but soon talking to him felt easy again, and time went flying by. I had developed feelings for him earlier, but he didn't notice my nervousness. I looked forward to each of our meetings, he made me feel so happy unlike anyone else.
Probably the first red flag was when he had an argument with his parents and he sent me a text saying he'll end his life. It sent me to a panic, but he later responded that he was okay. This would repeat multiple times, or he just would suddenly call really late that he is about to end his life and I had to talk him out of it. It was really draining for me, but I couldnt say it, because I thought it would be really inconsiderate. If something, once I talked him down by telling how important he is to me, and he kinda broke down and spoke about his struggles openly.
It was november when he confessed his feelings. It was the first time I was confessed to, but eventually I said yes. He didn't really know about relationships either, so I remember him asking how will this change our relationship, and us googling together how to kiss, and having our first kiss at three weeks. I didn't really feel any pressure to be something else with him, we did what we wanted to with each other, and it was great. Our first month went without issues..
..Until he was about to kill himself again. He had three attempts in one week, and I was considering giving up on helping him, because it was really draining on me to worry if he would be alive the next day, and when I once opened up to him about my suicidal thoughts, he just changed the topic. I encouraged him to seek professional help eventually, but he said he didn't want it.
He had also been open about his issues with addictions. Prior to us meeting he had a pretty bad gambling addiction and had smoked cigarettes for years, but quit both of them because they were ruining his life. He then turned to alcohol and drugs, being active user of both when we met, but quit drugs when his dear friend died of an overdose, and alcohol soon too. Or at least he told me that, he would once a month meet some shady older guys just to "hang out" and he would stay out until 5am at a bar. Im convinced he drank behind my back, and these guys were heavy drug users, so he just lied to me.
I had two guy friends and I wasnt interested in them at all, they were just friends. But he got really angry when I hung out with them and some female friends too. Then he was threarhening to kill himself over it, and I had to rush to his house to stop it. He would tell me later that his last partner cheated on him with a dude she claimed was just a friend, but I think that was a bit of an overreaction. He would get angry at me a lot, even if I worded something wrong, but once I joked about trying drugs and he didn't talk to me for a few days because he was so angry. I have no clue why I accepted this behaivior, because Post breakup this seems really manipulative.
Well, he didn't have any attempts for a while and we both did okay, until I had a bar trip with friends. He didn't want to come, but was constantly checking if I was near any guys, that I was only with my female friends. Then he sent me a photo of a knife near his wrist, saying that he'll slit it open if I don't leave straight away. I left immediately, and tried to get to his house, but no busses would go that far that late, so I cried alone by the bar.
He was okay, but I was really emotionally exhausted from all this and some other personal life stuff, but he ignored my complaints and instead changed the topic again. Talking to him about lighter stuff was fun, so thats probably why I put up with this for a long time. The toughest one by far was when I was at his house, and he was opening up about his mental health and suicidal feelings. Last time this happened we both cried together and cursed the world for being so awful, but this time he was crying asking me to strangle him because he couldn't bear to live anymore, trying to force a knife onto my hand and shove it deep Into his throat. I just couldnt take it and broke down crying, telling him I can't just watch this from the side. He actually understood my viewpoint and apologized and promised to get help. The change seemed sudden, but I was happy with it.
We also had a lot of petty arguments, because he was really stubborn even over things that dont matter that much, like wether cats or dogs were better. He also had a habit of doing things the hard way and complain how though it all is. He had a lot of trouble with eating because he hated cooking, so he would complain how hungry he is but can't be bothered to preapare anything.
Prior to our breakup he had started prefering his friends over me, we talked much less. This was all really infuriating to me, so I decided to take some distance, and after two weeks he said he wanted to break up because I wasnt obviously interested. Didn't even try to fix the issue. But while breakup had sounded great, now that it was happening I felt overwhelmed, and we talked lots of things through. We had last seen a month ago, and I hoped we would see again soon.
Well days later he stopped talking to me alltogether, and would only respond with one word at best. Typing all that out, I'm still not sure how we got here, but I remember crying by my phone, and I had begged him that we would talk at least at the evening. No response. Then I sent him a simple I dont think this is working, and deleted him off all my socials. He told me that he agreed, but wanted to be friends. I was so angry and fed up that I said a lot of stuff I didn't even mean really, like how I'm happy that I don't have to speak to him anymore, he was awful to me and its really easy to find someone else, and how I don't care what happens to him. Then I blocked his number.
I still feel really guilty because I feel like we broke up just because things were getting hard, but I have been getting over him fast. The only thing I really think about is sex, because that aspect of our relationship worked really well and being physically close was one. We never argued on person, but were glued to each other. Sometimes I want to messages him again, or I would run into him again, but being no contact is probably The best for us. It has helped me realise that our relationship wasnt as perfect I imagined it to be. Especially when hearing others speak how well their bfs treat them I couldnt relate to any of it, I remember Even asking him once If he could hold me and tell that everyhting's going to be okay, he just laughed and said he would be lying if he did that.